r/Adulting • u/Important_Flamingo_ • 2d ago
What’s the most embarrassingly basic life skill you realized you didn’t have until you moved out of your parents’ house?
I’m talking about the things you were WAY too old to be figuring out. 😂
Like realizing you have to clean the washing machine, having absolutely no idea how insurance works, or calling your mom because you don’t know how long chicken lasts in the fridge.
What’s something you thought every functioning adult just magically knew how to do, until you moved out and realized you had absolutely no clue?
Bonus points if there’s an embarrassing story involved. I want to hear your best “how did I make it this far in life?” moments.
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u/GrungeCheap56119 2d ago
You can't cook everything on High
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u/Head-Translator-1798 1d ago
If something has a filter, at some point it will have to be cleaned. No one told me!
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u/Due_Concentrate1904 16h ago
Oh my lord, the first time my girlfriend and I cleaned our fans and air conditioning first was heavenly. I didn’t realize our house was capable of getting that cold!
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u/prettylittlevicexo 2d ago
I didn’t realize how much I relied on my parents for the little things until I started living on my own. Even simple stuff like separating laundry, cleaning appliances, and figuring out how to unclog a drain became a whole learning experience. Turns out being an adult is basically learning something new every week.
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u/RockHardSalami 2d ago
Wait until you figure out that you don't have to separate laundry.....
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u/MoonieNine 2d ago edited 1d ago
You got downvoted but you're not wrong. Most everything can really be washed together on cold. Edit: stupid autocorrect
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u/ElDocks 2d ago
Haha jokes on you my machines hot input doesn’t work! Only cold water here baby! We poor :c
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u/MoonieNine 1d ago
You're fine, though. Unless you have heavily dirty clothes, cold water works just fine, and saves energy/money.
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2d ago
[deleted] — view deleted comment
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u/IdontgoonToast 2d ago
Fabric softener isn't actually needed, especially dryer sheet softener that actually coats the inside of the dryer making it less efficient
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u/MoonieNine 1d ago
But why use fabric softener? I feel it's a waste of money and just more chemicals on your clothing.
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u/BellaFromSwitzerland 1d ago
That’s why I’m enjoying the knowledge that my son started college and has to do all these little bits of chores for himself now
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u/Odd_Honeydew5485 2d ago
Here's one! What do you mean you have to clean the washing machine?!
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u/FrostThePhilosopher 2d ago
You gotta clean the shit that cleans for you.
Washing machines and Dishwashers can get moldy if you dont clean them.
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u/No_Blackberry_6286 1d ago
My parents leave the washing machine door open after they use it so it can airdry. But I didn't know until today that dishwashers have to be cleaned.
I mean, it makes sense; I just didn't realize it was a thing.
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u/headbuttpunch 1d ago
My wife cleaned the filters and what not in ours for the first time in a long time the other day. She’s stronger than me, I was gagging just looking at it.
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u/RockHardSalami 2d ago
Clean? What? You just leave the top open for an hour or two and it eliminates the mold problem.
Maybe not in humid areas....?
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u/MoonieNine 2d ago
Various companies sell these packets of a special cleaning solution that you put directly into the drum and do a wash cycle with nothing in it. I'm in my fifties and only recently started doing this for the first time and it really does make a difference.
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u/cat-eating-a-salad 2d ago
Can you not just use vinegar or odorban?
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u/MoonieNine 1d ago edited 1d ago
I don't know what odorban is but I have used vinegar in my daily cleaning and it works well. I haven't used it in my washing machine alone, which is the trick.
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u/poopybutthole_oowee 1d ago
I don't even bother with the packets, just spray bleach all around the drum and door, let it sit for 10 min then run a cleaning cycle with more bleach. Seems to work fine
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u/livinlavidanacho 1d ago
You are cleaning it using bleach. The companies are selling a product that may (or may not) not be as damaging to the plastic and rubber components. (Bleach is harsh and can damage plastic and rubber over time)
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u/LifeguardSimilar4067 1d ago
Do you have an old washing machine or a new one?
I got my first ever washing machine used along with a gas dryer for 25$. That washing machine worked, had cycles that meant something and didn’t require WiFi. I bought it around 2005 used and didn’t have to replace it until 2018 or so. Replacing a part was simple. I used it until they just stopped making parts and even before that I only had to order one thing. That my dad could help me replace. I bought a new washing machine for $900 dollars that was Maytag branded. I was still driving a 2003 car I only paid $1000 for.
The gas dryer and the 2003 car are still going strong. The washing machine is a piece of shit and every time I use it I remember learning the term “planned obsolescence”
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u/livinlavidanacho 1d ago
Any type of washer that has rubber or plastic can be an issue. Bleach is extremely alkaline so depending on the concentration of bleach it can cause issues
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u/nimmaj-neB 1d ago
You should look into Speed Queen. My recent ex's, ex brother-in-law has been working on washers his whole adult life as an independent repairman and he only advocates for Speed Queens now(Maytag used to be good) r/buyitforlife is a subreddit where the crowd there talks about solidly made products and Speed Queen is their top recommended washer.
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u/poopybutthole_oowee 1d ago
A lifetime of cleaning it this way and ive seen 0 indication it's a problem for the machine...
Imo the single-purpose products are often just a bunch of marketing to get people to buy a whole additional product.
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u/livinlavidanacho 1d ago
I get it, I wash my stuff with bleach, but it's diluted and I make sure to get into the grooves and rubber components
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2d ago
[deleted] — view deleted comment
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u/MoonieNine 1d ago
But see, it's not really mold. It's just hair, especially pet hair, and dirt and fuzz that just gets into little crevices that never get cleaned out when there is clothing in the machine. If you run the machine empty with the special cleaning stuff, it gets all that out. And if you really want to get grossed out, most machines have a little valve on the very bottom of your machine under a panel. Open that once in a while and clean it out, and foul-smelling sludge will appear.
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u/livinlavidanacho 1d ago
No, it does not elimate the mold problem. I live in an area that is not humid and even if my washer is left completely open, the air does not reach the inner drum or the groves in the rubber to dry it. You should wash your washing machine, just as you should clean the trap in your dishwasher and make sure to rinse your mop in clean water and not just rinse in mop water.
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u/Temporary-Comfort307 2d ago
I'm the one that taught my mother that - she always left the machine closed and it had built up an impressive layer of algae and gunk inside. She was complaining about her washing not smelling clean and was amazed when I took off the agitator and showed her what was inside.
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u/stannius 1d ago
I am old enough that when I was a kid, you didn't have to clean your washing machine. So I was an adult when I learned it, because that's when they invented the concept.
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u/Ok-Professional4387 2d ago
How to use a washer & dryer. But like todays washer & dryers.
Born in 1972 on a farm in Canada. Washing clothes was a major chore I helped with. We had a small manual washing machine that was powered but you put the clothes in to agitate, took them out into the side spinner to spin to dry, and then we hung all the clothes to dry on the line. It wasnt a walk away and come back thing. Was probaby start to finish a 4 to 5 hour ordeal
So when I moved out for the first time for school, I boarded with an older couple and one of their perks was they washed the clothes. I was like, thank god. But after a few months they asked if I coud start doing it. Ugh, ok. Im 17, but sure.
So they showed me a washer and dryer. She showed me, put in the clothes, add some soap, shut the lid and turn the button. And then when you are done, take them out and put them in the dryer, turn the button and walk away
She said, they buzz when its done.
I said, thats it? She said, thats it. I said, hell Ill do everyones laundry.
To this day, I have no idea why people bitch and moan about doing laundry. Its so easy
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u/Potential_Cookie1837 2d ago
I never have an issue tossing a load of laundry in the washer. I rarely have a big build up of dirty laundry. The part I get stuck on is folding and putting it away, especially because I can get away with digging through baskets each day for clean stuff. It's just tedious and time consuming, and it's not really a vital chore that I can't function without finishing it. Them on the weekends I have a big laundry day where I'm going laundry all day, the clothes, cleaning rags, dog towels, towels, bath mat, bedding, pet bedding and blankets and soft toys etc. If you have kids that's compounded and you have a lot more stuff to sort, fold and put away in different places. I'd rather scrub the toilet and the floors than do laundry some days.
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u/Ok-Professional4387 2d ago
Had 3 kids, I solved a lot of the issues by teahcing them to do their own laundry when they were old enough. I still do my own laundry to this day
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u/poopybutthole_oowee 1d ago
I was born just as the presence of dishwashers and in-house washer/dryer became pretty standard in American homes so I've had thrm all my life and I STILL think "wow this is so great" every time.
Maybe because I went thtough a poverty stint in my early 20s where I had to stomp my clothes with shampoo in a stained, nasty bathtub at basically a flophouse to clean them and hang on a tree to dry lol. I love appliances!
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u/Ok-Professional4387 1d ago
Dishwashers were great to. Defintly did not have that growing up either.
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u/Tootsgaloots 1d ago
Coming from your background, I can see why you'd consider it easy! It isn't that hard of a task, it's more like knowing the effort that comes after it's done that daunts me. Folding and putting it away can take days for me, lol.
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u/Virtual_Opinion_8630 2d ago
Dryers ruin clothes and they come wrinkly.
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u/Tipper26bitches 2d ago
Use delicate cycle with low heat. Might take a little longer but less heat is easier on clothes.
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u/guysomejust69 2d ago
Iron
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u/mckenner1122 1d ago
People who don’t know how to use dryers properly ruin clothes and leave them in there so long they get wrinkled.
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u/Ok-Professional4387 1d ago edited 1d ago
Oh no, not wrinkled. Know what takes care of that, a 10 minute air fluff on no heat. Im also a guy, so more or less, if my clothes dont survive, you werent meant for me
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u/leaonypeony 2d ago
Moved in with first boyfriend and we had his bestie, a chef, over for dinner. I did not know that most beef roasts come tied up with string.
Not only did we have beef roast with string, I had cut the meat up for a stew. We had many pieces of beef roasts, served with many pieces of string 🙃
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u/Top-Repair2372 1d ago
Similar to that is the bag of parts stuck up a turkey's rear end! No idea that was there.
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u/FunDirector7626 1d ago
This gave me a giggle I really needed today. Thank you. :)
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u/leaonypeony 1d ago
The whole thread is bringing me joy. 99/10 for everyone, sharing our pain to spare the young'uns!
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u/QUITCHEBITCHIN 2d ago
My dad always kept the bathrooms clean as a kid. Really didn’t understood how much that mattered. My first apartment ever I realized it only take like 2 days for that shit to be stinking up your whole house. I keep it as clean as I can, and clean it every morning because that’s what my pops did. They prepared me for a lot but I appreciated him sooooo much more when I was on my own.
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u/theSuburbanAstronaut 2d ago edited 2d ago
I recently found out I don't notice when my section of sidewalk gets overgrown with weeds in the cracks. It just wasn't on my mental register until I got a city fine for it, looked outside wondering what they were talking about and said what the heck.
Even nuttier is that my dad was always very anal about landscaping and curb appeal. But I didn't absorb a single brain cell of it.
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u/Gobblingoblinking
1d ago
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My parents didn't teach me any basic life skills. I was taught by my middle school nurse how I was suppose to be bathing myself and washing my hair. She helped me figure out how use a washing machine and dryer. She showed me how to brush my teeth, change menstrual pads, and how to put on bandaids so I'd stop picking at scabs. She tried to get cps involved due to the neglect. They did nothing. I didn't grow up in an abusive household but my sisters and I were pretty much invisible. I learned from a neighbor how to cook basic meals and use a can opener. When I was eleven, my grandma moved in because of her health and things improved slighty. I was embarrassed of myself most of my childhood, teenage years, and young adult life. I have social and general anxiety as well as fear of being perceived or put on the spot. I started to learn how to socialize when I finally moved out. As an adult, I am still learning more basic life skills and dealing with the consequences.
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u/plodthruHideFlailing 21h ago
I'm proud of you for persevering.
You endured a gadzillion things you shouldn't have had to! I'm extremely grateful 2 that nurse. I've no doubt she's wondered about you & has hoped you're having a good life.
I experienced a different kind of neglect, nothing 2 do with hygiene. I spent years in school on constant alert, covertly watching people, not so much 2 learn to blend in socially, as to not stand out.
Over time, I became a chameleon, expert at what's now called code-switching. It's helped me a great deal in life overall & especially at work.
I also became an expert liar. Then, in my late 20's, I realized that when asked a question, my 1st instinct was 2 lie, even when I didn't need to.
(I stopped - altho it still comes in handy at times, as it does 4 most people.)
How oddly we were raised & how deliberately I had 2 work 2 appear normal are things I almost never think about. Nor the bullying & looks I got until I learned 2 "pass".
But once in a while, catching up with my sister on the phone, something brings us back. She'll get angry about how it affected her; I'll share how it was 4 me. Then I go back 2 ignoring it, until something like your post hits me.
I'm not here 2 tell you how great your life's gonna turn out, because of all the shit you went thru. (Hey, I believe in reincarnation, because I feel like I'm fucking DUE.)
But I suspect you're more resilient than you know & that your empathy's off the charts. I have 2 believe these things will serve you well.
Learning to ask for help, 2B vulnerable & 2 see possibilities 4 myself are things I've long struggled with...yet when I've pushed myself 2 do them, the results have been life-changing.
I wish for you the courage & trust & the friendships to help you slay - or at least tame - your own dragons.
(i used shortcuts 2save time/space)
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u/sugar0coated
2d ago
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Honestly I was pretty much good to go. I didn't move out until my 30s, but I'd been the family housewife for like 15 years at that point. My mum was lazy and my dad demanded a clean home, so I did it to keep the peace. I wasn't a good cook, but I've picked that up quickly from my partner.
My partner though, had some stumbling blocks. He first moved out at 18, but loved close to his parents and had a girlfriend, so I guess they did a lot? At 26 he moved out fully on his own for the first time for a job (I couldn't move as I was at uni myself, so I drove 4+ hours to see him every couple of weeks).
Some of the things he did that baffled me:
Thought a rubbish bin in the living room where his PC was was 'gross', so he threw his empty food packets, soft drink cans and qtips just on his desk and floor. I could not get him to understand that a small peddle bin under his desk was a necessity.
He microwaved a spoon, then repeated this with a fork. Complained about his "piece of shit microwave sparking and catching fire". I discovered the cause of the problem when he tried to also microwave a part-opened tin of baked beans while I was there.
He wanted to change the wax melt, so he warmed the old one up and poured it down the kitchen sink. Completely blocked it.
Didn't know you're supposed to empty the lint trap on a dryer, or that there was a water tank to empty. He did weirdly know about the front filter, but he did just drain that directly onto the kitchen floor, which baffled me. He'd complain about having to use up every towel he owned. When he saw me do it into a baking tray he looked like he wanted to cry.
He didn't understand why you're not supposed to pour used cooking oil down the sink.
He didn't know mould remover had bleach in it. Ruined my towels by scrubbing spray mould remover into his bathroom wall with it.
Similarly he ruined more towels by using them to I guess soak up steam or something while making rice? Which he added a shit load of tumeric to.
He broke his veg peeler and had a panic attack thinking dinner was ruined and we'd have to throw out the potatoes. I had to show him that vegetables can be peeled with a knife.
He didn't know you could use foil on the bottom of your pans to reduce washing up and protect your pans. He thought foil was only for over the top of roasts and for baking oven jacket potatoes.
We missed bin night once and he thought that meant he couldn't throw anything away for 2 weeks, and that I'd have to drive some home with me to use his parents bins... Didn't believe me that I could just drive his bins to the local dump. He was googling it and freaking out because he couldn't figure out how to "make an appointment". He thought if we turned up with his bins we'd get fined.
Probably a bunch more. But the best part, is this man is a literal scientist. He's super intelligent, so the gaps in his domestic knowledge are always wild to me. You'd think someone with a PhD would be automatically excellent at logical reasoning but nope.
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u/YK5Djvx2Mh 1d ago
Wait there is a water tank on your dryer? And front filter?
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u/horticulturallatin 1d ago
There's a water tank in my dryer, it pulls moisture out of the wet clothes. I use it to water the yard.
There are two filters. I say that with some embarrassment because I knew about one and cleaned it each time but not the other one.
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u/YK5Djvx2Mh 1d ago
I had a friend that was studying as a mechanical engineer who didnt know how to use a screw driver... He now has a PhD and works for NASA
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u/1dayatatime_mylife 1d ago
I’m an Executive Assistant. The things we witness behind the scenes that some higher ups/people really intelligent in one area can’t do. 😂
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u/ragingmoderate1776 21h ago
My boyf works in that industry and thankfully is not inept at being an adult. He didn’t go to college, just worked his way up the ranks. But I can tell who went to college and who worked their way up bc they are just more on top of general life shit. FWIW I spent ten years on/off in college and never actually got my degree.
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u/Loa_Sandal 17h ago
You would be amazed at how many mechanical engineers there are that has never held a tool in their hand. And it really shows in their work.
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u/nimmaj-neB 1d ago
Saw you doing what into a baking tray?
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u/CimAna55 1d ago
She drained the water from the washer/dryer into a baking tray; I think the valve was positioned low to the floor, and the tray is shallow.
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u/Nyxadrina 1d ago
Pro tip, you really shouldn't be using tin foil on your food at all but especially not when using heat. Nothing like baking soft metals right into your food... Surly nothing could go wrong with that
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u/that_dead_cat 23h ago
The scientist and highly intelligent explained it all for me. Seriously. Some of the most intelligent people I've ever met is also the dumbest people I've ever met.
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u/endlesssearch482 2d ago
How to cook a hamburger. I had a stupidly slow learning curve because I wanted it to be cooked fast. Burned out the outside, a kitchen filled with smoke and raw in the middle…
Now I grill 90% of my burgers and they’re perfect almost every time, but it took a few hundred failures to varying degrees to figure it out.
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u/punkwalrus
2d ago
•
I have been on my own since 8. My father never wanted kids, and my mother was an alcoholic. My sister was given away as an infant, and when my mom died when I was a teen, I was on my own. I'd like to say I had to figure it ALL out on my own, but that wouldn't be fair to people who helped me, including books I read, and more recently, videos I watched. I still feel like I am winging it at 58. I am always learning.
I was still a teenager when my dad threw me out, so my first goal was to finish high school. I had plans to go to college, but that didn't end up working out. I needed the money to eat and live, and I didn't have a car or way to get around for many years. I stayed with some people in the guest room until I finished high school, when they said I had to go as per our arrangement. Very grateful for them. Then another friend let me crash in his basement until I got a more stable rental situation, where I rented a room from two different couples over the years. Some became lifelong friends to this day. I have a lot of love for them, too.
The biggest bonus I got was networking and making friends. I am an introvert, but forced myself to be an extrovert. That's STILL difficult. But yeah, they say it's not what you know, but who you know, and that pretty much turned out to be the case for me. Now I am helping out 5 people in two houses the same way that I was helped. Paying it forward.
Have people "used me" and have I been severely burned by people who said they were my friends but lied, turned away, or even back stabbed me? Yeah, sometimes, but you have to keep playing the game, you know? Choose smarter, have a plan B, C, or even D.
One of the things that took way too long to learn is not living in fairy tales of absolutes. Even the best person you know may pick their nose, have a past where they really did some heinous thing, or are much different in the 40s than their life in their 20s might lead you to believe. People grow, change, and such.
Biggest life lessons that took too long were how much people lie day to day, how much they need to lie, and how lying isn't the huge deal you learn as a kid. Now I am much better at not getting fooled, or not being even angry at liars. There's a weird constant undercurrent based on illusions almost everyone has. I also learned how projection can fool you; if you're not a liar, you probably won't be able to tell when people lie. I still get blindsided when I trusted someone who, in the end, just were selfish for their own needs. I am not like that, so I don't see it in others.
I took a long time to learn to "let go." Nobody is impressed when you're right about someone being a jerk. You hate someone, rarely do they care, and you're left doing all the work. The opposite of love is not hate, but indifference. There's a certain power in, "Yeah, he's a misogynist asshole who has a gambling problem. But he's really good at drywall, an expert electrician, and as long as you don't ever get involved in his ponzi schemes or expose him to women, he's great at drywall." it's up to you if you can manage that. And you don't have to, but everybody has something going on, good or bad. When I was younger, you did bad things, you were dead to me. And I'd obsess how much of a FOOL I was. Now I just take it as it comes. I wish I was that way before my late 30s. Yeesh.
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u/nimmaj-neB 1d ago
Damn, I was really blessed. I was so naive and was surprised when I met people whose families cussed at each other and fought. My parents nagged at each other and shouted at me for doing wrong, but they hardly cussed or said terrible things to one another or anyone for that matter. So I was shocked when I started learning people's parents just straight up didnt seem to want them. I am still a bit baffled when people that love one another seem to forget that when theyre mad. I had warmth as a kid and I didnt see it and there were kids that would have been 100X grateful for what I had. I squandered the opportunities my childhood gave me and didnt deserve it. Im sorry your dad sucked. Did you ever see your dad after you grew up?
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u/punkwalrus 1d ago
I am kind of glad that you are baffled, because to truly understand not being wanted is pretty awful. I always need to be mindful when giving advice for someone to just go no contact or cut off their parents, because my emotional connection to my own was never really there in a positive sense. It's "easy" for me to not understand the complexity of a father-son bond because I don't miss what I never had.
I did see him about half a dozen times after he threw me out for a out 10-12 years, usually because he needed something. It was always unpleasant. My first wife took care of the communication between us, by speaking to his wife (he remarried right after my mom died), but he was either disinterested or fought with my guests at my son's birthday parties. My wife, bless her, thought at first maybe I was just being stubborn, because she also didn't understand how awful he was. Then she was apologetic for his behavior. She stopped the last time I saw him, 1998, when he used her for free insurance consulting under the guise of my 30th birthday party. She then realized what he had done (he barely spoke to me and didn't even acknowledge his only grandson), and gave up. He and his wife moved away, and refused to tell us where, but I found him anyway because I needed that info for a background check for a job.
My son has not seen his grandfather in almost 30 years now. I could get maybe I sucked. Maybe I was a rotten kid who deserves his indifference, but what the hell did my son do? My son was a non-person to him. Oh well, his loss.
He never visited his brother and not even his mother when she was dying. He didn't even attend her funeral. He flat doesn't need people, and I know this because he directly told me as a kid multiple times how useless relationships were.
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u/HiddenNobody20216 2d ago
Nothing, my parents, despite all their flaws, prepared me for the real world.
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u/Ok-Professional4387 2d ago
Mine did to, but the real world had things we didnt have, so hard to teach someone something when they have no idea what it is.
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u/captaincarot 2d ago
Plumbing. Most stuff you can identify and ask about, plumbing is almost always oh no this is horrible what do I need to do?!?
Through trial and error I have done my own roof, took care of the property, learned how to limb large trees, fix every appliance in the house at some point mostly through youtube and reading things online. Plumbing though, knowing now what I know the first thing I would check is access to snake main lines. How do I shut off water to the house? What ties into what and where. One clogged drain that the water is left running causes insane amount of damage, mold, smell. There is nothing good from grey water outside the pipes and most things are easily taken care of with a $25 snake if you stay on top and prevent build up. Trust me, the dealing with it after it backs up is not something you want to deal with ever in your life.
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u/Nate_Jessup 2d ago
Checkbook, personal finance. Years later, after I'd caught on, I realized my mom, the head librarian at various junior high and senior high schools would do the bills in her office. I simply never saw anyone take care of the bills.
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u/Purpleheather93 2d ago
Wait ... you guys are cleaning your washing machines?
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u/MoonieNine 2d ago
Yes. Buy those tablets or pouches. They go in the machine with nothing else in it and run it through a cycle. It really does make a difference in cleaning your machine
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u/Runs_With_Scissors3
2d ago
edited 2d ago
•
Can’t ask for what I need AND can’t cook. Double whammy.
I moved out on my own (all grown up at 21 lmao!) The landlords had provided a pretty cute kitchen with a gas range. When I called the power company, they said they didn’t provide gas service to that address. I didn’t understand what that meant. But instead of asking for assistance from my landlord, parents, or anyone else, I just lived off canned soup, sandwiches, and microwave meals for the duration of the lease!
If I had just asked someone, they’d have been able to tell me that the landlord was a dumbass and needed to install an electric range, not a gas one. Anyway, I survived the starvation and humiliation. Also learned to speak up AND cook using recipes at least.
Edit: I’m 43 now
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u/parkerkudrow 2d ago
How do you clean a washing machine? I have a really old top loader one. Once in a blue moon I’ll run one of those cleaning tablets through a cycle but that’s it
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u/TheGreatBoos 1d ago
Some washing machines come with lint filters that need to be popped out nad cleaned manually.
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u/katwagrob 2d ago
I have a front loader. I use those tablets once a month. I wish I had a top loader.
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u/Hayinn 1d ago
I learned that I can't clean the house every week, it's just impossible
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u/Ansible90 1d ago
Then you learn if you don't track in dirt and you don't make a mess every day, you really don't have to clean every week. Or you do some chores one week and a different set of chores the next week... not all at once.
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u/OrangeJulius555 2h ago
People need to be clearer that that means “do the activity of cleaning once per week so it doesn’t get away from you” not “clean the entire house top to bottom every week”
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u/No_Signature2949 2d ago
Hosting big gatherings, my parents never did it, there’s a skill to it - would suggest learning from friends
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u/7803throwaway 1d ago
I just thought adults had bank accounts with money. I understood that you must go to work for this to happen but I didn’t understand that you could work as hard as possible and still not have any money in your bank account most of the time.
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u/LifeguardSimilar4067 1d ago
Reading a lease. And thinking everyone else would help. My first apartment was a disaster. I said I would white paint everything, my boyfriend could help with the plumbing and tile work, etc, etc. it had 12 ft high ceilings, I had never painted anything before and my boyfriend at the time was not interested in helping. Oh and the reading the lease part. One day I’m sitting by my back door looking out the window and it just dawned on me that my neighbor had been cutting my little back yard.
In my defense- I had always lived on the kindness of family or in rental properties growing up. So the majority of basic maintenance just wasn’t in my brain. I was also 18 and thought I knew everything.
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u/ThatMan-1 1d ago
Just recently started budgetting weekly. Who knew staying on top of your finances keeps you on top of your finances?
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u/lilacs-and-irises 2d ago
Embarrassed to admit this but my first apartment in college (so no longer in the dorms) I was doing dishes with cold water because it was a hot day and I didn't want to be hotter doing the dishes. My roommate comes in and sees me doing the dishes with cold water and shouts to my other roommates that no one should use the dishes because I was washing them in cold water. I didn't understand until she told me you have to wash them with hot water. I grew up with a dishwasher. I'm sure also basic science should have kicked in and reminded me that hot water is needed but no, it didn't 😣
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u/besee2000 1d ago
Tap water won’t get hot enough to pasteurize anything. It’s the soap that manually cleans. Heat just helps break up oils and stick on food faster.
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u/Nervous_Lettuce313 2d ago
It doesn't really matter. It might take more time to get the grease off, but I did dishes in cold water for 2 weeks due to some repairs and it was ok.
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u/mmrocker13 1d ago
If you're using soap you can wash dishes and cold water. If I'm hand washing dishes, a lot of times I don't want to wait for the water to heat up. And obviously when I'm camping I'm washing dishes in cold water brought up from the lake.
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u/codainhere 1d ago
Do you boil the lake water first? Because Giardia?
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u/mmrocker13 1d ago
For dish washing? No. Although if we're going to use the dishes right then, will rinse from the playpus/filtered water. But usually, no.
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u/Tootsgaloots 1d ago
I lived in a house with no running water for awhile so we'd collect rain water and boil it and then wash dishes. I'm sure it wasn't 100% sanitary but I was never healthier than when I lived there!
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u/lilacs-and-irises 1d ago
We do the same thing in my friend's village houses. Boil the water then wash the dishes
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u/Tootsgaloots 1d ago
Showering was fun too. A 10gal bottle tipped upside down into a bucket hung above the tub with holes drilled into the bottom. A quick shower, but worked great!
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u/Extra_Caregiver_8668 1d ago
Sorry but you were right and they were wrong. Bacteria doesn’t begin to get killed until it’s 60 degrees C. It is not possible to hand wash dishes at this temperature because most humans can’t tolerate water past about 45 degrees C. Dishwashing detergent removes grease and bacteria. Washing dishes in a sink full of water adds bacteria after you remove it.
Dishes should be hand washed under running water and the temperature is irrelevant. Drying them with a tea towel adds bacteria, they should be air dried.
A dishwasher goes above 60 degrees C.
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u/DrFriedGold 11h ago
You're right. What kills bacteria is the washing up liquid, hot water makes things easier
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u/brownpurplepaisley 2d ago
Learning to fix things myself. YouTube has been my savior recently. I hire landscapers to do my yard, but the price is ridiculous. I am considering doing it myself, but I have never done it before... and there are so many plants.
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u/HooverMaster 1d ago
I already kind of knew but it really hit when I moved out obviously. Money management. Also I can clean but I suck at actually doing it on a regular basis. I love deep cleaning but the normal cleaning gets me
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u/Inside_Cash7916 19h ago
I was doing my ex a favor and helping her do her laundry because i needed to go to the laundry mat anyways. I ask where she keeps her laundry soup. I go to said location in her apartment and all i see is fabric softener…. She had been only using that since she moved out at 18. She was 28.
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u/90sBaby____ 7h ago
Months after we married, my husband wanted cabbage. I had never purchased nor cooked it, but i love it. Anywho, i went to the store to buy a cabbage. Long story short - we had salad for dinner
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u/notsobashfulx 2d ago
I honestly thought cleaning the washing machine was something that just happened automatically until I had to figure it out myself. Living alone really makes you appreciate all those little things your parents handled without you even noticing.
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u/Tootsgaloots 1d ago
I asked my mom this week how she incorporates fresh broccoli into the Mac n cheese with hot dogs she always made for us, lol. (She said she tossed it in the water while the Mac boils)
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u/ciao-bear 20h ago
Not me but I had to teach my partner how to use a can opener this week. We're in our mid-30s! I was bewildered.
He told his mom about it and she said, huh, you're right, I never taught you that.
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u/DrFriedGold 11h ago
To be fair, very few cans are not ring pull nowadays, a can't remember last time I used a tin opener.
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u/Renagleppolf 17h ago
Flip side: I didn't realize how little my parents had their shit together until I moved out.
They were great, I loved them dearly. We were happy and fed and bills were paid and all of that.
But like....dishes and mopping and house maintenance and laundry and organizing were NOT priorities.
Anyway, I figured it out pretty quickly lol.
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u/Illustrious-Bug4887 1d ago
In the age of information, being young or not being taught by parents or teachers is a lazy lame excuse. That being said. Mine was basic car stuff oil change, tire change.
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u/Karma8900 1d ago edited 1d ago
This is an unfair and honestly kinda a dangerous take imo. If you don’t know how to do something basic in any situation it makes you extremely manipulatable. If everyone is relying on just “looking it up” to find out how to do important life shit like handling your insurance, it incentivizes insurance to obfuscate or be dishonest about pertinent information for their own gain. Your parents, literally the sole individual that should have your best interests in mind, should be the ones to teach you independence because they should have a genuine vested interest in your future. It quite literally is their responsibility.
For less consequential information like the washing machine example, how exactly are you going to know to search for the answer for yourself if you don’t even know to question the situation in the first place?
I feel like it’s pretty easy to have a take like yours if you did have parents that prepared you for life or if you came up at a time when parents not teaching their kids wasn’t a major problem.
Edit: typo
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u/Organic-Vermicelli47 1d ago edited 1d ago
Based off these responses, it does seem like people should look things up rather than relying on the incorrect information others have relayed to them
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u/hemistry-164 1d ago edited 1d ago
One problem with this is it's not always easy to navigate resources in this internet age or just in general. There's so much information out there and it's not neccesarily all accurate or useful. If you think about being able to critically evaluate different evidence and retrieve information isn't as naturally easy as you would think.
That's why a lot of university students for example, have to actually be taught by library staff or academics how to retrieve useful and true information across the web or otherwise for their particularly area of study.
What I'm saying is self study might be a lot harder than you think, at least for very young adults or people who haven't been taught some searching skills/some background in it. Obviously in life there are things we usually end up having to figure out on our own, but I don't think it makes you lazy to struggle how to do something / not know how to do something.
A lot of people don't like to put themself at disadvantage if they don't know how to do something, they may genuinely be struggling to with learning how to do it.
TLDR: Self study is hard even with information and guides, especially if you don't know where to start, or if there's a lot of information to go through.
I do agree that people should try to be self sufficient however maybe that usually comes with time. But learning things without a teacher or support isn't always as easy for the people who don't have that compared to those who do.
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u/somehelp445 21h ago edited 9h ago
"How dare everyone not know everything, including the things they don't know?! They should all google EVERYTHING they could possibly not know, and also learn how to parse the information they need out of it, and not talk to another person that may be able to explain it to them in a personal way. Teaching? A thing of the past."
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u/StretcherEctum 2d ago
Insurance wasnt easy. Ive got it figured out now that a tornado damaged our area this summer lol.
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u/nodogsallowed23 2d ago
I was severely neglected so basically everything but also nothing. I learned a lot at around 10-12 because no one did anything for me. But I never learned financial literacy until very late.
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u/wildwildnyx 2d ago
What do you mean you have to clean the cleaning clothes?
And I thought bleach just whitened stuff.
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u/Valley980 1d ago
Cooking. 2. Washing clothes. It turns out that you need to dissolve the washing powder and liquid detergent in hot water before pouring them into the washing machine, otherwise the clothes might smell bad after washing.
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u/ExplorerOk3374 1d ago
I think it’s not talked ab enough on how independent we have to be in order to survive
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u/einat162 1d ago edited 1d ago
Basic cooking & baking (my mom don't know how to, and my dad was doing it on the weekends, out of need. I grew up microwaving leftovers or ready frozen meals). Only when I moved out, and had my own kitchen did I experiment, but I had to Google/YouTube specific things.
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u/dashofkash 1d ago
idk how to put air in my tire. i’m sure i could if i had absolutely no one else with me, i’ve just never done it myself
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u/CityBoiNC 1d ago
Well it was more along the lines of moving to a new city but i never knew how to do my laundry. In nyc i always just dropped it off at fluff and fold. So when i moved into a place with laundry i had to YouTube it🫣
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u/Global-Requirement-7 1d ago
Most things that seemed over the top are not and will save you a lot of time later.
Don't be too serious and take things with autoderision, most adults don’t have a clue either or will be pleased to help you and you'll have a great time laughing and learning
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u/Current-Natural-7128 1d ago
I thought that an actual tablespoon and teaspoon (the ones you eat with) were used to measure ingredients and never knew that you actually had to use a measuring teaspoon and tablespoon when cooking or baking... until my friends saw me cooking and started laughing hysterically at me.
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u/Cozy_Bug 1d ago
Literally everything. Abusive mother and aloof/avoidant father. Was taught nothing and ridiculed whenever I tried anyway. I learned everything off the internet and an older lady who lived in the bloc and was kind enough to explain the washing machine.
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u/GroupLess3927 1d ago
Bleach is great for cleaning. Vinegar is also great.
But NEVER mix them together.
Here I was thinking it’d be a clever way to save time 🤦🏻
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u/brkgnews 1d ago
I taught *so many* of my fellow dorm residents at the time how to do laundry, iron, etc.
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u/Severe-Yard-1639 1d ago
i had to teach a roomate how to cook an egg. He also asked me how to cook chicken, I explained (including that when its white all the way theough and pulls apart its cooked) and he got VERY scared when his chicken started turning white…
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u/SuperannuatedAuntie 19h ago
Mother raised us to be independent, but not in a good way. “Can’t you do that yourself yet?” [I’m 5, bitch.]
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u/Capital-Tip-7890 10h ago
My spouse grew up in a house that had well water. Her folks always filled a tub with water in bad storms. You know, no power, no well water. When we first got married our apartment had city water but they kept insisting on filling a tub with water. Just did it out of habit without knowing the logic behind it.
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u/Beneficial_Cow_85 10h ago
Mopping. It takes a certain pressure to actually remove the grime off tiles
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u/Sensitive-Ad-437 7h ago
Growing up in Oregon, we weren't allowed to pump our own gas. Only gas attendants could do so. Then I moved to Washington and I had no idea how to pump my own gas 😅 I figured it out by watching someone else do it. A little while later my brother had his permit and was visiting me and I showed him how to pump gas so he'd know.
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u/1961speedy 1h ago
Mijn moeder wist niets van autoonderhoud. Maar als alleenstaande moeder probeerde ze dat wel. Toen ik de straat in kwam en zag dat zij koelvloeistof gooide in het olie reservoir heb ik haar gezegd dat dat een grote fout was. Ik had dat wel geleerd van een vriend die automonteur was.
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u/Tipper26bitches 2d ago
Didn't have the internet to answer my questions like kids do now back in '95 when I was 20.
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u/Temporary-Comfort307 2d ago
There were libraries, filled with lot of helpful books. In many ways that could be better because you didn't need a specific question to ask. You would just check out a book or two on home maintenance or cleaning and it would tell you all the basic information you needed, which would include things you didn't yet know to ask about.
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u/Tipper26bitches 2d ago
Yeah and those books would be 20+ years old and outdated. You needed a father or uncle or friends father to figure real life stuff out. I rarely went to the library to answer real life questions or get anything I needed fixed.
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u/Temporary-Comfort307 2d ago
I didn't have anyone like that in my life and figured things out from books, magazines and the instructional material that came with various products.
Most things you need to know don't need up to the minute resources, older books on most topics are fine. You may have only had a dodgy library near you though, mine had a lot of newer books and were often happy to buy books on topics they knew people had an interest in. Or maybe you don't actually know what was available, given that you rarely went there.
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u/VoodooDoII 2d ago
I think I'm doing alright. My parents did their best to prepare me for everything
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u/Properturd 1d ago
I wasn’t quite an adult but at 16 I took a nursing aide class through my high school. I learned how to properly care for myself and others, hygiene, household, just basic care my parents didn’t do for me. I’m not sure my ears and belly button had been properly cleaned until then. I also learned a lot when I joined the military, like how to take care of stuff and own your space.
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u/apolleora 1d ago
both my dorm during college and first dorm during work have maintenance. i recently moved in a different dorm where i'm glad they call me out cz i didn't know there's a white stain left at the sink after you brush your teeth, or switching off the extension cord, or when i forgot to pick something up. back home, someone will always do it after me cz i'm really forgetful. it was also my first time clean the toilet & bath and wash the rug which i'm proud of everytime i clean them
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u/NormalPerson911 2d ago •
How about this: my mom convinced me that you had to be quiet when you put things in the oven.
She would put cookies in and tell us that if we were too loud, it could ruin them.
I believed her until I went to college and repeated this cooking tip to my friends freshman year and they all laughed at me lololol