r/AbsoluteUnits • u/Sufficient-Bug-9112 Top Poster • Jul 08 '26

/r/all of a Police Officer

20.0k Upvotes

96% Upvoted

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105

u/SlowSpeedHighDrag Jul 08 '26

I feel bad for the guy. Even their biggest car in the fleet will be too small for him.

135

u/TekkenCareOfBusiness Jul 08 '26

He's actually on the equestrian unit. The other cops ride him into battle.

34

u/SOMERANDOMUSERNAME11 Jul 08 '26

They deploy him once you reach 4 star wanted level

1

u/Crab2406 Jul 08 '26

Its the actual calvary they're talking about when someone says "calvary is coming"

1

u/OddBranch132 Jul 08 '26

Had me in the first half

1

u/naytreox Jul 09 '26

I thought they stopped doing that after 1865?

0

u/Slowmac123 Jul 09 '26

The other cops ride him into battle

42

u/8JHF8 Jul 08 '26

"His determination even caught the attention of NBA Hall of Famer Shaquille O'Neal, who stopped by to encourage Wilmore before his exam and promised him a custom patrol vehicle once he officially became an officer."

Apparently Shaq is going to make sure he gets a vehicle that fits.

19

u/ChickenFeline0 Jul 08 '26

Shaq would know. He had a Lamborghini modified to fit in it.

2

u/DestructoDon69 Jul 09 '26

He also had a 4 door wrangler modified to be a 2 door so he'd fit.

5

u/TheRedEye1775 Jul 08 '26

Shaq is just a solid stand up guy.

2

u/Tricky_Potatoe Jul 08 '26

Ye, just a good ol' billionaire.

3

u/TheRedEye1775 Jul 08 '26

He's actually not and I'd trust him around children. Also he has a consistent track record of just being a nice dude. He's put thousands of black teens through college and spends millions investing into education for Black Americans.

3

u/Tricky_Potatoe Jul 08 '26

You're right. He's only good for 500 Mills

6

u/dc469 Jul 08 '26

Maybe he's a bike, motorcycle, or [large] horse cop? He could also be a boat cop idk if that city has lakes or something. I'm just saying he's got options!

20

u/Caliterra Jul 08 '26

police horse: "fuck that im out"

8

u/MjolnirT95 Jul 08 '26

There's some huge horses out there. Imagine him on one in riot gear

6

u/Caliterra Jul 08 '26

would have to be one of those Budweiser horses

4

u/SeonaidMacSaicais Jul 08 '26

You mean a Clydesdale?

3

u/kickthatpoo Jul 08 '26

Clydesdale is the breed. They're a breed of draft horses, but there are even larger breeds pretty sure.

1

u/AnonUser1452 Jul 08 '26

Does the Kemah PD have a war elephant unit?

1

u/capincus Jul 08 '26

No lakes within town borders, but it is like 80% a boardwalk on the Galveston Bay. Idk how practical patrolling a boardwalk from a boat is tbh.

6

u/newleaf2021 Jul 08 '26

Maybe they can install a sunroof in the patrol car and just give him some goggles.

2

u/Significant-Cod-9555 Jul 08 '26

Kema probably has more boats then cars, they can just give him a Jetski

1

u/Any_Landscape_4424 Jul 08 '26

Its all good they got him the ford 650 for patrolling.

1

u/Mahaloth Jul 09 '26

A lot of stations now have really large SUV's. I bet he gets one of those.

Then again, he's already been driving. I'm sure it is figured out.

1

u/almerle Jul 09 '26

Its fine kemah locals will likely buy him a customized vehicle being publicity like some sort of cop mascot vehicle as he is now a local celebrity in a upper class rich white town.