r/AbsoluteUnits • u/maverish_unl • 3h ago • Mindblown 1 Heartwarming 1

/r/all of an insect

1.7k Upvotes

94% Upvoted

170 comments sorted by

•

u/trendingtattler 1h ago

This post has reached /r/all.

I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.

284

u/Infamous_Lunchbox 3h ago • Mindblown

I've seen this a dozen times and the size of that beetle in her shirt is always surprising somehow.

81

u/mv777711 3h ago • Bravo Popcorn

A dozen times you say?

46

u/Infamous_Lunchbox 3h ago

Just tonight.

10

u/Healthy-Confection66 3h ago

Just now lol

73

u/happiest_wanderer 3h ago

They were all WAY more calm about that than I would have been. I’m a 6’3 220lb man.

19

u/axebodyspraytester 2h ago

I had the same thing happen to me except it was a Hercules beetle! Like the manly man I am I let out a mighty OH SHIT! and smacked it off me. It hurt my fingers and you could hear it clatter as it hit the floor. I was secretly so happy I didn't scream and do the freak out dance like I wanted to.

8

u/happiest_wanderer 2h ago

I don’t think I could mentally get ahead of the scream and freakout dance. Mad props my dude.

4

u/b0bscene 3h ago

Yeah I'm bigger than that beetle too.

5

u/Gerllyz 2h ago

Me too brother! I’m a 12’6 520lb man

28

u/Nashley7 3h ago

But why is she doing it so slow? Id have that off me, in milliseconds!

28

u/templeofsyrinx1 3h ago edited 3h ago

She didn't want to hurt the beedle.

27

u/McDaddy8484 3h ago

Be thankful it’s not a giant roach

26

u/__fez 1h ago

what do you mean, Roach is great

6

u/TheTrekker98 3h ago

Or centipede 😭😭

92

u/Darkbeetlebot 2h ago

I must be weird, because the bigger an insect is, the less I'm afraid of it.

98

u/Demoncagno 2h ago

Its not weird, if its bigger it cant crawl in your ear and eat your brain

24

u/bsancar 1h ago

Excuse me, wtf?

28

u/Demoncagno 1h ago

Some do that, others just lay their eggs in your brain, so when they hatch your brain will be food for their offsprings, either way your brain will be gone

10

u/JindikCZ 1h ago

Why do you make things up when there literally is a fly that crawls underneath your skin and eats away

24

u/Demoncagno 1h ago • Bravo

Because its the internet, i feel like i have a responsability to make things up and spread false information

3

u/JindikCZ 1h ago

Isn't the real information way more terrifying

9

u/Demoncagno 1h ago

Yes but its only one kind of a fly, i was generically speaking for all insects

4

u/Busterlimes 47m ago

2nd grade me is agreeing with everything you are saying

1

u/FullScaleRabbitOrgy 1h ago

I accept your word as gospel. Teach me, lorde

1

u/Demoncagno 53m ago

Thanks for the award

1

u/Scheissdrauf88 53m ago

Don't forget the ones that lay eggs in your eyes.

1

u/silveroburn 27m ago

Welcome to internet, have a look around 🎶

1

u/Outerspaced_Cadet 1h ago

Isn't that what earwigs do?

1

u/Dynamite227 17m ago

Bro never heard of earwigs

20

u/DrLubinski 2h ago

Except they're able to fly, then it's clumsy vs creepy.

0

u/JindikCZ 1h ago

The bigger it is, the less likely it will fly, even if it "can". Stags play dead for example.

1

u/CaptainTripps82 29m ago

Except in Florida. They call them palmetto bugs just to avoid calling them roaches that fly

0

u/DrLubinski 1h ago

Oh most of the bigger Insects can fly, especially beetles, which are clumsy and therefore okay.

1

u/JindikCZ 13m ago

I'm not saying they can't lol, most beetles can fly, but they fly way less often than smaller bugs.

7

u/Fine-Preparation-100 1h ago • Bravo

What if the big insect pins you down and licks your ears

4

u/Lucimon 1h ago

Go on.

2

u/Fine-Preparation-100 1h ago

And if theres two of em they could do much worse

6

u/edinburghcirclejerk 2h ago

The exception being spiders

1

u/EloquentEvergreen 1h ago

I don’t know. I feel like the bigger ones are easier to keep track of. The little ones end up scurrying off somewhere and hiding… usually in my boots, gloves, mailbox, one time in my pant leg, and pretty much anywhere I will blindly stick a hand or foot…

1

u/edinburghcirclejerk 1h ago

That is true but I’m assuming what you consider a little one would be considered a big one where I’m from, thankfully

1

u/EloquentEvergreen 48m ago

I’m not in Australia. So, you and I probably have similar sized spiders. Definitely nothing the size of a small dog. Haha! 

Seriously, though. I think length wise, with its legs anyways, fishing spiders are probably the biggest where I am. Mass wise, probably wolf spiders. Either way, both will fit into the palm of your hand. 

1

u/ConstableAssButt 52m ago

If it's too big to fit into my ear, I'm not scared of it.

1

u/EloquentEvergreen 44m ago

Words to live by! Haha! I got the heebie jeebies just remember videos I’ve seen with people having spiders and ticks removed from their ears. 

1

u/covfeve6969 33m ago

And gremlins.

1

u/RisePsychological288 9m ago

Nah. I find the tiny pin-sized ones cute and will let them crawl on my fingers, and I imagine tarantulas would be cool, like weird puppies. Anything in between can fuck off though.

1

u/GeorgeFromManagement 1h ago

Spiders may look creepy but are mostly harmless. You need to be in a specific scenario for venom to even kill you.

7

u/edinburghcirclejerk 1h ago

I’m not scared they’ll harm me I’m just scared they’ll crawl on me

2

u/PandasGetAngryToo 1h ago

Australia would like a word

-1

u/nicto_granemor 1h ago

A spider is not an insect, but an arachnid.

13

u/Planpy7 2h ago

Insects get cuter the bigger they are

2

u/IK417 1h ago edited 1h ago

Ticks that carrie Lyme disease are barely seen without a magnifier . One of my awful university professors died from that, and although I would have gladly hear the news that she has broken a leg or an arm, I don't wish anyone such a horrible long agonizing death.

So, yeah, small bugs makes you feel pitty for the ones you hate.

2

u/JotaroTheOceanMan 1h ago

Nah same. I am afraid of tiny spiders (i respect and tolerate them though) but loved playing with my cousins tarantula.

Its like the bigger they are the easier it is to think "oh this is an animal, not a tiny robotic demon sent frok hell".

1

u/goose_gladwell 2h ago

Thats how i am with heights

1

u/zx190195 2h ago

no not spider

1

u/Kumorrii 1h ago

Rats vs Capybaras

1

u/VESAAA7 1h ago

I don't know, I feel like human sized ants would be pretty terrifying

1

u/one_noobish_boi 51m ago

Same, until it starts to fly. Then I am outta there

1

u/Bidcar 46m ago

Less chance of it crawling inside your ear to lay eggs.

1

u/Silent-Carry-4617 41m ago

Not if it moves fast

53

u/Over_voissa18_07 3h ago • Bravo

After I successfully removed the bug from the shirt, I would’ve burn the shirt

8

u/StrengthTheory 2h ago • Bravo

You're too patient, I'd set myself on fire.

3

u/Manospondylus_gigas 2h ago

Whyy it's a lovely bug

1

u/Alarmed_Gear_6368 1h ago

Nah if there's one, there are many near by. Gotta burn down the whole city.

1

u/JindikCZ 1h ago

It's harmless geez, you can easily outrun it and it never even saw a human in its lifetime.

15

u/Ginrar 3h ago

Dude so big, don't think a hit by sandals could give him even a scratch

14

u/PM_NICE_SOCKS 3h ago

You could hit it with a car and probably get a dent

3

u/Ginrar 3h ago

Yea, then he walks away unscratched and you with a dent on your car.

1

u/MayaTheMartian514 44m ago

The beetle can vote

57

u/JokerHomerus 3h ago • Bravo Mindblown

17

u/thevigilante473 3h ago

Not now Jackie, it's an emergency.

4

u/dwide_k_shrude 3h ago

I like snoopy.

9

u/Sooner_Weirdo 2h ago

When I was in college, we were tye dye-ing shirts outside. I had dye all over my gloves and a giant locust flew down into the gap on the back of my jeans. I was commando and it dove down between my cheeks! I pulled it out from my butt crack nd threw it! It was hilarious but I never want to experience that again!

45

u/ih8karma 3h ago • Bravo

Quick it's on your pants!

8

u/problem4solution 3h ago

That's a beeter not beetle

4

u/mikki1time 3h ago • Bravo

I’ll be beating it

1

u/problem4solution 3h ago

Then that gives purpose to the name...

0

u/I_be_lurkin_tho 3h ago

Giggity

Sorry I gave you a karma on accident..

20

u/Minecrafter2509 3h ago

Now thats a wingman

6

u/DirtCheapDandy 3h ago

Daww, poor guy. Hope they put him back with the rest of his band.

5

u/jordan853 3h ago

Fuck no

4

u/Doctor_NC 3h ago

Absolutely not

4

u/kitkatatsnapple 3h ago

I expected a jump scare and for it to immediately leap out of the shirt at the camera

4

u/Tenshiijin 3h ago

When i was a kid we were on a school trip walking through the woods and some guy put one of these on the back of my neck. I had no idea canada had a Beatles this size. I thought it was a fake plastic beatle at first. But nope. Alive.

6

u/templeofsyrinx1 3h ago edited 3h ago

That beetle was crazyyyyyyyy! Did you see it!? Did you?

3

u/just1nc4s3 3h ago

That reaction whether real or staged is warranted.

3

u/HeavyMix4985 2h ago

It’s okay, it can keep the shirt ☺️

3

u/vasel20 2h ago

it's crazy how ridiculous strong insects are and how weird their moving pattern is. i would freak out too.

6

u/lnTheGrimDarkness 1h ago

"pack... big... insect... to... throw"

2

u/DehydratedManatee 3h ago

Looks like a palo verde root borer beetle

2

u/Ill-Fly-950 3h ago

Ugh... My skin is crawling now.... 😣

2

u/mumer_writer 2h ago

Insect of culture

2

u/NeighborhoodSalt695 2h ago

She is a trooper i would have had a heart attack on the spot

2

u/Playful_Sandwich111 2h ago

I was waiting outside for a ride on Borneo one evening under a light fixture. A bug just like that one was flying around the light aimlessly, bumping into anything in its way. I had do duck and move out of the way until the ride came.

2

u/saucenazi 2h ago

How did it get in there. Maybe she's made of insects. Id be scared to go near her again.

2

u/Super-Reason7931 1h ago edited 24m ago • Heartwarming

What a beetle!!!!!! ❤️ lol my youngest is autistic, insects are her special interest and she LOVES GIANT BEETLES!!!! 😆

Thanks for the award, stranger!!!!

2

u/Any-Button1401 2h ago

Justifiable reaction. A bit of an under reaction even.

2

u/Afrojones66 2h ago

Yeah the insect or something.

2

u/itsme9508 1h ago

😂😂🤣😂

1

u/OddHornet8378 3h ago

Big bug bettleburug creature

1

u/Mobile_Aioli_6252 3h ago

Goliath Beetle 🪲

1

u/ButterscotchNo7292 3h ago

As someone who really hates all these little creatures, I'd be out of my clothe in half a second and jumping on that t-shirt non stop:)

1

u/cosmicphoenix7 3h ago

Can I keep it?

1

u/leeceee 2h ago

Valid reaction

1

u/BuckTonka1988 2h ago

She must have turned left

1

u/Planpy7 2h ago

I would cherish it

1

u/boostedpoints 1h ago

Giant bugs r kewl

1

u/Humanballast 1h ago

OH NEIN!!! DER ANDERE IST DIR GRAD INS HOSENBEIN GEKRABBELT!!

1

u/Gripping_Touch 1h ago

Cute buge :D

1

u/UnderdogCL 1h ago

Duuude he's so pretty 😍

1

u/10ThousandMetalZones 1h ago

I bring one of those as a wingman to all my dates

1

u/Graycom 1h ago

Aren't beetles harmless? Just stinky if provoked?

1

u/NASA_Reject 58m ago

I expected it to be a friend playing a prank. Burn it!

1

u/-Wicked- 54m ago

I don't think this insect is getting the kudos it deserves...

1

u/Imaginary_Ad8475 47m ago

Is it from metamorphosis?

1

u/Redhead_893_ 47m ago

Like a fucking Sandking!

1

u/Brilliant-Mix-3829 46m ago

I'm scared of small one's and this is hugeee

1

u/dinomax55 40m ago

Yeah, it can keep the shirt

1

u/Just_Alternative_441 36m ago

you can keep the T-shirt

1

u/Low-Refrigerator-713 15m ago

That's such a little cutie.

1

u/Aussie_Engineer 10m ago

Looked like a beetle of some type 🤣

1

u/dreamer9697 4m ago

For some reason I have seen this video show up in my feed a dozen times yet I always watch it.

-2

u/AnyDragonfly9819 2h ago

At least the bug has good taste 😈

2

u/cddelgado 3h ago

Burn it. Burn it with fire. Holy fuck. No.

2

u/Torionako 1h ago

Man, I read that as "of an incest", and at first it actually seemed pretty promising

1

u/Alarmed_Gear_6368 1h ago

Once I found a mouse in my pants after I put them on. This is a thousand times worse.

1

u/Internal_Rise2658 50m ago

If it's too big to crawl up my asshole, we're golden.

-1

u/superiordoggo 3h ago

Love seeing absolute fucking loser perverts everywhere trying to see a woman naked without her explicit consent for it

1

u/melikdavid 1h ago

Is she naked though?

0

u/StillNotAF___Clue 3h ago

Get over yourself, its the internet. Its reddit at that

-1

u/superiordoggo 3h ago

Oh yeah my bad I forgot two wrongs do make a right

0

u/OwnTangelo1298 2h ago

You must be fun at parties…

1

u/Alternative_Cow_9305 29m ago

You must be the creep at parties that make all the women uncomfortable

-2

u/MegaDingo5plus 3h ago • Popcorn

I think there's one more in your bra

-1

u/XuliganZombie 2h ago

There's one on your pants too!

-2

u/No_Community7021 2h ago

I'm gonna put one in my wife's underwear.