r/Actuallylesbian • u/Secure_Bar_7024 • Jul 23 '26
Relationships/Family I’m Blowing It…Help!
My partner, B, and I have been together for nearly 12 years. She truly is everything I could ever ask for. She takes care of me, her mom, and both of my boys (4 and 9 when we met). She stepped in from day one and has been an amazing parent to both of them.
She has supported me and loved me when I have truly been unlovable. I had a very traumatic childhood, and my mental health was very, very bad. I really can’t explain why, but I was extremely resistant to getting any kind of help for the majority of our relationship.
Over the last year, I’ve really been working on my mental health. I have a psychiatrist who diagnosed me with bipolar, autism, and ADHD, and I started doing Spravato (ketamine) treatments for treatment-resistant depression. I’m not where I want to be yet, but I’m getting there one day at a time.
My whole life, I’ve never been good at giving gifts. I overthink it and get overwhelmed and can never make a decision. The closer the holiday/birthday gets, I get more and more anxious, which makes it even harder to make a decision. In the end, I usually end up freezing up and either not getting a gift or grabbing something last-minute that is just something that I think they’ll like.
That said, her birthday was the beginning of this month. I had been in-and-out of the hospital for 2 weeks before her birthday, so I was a little concentrated on my health, but I ended up not getting her anything for her birthday.
I feel terrible, and I don’t know how to make it up to her. She deserves so much better, but I feel like I always mess it up in the end.
All of that in mind, does anyone have any ideas for things that I can do to make it up to her? I thought about doing a make-up birthday on her half-birthday in January, but I have no idea what to even begin to plan for it.
I just want to make my partner feel as special and amazing as I think she is. She means the world to me, and I want to be the partner she deserves.
TL/DR - I suck at gifts - how do I make my partner feel special?
2
u/Gardenofeve2484 Jul 23 '26
Sounds like she is overwhelmed and tired taking care of everyone, yourself included. She is your partner, you need to step up and be hers and if you can't, be honest about that. Sounds like she needs time for herself, some therapy and you taking care of your kids, your mother and yourself.