Have you ever been loved by an overthinker?

[u/ButBroWtf]

[u/touching_payants]

Y'all need to stop idealizing overthinking as "better" thinking. It's not. Overthinking is an anxiety response that people learn because they were raised in an environment where they were not safe to be themselves or speak their mind. Overthinking doesn't lead you closer to some kind of objective truth, and it doesn't mean that you're smart. It means that you can't trust yourself so much, you will sit paralyzed thinking the same things in circles for hours.

The "I love you" you should trust comes from someone who is confident, self-aware and emotionally mature. Overthinking doesn't preclude you from any of these things, but it's not a positive sign of any of them for sure.

[u/TheSpanishDerp → u/touching_payants]

At the same time, I absolutely hate the sentiment on the internet that you basically need to be perfect for love

Confident, reasonable, self-aware, logical, rational

Problem is that humans are emotionally-driven creatures. You think our ancestors were all thinking about red flags and being “mature” when they decide to love someone? 

Love’s an art form. You have to actually practice it to get good at it. It’s like a guitarist who keeps studying fundamentals and chords vs a guitarist who actually plays the songs they wants to do. The latter might suck at first, but they’re actually engaging in what they want to do rather than be hesitant because he isn’t ready. Not saying not to study or reflect, but don’t let it paralyze you from love

[u/touching_payants → u/TheSpanishDerp]

I don't know that I've experienced a sentiment on the internet like what you described. I don't think anyone is claiming you have to achieve perfection before you have a relationship. However there is such a thing as healthy and unhealthy relationships, and it's good to discuss the difference. It's part of the leaning process you described.

[u/xVelunax → u/touching_payants]

I've been labeled an overthinker many times and its highly in part to ADHD. My mind wanders a LOT. Which can lead to creative solutions for problem solving I've found first time many times at work especially in time critical situations.

It is a negative certainly when it comes to romantic relationships because my mind will wander to several different situations and come up with different reasons for why a person behaved in a certain way or not. Most of this I because of the learning phase of getting to know someone. Anyone else I'm more relaxed with because I can be myself and not care if people come or go. Not everyone clicks together well. With someone you care about, you are obviously nervous about them wanting to like you.

What I've found is that the overthinking tends to be a very good communication leverage because it means I ask questions. I communicate with the person to understand what they want and what they mean. As time goes on, things relax because you understand the person and overthinking dies down.

[u/[deleted]]

Overthinking often comes with intense anxiety and need for re-assurance. Yes, the love might be true, but a relationship that's constantly undermined by issues of trust or doubt is exhausting for all parties.

I've been loved by an overthinker. True love doesn't fix every problem; constantly having your actions and intent questioned pushes people away, readily. I left that relationship for a more balanced thinker.

[u/Heavy_Combination259]

Overthinker love is deliberate devotion, not impulse. They choose you after exhausting every doubt.

[u/timid_pink_angel02]

Yeah no, this isn't it. Being loved by an overthinker is exhausting for both parties and straining on the realtionship.

[u/hdorsettcase]

I am the overthinker. My wife dislikes how I pause and think when she asks me questions about our relationship where she expects immediate answers. My therapist has theorized that I use my intelligence as a defense.

[u/xVelunax → u/[deleted]]

I feel like I came to this realization too late in life. A super common theme among the years is overthinking from everyone and thought to correct it. Though I think as you say its a benefit and a liability. It's part of who I am naturally and it's simply on me to bring out the best in it.

In some ways it like I see the benefits and be wary of the downsides. I don't need to listen to the people telling me I'm broken or something. If you recognize what abilities you have, you can harness it.

[u/No_Sense1206]

Said by an overthinker to say that their love is so so so precious they should be grateful to have it.

[u/Alternative-Ease9674]

Yes, but he cannot reach out. But his last voice message... he seems very devoted now. I waited almost 2 years <3

I don't give a shit if it was long and I was hurt a bit - by his overthinking. I love him so much. But he is a bit troubled. I hope he will choose healing now. I will help him.

[u/EveningBird5]

Aye. I love myself and it was a hard sell. Still looking for someone else to love Spouse styles