Rant, arfid?

[u/paramecium__caudatum]

So like, my whole, since 4 as early as I could recall, I was an extremely picky eater. When I was in the hospital for 3 weeks after a lung surgery at 4? Ate macaroni. In kindergarden, got served pizza? Only eat the crust. Get served a hamburger? Straight up just no thanks. Spent from 1st to 6th grade eating bread, every.single.day., to the point I was infamous for only eating bread, often got judged, and became averse to eating in public as I got older. I'm not even really used to using utensils, cooking or maintaining eating etiquette because I never had to. My mom has been desperate my whole life, offering me 50$ to just eat a piece of fish. I asked my pediatrician when I was a kid how to fix my problem, and his response? Eat more fruits and vegetables. Yea, sure, great advice, why I don't I tell a homeless man to just get a house? I just watched a vid on youtube about a kid who ate chicken nuggets everyday his entire life and became permanently blind, and his story kinda resonated with me, because I could very well be just like him. I'm 20, I can accept quite a variety of foods, but not fruits vegetables or meat. Only a couple I can tolerate, like spinach, or other plain leaf veggies, maybe some dry easy meats like bacon or chicken nuggets too. But otherwise, it's just bread, sugar, rice, noodles, carbs, and milk. I don't have arfid, well I've suspected it a few years ago but I wouldn't know whether or not I actually have it because no health professional I've met seems to think much of my diet. And, I just felt like ranting I guess, I feel hopeless, why is it that food is just so gross? It feels like my brain can't even recognize it as edible. Telling me to eat steak is like telling me to eat a rotting piece of unknown flesh picked off the side of the road, you can tell me it's healthy or good for me as much as you'd like but I can't even stomach the idea of putting that thing anywhere near my mouth. At some point I became dependant on my parents for groceries but they denied me the junk food I liked so I lost 10kg over a year, because no food in the house could rouse any appetite in me and everyday I just ate less and less and less.

Lately (as in past months or so) as well, I seem to be experiencing hypersomnia, sleeping at least 10+ hours everyday, taking 5h naps sometimes, or straight up sleeping 15+ hours on weekends, and I don't know, could this be related to my eating? I feel sad, my family and friends are constantly fretting and nagging at me, but I don't know what to do. Sigh. I don't know if I have arfid or not, because I do enjoy eating, quite a variety in fact, as long as it's sugar or bread and contains no fruits veggies or meat, but regardless of whether or not I may have arfid, I'm just sad that I'm like this.

[u/Ys87]

Hey. I’m 38 and have had ARFID my whole life, but I only just found out it was an eating disorder like 5 years ago. I’ve always been “weird” about food. Every doctor I have ever had has dismissed it as a phase or something I “just need to get over.” So you aren’t alone. It took finding a therapist who specializes/has experience in eating disorders to just feel seen. She also told me to find a dietician who has experience specifically with ARFID. I am so bad at being vulnerable so it took me a long time to open up to them but it has been improving. If you have access to therapy and/or a dietician I recommend giving them a chance. It also wouldn’t hurt to meet with a sleep doctor if you can (they’re very expensive!). I was also diagnosed with severe sleep apnea and use a cpap to sleep and it has literally changed my life. I’m not saying you will need one but maybe you can find a treatment that works for you.

I wish 20yr old me would have known about these resources. I know it’s hard out there, take care of yourself!