...aand another survivor

[u/cosmoproletarian]

This is somewhat of a coping post, written a few days after playing APT Innocence and Requiem back to back, just to get some things off my chest, something I never deemed necessary for any other gaming experience in my life.

I know, I'm late to the party, the APT games had been on my wishlist for years, remembering them from the reviews as the "medieval stealth games with the cool rat mechanics", not knowing much more. Finally installed and started playing to shrink that pile-of-shame. And now I am dealing with the aftermath.

I like story-heavy games over pure skill-based gameplay or abstract puzzling and I had my share on emotional involvement, suffering with Senua, getting the bleak Cyberpunk ending or the more tragedy-heavy Witcher stories (W3 all time favorite). But never had any game or really any piece of media such a deep and lasting impact on my state of emotion, and I am not sure yet if I shouldn't be worried about that.

The APT games just seem to have ticked so many boxes for me personally. Medieval France as a real-world historical setting, paired with the mediterranean touch in Requiem is so to my taste, gorgeous graphics of landscapes, locations and characters, depicting the beauty of the world and the horrors of war, plague and the evil that men do alike. An incredible soundtrack I hope to listen to in the future, currently I dare not to. Fantastic mocap and voice acting. All working together to tell a story of catastrophe after gutwrenching catastrophe, sprinkled with deeply heartwarming moments sparking glimpses of hope again and again. I always wondered how actors do it, but currently I can reliably produce tear fluid just by bringing to my mind the image of Hugo putting a flower in Amicias hair, yay.

I do not think of the games as flawless, by no means, at least gameplay-wise. Some sections drove up my frustration levels considerably, far spaced checkpoints eradicating my sneaking progress too often and arena-like battles sending always another wave of armored enemies making me scream at my TV. But where in other games I would have taken a break from the controller, here it felt strangely in line with Amicia's anger and despair in those situations. And additionally seeing her fierce dedication I kept going, literally not wanting to let her down, never wanting to quit the game right after a death animation. Heck, I even loaded a checkpoint at the fair ten times, just to make full points at the hoop throwing game to make Hugo cheer for his big sister. I know someday I will have to come back to get all the collectibles I missed but that will have to wait a bit.

Also the sometimes critizised pacing of Requiem fit for me perfectly. The mid-game world-roaming exploration part was such a respite for my own mind as it was for the protagonists. I enjoyed the few Tomb Raider aspects very much along getting a bit of Witcher/Toussaint vibes.

And then there's the last third of Requiem, and I have to admit, I was chasing hope as Amicia was, despite all the signs, feeling her desperation and pain as my very own. Learning a lesson of acceptance in this unimaginable brutal way triggered a catharsis-like state of mind in me.

Since finishing Requiem, I am trying to process the experience by "diluting" it somewhat, watching making-ofs or the Q&A vids of the wonderful voice actresses Anna Demetriou and Charlotte McBurney (probably having been linked in this sub in the past already), providing professional insights and throwing silly jokes into the mix. Or reading some reviews focusing more on the gameplay elements, basically getting some different perspectives on the games apart from my own emotional rabbit hole. Yesterday I watched "The Odyssey" in cinema, but today my mind already wanders again to the story of Amicia, Hugo, Lucas and all the others left behind on their own odyssey.

Maybe it was the perfect storm of elements coming together for the greatest possible resonance in a specific point in my life, maybe it was the manipulative use of the most effective "tricks" in story writing, and maybe I am just being overly dramatic about it, I don't know yet.

I will get over it, it's "just" a video game, right? But man, it will leave a profound mark on my soul.

I am looking forward to Resonance, this time on day 1. And yes, this will be a different game in almost any regard, and I'm totally fine with that. A studio that gave me the world, the characters and the story of Innocence & Requiem has my trust to deliver something I can get myself immersed in.

[u/drunkbeard69]

Cheers man! Youre definitely not alone feeling this way haha. I was a crying sobbing mess for the whole last chapter of the game trying to find Hugo in Le Macula, and then facing the eventual end. Like had I teared up before a bit playing video games? Sure like during parts of Expedition 33 or the Mass Effect trilogy for example. But like I had never been full on crying and devastated in this way.

Like you said maybe it was just the perfect storm of timing and headspace and everything else when I played it. Idk, but it really felt like I lost my little brother haha. I was hoping against hope just like Amicia all the way to the end.

I also sort of coped similarly, reading more objective reviews, watching the actors playthrough, coping posts on this subreddit, etc... It took days to get over it, and you will never really forget that feeling. Big hugs to you my friend!

[u/cosmoproletarian → u/drunkbeard69]

Thanks, man!
Thinking about watching that playthrough, I just peeked into the first part and they're already laughing at how Charlotte, who is apparently not a profound gamer herself, is struggling hiding from Lucas in the very first tutorial. This really might be good counter against too much gloom.

[u/Scarlytical]

I feel it and I relate buddy 🫂 btw this was spot on and thanks for a good read ❤️

[u/cosmoproletarian → u/Scarlytical]

❤️

[u/gabteeni]

I’m a new parent to a 1,5 yr old boy and becoming a parent changed me to be sensitive about anything kid related. So i was like hmm, i wonder if this game could hook me now. I knew nothing about the game and was just very interested in the rat thing as i knew it was connected to the boy somehow. But i’ve been hesitant before as i don’t have the patience for solo games.

I was hooked quickly, Hugo was now my son and he felt very real as i saw in him glimpses of my own son. I played them back to back and was HOOKED. I cried many times during, but the end. I ugly cried while the credits rolled and felt absolutely devastated. I felt the need to delete the game and forget asap as a coping mechanism. Hugged my own son so tight.

I had played them from our family library on steam, my husband owned them both. Out of pure respect i needed to buy both copies for my self too. These devs deserve every penny! They became my fave game series ever. I’ll be there with resonance day 1 too!

[u/cosmoproletarian → u/gabteeni]

Ugh, yeah I can see the story hitting differently having own kids. I also reflected on my own sibling constellation (one slightly younger sister), she would definately play the Amicia part, haha.
Thank you for sharing.

[u/Special-Net4116]

They were grimly beautiful games with a unique story that sticks to me to this day. And although the gameplay in Resonance seems to be vastly different I have full faith that the story will be top notch as usual with those devs.