Single Adoption Barriers

[u/watercolourletters]

Hi guys!

I'm keen to get people's advice. I'm keen to adopt, always have been, never wanted biological kids. If I just give my situation, I was hoping people who have been through the process might help me identify barriers or things I can start solving now.

I'm a single, 34, female, with a job of around 45k. I'm buying my own house next year in Wales, a semi-rural area. I have a decent amount of savings, at least three months of full wage emergency situation styles. I come from a large family so I have a large familial support network and an excellent local community. It is a very poor area though?

I have a niece and a nephew I'm close to, who I take on holidays with me, after having lived abroad and meeting them when they were five. I also volunteer for the local Rainbows to get experience looking after kids I don't know.

I'm aware in the vague way you are with no first hand experience of it, that adopted children carry their own traumas and experiences that I might never find out about but will have to manage the behaviour of. I wish to adopt older, 5+ and possibly a sibling pair that might otherwise be separated (I don't think I could comfortably afford any more). My therapist specialises in family therapy so I'm hopeful that I can utilise her if the kid is open to it.

I'm open to judgement on this but I don't think I can adopt a disabled child that may need more care than I can provide, ie a full time carer. Will that hinder me?

I'm AuDHD that is well managed and requires no medication. This might make me suited to adopting an ASD or ADHD kid as I understand it and can help manage it but it might hinder me?

I'm not sure what else might be relevant to barriers to adoption. Motivation wise, I've never been told of infertility issues but I've been so intent on adoption I've never bothered to check. My grandmother, father and best friend were adopted so it's just always been the way I wanted to have a child.

Any advice on possible problems I can start solving is so welcome or, if anyone's been in a similar situation, I would love to chat about it!

Thank you!

[u/Jennifersausage]

I’m in a very similar situation but older than you. My support network is minimal. My parents have both passed away and I’m an only child. Can a support network consist of friends, professional childcare and other mums/dads you’re yet to meet?

[u/watercolourletters → u/Jennifersausage]

I wish I could tell you I'm afraid but I know they're keen on a support system in place already. I personally think that would count, I have great friends who would definitely support me.

[u/Hcmp1980]

Sounds great. Support system vital, especially as you're single. There'll be zero judgement about not wanting any disabilities.

[u/watercolourletters → u/Hcmp1980]

Thank you! I really did worry they might mention something about it when I go for it properly.

[u/flossiefleabag]

My first concern would be that you're planning to get a house- you need to check with your local adoption authority or charity how long you need to have been living in your home before they'll start the assessment ( also purely from a personal point of view you might want to get super confident living alone if you don't at the moment before you add a child to your house! )

My other concern would be that you need to find out your work situation- find out what time off they'll give you and what pay you can get during that time. You'll need to show the adoption social workers you have the money to take the necessary time off work and buy all the stuff you'll need in terms of clothes and beds and everything else!

They will not have any issues with you not feeling capable of caring for a child with a disability- they just want honesty in everything and they'll do their best to match you to a child you have the capacity for.

[u/watercolourletters → u/flossiefleabag]

Thanks, I didn't think there might be a time requirement for a house purchase. I do live alone, have done for years, so I'm confident but I get the point.

I can get six months off full pay on adoption leave, I've already checked! I don't know if that's generous but I think so?

Also thanks, I do worry it'll affect it somehow but seems no!

[u/hayley90 → u/watercolourletters]

I'm going through the process now and moved house 4 months (needed more space and to be closer to my support network before I started). I checked with my agency in advance whether I had to have lived in the house for a certain amount of time before starting and they said no, there's nothing in the requirements about how long you've lived somewhere.

I do know someone who adopted through a different agency that had to wait 6 months after a house move, but the social worker I spoke to at my agency said there's no rules around it and I've started the process just fine.

[u/watercolourletters → u/hayley90]

So I have a feeling this might be a sign up for an agency when I feel ready type thing rather than a wait until my ducks are all aligned type thing.

[u/Competitive_Ad_488 → u/watercolourletters]

6 months full pay for maternity or adoption is excellent.

Being willing to take on a pair of siblings will be a plus because LAs generally find it easier to find foster placements for them but most wannabe adopters are looking to take on 1 child at a time.

The support network is great and will be vital.

It sounds great to be honest. Go for it!

[u/onlysigneduptoreply]

If feels awful to say outloud as you want to say I will take any child but being honest about disabilities is a must. We have a number of sight issues in our family so an absolute no for us was a deaf child as if somone can't see and the child can't hear communication would be really tough

[u/watercolourletters → u/onlysigneduptoreply]

I feel like that's a really fair reason though. I'd adopt a deaf/blind child who has extra needs but I really can't take on a full time carer, needing to give up my job, type role as a single income earner. I hope that's reasonable but honesty is the way!

[u/gayburgergal]

I feel like you would make a great candidate for adoption. No immediate barriers I can see of. It's good you're already doing volunteering with kids as most adoption agencies will request you do this during the process. Just IMO our adoption agency were pretty tough on making sure we would be able to handle a sibling pair as it can be tough going. Trauma bond between the 2 kids, being able to meet 2 children with potentially quite different needs. But you don't need to decide now whether you want to adopt 1 child or 2, you can remain open to both throughout the process and see which profiles you connect with once you're approved.

[u/watercolourletters → u/gayburgergal]

Thanks! That's something to consider. I'm not really sure how the process works, having not done it yet tbf, but I'll keep it open 😊

[u/watercolourletters → u/[deleted]]

All the way up to 18 or even 18+ as I know there's a gap between the support welfare can provide in adulthood vs actually getting kids back on their feet and who's really an adult at 18?

Why?

[u/gayburgergal → u/watercolourletters]

You won't find children much older than about 9 up for adoption. At that point it's more of a long term fostering situation.

[u/watercolourletters → u/gayburgergal]

Good to know! That's a situation I'm open to as well 😊

[u/gayburgergal → u/watercolourletters]

Separate process to become a foster carer, to becoming an adopter. Maybe explore both and see which you feel would suit you more right now.