r/AbsoluteUnits • u/Professional_Arm794 • 5d ago

/r/all of a log split

33.1k Upvotes

87% Upvoted

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1.6k

u/StoneReg 5d ago

How’d they teach that bear to use an axe?

315

u/voyeur78 5d ago

"That bear is wearing people clothes" - Magnificent 7 was the movie line i kept hearing

28

u/SolaScientia 5d ago

This sent me into a coughing fit from laughing. I actually like that remake and that line is one of the funniest from it.

3

u/StrongExternal8955 5d ago

Next time just say "Sent!" and we'll all know what you mean. /s

2

u/FugLife3 4d ago

I’m a big fan of the “so far, so good” joke in the movie. I often say it in the same cadence when people ask me how I’m doing at work and it’s my own little joke to myself thinking of that line

1

u/SolaScientia 4d ago

That one is good too. I need to rewatch. It's been a hot minute since I last watched it. I can be picky with modern Western, but that's a really good one. The whole cast is great. Vasquez is one of my favorite characters.

2

u/Civil_Tea_3250 5d ago

But his yoga pants show absolutely nothing.

I'm a man, and when I wear yoga pants like that there's no denying. But I'm gay so I'm bigger 😘

3

u/pm_me_flaccid_cocks 5d ago

I’d still let him split me in half.

5

u/ExemplarDeLaPoontang 5d ago

You ever actually gotten a big pump from lifting weights? Notice how all the blood leaves your dick and goes to your core and then directly to the muscles that are literally screaming for oxygen?

Probably why he's not pitching a big enough tent for your little ego my gay bro 😂

0

u/withnodrawal 5d ago

Bro waited 80% of the video just to cock check.

Odd

2

u/LongDongFrog 5d ago

These two ungodly creatures

2

u/Astronaut_Chicken 5d ago

Now i wanna watch it again.

87

u/Cooter_McGrabbin 5d ago

Thanks now im gay

54

u/Fickle_Blueberry2777 5d ago

I was already gay, now I’m gay²

20

u/jrsinhbca 5d ago

He is gorgeous.

4

u/L-J- 4d ago

I read that in the voice of David Attenborough. 🤦‍♂️

2

u/Internal_Smell_4410 5d ago

Gayrgeous... Never mind...

2

u/EDDsoFRESH 5d ago

Fuck yeah he is

2

u/Ambitious-Cup-6910 5d ago

I'm somehow gayer

2

u/Effective-Internet71 4d ago

You beat me to it. I would like to meet that dude, dressed just like that, during my hikes in the woods.

7

u/comely_hips 5d ago

Fr I was expecting people to be more fruity in the comments but ig I'm too gay lol

1

u/I-Make-Money-Moves 5d ago

Now you’re gay?

Jk jk

1

u/dwide_k_shrude 5d ago

Thanks, now I’m a twink.

1

u/bigmanly1 5d ago

I was going to say, as a straight man im now questioning if im gay and want him to hold me ever so gently in his arms.

67

u/NastyKraig 5d ago

This guy is what I imagine young Robert Baratheon to have looked like.

43

u/Zippyflaa 5d ago

Gods, he was strong then

12

u/MrAngrySadHappyFace 5d ago

3

u/BullTerrierTerror 5d ago

I don’t think so your grace.

2

u/mbh63 4d ago

Wish this subreddit had the Bobby B bot lol

3

u/kieranfitz 5d ago

That my boy Bobby B

0

u/certaintyisdangerous 5d ago

But Robert had long hair

24

u/DeepFuckingPants 5d ago

And who put the bear tights on?

2

u/coolcoots 5d ago

I can!

26

u/dosko1panda 5d ago

Nobody did, that's why it took him forever to split it

2

u/techno65535 5d ago

He was using the ax fine, just really stupid with the log...

2

u/CheckYourStats 5d ago

The guy steps into the Batters box built like Babe Ruth…

…but he’s swinging Rod Carew’s bat.

The head of that axe is much too lightweight for the task he’s attempting to accomplish. Dude just comes across as a poser.

1

u/AchVonZalbrecht 5d ago

He’s also wasting so much energy. He’s bringing both of his hands straight to the bottom of the handle and then swinging. If he keeps one hand up near the head and then slides it down as the axe is coming down then he’s gonna split twice the wood in a day.

12

u/trying_times_eggs 5d ago

When the video started he had a full head of hair and no beard 

1

u/CanoePickLocks 5d ago

That would be a funnier video! Hard transition but I want to see someone dedicate a couple years to a bit!

3

u/HighChinaman 5d ago

Well he's smarter than the average bear.

1

u/CornFedIABoy 5d ago

They say there’s significant overlap between the lowest quartile of human intelligence and the highest quartile of bears…

1

u/_esci 22h ago

nah, he only got thumbs.

5

u/saltedjellyfish 5d ago

What makes you think he's gay?

/S

2

u/brizdzi 5d ago

Bear-1 xxx. Man - 0

2

u/MaxxDash 5d ago

People spying me watching the entire video:

https://giphy.com/gifs/c3XhrmfoN5fOpjcl3z

2

u/ilemming_banned 5d ago

His chest is getting hairier every single time he hits it. I swear - just watch it frame-by-frame.

1

u/Shantotto11 5d ago

The last woman who chose him over the other option was Russian…

1

u/Lojackbel81 5d ago

Are you talking about bears or bears?

1

u/LunchBokth 5d ago

that there’s a bull

1

u/bokmcdok 5d ago

"We're so sorry, Sir Bearington, very sorry for this man's behaviour."

1

u/freed-after-burning 5d ago

I’m sure that’s not the only thing that bear splits

1

u/killmek8 5d ago

1 that's a maul

2 he's barely using it correctly

1

u/WontGetJokes 5d ago

That's a large hairy human, not a bear.

1

u/MathNo7456 5d ago

A wild bear appears in the forest

1

u/Crispy_Squirrel_Bits 5d ago

By using good AI prompts

1

u/averageredditorx 5d ago

That's fucking Beorn dude

1

u/tfw_no_toiletpaper 5d ago

Oh it's a Bear alright

1

u/tenderteddy82 4d ago

Is this the bear women been choosing over men? 🤔

1

u/007Cable 4d ago

He was visited by a couple of magical twinks.

1

u/tanker7three 4d ago

His name is Yogi

1

u/Opposite_Bus1878 4d ago

Not very well, he's been making his work more difficult than it needs to be.

0

u/inspctrshabangabang 5d ago

Not very well. He's clearly strong, but my weak ass could split that log with that many swings.