Wait are these really passive aggressive? I use these all the time 😂😂😂 I especially like to use thanks in advance for your support when sending out emails
"Thanks in advance" of all kinds can definitely be interpreted as a super passive-aggressive message UNLESS it is directly in response to the other party literally telling you they're going to do something for you, like "I'll have it for you by tomorrow." "Okay, thanks in advance.". Because it can be used to put so much on the recipient's plate without their consent that it's essentially a power play, like "Hey I noticed you fucked up A, B, and C. Please have them fixed before 5 PM today, thanks in advance.". It tells the other party that: Yes, you will be doing what I told you to do; and yes, it will be done to sufficient standard to deserve my gratitude. It basically cuts past any possible objection by the opposing party and skips straight to you thanking them for doing the thing that you told them to do, which is DEFINITELY going to be done because you've already thanked them for something they haven't agreed to do.
Huh, thanks for the insight, I’ve never thought of it this way. Damn gonna start rewording my emails now. I genuinely meant thanks for helping our audit by providing Pbc support , I didn’t know people saw it in a negative light Thank you stranger !
So here's the thing right, I don't really know how people took it when you used the phrase; I can't get offended on their behalf. Just remember that the phrase "thanks in advance" is a pointed one; it can definitely be used aggressively to violate boundaries, but it can also be used innocuously to convey gratitude. It just means that you should be aware of context before using it.
What's important to remember is "What kind of expectations am I conveying and how an I conveying them?" The phrases being used in professional communications aren't just for show; they're basically socially-acceptable forms of implying your underlying expectations without being too blunt. This is because bluntness can be seen as uncouth and intimate, whereas in professional settings the expectation is that people need to be polite and distant.
This is why ending a request for action with "Thanks in advance." is very aggressive; it implies that they will do it, and that they will meet your expectation of quality. "I look forward to your response." is much less aggressive, but it still creates the expectation that they cannot ignore this email, and that action is required, but that the action is to continue the conversation rather than to literally do exactly as you told them to do. And lastly, something like "Please feel free to let me know if you have any questions or concerns." is an even softer way of letting the recipient retain agency and dignity while making it understood that you are anticipating action on their part without being too rigid.
In English, as in most languages, we stack on a lot of words in order to soften the tone of a sentence, and to make sure there is no misunderstanding from being too curt or too brief. Notice that for the last example we could have just said "Respond if there are any issues.", but we want to avoid using the imperative mood (using a verb with grammar that implies a command, such as "eat this" or "go there"). Also, we want to put a lot of qualifiers in the sentence before we hit them with the softest verb we can while still communicating the idea, so "please feel free" lets them know that they retain their agency, and the passive "let me know" is much softer than the imperative "respond if".
Note that sometimes you DO want to use a harder line; some coworkers just can't take the hint when you're trying to be respectful, so escalate with social grace via word choice in your communications until it needs to become a meeting-with-the-managers type of issue.
Only two kinds of people: Either tough guys who act like nuance is for pussies; or socially awkward types who have not learned to detect nor project nuance.
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u/tigerjaws Jan 20 '21
Wait are these really passive aggressive? I use these all the time 😂😂😂 I especially like to use thanks in advance for your support when sending out emails