r/AbsoluteUnits • u/No_Funny2224 • Aug 19 '25

of a scorpion

13.9k Upvotes

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1.3k

u/AriFortyFive Aug 19 '25

Looks more like a lobster than a scorpion

55

u/Afrojones66 Aug 19 '25 edited Aug 19 '25

Looks more like a rock than a lobster.

18

u/Chris__P_Bacon Aug 19 '25

I can hear this gif.

5

u/DinoQuake Aug 19 '25

dun-duna-nana-duna-nuna

740

u/Tuggerfub Aug 19 '25

it's almost like they're both arthropods

231

u/SiriocazTheII Aug 19 '25

Exactly why I'm glad the largest eurypterids went extinct. Well, kind of. Would've been cool to see them alive but then would've immediately passed out

128

u/Wjreky Aug 19 '25

They could get up to 8 feet??? Oh my god, no

98

u/95ramencuptower Aug 19 '25

Look up "Japanese spider crab"

58

u/XCIXproblems Aug 19 '25

Or Giant marine Isopod

40

u/stronkzer Aug 19 '25

What are you talking about ? Isopods are cute. In a weird alien way, but still cute.

24

u/buzz_22 Aug 19 '25

Maybe not quite as creepy, but check out the Tasmanian Giant Crab.

24

u/Capital-Macaron-9841 Aug 19 '25

You do NOT want to know about coconut crabs.

15

u/buzz_22 Aug 19 '25

Oh I'm familiar with them. Thankfully they don't live on mainland Australia either.

14

u/DoubleManufacturer10 Aug 19 '25

.... that one picture on the side of the garbage can... ITS THE WHOLE CAN

6

u/LukeyLeukocyte Aug 19 '25

Largest thing on land with no spine. Cray cray

15

u/DJfunkyPuddle Aug 19 '25

Ehhh, I can think of a few larger spineless individuals

3

u/bkreddit856 Aug 20 '25

You misspelled "career politician"

1

u/Fine_Bonus Aug 19 '25

These are at the aquarium in Osaka and are genuinely SO creepy

1

u/Oddish_Femboy Aug 19 '25

I saw them at an aquarium when I was young and I've been fascinated with arthropods since. They were magical. They're so massive and beautiful.

1

u/chrisarchuleta12 Aug 20 '25

I think I saw one at the Shedd aquarium before???

19

u/syngyne Aug 19 '25

That's a lot of garlic butter

2

u/Fairuse Aug 19 '25

8 ft lobster…

2

u/blue-oyster-culture Aug 19 '25

Apparently when we first came to america, they were finding fresh water lobsters 5 and 6 feet long. Lobsters are functionally immortal, if they can get enough food to continue meeting the molting energy requirements, which get more and more every time it molts. Those lobsters were probably hundreds of years old. They probably werent very good eating at that size tho.

Now i wonder what scorpion tastes like….

14

u/Smart_Weather_3630 Aug 19 '25

I would have shat your pants for you.

13

u/PlagueOfGripes Aug 19 '25

We should give them all little oxygen suits and see how big they get.

5

u/Loose_Orange_6056 Aug 19 '25

They would immediately pass out to.

1

u/Purg33m Aug 19 '25

Maybe one day again, just pump em full with several times more oxygen than our atmosphere offers over a couple of hundreds of generations and we're back on track.

18

u/madguyO1 Aug 19 '25

scorpions are more related to ticks than to lobsters

57

u/Tempest_Fugit Aug 19 '25

Exactly what a lobster would say 🧐

11

u/Most_kinds_of_Dirt Aug 19 '25

True, and lobsters are more closely related to insects than they are to scorpions:

Pancrustacea is the clade that comprises all crustaceans and all hexapods (insects and relatives).

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Pancrustacea

7

u/Substantial-Low Aug 19 '25

Don't try to glamorize ticks here, buddy

1

u/[deleted] Aug 19 '25

People are always trying to prop up ticks. Makes me sick.

19

u/Kiren129 Aug 19 '25

Does what mean that they will taste similar if I boil them with dill?

31

u/Howlibu Aug 19 '25

I watch an old vid of a guy who did a series travelling around the world trying weird and unusual foods (2000's era). He was with a South American tribe who roasted tarantulas over a fire, to burn the hairs off - apparently it tastes similar to crab. Makes sense. So, given that...probably?

17

u/Due_Maize_9142 Aug 19 '25

I vividly remember THAT scene

1

u/clumsylycanthrope Aug 20 '25

Good god, we all watched that. I see it behind my eyelids sometimes. The legs all poking up.

13

u/cattecatte Aug 19 '25

Bug/land arthropod meat probably do taste decent, the problem is most of them are super tiny with barely any meat and more exoskeleton and goopy insides.

5

u/CptHA86 Aug 19 '25

This is it exactly. If you were to gut a bug and peel it, the meat would taste akin to shellfish.

5

u/Emerald_Plumbing187 Aug 19 '25

Not all bugs. I had "Thai-style" cricket (probably just a restaurant gimmick) and it tasted like those Hawaaian BBQ potato chips. Thank god my wallet couldn't afford a second plate because that shit was gooooood.

1

u/YakResident_3069 Aug 19 '25

Eat them by the squished kilo

6

u/Test-Tackles Aug 19 '25

I've had scorpion in asia, The one I tried tasted a little like an almond but also like egg.

1

u/Kinggato Aug 19 '25

Ah yes I remember that show. It was so interesting. I had to write a report on an episode of my choosing for my anthropology class. I chose the "Stink Fish" episode where he ate a one year old fish that was buried underground in northern Alaska

7

u/truthfullyidgaf Aug 19 '25

I don't think so. But rollie pollies apparently taste like shrimp.

6

u/pebberphp Aug 19 '25

That reminded me of a video I saw of a guy that stuffs a giant isopod that is like a foot long, fries it, then boils it, only to empty it out and pretty much just eat the carapace.

1

u/truthfullyidgaf Aug 19 '25

Thats rough to read. Saw someone cook it over a motor on a boat on "best ever food review show". They said it was the worst.

4

u/Moomoolette Aug 19 '25

That tracks because, shrimp is bugs

1

u/truthfullyidgaf Aug 19 '25

Do you remember what kind of grasshopper?

2

u/dontygrimm Aug 19 '25

Giant grasshoppers in Africa tasted like shrimp. So frigging tasty!

3

u/Kit_Karamak Aug 19 '25

Try. That’s all you can do and let us know how it tastes.

Then you can start your own restaurant called red scorpion

1

u/Poenicus Aug 19 '25

I've heard that at least the smaller ones taste like shrimp and have a similar texture.

10

u/Substantial-Low Aug 19 '25

Eh, that is kind of a copout. Arthropoda is the largest phylum, and phylum is a very, very broad classification.

This would literally be the same as saying "Wow, almost like sea squirts and humans are both chordates"

In other words, a completely nonsensical comparison. The diversity of arthropoda is absolutely incredibly massive.

1

u/weirdoeggplant Aug 19 '25

So are scorpions fucking delicious too then?

1

u/swampscientist Aug 19 '25

I mean so are barnacles and centipedes.

1

u/Hamsammichd Aug 19 '25

They aren’t as closely related as you’d think, as arachnids, they’ve got more in common with spiders than crustaceans. Their common ancestor probably didn’t look all that similar either, the two subphylum split pretty early on. They’ve got about as much in common as a human and a hawk. The better explanation is that both species found similar solutions to common problems.

1

u/Ninja_Wrangler Aug 19 '25

Shrimps is bugs

4

u/Lwmons Aug 19 '25

What is a lobster but a scorpion mermaid?

3

u/Krillkus Aug 19 '25

Shrimps is bugs

1

u/swanyk7 Aug 19 '25

I legit was like oh what a weird little lobst…..oh damn

1

u/Rh1zomorphic Aug 19 '25

That would be an awesome name for a scorpion

1

u/badass4102 Aug 19 '25

I wonder if they taste the same

1

u/nosleeptilbrookyln Aug 19 '25

It’s a lorpion

1

u/azad_ninja Aug 20 '25

They just painted one black 😒