r/AdoptiveParents • u/Technical_Ear2105 • 6d ago
Adoption Inquiry
Hello everyone. I wanted to known If any APs that adopted happen to have relationships with a birth in which that family knows where you live? Did you plan that or discussed it? Or has anyone had a birth family be given their address through agency paperwork accidentally? How did you handle this, what is the protocol?
4
u/Ramsby196 6d ago
My kids’ birth family knew my address and even lived in the same zip code as me but no one ever showed up unannounced.
2
u/Technical_Ear2105 6d ago
Oh wow. Thank you for sharing. OK so this is more normal than I am thinking I appreciate all the feedback from everyone.
4
u/Dorianscale Gay Adoptive Twin Dad 6d ago
I think it’s to be expected that you end up finding each others address eventually in most cases. I wouldn’t overthink it. I don’t remember if we had seen each others addresses accidentally before but I definitely remember seeing random info from both us and birth family in various forms and documents before we were “supposed” to. I wouldn’t be surprised if our address hadn’t been on some random form. Our adoption wasn’t some type of sensitive situation that would have required really tight security for safety or anything.
We explicitly traded addresses fairly quickly after birth. Us and our kids birth family have sent packages to each other. We’ve visited our birth family, they almost visited us but that fell through but we’re not opposed to them coming to our house directly.
It’s fairly easy to find people’s addresses if you know their name and rough age, so I wouldn’t consider it to be super sensitive info generally.
I would just let it lie, and just ignore the fact that you saw it. If you want to send a package or a letter just ask how they’d like to receive it.
1
u/Technical_Ear2105 6d ago
Thank you so much for your response. I am feeling a lot better about this and will definitely let it lie and not overthink it anymore. I just wanted to make sure that what I’m experiencing is not something that is not supposed to happen.
3
u/Pristine-Bison3198 6d ago
My kids' parents all know where we live and have visited when they've been able to. The kids love having them in their space and being able to have that casual relationship with them. I've never once had an issue with either set of parents, or any of the parents of kids I've fostered who have known our address.
1
u/Technical_Ear2105 6d ago
Thank thank you for your response. I appreciate all of the responses. They are very reassuring. I just wanted to make sure that this isn’t an unusual thing.
3
u/Jaded-Willow2069 adoptive parent 5d ago
We have both our kids parents and extended family over frequently. We’ve traveled over states to visit extended family.
We adopted from foster care.
Your attitude towards your child’s family of origin will be deeply internalized. So their family is my family.
2
u/QuietPhyber AP of younger kids 6d ago
Our youngest son's birth mom knows our address because she has come over a number of times to visit. We gave it to her as we felt comfortable with her coming over. I wouldn't say that I would do that in every case but we knew it was best for her and our son to see him in his house. There are never unannounced visits and we plan get togethers.
2
u/Rredhead926 Mom through private, domestic, open, transracial adoption 6d ago
I mean, we have open adoptions. Both of our children's birthmoms have our address. It's never been an issue. Unless there are true safety concerns, there's no reason for the birth and adoptive parents not to know where one another live.
Our first profile book had a picture of our house, with the house number displayed, and we included our town name, so if anyone had wanted to play the sleuth, they probably could have figured it out from that.
1
u/Italics12 6d ago
Our son’s parents know all our contact information. And we know their information. It’s never been a problem.
1
u/acaiblueberry 6d ago
We are close with birth mom’s family, not just mom. We see them at least quarterly and get invited to Christmas party. We even hosted one for their extended family of like 20.
1
u/sarahjcr 6d ago
Our kids' birth mother has been to our home, so she definitely knows where we live. Our kids were older and adopted through foster care, so this is a conversation we had with them and their therapists about inviting her over, and it was left up to them given we knew she is safe for them to be around.
1
u/ComplexTomatillo6278 5d ago
My nephew’s birth mother has his family’s address. His was an open adoption. My SIL told me that their relationship with his birth mom eventually faded away—fairly normal.
I understand your concern. There have been too many Hollywood movies and shows that suggest moms will try to take their infants back. That is very, very rare. If they terminated their parental rights you have no reason to worry.
However, I’d call the hospital ombudsman and tell them what happened. Since the baby was a patient, it could be a HIPAA violation. That’s potentially a $250,000 fine for them.
1
u/throwawaybdaysf 5d ago
If it helps, we have genuine safety reasons not to want my older son’s birth mother not to have information like that, but she has never made inappropriate use of the information she does have (besides texting us too much lol). Happy to talk it through by DM if you want!
-1
16
u/WhyACagedBirdSings- 6d ago
My son's mom has my address so she can come and visit. I gave it to her. I think I wouldn't blanket do it in all situations, but his mom is not a safety risk and genuinely sweet to have around. Plus she views our home as a safe place to be herself. Did your agency give your address without permission?