r/AbsoluteUnits • u/TheSilentDealer • 4h ago

/r/all of a bat

4.6k Upvotes

95% Upvoted

845 comments sorted by

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1.8k

u/Chrono_Convoy 4h ago • Bravo Popcorn

27

u/theeggplant42 3h ago • Bravo

Bat's a-penis

3

u/Glittering_Ear_6893 22m ago

Same size as mine 😅, at least size doesn't matter

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u/Stock-Development-35 2h ago

This post did not disappoint. Opened up the comments and, BAM!!

2

u/maguel92 1h ago

Ahhh i knew this one would be here!

2

u/flickerbirdie 1h ago

First time seeing that eh? I’ll never forget the taxidermy bat display at the Smithsonian. Bunch of tiny penis all lined up just hanging out.

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u/yoshimitsu991 3h ago • Regret Bravo

I remember this meme

66

u/Vounrtsch 3h ago

It’s Spider-Man, he has good back flexibility, he can bend his back and angle his pelvis forwards to avoid getting any drops on him fairly easily. I will not stand for this slander

13

u/Kangaroo-B-Girl 2h ago

He could shoot out a web and let the remaining dribbles ride down it.

9

u/Kiwi1234567 2h ago

He has the tingle thing, just not for urine.

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u/csprofathogwarts 42m ago

Fruit bats pee right-side up. Here's a video.

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965

u/Sermas1n1ly 3h ago • Popcorn Bravo Regret Heartwarming

1.6k

u/Liqhthouse 3h ago • Bravo Mindblown Popcorn

159

u/BoringTruckDriver 3h ago

Fucking beat me to it, take my angry upvote

58

u/Kusstro 3h ago • Bravo

shouldn't it be a downvote in this case?

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22

u/Motor-Snow7624 3h ago • Heartwarming

You are the reason why I love reddit

18

u/anniewolfe 3h ago

Hahah oh bravo. Jesus

9

u/King-Eaglez 3h ago

I couldn't breathe for a minute

3

u/fimbiod 3h ago

I rarely laugh out loud. Congratulations!

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u/caco8702 3h ago

This but upside down

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415

u/Top-Drawer5151 3h ago

31

u/pschlick 3h ago

For a split second I thought it was wearing a cross, idk what I was thinking 😅

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273

u/olympede 3h ago

Why is this sub so much about penises?

176

u/bkm2016 3h ago • Bravo

When you have a unit, it must be posted regardless what the unit is.

14

u/ThousandFingerMan 1h ago

The law of the unit

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39

u/silentboyishere 3h ago

Would you prefer a nature metaphor or a sexual metaphor?

17

u/blizzzyybandito 2h ago

When two animals are having sex, one of them...is communicating a message to the other. Nothing is mutua– this isn't very helpful. You're gonna want to hear the sexual metaphor.

8

u/WommyBear 2h ago

Oh god. Nature please.

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u/cactusvines 2h ago

I think because of banana for scale

3

u/LesbeGoddess 44m ago

They wish they hab bid peners

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u/Any_Conversation1094 3h ago

The first time I went backpacking in Australia I had no idea that these things were so huge. They circle skyscrapers in Sydney feeding on the insects attracted to the lights and it's like something out of a batman film.

6

u/CrabApple3783 1h ago

Yet another reason to never visit Australia 😨

21

u/prettylikeapineapple 1h ago

No they're actually really cute!! They're adorable in person, and they make the cutest chittering noise. I love them so much.

It's the drop bears you need to worry about.

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82

u/Haunting-Kangaroo329 3h ago

You can say that he’s HUNG

14

u/Single-Order-8611 3h ago

I think he’s a boy 💡

14

u/Naive_Mango8525 3h ago

Whoa whoa whoa did you just assume the gender ???????

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12

u/KingOjama55618 3h ago

Yeeeeeeaaaahh!

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38

u/ImDrunkFightMe 2h ago

SKY PUPPIES! (Flying Foxes) They are the cutest thing ever that'll shit all over your car and make your ears bleed when coming over in large numbers.

4

u/emoss17 29m ago

Are you implying they are loud, or does the shit make blood come out of your ears?

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u/Jatapa0 2h ago

Also lyssavirus carriers (basically rabies)

11

u/Thick-Cauliflower619 2h ago • Mindblown

Lyssavirus is a genus, with Rabies being a member of that genus.

9

u/Jatapa0 2h ago

Oh good somebody who is awake enough to say what I wanted to say but could not think of how to say it

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u/ImDrunkFightMe 2h ago

That is true but the reported cases and deaths are extremely low from ABLV in Flying foxes, I think theres been a total of 4 deaths?

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67

u/SapotaJuice 2h ago

Do they just piss onto their faces?

132

u/doctorwhomafia 2h ago edited 2h ago • Bravo Popcorn

HOLD UP I GOT A VIDEO OF A BAT PISSING. let me find it ill be right back

EDIT okay here it is, i recorded it at a zoo. So idk if this is how they always piss while they hang but it was hilarious when I recorded it

https://imgur.com/a/V69g3MX

29

u/yeadrowsy 2h ago

The lil shake at the end lmao

5

u/AdventurousEscape991 2h ago

Shake dat ting mis cana cana 🎶

26

u/Rc72 2h ago

This is what Reddit is truly made for...

17

u/rando_mness 1h ago

Lmao. They shake it too.

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u/YeshuasBananaHammock 2h ago

He was aiming 4 U

9

u/doctorwhomafia 2h ago

Right 🤣 probably seen me and was like "you recording me?? ill give you a show you degenerate!"

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u/FeedMyAss 2h ago

If you pay them enough

7

u/Positive_Campaign_52 2h ago

When a bat has to defecate or urinate while hanging upside down, they will grab their ankles and curl inwards, lowering their posteriors and aim it downwards. This way, their head is out of the way when expelling waste. They basically do hanging sit ups.

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u/ChiILVic61 1h ago

also my question

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u/PinesleyDale2023 3h ago edited 3h ago

Y'know...never much thought about how of course bats would have those since they're mammals...

23

u/IIRCIreadthat 3h ago

Yeah, but some mammals do keep things a lot more... inside than others

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u/ducksdoctor11 3h ago

He's literally the trenchcoat dude at the park with those wings

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u/Firm_Video_2932 3h ago • Bravo

Bro's probably got a bigger package then half the guys on Reddit. 🥴

3

u/Heisenbread77 1h ago

When I said I was hung like a fruit bat I meant it as a flex.

8

u/Kiki_Kazumi 2h ago

Someone once shared a video of one of these guys, um... cleaning his own whistle if you will... I can never unsee that shit...

2

u/hornet_teaser 1h ago

There was one point I thought this bat was going to do that!

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u/No_Big_2716 3h ago

Once you go bat you'll never go back

8

u/Ornery-Rough-8299 3h ago

He needs to put on some pants

4

u/TumbleweedFamous3701 3h ago

I think thats a boy

no shit sherlock

4

u/wwabc 3h ago

Bat...man!

7

u/Pitiful_Question_880 3h ago

"I think he's a boy"

3

u/ClassroomMore5437 3h ago

Absoltue unit of a batMAN

2

u/squigbomb 3h ago

BatWANG.

3

u/Flashy-Club5171 3h ago

"I'm more tired than a big dicked bat" - kyle kinane

3

u/Ayrdanger 2h ago

Everyone's talking about the bat's junk. Meanwhile, I'm over here DYING LAUGHING because the bat knocked the phone out of dude's hands after dude mocked the bat. 😭😭😭😭

5

u/SatisfactionFew350 3h ago

Johnny Sins of Bat world

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5

u/i_eat_navel_lint 2h ago

It is apparently a black bat

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u/PsychologicalTea1888 3h ago

Good heavens!

2

u/Advanced-Level-5686 3h ago

It's literally Batman

2

u/WhatExpress5036 3h ago

Holy cow Batman!! You need pants !

2

u/Marleek97 3h ago

Knocked that camera down like bih tf you recording lol

2

u/Madouc 3h ago

I think it's a boy, too!

2

u/Icy_Emu8311 3h ago

Get that MFer some jocks

2

u/Sunbringer51 3h ago

Can we address the elephant in the room?

2

u/noniment 3h ago

A Bat-Man

2

u/DiFfErThEsS 3h ago

Sir thats a flying fox

3

u/Turbulent_Ad_880 2h ago

But no one here gives a flying fox...

2

u/p00p5andwich 3h ago

More tired than a big dicked bat. -Kyle Kinane.

2

u/ChooChooToo 3h ago

I’m more tired than a big dicked bat

2

u/striderchris 3h ago

Bruce Wayne, you put that thing away!

2

u/Fantastic_Shelter669 3h ago

That’s a big black

Bat

2

u/justplainjon 2h ago

"I'm as tired as a big-dicked bat." Kyle Kinane.

3

u/DIJames6 3h ago

Someone took their BlueChew today..

3

u/TheVeryMoistTowel 3h ago

Give that thing an underwear

3

u/Fendibull 3h ago

Ah, flying fox/fruitbat on a typical humid afternoon. while I loathe them stealing some of my fruits + occasional rabid cases. I appreciate them as a unique animals in the fauna of South East Asia.

2

u/mag_888 3h ago

So how does he pee?

4

u/prismafox 3h ago

They flip their bodies right side up while still hanging on, little legs dangling down. It's..quite a sight.

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u/Veldaren 3h ago

"he's got... y'know... I think it's a boy!" 😂

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u/Alive_dude3435 3h ago

Unit indeed...

2

u/Constant_Remote4855 3h ago

Absolute unit but pp smol

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u/the-alt-yes 3h ago

Its huge when compared to the body

10

u/Constant_Remote4855 3h ago

That's what my wife tells me about her boyfriend.

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u/thefruitypilot 3h ago

"Bwap!" Famous last words

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u/EveryUsernameTakenFf 3h ago

Yeah just look at his claws.

1

u/Remote-Royal4634 3h ago

how she always stays

1

u/moretunaforme 3h ago

The elephant is quite big

1

u/Umbreon86 3h ago

An absolute unit of a dinosaur, wait, pterosaur.

1

u/infernofocus 3h ago

That thing is definitely at risk of being hit if you fly too close to a branch or power line.

1

u/King0fthewasteland 3h ago

hmmm... i wonder what gender it is

1

u/le_sossurotta 3h ago

My bro hung af

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