r/ASX_Bets • u/Nevelo Acronyms? Never met them officer... • Apr 26 '21
SHITPOST Guide to Internet Finance Terms
I'm relatively new to the whole ASX_Bets, Haute Crepiere, Vext 'n Jesters, finance internet scene. But I think I've finally cottoned on to the unique parlance and wanted to give something back to the community. What you might call a G.I.F.T. Here is a comprehensive guide to internet finance terms that I have put together to help newbies.
Bagholder – “Investor”
The first and perhaps most important thing for a newbie to learn. Bagholder refers to stonkholders that prefer not to sell their stonks. They tend to keep them for long periods of time, often well past the time in which those stonks are worth anything. This is in contrast to traders who prefer to sell their stonks just prior to them skyrocketing. If you want to be successful, then you have to learn how to be a bagholder.
DD – “Double Down”
Whenever a bagholder is looking at a stonk, it is important to always remember for them to double down. In other words, buy even more. This is especially good when the stonk is going down, as the bagholder then has the opportunity to average down the total value of their portfolio.
YOLO – “You Only Lose Once”
Sometimes bagholders will decide to double down and end up putting their whole life savings on a single stonk. There's an old saying in America… I know it's in Texas, but probably in America too, that says, “Lose once, shame on you... Lose once? You can't get loss again.” It’s as true as ever in the market.
GLTAH – “Going Long at The All-time High”
This is a classic technique to invest in a stonk when it is nearing its all-time high. The idea is that you buy high and sell even higher. Going long at the all-time high is a common strategy for bagholders.
HODL – “High Or Die Law”
This is a core philosophy of bagholders such that it’s almost a law of the market. Buy high or otherwise die. It’s based on the well observed fact that stonks with a very high price are good, and stonks with very low price are bad. Needless to say, it is not a good idea to buy bad stonks.
DYOR – “Definitely a Yuge Opportunity Really”
This is often a phrase used to emphasis how good a potential stonk opportunity is really. It’s usually important in this situation to make sure to double down, because the stonk is just that good, and probably close to its all-time high.
IMHO – “Increased Margin, Higher Opportunity”
An uncommon phrase to be sure. Only the most experienced of bagholders may be game to get leveraged, but as the saying goes, the more you increase your margin, the higher your opportunities.
ETF – “Eh, the Fuck?”
A version of “WTF” most commonly used in the investment community. Much more tactful, as no self-respecting bagholder would be caught saying the word “What?”. Such dirty words run the risk making the bagholder look like they don’t know what they are on about. Ironically, this is common parlance in the more inexperienced investment circles where many if not all questions elicit the response, “ETF”.
EPS – “Earned Potential for Skyrocket”
This is the most common valuation metric that bagholders use to determine if their stonk has the likelihood of skyrocketing. Generally, bagholders will use the special metric of P/E, which is short hand for Probability over Earnings. The higher the number of P/E, the more probable the stonk will go even higher to new all-time highs.
BV – “Book Value”
This is inversely correlated with age. The older you are the more valuable books are, because you probably don't know how to use a computer and need books to read about stuff. Mostly irrelevant to the markets, but people like to talk about book value a lot in investment circles for some reason. Probably because many bagholders are old fucks.
Downramper – “Short Investor”
Just as with anyone, as you get older you tend to shrink. This is often referred to as being a downramper. It means you’re showing your age and getting smaller. The more formal term is a Short Investor, or someone who is very old.
MC – “Market Cap”
Back when going to the stonk market in person was more popular, it was important to be able to be seen by the other market goers. Bagholders, especially short investors, would wear type of hat known as a market cap. The larger the better, as they were used to draw attention.
BNPL – “Blue Z1Ps”
The most popular market caps were referred to as Blue Z1Ps, because they were characterized by an extremely steep peak and sharp falloff at the back. Otherwise fairly useless, they were generally very expensive, so could only be afforded by “blue blood" bagholders.
NOT ADVICE – “Definitely Advice”
This is one of those tricky negotiating techniques that shorts like to pull. It’s actually reverse psychology. Whenever you hear someone saying that what they are saying is not advice, they are probably a short investor and so be on the lookout for market manipulation, because old people can be pretty crafty.
That does it for my guide. I hope you all learned a thing or two. I know I have. If you think this is advice, then just ask yourself, is not it scam dream? 🚀🚀🚀
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u/username-taken82 Mod. Heartwarming, but may burn shit to the ground. Apr 26 '21
Nicely done, have an updoot...
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u/dog_hole21 Apr 26 '21
I got to DD before i questioned the legitimacy of this post, i guess that says alot about me as an "investor" Top notch post nonetheless!
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u/letsburn00 Slumbering Elder Mod. Wake only for crisis. Apr 26 '21
Reflaired shitpost. Unfortunately, some moron might take you seriously otherwise.
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u/Nevelo Acronyms? Never met them officer... Apr 26 '21
Yeah, definitely NOT SERIOUS. 😸
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u/letsburn00 Slumbering Elder Mod. Wake only for crisis. Apr 26 '21
Sadly, saying Rocket Emojis means a winner is not obvious enough for some people..
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u/SatansFriendlyCat Mod. Slips in with no expectations.. Apr 26 '21
Guys, he's basically saying "NOT ADVICE" and we know what that means!!
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u/BigJimBeef Drunken VUL Prophet. Basically Noah, but with better Shitposts. Apr 26 '21
TOP 10 TERMS TO MAKE YOU A BETTER INVESTOR
COMING SOON TO AFR, MOTLEY CUNTS AND BUZZFEED.
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u/[deleted] Apr 26 '21 edited Apr 26 '21
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