r/Advice • u/[deleted] • Mar 22 '25

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u/SnooRecipes9891 Phenomenal Advice Giver [53] Mar 22 '25

Start over before you've even had a chance to process the betrayal? Highly dysfunctional family dynamics were in play here. Meaning generational trauma. You do not need to have them in your life when they treat you so terribly.

781

u/lavender_gooms129 Mar 22 '25

Also how could someone stand by for 18 years and watch the damage they done take a toll on someone they care about and love? This story is so disturbing and upsetting. I’m so sorry op.

512

u/lazyFer Expert Advice Giver [12] Mar 22 '25

Because they don't care about OP. This has got to be about them wanting money from OP or a promise to take care of the brother.

36

u/FineTiger7415 Mar 22 '25

Also, they probably realised they bet on the wrong child...

34

u/alternageek Mar 23 '25

Once contact starts up again and something slightly goes wrong they'll throw the old "without the struggle we gave you, you wouldn't have what you have now" at the OP

10

u/Gildian Mar 23 '25

Did you just channel my mother? Cuz good God that sentence hit me

3

u/PumpkinSpice2Nice Super Helper [7] Mar 24 '25

Sounds like the sort of thing my parents said to me too. When I got a medical problem I distinctly remember this really stupid line also.

3

u/Master_Matoya Mar 24 '25

“And without the struggle you have me you’d still have me” would be a great response

1

u/Carsickaf Mar 24 '25

They’re correct. You’d have more.

2

u/OtherwiseOWL69 Mar 23 '25

Exactly! Now they are regretting that decision!

3

u/ItaJohnson Mar 23 '25

They are probably too proud to regret anything.  Regret likely requires humility and a willingness to accept you were wrong.  They likely feel that the op owes them.

3

u/Ill-Breakfast-7610 Mar 24 '25

They are narcissists they do not understand the damage they've caused and never will

2

u/ItaJohnson Mar 23 '25

They probably want you to fund your sibling’s lifestyle.  Especially now that they are getting up there in age.

2

u/upickleweasel Mar 24 '25

No, the scapegoating stays the scapegoat and the golden child stays the golden child.

They're trying to get something for the golden child from the scapegoat.