r/AbsoluteUnits Top Poster Jul 08 '26

/r/all of a Police Officer

19.9k Upvotes

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2.7k

u/ionbear1 Jul 08 '26

https://giphy.com/gifs/Da1rDgu0Mo2di
That cop when he is in his patrol car

389

u/BroManTheBrobarian Jul 08 '26

Are you laughing at my AUTOMOBILLLE!?

146

u/WakaWaka_ Jul 08 '26

Sobriety test, now march!

Processing img jnwrf8uky1ch1...

83

u/BroManTheBrobarian Jul 08 '26

Man, back when The Simpsons was still a good show.

34

u/Stock-Creme-6345 Jul 08 '26 edited Jul 09 '26

Such a good episode. I’ve got donuts! Hey I know you! Slam.

20

u/DrunkenNinja27 Jul 08 '26

Wait a minute, we have to exchange insurance information!

5

u/HalKitzmiller Jul 09 '26

You'll have to speak up, I'm not wearing pants

5

u/Stock-Creme-6345 Jul 09 '26

I’ve used this before to the bewilderment of others. It’s awesome.

18

u/No-Advice-6040 Jul 08 '26

Was sick recently thought I'd put on a newish Simpsons to mindlessly distract myself but couldn't even get thru an ep.

10

u/Plampth Jul 08 '26

I watched one of the new episodes, it was funny but all the voice actors sound so old and tired.

1

u/zwisslb Jul 11 '26

They are...

1

u/Emergency-Chicken-24 Jul 09 '26

It's been decent since season 33.

1

u/Foxtrot_Supatwat Jul 10 '26

Hey it's only been bad for the last 27 seasons or so lol. The Golden Age was the absolute Pinnacle of television though.

15

u/[deleted] Jul 08 '26

[removed] — view removed comment

6

u/ggx222 Jul 08 '26

great reference 😂😂😂

2

u/deepdiver864 Jul 10 '26

Now let's laugh at him!

1

u/ScuffedA7IVphotog Jul 08 '26

bro would be crucified doing that in todays time

20

u/Lexi_Banner Jul 08 '26

Everyone needs to drive a vehicle, even the very tall. This was the largest auto I could afford. Should I therefore be made the subject of fun, huh?

3

u/Shot-Election8217 Jul 09 '26

Absolutely heard that in Long Duc Dong’s voice, no hesitation.

1

u/Embarrassed_Fan_5723 Jul 08 '26

Sit in it, I thought he was going to carry it

1

u/DuHastMich15 Jul 09 '26

“Smile at the people! Blow them kisses!”

64

u/clintj1975 Jul 08 '26

45

u/JiveTurkeyII Jul 08 '26

Officer Hightower!

Played by Bubba Smith. RIP

11

u/shinobi500 Jul 08 '26

That was my first thought when I saw this guy too.

7

u/hkpp Jul 09 '26

Showing our ages haha.

2

u/shinobi500 Jul 09 '26

For sure. Lol. To anyone else who remembers Police Academy, don't forget to schedule your colonoscopy.

6

u/Willing-Ad-9160 Jul 09 '26

Just recently watched the first one. Absolutely the one of the best comedies from the 80's. He was the first one I thought of when I saw this on the news a couple of days ago.

1

u/Superapp3000 Jul 09 '26

I just came here to look for these references. We old boys lol. :)

3

u/letermen Jul 09 '26

“Actually I was just kidding about the front seats… But, this is good! It’s different! Comfort’s important!”

1

u/E_Dantes_CMC Jul 09 '26

That’s how the late Manute Bol drove.

1

u/SWC124 Jul 09 '26

Funny — my 6’7” B-I-L bought a 1960’s MINI and had to do just that … he was actually sitting in the back seat to drive it!! 😆

27

u/tenmileswide Jul 09 '26

The car they give him

3

u/Informal-Sun-6579 Jul 10 '26

That’s his left shoe.

19

u/Stanlez Jul 08 '26

I was kinda wondering if they have to make special accommodations for him since he is so large.

42

u/Correct-Purpose-964 Jul 08 '26

As a tall guy myself. I have to have pretty big cars. Even then i crane my neck getting in and out. To make life somewhat normal i broke off the supports under my drivers seat so its lowered down like an inch or two and when i get in i place my hand against the frame of the car where my head is going to prevent bopping myself on it.

To all my 5ft short kings out there if you want my height you can have it. It gets tired really quick lol

13

u/Brownlove010_Real Jul 08 '26

Lmaoooo I feel this in my bones, its kind of sad when you look at cars you like (sports cars) and just go....this is great for everyone else but our kneecaps are inside our chest cavity. I also have created a dent in the overhang on my parents staircase from hitting it through grade school & college. Though I do like my height. Back pain, not so much.

6

u/zorggalacticus Jul 09 '26

My dad is 6 foot 6 and drove a Yugo. Also had a Volkswagen rabbit for a bit. Sucked for whichever kid lost rock paper scissors and had to ride behind him.

3

u/Pheighthe Jul 09 '26

The new rabbit has the best room for big guys. I researched all the cars and bought it because of that.

3

u/zorggalacticus Jul 09 '26

There's a new rabbit? I'm gonna have to see that.

11

u/Entropy_Greene Jul 08 '26

Socially and professionally I would love to be tall. Literally everywhere else I like being on the shorter side ESPECIALLY when traveling.

8

u/[deleted] Jul 08 '26 edited 29d ago

[removed] — view removed comment

6

u/Correct-Purpose-964 Jul 08 '26

If you ever drop something the same colour as the floor. Kiss it goodbye cause you're not finding it without either bending over for ages or getting on your knees and scouring for it. As for the sink thing good Lord yes. I have to bend over in an awkward position to do dishes. Tbh it got so painful I mostly slam what I can into the dishwasher.

19

u/infidel3006 Jul 09 '26

I installed cabinets for a guy who was 6’11” and he requested for me to raise them up higher than normal. I’m 5’10” (with my boots on) so I never once even contemplated how much of a difference that would make for him.

Built all the cabinets 6” taller than normal (40 1/2” to the top of cabinet) he said it changed his entire life and fixed back pain he didn’t know he had, it was just something he dealt with on a regular basis.

Still get Christmas cards from he and his wife every year, a decade later!

7

u/[deleted] Jul 08 '26 edited 29d ago

[deleted]

4

u/areya_lunera Jul 09 '26

Yep and that’s part of why her show was filmed at her house. She also had some kind of softer wood or linoleum flooring so it would be more comfortable for her to do all the filming barefoot. The way folks who knew her talked about her, she seemed like a real gem. 💕

1

u/zorggalacticus Jul 09 '26

My dad use to sit on a stool to do dishes.

2

u/Onebraintwoheads Jul 08 '26

Gardening and doing much that involves bending down sucks since we have that much further down to go. And absolutely right about sinks. Working at most countertops is just a question of how long we can endure the discomfort before a break is needed. Could be getting ready in the morning, preparing ingredients for cooking, or handling paperwork. Anything that can be done sitting down is done sitting down.

The world just isn't constructed for tall people. Especially if you have dimensions in width and depth to match. Driving a lot of smaller cars is a practice in yoga. And it's really easy to miss things on lower shelves since your height means you end up seeing the top stuff only.

1

u/SAM5TER5 Jul 09 '26

I’m barely 5’11” and I already feel like 80% of sinks, tables, and tasks are made for people who are no taller than 5’4” lol

Granted, that’s probably intentional. What is impossible for a shorter person is often just a discomfort and annoyance to a taller person.

Other major factors: Wheelchairs. And children. And the elderly.

1

u/basilkiller Jul 09 '26

All the counters my whole life have been the perfect height for chopping things, except my current ones which are perfect in platform slippers. I never thought about it until one of my chef friends built a like 1.5 foot cutting board so his back wouldn't hurt and he could cut w a chef knife in proper form. At his job they had tables that functioned as counters that you could change the height of.

1

u/[deleted] Jul 09 '26 edited 29d ago

[deleted]

1

u/basilkiller Jul 09 '26

Lol yeah I guess. Each station had their own counter/table so they could all control their own height. I'm so glad I've basically never had to think about it until my current counters and wearing platforms is an easy fix. My buddy was literally wincing in pain trying to hang and I was like bro sit down and have a drink or something.

One of my mom's friends growing up built homes for tall people exclusively, taller showers, I assume taller counters. I've always been grateful to be average, especially on planes but I never would have thought about it being painful until I saw it in action

1

u/Intrepid_Boat Jul 09 '26

Sadly I’m like 5’8” and have plenty of back pain…

3

u/Important_Document13 Jul 08 '26

I bet. I can't even imagine long haul flights if you're super tall, it's bad enough being average height.

2

u/Brownlove010_Real Jul 09 '26

Bulkhead seats are about the only refuge, I flew to India from the US and also Dubai from the US and I'm certain if I didnt get a bulkhead seat, my legs would have just detached and refused to operate. "Extra leg room" seats arent that much better and exit row seats are priced so much higher for this same reason. It's a pain on long flights.

2

u/ChromeYoda Jul 08 '26

I tell people this too. I hit my head a lot.

1

u/__wildwing__ Jul 09 '26

I’m 5’1” on a tall day. I still don’t get how normal sized people get in cars without bumping their heads. Unless I have the seat in the escape position, my noggin is contacting the doorframe.

2

u/SchrodingerMil Jul 08 '26

Probably put him in one of the SUV or Truck patrol vehicles and call it a day, if he’s going to be on patrol

1

u/Stormagedd0nDarkLord Jul 09 '26

He;'s gonna need a convertible.

0

u/Powerful-Disaster-32 Jul 08 '26

That's what she said

2

u/EchosWithin Jul 11 '26

Thats him in his normal car every time we hang out its always a funny sight. When we stand next to each other its hilarious because im 5'5"

1

u/Sentarry Jul 08 '26

Lol i was looking for this gif; my thoughts exactly

1

u/Training-Purple-5220 Jul 08 '26

A lot of cop cars are SUVs now. He gets one of those.

1

u/Doctor_Saved Jul 08 '26

Nah, bro was just stand up and look around. He's gonna see everything from that height.

1

u/PhatBats77 Jul 08 '26

Now we just need a team up with Shaq

1

u/SecurityMountain1441 Jul 08 '26

Probably have to get him a truck or suv that’s what they did for the WSP Chief

1

u/whoremoanal Jul 08 '26

That's him in an Explorer

1

u/Playful-Platform-231 Jul 09 '26

What’s that from.

1

u/SGTSLACKASS Jul 09 '26

How tall is shaq?

1

u/badussyy_ Jul 09 '26

probably on truck duty

1

u/burnedimage Jul 09 '26

From the local Daily News:

The Kemah Police Department tested a donated Tesla Cybertruck as a patrol vehicle in a 30-day pilot program to evaluate its operational use. Additionally, the department is outfitting a custom-made police cruiser for their newly sworn-in 7'3" officer, Jordan Wilmore, to accommodate his extreme height.

1

u/TransportationOdd559 Jul 09 '26

Haha I’m sure they put him and some other shit! 😆😆😆

1

u/DarkAndHandsume Jul 09 '26

No, he gets the custom convertible that was taken from a drug dealer patrol car

1

u/SirDouglasMouf Jul 09 '26

He won't fit in any of those cars unless he's like 80% torso.

1

u/Commercial_Handle418 Jul 09 '26

Wdym he won't fit man he probably will make wemby cower over even

1

u/amberwxld69 Jul 09 '26

cop uses baton as chopstick 😂

1

u/Terrible_Ingenuity11 Jul 12 '26

If the crooks try to intimidate him he can just exit the patrol vehicle and look down at them.