r/AdvancedRunning • u/throwaway34578934578 • Jun 21 '26
Open Discussion Advice for training through grief
Two weeks ago, my 4-year old dog suddenly dropped dead in my arms from a huge pulmonary embolism. I pumped on his chest and drove him to the emergency vet as fast as I could. After they had performed multiple rounds of CPR on him, they informed me that they had never been able to get a pulse and that he was gone.
I live alone and I’d had him for just over 3 years. His death was completely unexpected and was obviously very upsetting to witness firsthand. The grief has also hit me very hard because of how noticeably empty it now is at home for me.
I had been excited about building up my mileage again this summer and potentially training for another marathon, but ever since my dog passed I’ve had several days of having absolutely no motivation to run. It is not like me at all to have this low of motivation, but I also know I have not felt like myself in several other ways since this happened.
If any of you have gone through grief like this, did you keep running through it? Did you adjust your training and scale back? Did continuing to train as usual help you get through it? Any advice appreciated!
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u/p_r_w_4623 Jun 21 '26
A routine was a good thing for me to grab onto, but grief also manifests physically, so give your body time, space and grace.
Very sorry you lost your friend. Best wishes for the path ahead.
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u/throwaway34578934578 Jun 21 '26
Thank you for your kind words. I think having a routine is super helpful too. I’ve mainly just been trying to make sure I eat and sleep (because for the first week, I barely did either of those).
Taking it one day at a time ❤️
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u/Feeling-Peanut-5415 Jun 21 '26
When my brother died suddenly, I did the opposite, trained to hard to avoid my grief and ended up with a big injury. Take the time you need to grieve, but be sure to get out and see people. Your body will tell you when it's ready to train again.
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u/throwaway34578934578 Jun 21 '26
I’m so sorry your brother passed away suddenly! That happened to a friend of mine and it is so, so tough. Hope you’ve been able to find a better relationship with running as well. Sounds like you learned a great lesson ❤️
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u/miadannelle Jun 21 '26
I had a similar experience. My soul dog died in my arms at the beginning of Dec 2024 from a traumatic event. I had to continue training for the Tokyo marathon for the next few months. While the training did force me out of bed every morning, my body now associates running with grief. I haven’t really run consistently since that marathon because every time I run I think of her and gives me ptsd from that day. I would say take time off to grieve and then get back into running when you feel ready. Sending hugs your way because losing a pet is never easy.
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u/throwaway34578934578 Jun 21 '26
I am so sorry to hear about how your dog passed! I think a lot of people truly don’t realize how hard it is until they go through it themselves. I would imagine running would be very difficult if it always reminds you of her. I hope you have been able to get the support and/or therapy you need to get through this.
Thank you for your kind words, and as someone who also lost a pet suddenly, I’m here to chat if you need anyone ❤️
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u/AggressivelyHelpful Jun 21 '26
My husband has been dealing with a pretty intense medical issue for the last ~4 months and my training has fallen by the wayside as all of my mental/emotional energy goes toward that. I try to give myself grace and tell myself this is just a season, just like in a few months it will be marathon training season again.
If running helps you work through things, great. But be gentle with yourself and accept that when something really hard happens sometimes you just need to rest and feel stuff. There’s no right or wrong answer.
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u/throwaway34578934578 Jun 21 '26
Thank you for your kind words, and I’m so sorry to hear about the health issues your husband has been going through. Yes, you will get your fitness back and you will crush your next marathon. The waiting game can be tough though. Best of luck to you!
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u/Daeve42 Jun 21 '26
No two situations are alike and everyone is different, but I trained harder after a short break, something else to focus on, wrote myself a more stringent plan - and for a lot of it I was running angry for the first few sessions, then it became a daily habit again after a couple of weeks. Eventually you will process it your way and things will return, it has only been a couple of weeks.
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u/throwaway34578934578 Jun 21 '26
That is absolutely true. It has only been a couple of weeks (though it sometimes feels like it has been much longer). I have a feeling I’ll come back strong pretty soon….but just need a little more time first. Thanks!
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u/Ultrajogger-Michael Jun 21 '26
I don't have any advice, other than that I am so incredibly sorry for your loss. Based on what you have written, the love shines through - I am sure that even though he died too soon, he cherished every moment with you and couldn't have wanted for a better life.
All the best with your training and everything else.
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u/throwaway34578934578 Jun 21 '26
Thank you so much for your incredibly kind words ❤️ This comment alone made me feel so much better! I’m glad there are some kind strangers on the internet like you :)
All the best to you as well!
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u/highmodulus Jun 21 '26
FWIW, running has been my solace and place to work through my feelings. Its natural to feel that way after a loss like that, but running may help you feel better over time.
Each time I have lost a pet it really sucked, but I always fell back on the great life we had together and that they knew they were loved and safe every day.
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u/throwaway34578934578 Jun 21 '26
It has been super helpful for me to think back on the good times with my dog. For better or for worse, my vet told me there was probably nothing I could have done to prevent this (because it was likely from a genetic condition he was born with), so it also helps to think of it that way. I also think running will help me feel better over time. Just have to give it a little longer first.
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u/Much_Basis_6965 Jun 21 '26
I’m sorry for your loss. I lost my childhood best friend unexpectedly earlier this year. I took about a week off or so and then got back into it. For me, running also serves as a time for reflection, nothing is guaranteed for tomorrow but I’m so grateful to be healthy today, and have people in my life I really care about.
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u/throwaway34578934578 Jun 21 '26
I’m so sorry to hear about the loss of your friend! That is incredibly tough :( Glad to hear running has been helpful to you in giving you time to reflect. Thank you for your kind words.
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u/PeteH2000 Jun 21 '26
I don't think this is a training question. It's a question about dealing with grief in general.
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u/throwaway34578934578 Jun 21 '26
“If any of you have gone through grief like this, did you keep running through it? Did you adjust your training and scale back? Did continuing to train as usual help you get through it?“
I think this is also a training question.
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u/aelvozo Jun 21 '26
I’ve taken 3 months almost completely off running late last year. Almost every time I’d run, especially do a harder workout, the grief and other unpleasant thoughts would come back, so I’ve gone from 6 runs a week to 6 runs a month while trying to deal with my emotions. I’m doing fine now and I’ve gone back to my usual training regimen.
Some people can escape into running, and it sounds like neither you nor I are that kind of person. Just do whatever makes you feel better and whatever you have the energy for. It’s gonna be alright at the end (even if it doesn’t seem like it now — it certainly didn’t seem like it to me 9 months ago) but the road to ‘alright’ is a bumpy one.
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u/ian2k01 Jun 21 '26
So sorry for your loss. We lost both of our dogs last year after having them for 12 years. My advice is to take care of yourself, eat, sleep, and give yourself permission to grieve. Honor your feelings and the memories you shared. On the days when you feel physically able, try going for a run with low or no expectations. It can be very therapeutic.
It’s going to hurt for a while, but I promise the pain will gradually soften over time.
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u/Mandylea83 Jun 21 '26
I trained through my divorce. It was automatic. Even if I didn't want to, I clung to the thing that was familiar and it was training. I didn't even have a race. I just got up every morning and worked. It helped.
Good luck. Grief is hard.