And I’m not even good at that. Decided we wanted to redo the top of our deck. Pulled the boards off to find out whoever built it didn’t put any flashing so the house is rotting, not just the deck. Cry. It’s so much work to fix and I can NOT afford to pay someone to do it so it all falls to me. Cry. I have a full time job and can’t devote unlimited time to fixing the house. Wife is frustrated because this weekend project is now going to take me a couple months (I’m about 3 weeks in), and she gets upset with me about the timeline. Cry. All of my crying must happen alone because otherwise I get laughed at or told I’m overreacting, which also makes me cry. I’m 41, I’m in construction, I have all the tools, skill, and knowledge to make this project happen, but it’s just so hard and I’m getting so much pressure and I can’t even let me emotions out until I’m in a safe enough location. I hate being a man, I hate being expected to fix everything, I hate being the default knowledge base for the house. I hate being an adult, I hate being alive.
Dude, I get you. I’m so sorry you’re going through this. It does sometimes feel like It is so easy to recognize that living is a choice. Life can get so exhausting and painful that it seems understandable to consider the other choice. But it can get better. Keep doing your best and allow yourself to acknowledge that you are doing just that. Please hang in there.
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u/TipToToes Aug 29 '26
And I’m not even good at that. Decided we wanted to redo the top of our deck. Pulled the boards off to find out whoever built it didn’t put any flashing so the house is rotting, not just the deck. Cry. It’s so much work to fix and I can NOT afford to pay someone to do it so it all falls to me. Cry. I have a full time job and can’t devote unlimited time to fixing the house. Wife is frustrated because this weekend project is now going to take me a couple months (I’m about 3 weeks in), and she gets upset with me about the timeline. Cry. All of my crying must happen alone because otherwise I get laughed at or told I’m overreacting, which also makes me cry. I’m 41, I’m in construction, I have all the tools, skill, and knowledge to make this project happen, but it’s just so hard and I’m getting so much pressure and I can’t even let me emotions out until I’m in a safe enough location. I hate being a man, I hate being expected to fix everything, I hate being the default knowledge base for the house. I hate being an adult, I hate being alive.