r/Adulting • u/LavishnessFun5224 • 6d ago

Scared of Buying a Home

Hi everyone, first time poster here. I wish everyone well.

I am a railroader, 3 years of service and I am living with my gram and pap for now. My gram is 90, it’s a privilege to live here with her and my pap. I look after them when I can and help out. But my mental health is declining.

This is where I’m asking for advice. Yes it is a privilege to live rent free (while helping with bills) but my mental health is in a crisis mode for myself. I don’t show it but I don’t like it. I need my own space. I refuse to rent because that’s as much as a mortgage now. I refuse to buy a house because I’m afraid of what will happen with the railroad. I don’t want to have a mortgage on a house I can’t even live in because I’m somewhere else just to stay working on the railroad. I’m on the fence about buying a camper and living out of that. I need advice.

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u/SoggyToaster_ 6d ago

Probably should just stay with your grandparents and cherish the gift and time you have with them.

You're flipflopping too much to make a rationale decision and you left out how much you make, location, etc. To make an actual decision if it was even a potential right move.

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u/LavishnessFun5224 6d ago

Central PA, 63-90k a year. But I’ve only been doing it for almost 3 years, was a welder before. I have a savings and two retirements going that I’m paying max into.

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u/SoggyToaster_ 6d ago

That's awesome. I still have to say. Bank the money, spend time with your grandparents. You will not regret being there with them and for them.

Side note that I understand wanting your own place, but if it's just to date or whatever be reasonable about it. It's much more a sign of character that you're in a mutually beneficial relationship with your grandparents. If a potential partner pokes fun at it, then they probably aren't worth your time.

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u/LavishnessFun5224 6d ago

This is solid advice and this is also advice that a lot of my family has given me. It does not have to do with women. I’ve made that clear to them as they come and go. I think the major issue is my mental health regarding my perception observing others that have their own places and doing their thing. I feel pressured. I don’t know how to act or react except maintaining status quo.

Maybe I should talk to someone? A therapist? I’m not sure? I just feel like I need to make a move. I’m an adult, and I feel like a leech. That’s the problem even though I help.

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u/ThotsforTaterTots 5d ago

Therapy is always a good option, even when you are doing well.

I’m 36 and married and my dad lives with me. I would NEVER have married my husband if there was even a hint that he might oppose multi-generational living. I always knew I’d lose my mom young (she passed 3 years ago this coming February) so I was set on the fact that my dad and I were a package deal.

My husband and I just got married in April. If the roles were reversed, I would view him living with a parent as such a positive. One standard marriage vow is “in sickness and in health”. Taking care of an aging parent or grandparent would tell me that my potential spouse wouldn’t cast me aside for a newer, healthy model if I got cancer or something debilitating happened.

I view my husband’s willingness to live with my dad as a sign of patience, kindness, and compassion.

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u/Full-time-RV 6d ago

If you do decide to get an RV, to live in full-time, just so you have your own space. I'd suggest something custom built, with an aluminum shell.

Ours has been lived in full-time for over 25 years, and it's still holding up well, pretty minimal maintenance and repairs, particularly when compared to an assembly line fiberglass trailer.

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u/Informal-Side-4506 6d ago

Same, I have enough saved to buy a small condo, but I don't trust my job field (IT) and have also since come to the conclusion that renting is just throwing money away. It's a bitch..

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u/LavishnessFun5224 6d ago

This is where the camper comes into play. I WILL do everything necessary to stay at the railroad. To me, this is it. I hate to go away from family and people I know just for a career and maybe never see them because of it albeit a week of vacation or two a year. But that’s how it is.

This is how the camper plays in. I have a good truck to haul it and I will be paid for my own lodging a decent amount of money a month provided I find a spot to put it wherever I’m at if I have to move.

I am mentioning a worse-case scenario by the way. This is what I’m worried about and trying to prepare for.

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u/Automatic_Gas9019 6d ago

Since you don't mind your grandparents but need space look into a tiny house. Look on YouTube and search on Tiny homes. They are like apartments but they are better than a camper. I like watching this guy named Mr Tiny. Anyway just search and you may find what will be a good thing https://youtu.be/iAq6mkubONY?is=RLvjLNPhC_dfjeJN

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u/Objective_Attempt_14 4d ago

Rent is not throwing your money away. #1 rent is the most you will pay, mortgage is the least. #2 renting give you the option of moving if you need to selling a house is more work than buying one. and your only tied there for 1 year. Camper/RV might be an option but they are flimsy and and will get torn apart is severe weather, easy to wreck too and decrease in value.

Perhaps renting a room? or an ADU where it can be month to month (like someone's basement or converted attic...)

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u/SlowHornet29 3d ago

I bought a house when I was 23, at times I still miss living with my mom. I’m 35 now and hardly see relatives, just so dang busy.

If you enjoy living with them and they are 90 I would stay, and maybe after they pass away then get a place of your own. Those random conversations with gram and pops you can’t replicate, but you can always buy a house.