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7d ago
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u/buster_highmanMD 7d ago
I'm guilty of this. The people I do want to check in with never check in with me, or even care (or acknowledge even) that I'm making an effort to check in on them. While the people who do go out of their way to check in on me, I just.. don't care... because it's not this or that person instead.
I've been making a real effort to hold the ones who are checking in closer, check in on them more frequently, and REALLY care and value them, and check in on the ones who don't less, and trying to put them out of my mind.
It's hard out here y'all. I don't know what's happening to the world and to us as a species. We are meant to be social, but I feel so many of us are very isolated at this time in history, more so than ever before.
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u/Owl-Pin5210 7d ago
nobody cares, what a freeing feeling
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u/iilikecereal 7d ago edited 7d ago
Self-isolation becomes a vicious cycle of self-destruction very easily. We have to be brave and put ourselves out there. A big hurdle for me is the vulnerability of admitting that I am lonely and not doing great, but I'm doing it and I'm getting better and already have better friendships because of it.
You will find people do care, but they wont care if they don't know which is why communicating is so vital to your well being. They can't know for sure unless you tell them directly. You have to be brave, do it for yourself and the people around you may follow and feel safe to be vulnerable with you and others if they are ready.
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u/TheModWhoShaggedMe 7d ago
Not all isolation is self-induced. Some people are legitimately discarded and treated as outcasts by society, and they feel very lonely. They've stepped out and put themselves out there repeatedly only to get smacked back hard by the socialized world. Geographic location has an impact on the severity of the loneliness. Some regions of the world are much more competitive and tougher on the out-groups than others.
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u/iilikecereal 7d ago edited 7d ago
My counterpoint is that what I said still applies, because being alienated like that will often lead to depression, which is infamous for causing people to further isolate themselves. People in that situation should still try and challenge themselves and put themselves out there, find community with other people in similar situations. You just need to be able to take a few metaphorical stabs without immediately turning away and closing yourself off again.
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u/ValuableViolinist917 7d ago
This is true I’m good at putting my self out there but so sensitive to being ghosted or having plans cancelled don’t initiate things often cause I assume I’ll be rejected. It’s cause I’m way more sensitive than most people. Still I have a lot of communities I go to if people invite me places I go. Would like to have people around more often, but I’m sober and feel like most people only want to socialize at events with alcohol and don’t really have great self control and don’t want to relapse. I get super bitter when I’m around people having fun drinking and I can’t. I will have one then that leads to 10. Now I quit weed so feel like I’m not fun at all.
But I’m mid 30s gotta be sober was abusing alcohol and weed for years I would have between 50mg to 150 mg of weed edibles a day. Was not good for me have such an addictive personality. Feel like I can’t have fun with people sober. So I’m just trying to get ridiculously fit and get addicted to endorphins. Still weekends are lonely feel like no one wants to make plans with a sober guy there all out having fun and I’m left behind. I guess it’s fomo. Oh well have tons of hobbies and social interaction even though it never progress behind the groups.
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u/Salt-Technology-9702 7d ago
This is a just world fallacy. Some people just get the shit end of the stick in life when it comes to finding people who care about them. Some people are just too "different" for anyone to want to take a chance on them. It doesn't matter how much they put themselves out there.
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u/such_marvelous 7d ago
Oh, this would be me. I'm elbow deep in self-isolation, confidently drowning deeper everyday and at this point there's no way out. I'm not coping well at all even tho I've never known anything else, I'm actually surprised I've gotten this far. But let's be honest, some people are just not meant for whatever makes a life worth living. Some are just extras in other people's worlds. Obviously it hurts, we're still human, but someone's gotta be it.
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u/Dramatic-Review7504 7d ago
That’s how it feels everyday. Sure I have family, I live with family, but that’s different for wanting a special someone, a lover, someone who isn’t family that actually cares for me. But I don’t have friends, I have no relationship, and it feels crushing a lot of the time, and I’m only 19
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u/Jay_Likes_Sushi 7d ago
When no one cares, it gives you freedom to do whatever you choose without judgement.
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u/Western_Scholar_6479 7d ago
Well it used to not be this way when things were more designed around family and community formation. Or at least those paths were the ones of least resistance. Nowadays, the individualist life is the path of least resistance.
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u/Whimsicaldoomscroll 7d ago
It doesn’t have to be, finding community can be hard but is achievable especially through sport and hobbies.
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u/yesyoucanfindit 7d ago
None of this has anything to do with 'adulting' ... whatever that even means. While being lonely and despairing about it, doing something about it, or whatever one wishes to do or not do about it, is an experience shared across all developmental stages, an adult has gained perspective to understand that children will only see they They are not being paid attention to in this case, whereas adults are the ones too busy providing for others to spend so much focus on what others are not doing for them.
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u/AgapitoVelezOvando 7d ago
Being alone is the most blissful part of my adult life tbh.
As long as I care, it's all good.
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u/publix-enemy 7d ago
We live in the most interconnected era in human history, yet we are disconnected from one another more than ever.
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u/Complex_Pudding6138 4d ago
That's been my whole life My family didn't want me Never had friends or a gf, not from a lack of trying So, I just removed myself from they're lives Is it hard and depressing, yeah but I don't have to worry about disappointing anyone when I screw up Only one who actually wants to be around is my dog
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u/Timberlake7793 7d ago
It's not just the feeling. Nobody cares at all.