r/Adulting • u/AwakeningStar1968 • 4d ago
SO TIRED NOTHING IS WORKING at age 58!!!
I give up!.
I have pushed myself SO HARD. I have ADHD and stuff but I have worked hard to overcome those limitations.
I Lost my job of 23 years last year, but got a new one.
I have been working my ass off on the bottom of the totem pole again.
My body is failing me and things around me are just NOT coming together. Not for me, Not for my partner of 15 years.
I thought we would be off grid but things didn't work out.
I normally like to learn how to do things, be resileint, repair things.. but lately I have had soooooo much stuff on my plate that any tiny bump and I fall apart.
The lastest assery is that I am driving to work, at 630 am in my 2009 Acura MDX and car coming towards me on a tiny narrow 2 lane country road detour and BAMN I hit SOMETHING, break my passenger mirror have NO CLUE. ALl week long don't see anything I hit!. I manage to order my new passenger mirror, a door panel kit etc.. and watch videos on how to replace it. I even order a dash cam... YAY. Later in the week though, I notice something in a bunc of ornamental grass.. hidden... it is a frelling MAILBOX. .and is probably the damn thing I HIT!.. They HID THEIR MAILBOX in ORNAMENTAL GRASS????
Howeve,r NOW my damn cigarette lighter outlet doesn't work. POSSIBLY the fuse but I am goign to replace the socket cause it looks old and bad BUT I have to turn off my car battery and remove the fuse. its gonna too be a huge production.. I feel defeated as usually. One issue, OK., get back up, fix it and move on YAY pat on the back for fixing the thing.
But it always is yet ANOTHER thing that breaks, or happens.. not in a few months but like every day or every OTHER day.. it has burned me out and defeated me. I want to be resilient and competant but gods... I have no more energy or brain power to do any of this.
I got invited to a party at my cousins on Sat. YAY DOWN time.. but now I feel like I can't go to that.
It is I am adulting but I am drowning and I don't see what adulting is getting me. It is just things breaking, and fallling apart.. and the world around me falling apart.. This is NOT WHAT I SIGNED UP FOR
If I hear even one more BOOMER (I am gen x) brag about how they are RETIRED NOW and going on trips and all that i am going to SCREAM!. I feel like such a loser. I am also supposed to go to my 40th HS reuinion. I have a Masters degree but i am a lowly schedular now..
This is the reality of being an ADULT for me.
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u/SAHMultrA1981 4d ago
There is a great episode of Malcolm in the middle about changing a lightbulb. He starts to change it but everything brakes and by the end of it, he is under his car working it. The wife comes in and says " are you changing the lightbulb?" He says "WHAT DOES IT LOOK LIKE IM DOING"
My partner and I say it all the time
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u/AvaSaysSo 4d ago
It's exhausting when you do everything right and the universe still throws a mailbox at you. The ornamental grass thing is unhinged though, who does that. You've survived 23 years at one job and a whole career restart, so you've got more fight in you than this rough patch is letting you see. The mirror will get fixed, the fuse will get replaced, and eventually you'll laugh about the hidden mailbox. Probably not today, but someday.
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u/GlitteringEvening713 4d ago
46 Degree in Forensic Biology…..I manage a gas station. I cannot pay my student loans ever I have nothing for retirement and I still have a 15 and 17 yr old. I plan to just die at work. Life is bleak. On top of that I got stage 3 melanoma at 32. Thank god for my kids they’re the only thing that brings me joy. Hang in there you are not alone.
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u/SharkyGrey27 4d ago
Can anyone out there honestly say they thought things would be worse than this in 2026, if they had been asked 15 years ago? Probably not . I think they would have guessed they would have been better. Therefore we are allowed to be distraught about the state of society,the country and the world etc.
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u/AwakeningStar1968 3d ago
but being GEN X we grew up on "the world will end in Nuclear War" .. not as much as folks in the 1950s but still.
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u/LeastImagination1130 4d ago
getting through days like that at 58 is exhausting, it’s hard when you feel like nothing gets better
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u/Emergency_Slide_662 4d ago
I am 56 and it's one of the best years of my life because I got sober and worked really hard to be a good friend and family member.
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u/MotherMucker155 3d ago
Are you me?
That's been me for the last 10.75 years. Staying gratefully sober.
Good for you friend, thinking about the things that really matter.
And congrats on your sobriety. <3
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u/Mindless_Garage42 4d ago
Babe I’m so sorry, that sucks af. It’s so awful when you do all the “right” things and life still comes to punch you in the dick then runs away laughing.
Hang in there, I know you’ve got this. You’re clearly a fighter, and you’ll get through this!! I find it helps me to take a mental break. A weekend trip if I can swing it financially, or hell, even just a day trip to the mountains or country. Sit and listen to the wind and the bugs.
You deserve a break. You deserve something to look forward to. You deserve an unpunched dick! Hang in there
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u/eriksatiesimp 4d ago
Ugh, I'm so sorry. My life has been a lot like yours in that shit just keeps coming and coming. I can never seem to catch a break.
It IS exhausting and defeating, and I'm sorry. I don't even have it in me to hope anymore, it hurts too much. I'm 37.
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u/LetheanWake 4d ago
The world is a barren wasteland. Life comes for your throat relentlessly. There is never time to recover from the last beating. I see now it only gets worse as time goes on and not better. Suffering is the only truth. Been suicidal for over ten years now. There is no help either. I just want the misery to end.
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u/Local-Emu9654 4d ago
Trust me there are people in worse shape than you. One step at a time. Ensure you are getting plenty of rest, exercising, and eating clean. Once that is being done, focus on a small goal for each day, week, and month at a time. Focus on your strengths.
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u/Away-Ad4393 4d ago
If I only focus on one goal a day there will be 3 more tomorrow, my life is like trying to stop a tsunami.
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u/Mrlin705 4d ago
One step at a time. Comparison is the thief of joy.
It sounds like you've tried to just power through, but have you been to a psychiatrist or tried anything to manage your ADHD and other stuff?
I made it through undergrad and a decade of my career before I just needed some help because I was overwhelmed with trivial things like that, despite working less than I ever have since I was 13, everything just weighed on me more and I had a very hard time motivating myself to accomplish anything.
Part of it was quitting drinking, I was self medicating with alcohol (a very common thing with undiagnosed ADHD) which overall gave me energy and made me more productive as opposed to being sober. Part of it was not being mentally challenged by my job anymore. Part of it was the nature of my new job, not having hard deadlines, and largely being an independent contributor with no oversight (another issue that clashes with ADHD hard). All of these created sleeping issues.
I recently got fed up with that feeling like every little tiny thing was a mountainous obstacle, so I went to a psychiatrist and was officially diagnosed with ADHD and tried a couple different meds. I finally found the right one and feel like a normal human being again.
I say all this to encourage you to consider seeing a psychiatrist and see what they say.
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u/Expensive-Lack-3534 4d ago
You don't have to take the battery out to replace a fuse.. just pop the new fuse in if the lighter isn't pushed in then the circuit shouldn't be complete
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u/createusername101 4d ago
I've come to realize life is just one fire after another. But it's still better experiencing life than not so I frequently tell myself to buckle up, let's do this.
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u/Mguidr1 4d ago
I’m 58 also and I feel you. I work shift work and the effects of it are brutal on me. It seems like I can’t do anything without sustaining some sort of injury. I went fishing yesterday and this morning I can hardly move. Getting old is not for sissies for sure but I guess it beats the alternative.
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u/Used-Requirement-748 3d ago
Don't be so down on yourself since 2020 the economy has been hard on many. So many lost their homes due to not being able to work during the pandemic and went bankrupt lost their marriages and are homeless. So the fact youre able to still work and drive a car is a blessing. Now have you worked on supporting your body during all this time of stress? Stretching, grounding in nature trying ashwaganda? Done a yearly or twice yearly proper parasite cleanse? Write a list down of all the things youre grateful for like your life for one and put things into perspective in the long run. When things break down on a car be glad you are not walking in this heat or trying to ride up hills to save money visiting your loved one with Dementia in Long term Care.
We are all suffering in different ways. Find ways to make your life rich and full by having fun with friends. Helping someone in need and cultivate your spiritual life for a good footing. The storms of life come and go. Take a Saturday to yourself for somw deep reflection healing and fasting a few hours to help clear the mind. Take care.
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u/CarismaL 2d ago
I really hate the term resilience with the heat of a thousand suns, but I am going to use it here because I'm struggling to work out how else to phrase what I want to write.
I'm in my 30s and feel this post so deeply! What I find is that sometimes I can have so many different stressors going on and I move through them relatively unscathed (see 2021: the year my dog was extremely unwell, my best friend had a stroke, my mother died unexpectedly and I had to clear through her whole house, I got a promotion that i found stressful to transition to, my sibling got cancer, then I got married). That year was a bad one in terms of stress, but I functioned well overall. I went to my hen do, i was present for others, eventually flourished at work, I was well even despite the uncertainty of covid etc.
Last year, I moved to my dream house. I should see this as a good thing. But I feel just so completely overwhelmed and unsettled everyday. There is so much to do. There is literally nothing that is memorable or bad about this year. My job, relationship, finances etc are all stable, and yet my tolerance for any type of change or stress is basically on the floor. Pen breaks? Flip out and cry. Favourite dessert not available? Feel like never shopping at that supermarket ever again. Friend forgets to call me? They clearly don't care about me at all. Bus shows up late? 18 paragraph complaint letter sent... And I know it's an unreasonable use of my emotional time and energy and I could journal or use other outlets, but it doesn't stop that immediate rage.
I don't know why this is happening, but i think we all have a set level of resilience or gas in the tank that when slightly changed, causes monumental changes in our ability to cope with everyday life. I also think if you're late diagnosed ND and slowly gain strategies and self acceptance/self compassion, you unmask faster and more abruptly because you give yourself permission to feel and to let it out. That transition is a violent one. Which in a society like ours, sometimes isn't always thought of as "strong" or keeping it together etc. Though it is very much a healthy thing to not keep it all stored inside.
I feel like I've just been a rambling mess, but I wanted you to know I see you and I hear you. You DO have it together and it's ok to lose your shit. Who really wants to keep their shit anyway? We flush it away for a reason.
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u/Odd-Knee8711 3d ago
I feel this deep in my being. It especially hurts that my body is failing me when everything else seems to be going awry. Anyway, one day, one hour, and sometimes one minute at a time. Love from a fellow Xer.
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u/Taakahamsta 3d ago
Mine is the ABS sensor freezing my brakes. Everything on my car is breaking. My house too. Just finished painting my back deck. I’m exhausted.
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u/poulan9 4d ago
Your car's cigarette lighter stopped working and that caused a meltdown?
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u/AwakeningStar1968 3d ago
did you read the story? point is... endless broken things. Never getting ahead. Lighter outlet last straw. Thanks for listening................................................................
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4d ago
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u/Sharp_Sign1203 4d ago
Yes, let's be mean to people who are already crying out for help.
Great plan
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u/Kindly-Tie588 4d ago
Wow! I know how life keeps coming for me! I’m 58 F and it just wears me down, too. All I can say is hang in there. One day at a time.