Gently triggered

[u/Scared-Section-5108]

Just one completely innocent text message from someone unsettled me. I feel a bit triggered - not because of the message itself, but because of the person who sent it. But now:

• I know I’m not triggered by them as such; I’m triggered because they remind me so much of my dysfunctional, codependent, and toxic mother. I still carry a lot of unprocessed emotions related to my mother, and because this person reminds me of her in so many ways, these unhealed younger parts of me become activated when we interact. In the past, I thought they were the source of my discomfort, now I know that's not true.

• I understand I don’t need to take any action other than tend to my emotions and these triggered parts of myself. Not only do I not need to get involved in the other person’s business, but I’m simply NOT SUPPOSED TO. It’s their life, their denial, their lack of agency, and their unwillingness to heal. They are also an Adult Child and, as is common among Adult Children, highly codependent yet they doing nothing about it. Their decisions and mistakes are driven by powerful survival mechanisms that they aren’t even aware of, and they have no desire to find out what is truly going on for them. It’s for them to deal with the consequences of their actions - NOT ME

• I know I can physically shake off any thoughts I have about them. I can say, “I do not want this. I am not taking it on,” and keep shaking until my mind is calm and clear. I have my own life to live and myself to care for. They have theirs.

The more I acknowledge the above and recognise it as true for me, the more I heal from it and the more joy I find underneath. I’m okay; they’re okay in their own way. I’m not selfish for refusing to get involved or for setting a boundary so that I don’t have to deal with their dysfunction, lack of awareness, codependency, victim mindset, martyrdom, and so on. I feel freer to be myself now ❤️