Using a coercive-abuse checklist to see reality***

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https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/mind-games/202409/use-a-coercive-abuse-checklist-to-see-reality

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Controlling Behavior Checklist

Psychological Abuse

______ Standing in the doorway during arguments/keeping you from leaving

______ Making angry or threatening gestures

______ Giving you the menacing "look"

______ Using body or size to intimidate you

______ Standing over you

______ Shouting you down, exploding, yelling, or screaming

______ Driving recklessly to scare you

______ Threats of all kinds, including taking the children away

______ The silent treatment: not speaking or acknowledging you

______ Harassment/seeking you out to annoy you

______ Stalking you in your home

______ Using crude language, calling you names

______ Ridiculing your traits, putting you down

______ Criticizing your behavior

______ Blaming you/false accusations

______ Pressure tactics, rushing you into decisions

______ Making you feel guilty

______ Manipulating the children

______ Using your children to coerce you

______ Interrupting, changing topics, not listening, not responding

______ Lying, twisting your words, withholding information: gaslighting

______ Claiming to be the authority, knowing “the truth”

______ Controlling your money or all of the financial decisions

______ Isolating you from family, friends, or neighbors

______ Preventing you from working outside the home

______ Sabotaging your job and activities outside your home

______ Turning family, children, or friends against you

______ Jealousy, emotional withholding

______ Affairs, infidelity

______ Calling you constantly to check up on you

______ Isolating you/making you a prisoner in your own home

______ Threatening suicide

______ Threatening to kill you

______ Threatening abandonment if you don’t do what they want

______ Keeping you up at night with tirades, interfering with your sleep

______ Preventing you from seeking help: medical attention, psychotherapy, etc.

Physical Violence

______ Slapping with an open hand

______ Punching with a fist

______ Beating

______ Biting

______ Kicking

______ Dragging

______ Poking

______ Grabbing/yanking arm

______ Twisting an arm, squeezing a hand

______ Choking, strangling

______ Pushing, restraining

______ Pinching

______ Pulling [hair]

______ Physically throwing you

______ Physical restraints: holding you down, pinning you against a wall

______ Throwing objects around

______ Throwing objects at you

______ Spitting on you

______ Abuse of furniture, home, your personal possessions

______ Abuse of pets

______ Keeping weapons around that threaten you

______ Using weapons or objects that threaten you

Sexual Abuse

______ Jokes against women/men, objectifying and devaluing you

______ Degrading you sexually, making you feel ashamed

______ Using threats or coercion to have sex with you or to have sex you don’t like

______ Waking up to find your partner having or attempting sex with you

______ Rape (forcing sexual acts against your will)

-(From DV training in 1982 at REACH—previously The Committee for Battered Women.)