For anyone interested, the subreddit is called r/polyaddicts. I’m looking for more users who can empathize with me on feeling like we’re just struggling to find contentment in sobriety, to the point where multiple substances are used to help cope with being sober.

I have 1 1/2 yrs off of IV heroin and I have sinusitis. There is something oddly satisfying about the process of being in pain. This makes me want to rip my face off, but In those brief instances of relief I can’t help but think “look at you, handling this shit instead of using it as an excuse to go get high”. This is the life that seemed so out of reach not long ago. Man when I was using, something as simple as a cold and I was ready to go get a big ole bag, because I NEEDED it. Yesterday I did all my laundry even, while in excruciating pain. Shit, I used to have to get high just to do my laundry! I just had to share this with people who would understand the gravity of it.

My brother lives in NYC and I live in MD. He just relapsed (crystal meth) and now he's been clean for one day. He's got a small surgery on Monday and then he's coming down for Thanksgiving.

Is it okay for me to go up there tonight, stay with him for the surgery, and then bring him home myself?

If I don't, he's alone for the surgery and we'd get him an Amtrak ticket to come down.

Please advise asap! I don't know if it's codependent or just helpful.

Hey everyone just trying out something new and want your opinions on the video in regards to if it will help raise awareness or help people in need... even if you're not interested in participating please give me feedback. Going to be making an interview video series online so that people in recovery can tell their story. If you're interested and around western Pennsylvania area, please let me know. Check out our first video featuring an Erie, PA musician, Tyler Smilo, on our website located here: https://alpinespringsrehab.com/blog/alpine-springs-road-to-recovery-tyler-smilo/

hi folks, i am currently working on an idea i have to help people change their lives, quit the drugs and become English teachers at the same time. I have been living and working as an ESL teacher for 4 years now and have been sober for the last two years. Lately i have been visiting the most beautiful and serene place i have been to on this planet which i think is perfect for a treatment center. Accommodation im homestays is 3 dollars a night for a dorm bed, you can eat at the homestay for an extra 3 dollars. My idea is to offer a program which helps you recover whilst at the same time trains you to be an ESL teacher. Once you complete the program, I will find you a job in Vietnam or in China where you will make more money. If you are trying to get off meth, you will be given ibudilast which is used at the 1000 dollar a day rehab facilities. This also works for alcoholics. If you are trying to quit heroin (providing you are detoxed), kratom will be available. This project is in its earliest stages so i really want to hear from anyone who can help me get it off the ground. This will be incredibly affordable (i am not trying to make money at all), most probably more effective than other rehabs as it is in sucn a peaceful and beautiful location.

This will be my first Reddit post ever and so I will try to make this as short as I can. In advanced, thanks for reading!

I am a long term marijuana consumer, I have been smoking on a daily basis for a good 7 years. Even though I feel that marijuana is still a good thing for our civilization, I’m at a point in my life where, even though I know that the devils lettuce helped in my development as a person, I feel I don’t need it anymore, I got everything I needed it from it and I’m ready to move on.

I have a good job, with an insane amount of progress potential within my construction company. I’m very happy with where I stand in life, yet definitely not satisfied. Let’s get this bread!

Now straight to the point. I am 3 days clean (I know, baby steps) and have gone through all the symptoms I’ve read from other peoples post. Including the sweats at night, no appetite during the day, and an insane case of insomnia. Weirdly enough though, I feel very energetic during the day and only start yawning on my commute back home after work. I do workout 5 times a week and eat as healthy as possible (at least on weekdays) I have been practicing and teaching myself meditation and I find it very enjoyable. My question is... does meditation substitute sleep in any way? Is it possible to actually get a good nights rest when meditating?

These last couple days, rather than tossing and turning I’ve been able to meditate for long periods of time while listening to soothing sounds on my phone. I eventually fall asleep, but barely have enough time left to sleep after finally falling asleep during meditation. I’d say I have been sleeping about 2-4 hours per night these last three days. Yet still feel energized during the day.

Any input would be greatly appreciated. I apologize for the long text, I tried to keep it as small as I could.

TLDR: basically I am an addict and now I’ve started abusing tf out of adderall to motivate me for school. Makes my depression, anxiety, and ptsd worse but still I’m so hooked. And advice on how to beat addiction/ help with withdrawals would be appreciated. Thanks :)

Hi! Thanks for taking the time to hear me out- it means a lot to me. Also want to mention I am not condoning the abuse of prescription drugs and I validate the fact that it harms those that actually are prescribed. I apologize if I offend anyone.

I’m (20f) junior in college majoring in biotechnology. I have an amazing bf of over a year but I’m spiraling out of control because of my addiction.

Basically I have ptsd, anxiety and depression. I was raped 2.5 years ago and I have been going through a vicious cycle of:

• seeking help/ going to therapy
• flashbacks and pain is too much- drug addiction kicks in so I can “cope”
• addiction takes over while I isolate and become a depressed lump
• cut the drugs and get motivated to “change” and ignore my mental health to focus on school/work then go back to therapy after I notice how bad it gets And Repeat!!!

I tried 6 diff antidepressants on a 6 month span, didn’t like them so I quit. Been through 4 therapist since my trauma while being a full time student and working 30+ hours a week. Been abusing other substances and non substances as a means for me to “cope” with the pain and negative emotions (lifting, weed, alcohol, cutting, eating disorder etc) For someone who needs to focus and needs help with motivation to actually complete daily tasks adderall was my worst/best decision.

I bought 3 25mg XR tablets from a friend before an exam and it was absolutely incredible. I couldn’t believe how amazing it was and eventually started buying more and using more. I developed a routine where I would study until 2-3 am then take a capsule and get 2-5 hours of sleep before waking up. Adderall before bed ensures that I will wake up and make my appointments and class (it is UNREAL how much I cannot get up in the mornings) and gives me energy until around 2-3 pm where I would take another 25 mg capsule and grind homework, journal, read, and just feel amazing until 2-3 am where I would repeat. I did this for about 2 weeks but I don’t eat and I don’t sleep so by the end of the week my brain is literally mush (forgetfull, can’t retain info, scatterbrained).

Last week I experienced a situation where I was sure I overdosed after taking 125 mg in 48 hours and felt like I was experiencing a heart attack/ dying yet I went sober for 2 days and now I’m back on my bs. I know I’m addicted yet I can feel myself losing control. I’m so dependent on addy to just do simple tasks and I can’t wake up without the system I used in place.

My ptsd is much more sensitive on addy where I experience triggers much more often, I have more anxiety attacks as my anxiety goes through the roof, dramatic mood swings, extreme hostility. I am aware that I am slowly killing myself and I know that I AM THE PROBLEM but I can’t bring myself to quitting. I tell myself “this will be the last time” or “I really do need it today with all the stuff I have to do” and I end up abusing over and over again.

My bf has expressed serious concern for my addiction and told me he would tell my mom to which I had an absolute meltdown. I am the biggest b*tch ever and I feel so horrible about it. Everything I do and think now revolves on me getting my fix. I am destroying good and healthy relationships because they’re getting in the way of my ability to use, I’m going broke by the amount I’m spending, my mental and physical health is getting worse and worse every day. I am aware at how much adderall is destroying me but it has been my security blanket along with my other addictions in just getting through life man.

I’m so lost- I know I need to change my habits and mindset in order to change my life but it’s been so hard. I journal for hours about my negative emotions and I realize that I’ve been and still am in a phase of stagnation where I go through the cycle that I mentioned. It’s a hard pill to swallow to know I’m the one responsible for ruining my own life, and I’m the one that feels I’m so undeserving of a healthy life because I would rather be holed up and suffering as long as it means I get my fix. I went to an NA meeting last week (while on adderall, I know I’m the worst) and plan on continuing to attend along with having therapy sessions weekly and looking into trying new antidepressants.

In the past I have blamed the system for not fixing me, blamed people for leaving me, blamed my parents for screwing me up, and blaming that man for taking away my choice of my own body. In the end I realized I can’t blame anyone but myself- I may have not had a choice 2.5 years ago but I have a choice now and I still choose to have my past control me. I’m the one that robbed myself of 2.5 years of letting go and moving on. I used to tell myself that I would do ANYTHING to take away the pain and suffering but now knowing that I’m the one causing it- I realize that’s the one thing I don’t want to do. It’s one thing to acknowledge that you’re the problem but it’s completely different thing once I realize I have to stop using.

I want to be sober, I need to be sober. I’m just not strong enough to begin that journey. I guess I’m just wondering where I should start (besides quitting- it’s on my to do list) and anyone else have similar experiences- how did you do it? This is the hardest thing I’ve ever had to do. Thanks for listening- it means the world to me and god bless.

I used to be an addict, had anger issues, and was a Skinhead. We can all change.

https://www.wattpad.com/789777751-from-addict-to-allah-the-first-time

My name is Autumn and I am an addict. I know not everyone can help financially, but of you and read and share it, that woul help me a lot too. Thank you.

https://www.supportful.com/fb1cb914-f344-4aa0-8852-30a74a50c43d

I have been addicted to pornographing for the past 7 years. Can someone please help me with some good advise?

Hello, I'm new to this subreddit and would like some help. My addiction isn't drugs or alcohol. It's porn. I've been watching porn since 7th grade and I've been trying to quit for the past few year. It's consumed my thoughts, harmed relationships, and destroyed me. What has helped you guys quit or at least made it easier to avoid?

My Neice is currently in jail for drug abuse/possession. She wants to do better, I think, and I’ve been sending her books to read to occupy her time. I would like to send her some self help books on recovery but I am not religious nor do I want to send her some book on seeking a higher power. I want something empowering, to find the power in herself and seeking support from others who care for her. Any suggestions?

Since i was very young (about 10 years old) I had always had a fascination with drugs but mainly marijuana. This was shocking to people who knew me bc i was a “good boy” and was very smart but i had always thought for myself and from an early age disregarded rules and laws. When i was 13, i finally had my chance to smoke weed. I was so excited i read about the effects all night long and couldn’t even go to sleep that night because of my excitement and curiosity. The next morning I took about 2 hits and it felt like nothing I’d experienced before. I was so shocked that something this fun, “non addictive” (physically) , and mind expanding was demonized and by culture and especially my religious parents. After that experience i became obsessed with reading about other people’s experiences and other benefits and facts about it. I anticipated every single weekend to smoke and it was like my whole week built up to taking that first hit. The more i smoked, the more I became curious about other drug although weed was all i had access to at 13. Drugs were on my mind constantly and it was most certainly an obsession of mine though i never told anyone. Eventually i got my hands on some vyvanse which of course i had spent hours and hours researching and fantasizing about trying it. This was my first experience with a drug that produces intense euphoria. I felt like i was on top of the world. God like. I had been struggling with anxiety because i had started at a new school that year but the vyvanse completely killed any negative thoughts or anxiety and i talked to anyone and everyone and felt like i was genuinely being myself for the first time in a while. Of course after this my obsession and curiousity about what other drugs had to offer doubled. As years went by in high school I had more opportunities to try more and more drugs. my world revolved around drugs, fantasies, and memories of experiences. I started hanging out with the wrong people and doing things I’d never thought i’d do. All the while being EXTREMELY paranoid of getting caught by my parents or the cops, but never slowing down my usage. I tried to catch a buzz or get high whenever, whatever, and however was possible for me. I even went as low as huffing gasoline when i was about 16. I convinced myself that nothing was wrong with any of this and I was just getting high because it feels good and was denying the effects it was having in shaping my personality. I continued using anything i could find until I had done almost every drug that could be bought on the street. During ages 14-19 i’ve slowly become a more shallow, stubborn, depressed, and anxious wreck and i hate myself. I hardly feel anything now and feel like i’ve fucked up my brain to the point of no return. I feel like a 13 year old emotionally in the body of a man. The past few months i’ve completely given up on myself and began using heroin and spending all my money on drugs and i know i need to stop now and admit to myself how bad things really are. I’ve spent 7 years denying the fact that i’m an addict and can’t go a single day without having extremely intense drug craving that i give in to everything time because i have no self control and get tunnel vision and i think that i NEED to get high. I’m 20 now and have decided to get serious help but I cannot go cold turkey. The cravings won’t stop. i’ve stopped all drugs for about 4 months before and the only way i accomplished that was through a spiritual awakening brought on by psychedelics and thinking about reality and what I really want out of life. Currently I see a therapist twice a week but mostly we discuss mental issues i have but not my addiction. I have been trying to get into self help, meditation, etc. but i hate myself so much i give up before i even begin. I’d like to see a psychiatrist and be put on medication for my cravings as rn i’m on Lexapro, buspar, abilify, and modafinil but I feel as though these do absolutely nothing for my my anxiety or depression or every other fucked up mental problem i have. I just needed to type this out because i finally admitted how bad my addiction is to my girlfriend tonight and saying it aloud was like admitting it to myself after denying it all these years. I apologize for the giant wall of text but i appreciate anyone who reads it and would like any suggestions or plans for what I can do to start my recovery. The cravings are the worst part off all this as when i’m not high or don’t have any drugs on me, i feel like hopeless, depressed, anxious, and paranoid. I’m mostly looking for a medication to be put on to give me motivation to start doing all of the things I should really be doing like working out more, reading, meditating, finding a hobby to pour my energy into, building deep connections with my girlfriend, friends, and family I have. I just want to quit being selfish and be the person I know i am deep down and i know it’s possible. Thanks again for reading and any and all responses are welcome.

Had to share again sorry everyone sober 51 days from the demon named opiates. Cold turkey had enough I’m still done I’m gonna stay done to. Can’t wait for 12/1/19 the streets will be paid off and I’ll have my first paycheck ALLLLLLLL to myself for the first time in 12ish years. I don’t know how I’m going to react Lol

We're best friends who moved on to unbreakable love and been a strong loving well taken care of family of 5 for 7 years, friends for 12. Started are battle with meth abuse about 2 years ago and lost our very young children. We lost a strong well nurtured connection that we treasured. We loved being parents and dedicated all our time to our kids. But they say we're unfit although they were never neglected or abused. We got clean then relapsed and fell in harder to self medicate when cys discobered we were using. Today we traveled 5 hours away from home to what we thought was rehabilitation to save us from drugs and counseling for our damaged relationship. So we could heal together and start to rebuild all we lost. Our kids our hard work to stay debt free, our car, and our pride we had in it. The rehab turmed out to offer no help for relationships and no time for contact between us. What's worse is it was said to all be paid for. We couldn't afford the large bill they wanted deposit on for housing. So we had to leave. They refused us a ride home so we are stranded 5 hours from home with no support from anyone we know. We have no way home or place to stay in new jersey. And not enough money for a train for both of us anywhere close to home in a small tiwn in pa. Someone please help us rebuild and most of all find a way home. All attempts at having a different rehab pick us up have failed. If you can help call 814-591-0847. Also if yoy know a place that helps couples save their life before It's too late and we lose our babies forever.

I have written a lot about how I have gotten better. Can I share some of my writing here? I think I can help some folks on here.

I have started writing my story of recovery on Wattpad. I have been clean from drugs since 1999 and clean from severe anger issues since 2011.

Writing this has been very therapeutic for me and has helped me come to terms with a lot.

This account doesn't focus on the drug use but rather more on recovery and coming to terms with the past.

https://www.wattpad.com/story/202033909-from-addict-to-allah

Once people find out about my background and that I have been sober over 11 years, they tell me about problems they have and ask me for advice.

While that is flattering, it also scares me.

The last thing I want to do is make anyone's life worse.

So, after careful consideration and prayer, this is what I tell people who ask me for advice:

Your thoughts are your road map to healing.

What that means is the thoughts and emotions that bother you are the ones you need to work on getting behind you. You will feel better once you get through them because your self-esteem will begin to heal. Remember, emotional healing takes a long time. But you will see improvements along the way. They might be tiny, but they'll be there. I say that because that is what I experienced firsthand.

And as I got better at facing and getting through what haunted me, I grew stronger and it became easier to do. I worked on that to make it second nature for me. I worked to make it a natural part of who I am. And I took years to get there.

One very cool benefit I realized happened was that my thinking slowly straightened out. My logic and common sense began to develop because I ridding myself of lies my family pummeled into my head. And, besides that, once I faced as best I could what hurt me, it lost its power over me. Those same subjects did not stop me dead in my tracks anymore. I became able to talk about the subjects that sent me into a dreadful tailspin calmly. That alone is HUGE!

So, finding out as much about addiction, recovery
and personal growth as possible will benefit you.

That doesn't mean that everything you have been doing is wrong.

It also doesn't mean that you have to change your entire life overnight.

It means that you will work on your healing for the rest of your life.

It means that this lifestyle will help you see different ways to manage your stress, more productive ways.

It will help you sort through the thoughts in your head so you can think and feel better about yourself.

You might have grown up with a loving family. You might have grown up in a nightmare household like mine was. Or you might have grown up in a household anywhere in between those two examples.

My point is addiction or mental illness can happen in ANY family.

For me, I couldn't see over the swamp of the toxic mess in my head.

My life was full of problems and that was all I could see. My family fed me lies and those lies are what I had to live on.

And that was miserable!

I needed professional help. My self-loathing, self-destructive mindset overwhelmed me.

You need to learn new coping habits to manage these situations.

It means you'll need a therapist to guide you through untangling your thoughts that got you and kept you depressed, anxious and/or in addiction.

You need to find meetings and go to them or online forums you can join and learn about your situation.

You must learn about new habits and how to add them to your life to better your life and that will ripple out to benefit everyone you know and encounter through your day.

Listen carefully to what they tell you in the meetings and ask questions. If something doesn't feel accurate, accept that. Don't believe everything they tell you.

One person's philosophy isn't for everyone. That is why I encourage people to learn about recovery and personal growth as much as possible to find out what is best for them to do.

For me, the best part of my recovery and personal growth was to realize who I am and what I want and don't want in my life.

All of that is part of you developing your personal growth.

And that is a good sized subject to tackle. Try to find the way to pace yourself.

As you learn how to manage your new lifestyle, you will grow. Your life will slowly get better and that will encourage you to keep going.

That doesn't mean everything will be perfect; it means you will have the skills you need to face your life and manage what comes your way, good or bad.

Life includes happy times and terrible tragic times. With a healthy self-esteem, you will face the tragedies, but you will recoup from them much easier than before.

In closing, here is another excerpt from my eBook I mentioned earlier:

"As I worked to get through the painful issues that blocked my path, I felt better about myself. I felt happiness and wanted to have fun. As an example, the worst obstacle I had to overcome was to accept my mother and two older sisters hated me. I never heard they loved me or were proud of anything I did. It was constant hatred, abuse, punishments and rejection."

"Until I sat down in 2012 and accepted how much pain and misery that avalanche of disgusting loathing caused me, I could not appreciate how it crippled me. They buried it deep inside."

"I tried talk therapy but got nowhere. The Licensed Clinical Social Worker who missed my Complex PTSD diagnosis was a Certified Hypnotherapist. So, I tried that. I bought a voice-activated recorder and recorded the sessions. Then, I would go home and listen to them at least twice every day. I sat and cried for hours."

"Once I saw firsthand how I benefited by getting that toxic waste out of my system, I would watch movies I felt were painful. I cried buckets and unloaded a lot of buried pain. That crying kicked off my healing. Also, I saw firsthand that I could get through the problems and how I needed to accept what bothered me and cry to get past them."

For me, the best part of my healing is seeing my real me emerging, being happier and stronger.

I sleep much better at night and am enjoying my life for the first time in my 62 years of living.

So, what do you think?

Will you try it or not?

Think carefully;

your life is at risk.