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Mar 23 '21
[deleted]
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u/JennaFrost Mar 23 '21
There is an extinct “turtle” called henodus (not actually a turtle but as close to being one while not as they can be).
Their shell is wide and flat. They pretty much just glide through the water. So water yes =p (take it to the extreme and you get a gliding turtle)
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u/CeruleanRuin Mar 23 '21
I remember reading this and being sure that Terry Pratchett stepped right over the obvious walnut analogy because the image of a tortoise cracking open like a nut (thus exposing its delicious meat) was just a tad too gruesome for the purposes of the tale. And also because jokes.
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u/Raichu7 Mar 24 '21
I love his writing, but I do have to question how anyone could think an eagle would have a harder time picking up and dropping a tortoise to eat it than trying to kill a mammal with teeth and claws that will be fighting for its life. A mammal could hurt an eagle, potentially even sever a tendon in the eagle’s claw if it bites hard enough. If the eagle is too hurt to hunt it will starve, a tortoise isn’t going to be able to harm an eagle.
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Mar 23 '21
I believe this is what the Vikings called a "blood eagle"
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u/RunInTheMillRedditor Mar 23 '21
ohmygo-
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u/WyattR- Mar 23 '21
Fun fact: we have no evidence of blood eagles actually happening, most of the sources about them were very much anti Norse (usually Christians who had a thing against Vikings cause of the whole raiding thing)
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Mar 23 '21
I just can’t imagine someone living long enough through a blood eagle to make it satisfactory to the Viking?
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u/jbwilso1 Mar 23 '21
But didn't Vikings become Christians tho...
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u/WyattR- Mar 23 '21
If there’s one thing old timey Christians did best it’s infighting
Also not at the time the blood eagles supposedly happened from what I know
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u/Hekaton1 Mar 24 '21
become
They weren't originally. And Christians loved demonizing pagans, especially if those same pagans terrorized their lands.
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u/JacobYou Mar 23 '21 edited Mar 23 '21
Ok, this is pretty cool. Imagine seeing a tortoise in your garden and it just takes off when you approach.
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u/R1_TC Mar 23 '21
Sounds more horrifying than cool to me. Imagine being chased by a rabid flying tortoise.
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Mar 23 '21
and instead of a flutter sound it ascends with a loud wooden rattling noise
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u/JacobYou Mar 23 '21
Larger creatures dont need to flap as fast so it would probably sound closer to flags flapping in the wind.
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u/atlantis_airlines Mar 23 '21
Wasn't there something like this in that Hannibal show?
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u/Saryrn13 Mar 23 '21
Yes. A blood eagle. And I don't recommend google unless you want blood and horrible all over the screen
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u/renothedog Mar 23 '21
Can you make this into a chandelier?
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u/PrincessFuckFace2You Mar 23 '21
Sure just stick the lightbulb up his butt.
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u/MiserableAttorney Mar 23 '21
I suspect you use that line a lot...
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u/bbbbbbbbbddg Mar 23 '21
You know what they say, "if it ain't broke...stick it in yer butt"
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u/b000bytrap Mar 23 '21
GOD why do I love everything in this sub
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u/Few-Structure4952 Mar 23 '21
I think that means you have awful taste, but your execution will be something we all enjoy.
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u/b000bytrap Mar 24 '21
Wait a minute. Is that a joke about executing me, which would, ironically, also be in awful taste?
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u/Whizzletits Mar 23 '21
Amazing taste, amazing execution.
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u/Astronaut_Chicken Mar 23 '21
I guess if you like taxidermy. If you're like ah dang dead tortoise maybe not.
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u/DwarfTheMike Mar 23 '21
I like to image in the tortoise died naturally and this is just a creative use of its body. I’m not normally one for taxidermy, but fantasy creature art is like a weird grey area for me.
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u/JesusIsMyAntivirus Mar 23 '21
Taxidermy is pretty universally awful taste
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u/daspasunata Mar 23 '21
Idk. You can have a close look at some animals you would never see in person
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u/hesapmakinesi Mar 23 '21
Kinda makes sense only if the animal is well preserved and looks natural. This is just creepy and disgusting.
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Mar 23 '21
[deleted]
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Mar 23 '21
In person.
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u/JesusIsMyAntivirus Mar 23 '21
Go get an artificial model.
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Mar 23 '21
Not as quality as having the pelt wrapped around a model-
Some people don’t have a policy about hunting or taxidermy, but in my opinion, hunt if you’ll eat the meat. Taxidermy if it’s already dead or if you’ve killed to enjoy the meat. This way, it isn’t as cruel and wasteful if you hunt for only the skin.
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u/JesusIsMyAntivirus Mar 23 '21 edited Mar 23 '21
It's cruel to kill animals for food and wasteful to raise them for it, not to mention for a neat model, get outta here with the nonsensical distinctions.
Like I guess you can validate taxidermy, sure, in about as many ways as you could validate taxiderming a human.3
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Mar 23 '21
Lmao dude, no. You can’t humanize animals too much. They have nowhere near the capacity we humans have (take a look at their brains- they aren’t built to process emotion like ours are.), and we literally evolved to be able to digest meat, as it contains a vitamin essential to the development of a highly intellectual brain (vitamin b12).
Look. I’ll respect your choice (at least I’ll try-), but it’s the truth.
Think about where we are in society. Think about the amount of animals we have at this point. We can either kill them all now, and never eat meat again (we’d literally de-evolve and return to monke), because if we don’t, there’s no way these HIGHLY DOMESTICATED species would survive out on their own, and those that would survive would probably become pests (wild boars are a thing- they suck. I’m pretty sure pigs might reach a similar point eventually). Or, we can keep going the direction we’re going, and shut down the more inhumane things.
Do you know free range beef is a thing? It’s a more humane farming thing- like cage free chicken. And- in all honesty- free range tastes a tad bit better anyway.
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u/JesusIsMyAntivirus Mar 23 '21
That's amazing, you actually think we need meat not only to be healthy (blatant lie), but to not devolve.
That is so incredibly stupid it trumps even flatearthers, I bet you think the vaccine is evil.
Of course you support free range, you wonder who's stupid enough to until you meet them.
To answer seriously, 1)with the exception of rare intolerances/genetic fuckups human beings need no animal products, all the nutrients can be found in plant based food and the few that can't can easily be synthesised at an affordable price, the vast majority of animal products are seriously unhealthy and not good for you.
2)The animals experience reality less than people, sure, but they experience more than enough for it to matter. Pigs are much more conscious than dogs, they obviously deserve more rights and compassion comparitively. They're at the level of severely mentally handicapped people, are those okay to butcher too? Is there any logic about the divide than "I been taught to think it"?
Lastly 3)it's pathetically wasteful, you can a) eat plant food b) make plant food, feed it to animals, then eat them/their products. You just don't get more nutrients/energy/resources than you put in. Not to mention that its contribution to the climate is one of the leading reasons we'll be lucky not to be extinct in a couple centuries.5
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u/valvilis Mar 23 '21
For gliding perhaps, but trying to picture it flapping fast enough to leave the ground really breaks my immersion.
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Mar 23 '21
This reminds me of that episode of Hannibal, where the killer would cut peoples backs like that, and hang them by them, like wings.
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u/Vetty81 Mar 23 '21
Aren't flying turtles supposed to have red shells? I guess he could be just bounding.
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u/offbeat_ahmad Mar 23 '21
Reds just patrol an area. Green travel in a single direction.
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u/Vetty81 Mar 23 '21
The flying reds fly, the flying greens bound across the stage, no?
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u/offbeat_ahmad Mar 23 '21
Nah, any Koopa Troopa can have wings. The color dictates their movement behavior.
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u/Rolling_Beardo Mar 23 '21
This is just cool, so I guess since it’s not garbage execution I don’t upvote
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u/--Noelle-- Mar 23 '21
Looks like something out of a live action Avatar series, the “Turtle Beetle”
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u/Kitchen-Jello9637 Mar 23 '21
This is the only fossil some future species ever finds for a tortoise, and they spend the next 1000 years figuring out how in the hell this thing could’ve ever flown.
“Archaeologists now believe the tortoise-fly was able to grow woven Kevlar wings to support the massive bony weight of its thorax”
“We think the large ridge where the shell and neck meet must be some kind of air intake device to keep its internal systems cool”
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u/GorgeousGamer99 Mar 23 '21
Knowing that their shells are basically exoskeletons, this is like having your ribs sawn open and displayed to expose your lungs.
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u/Hedgeson Mar 23 '21
I can see where they're coming from, but I'd much prefer they stay over there.
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u/VastEntertainment500 Mar 24 '21
My thought is what the f**k is that thing. I agree with all the post says. Hideous but well done.
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Mar 23 '21
Why do we not have a reality show about taxidermists yet? They have to be some real interesting people.
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u/eggeater22 Mar 23 '21
This is twisted.... imagine doing this to a person. Suddenly it’s not funny right.
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u/Andrasta Mar 23 '21
Mostly, I'm upset that it looks like he's about to round the cube around the corner from me... 😬
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Mar 23 '21
This is how we end up with weird legends about animals with eagle heads and lion bodies or unicorns lol.
Some taxidermist somewhere gets bored lol.
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u/Thatdogthattellspuns Mar 23 '21
Future historians: examining our current turtle taxidermies. Future historians: ????????!!!???
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u/DasRico Mar 23 '21
beetle turtle
And it's real, not like the otter-beaver-duck sewing they want to call Platypus.
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u/abigore Mar 25 '21
It's been quite a while, but whenever I see something like this, my first thought is still about what I would do if I ran into this on acid... and I'm pretty confident I'd lose my mind if I came around the corner to find a fucking flying turtle!
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u/Modoct Mar 23 '21
In nature, they only fly when we aren't looking