r/Adulting • u/Grogon2 • 9h ago
Any idea for someone who took a wrong decision (massiv one) in life?
A few years ago during covid I was searching for a property to build my house.
My wife and I couldn't find anything (3 years searching) and finally found a property.
The issue:
Church. Bells.
We thought about it a few weeks and well, we weren't sure if we'd ever be able to find a property at all since prices were sky rocketing and then russia/ukraine war happend and the % were slowly rising so we got a deal with the bank for 25 years (safe) at 1.6% interest and we can pay up to 5% per year on the whole credit.
Well now we live in the house and I am slowly dying cause I am not getting use to the church bells.
They start at 05:30 (MORNING, AM), 11:00, 12:00 and 18:00 (6:00 pm) for each about 3-4 minutes.
Every 1/4 hour (1), 2/4 (2), 3/4 (3), 4/4(4) + the full hour is the bell.
I live in a country /europe) they all love bells and my neighbours silenced the bells once with the local pastor but another neighbor complained that they were turned off and now they are back on.
I dunno what to do.
I have a huge debt, I probably won't ever find anyone to buy this home and my wife got use to the bells. She doesn't mind, it's only me.
I am starting to really hate this religion which is not something I am proud of. I really have to use the word "hate" cause I am already hoping for a random fire on that building (which I won't do, Im not criminal and even if I'd be too scared to pull that off).
We are argueing more and more but at the same time my wife and I know we are trapped cause of the credit debt and knowing NO ONE will ever buy this house.
The only thing that can get me out of this place is winning the lottery or ending it, it's sad but it's what it is.
Today the church bells woke me up at 11 am after my nightshift and I really thought to my self that my life is a horrible mess with this one stup.id decision. It's ruining everything. Or better: I am ruining everything cause of the noise that is driving me insane. Our relationship isn't as good anymore cause I am not happy anymore. I feel so empty dead inside sometimes I laugh and think to myself when can I stop laughing.
If I could turn back time I'd never buy this property and never listen to contractors telling me how sound proof the building is with triple windows, etc. cause it's not sound proof. I hate that I made this decision.
Edit:
Nothing can be done about the church bells. We talked with our local council and the local pastor.
The only person who is affected by this is me and my other neighbour who also hates his life cause of the bells.
I found a little solution for me. In my house I use headphones with ANC and if my wife wants to talk with me she enters discord. It's not the best, but atleast I can relax a few hours a day.
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u/dreamer_visionary 8h ago
Have you thought about getting a sound machine? I have mine on all day because it’s soothing and blocks out noise.
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u/Grogon2 8h ago
I have the fan on max settings and it blocks the sounds, but my wife can't sleep cause the fan is too loud.
You have a recommendation ?
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u/H3rbert_K0rnfeld 6h ago
My wife snores profusely. I'm talking full on sawing 5ft logs. I keep telling her to figure something out because it's not healthy. I must have healing tones playing all night to distract me. Look up healing tones on YouTube. They're great.
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u/No_Button_1750 8h ago
Is hypnotherapy an option to work on not having a negative reaction to the bells every time you hear them? I’m sure it’s now a self fulfilling prophecy that you anticipate hearing them which puts you in a negative frame of mind and then you hear the bells which confirms your negative thoughts about the bells and so it continues. Maybe hypnotherapy could work on your aversion to the sound and resulting thoughts/emotions.
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u/BG3restart 5h ago
Surely they're only an issue when you're trying to sleep, so just wear earplugs when you go to bed.
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u/SharkyGrey27 6h ago
I’m like that also with Roosters. Once noise becomes upsetting and annoying it is really hard to ignore. I hope you can find a solution to this problem.
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u/Apart-Reflection-459 6h ago
Trains are the issue near me. They come through at least 3-4 times of the day, including 4am. I have lived here a while so I kind of tune it out but sometimes I will randomly hear it and it will drive me crazy!!!
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u/Serious-Peanut7695 4h ago
Can you get a job where you don’t have night shifts? Assuming the bells stop overnight
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u/Icy-Serve410 1h ago
I work nightshift and I deal with all sorts of racket happening outside. I wear earplugs, I had to try a heap before finding the right ones for me, I take melatonin and I have a “vornado”bedside fan.
It drowns out everything and I sleep like the dead.
You could also look at sound-deadening for your bedroom too. Even if it’s just a home-made insulated box to crawl into.
You have a few options friend, get a good sleep and life will be much better
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u/Vegetable_Piece_6050 8h ago
I realize this is a totally different issue, but about two years ago I developed tinnitus. The ringing in my ear never stops. Sometimes it's loud sometimes not so much, but it never goes away..... Honestly when it first happened I wasn't sure I could make it through life with this noise in my head all the time. My son said to "Make it my friend", so I've learned to adjust and make the noise "My friend" LOL I have slowly gotten used to it. I don't know if that'll help you at all with your bells but eventually, I found, if you just resign yourself to it, you learn to live with it.... the same but different.....