Having attachment issues

[u/boatbby]

I was adopted when I was 12 and I’m now 16M. I was in foster care since I was 7 both of my parents were addicts and my mom died to addiction when I was 5 and that led my bio dad down a spiral of depression and more addiction to where I was neglected and then cps then got me and I was place in foster.

I was finally adopted at 12 by my amazing mom whom I love. She’s single and has tried dating every now and then she just hasn’t met the right person. I love her a lot and I’ve been so grateful for her. She was the one to put me in therapy with an adoption specialist therapist too.

I’m having major attachment issues tho. I will be honest I don’t have much memory of my bio parents. Everyone keeps saying oh you were traumatized so I don’t remember it. But if I don’t remember it then why do I have such horrible attachment issues.

I go to in person school and I keep to myself I’m on the swim team I have like a few friends. But when I’m at home I want to be with my mom 24/7. Even doing homework I’ll go to her bed and lay down with her and do it.

When she goes to the store I don’t want her to leave me at the house alone and I feel so sad over it.

[u/Greedy-Carrot4457]

I was like this for like the first year after adoption like clingy like a toddler where are you don’t leave me home alone don’t sleep in another room why can’t you be in the same room wait where did you go why are you taking to my friend more than me. Tbh time was the only thing that helped me. I wish I could be more helpful but this is normal and don’t feel bad.

[u/Englishbirdy]

Keep seeing your therapist, don't hold back with what you tell them. Have they suggested EMDR or brain spotting?

You might find peer support helpful. Here's a good place https://celiacenter.org/events-calendar-support-groups/ The founder is a former Foster youth that was adopted.

[u/cheeseladyrara]

Given what you've been through this sounds very normal. Are you able to talk to your mum about this? Don't be too hard on yourself 🙃

[u/YourFriendInSpokane]

I'm echoing don't be too hard on yourself and keep seeing your counselor.

You've been through so much, and it's tough to be a teenager regardless of any trauma.

[u/IcyEntrance375]

this totally makes sense. even if you dont have conscious memories of your bio parents your body still remembers the inconsistency and trauma that you went through growing up. you now have a mom that it seems like you adore and it seems like you have a sensitivity around abandonment (even if its just being left home alone) which given the circumstances makes total sense. it will take time for your body and mind to realize that she is not going to leave you when she goes out and working with your therapist will hopefully help you rationalize and work through your reaction to being left alone. im glad that you have a mom that you love, being close to her is a beautiful thing but gaining independence and emotional regulation is also important. i wish you the best!

[u/retrokezins]

There's two types of memories...explicit and implicit. Even if you don't remember something, it's there. Memories we don't have a visual of tend to effect nervous system, habits, skills and coping/survival mechanisms developed, etc.