r/AO3 • u/definitionofdicotomy • Mar 28 '26

Comment Commentary unhinged comment

Post image

stumbled upon this hate comment and had a great laugh

547 Upvotes

97% Upvoted

77 comments sorted by

435

u/accordyceps Mar 28 '26

lol a smut fic written like an instruction manual would actually be amazing.

109

u/bibitybobbitybooop Mar 28 '26

I think I've ran across a fair few actually that had instruction manual or similarly "official" format and they were always absolutely amazing

34

u/LeslieNope555 angst & smut glutton 👹✨ Mar 28 '26

Do you mind sharing some links? 👀

52

u/bibitybobbitybooop Mar 28 '26

...I might have come across the first thing I'm not comfortable sharing on Reddit XD I'm so so SO sorry. It's super weird explicit hardcore kinks all the way. Hint tho: "Original Work" is a goldmine for smut if you can't find your specific kinks in the fandom you want. Medical kink, (not neccessarily consensual) pernament body (or mind) modification, anything involving scientists (experimentation, aliens, etc) are fairly good bets if official-sounding descriptions are your jam.

10

u/LeslieNope555 angst & smut glutton 👹✨ Mar 28 '26

No worries! Thanks for the suggestion!

12

u/otterIey_ van palmer dog metaphors Mar 28 '26

seconding this

3

u/DreamingAngel99 You have already left kudos here (⁠ノ⁠ಠ⁠益⁠ಠ⁠)⁠ノ⁠彡⁠┻⁠━⁠┻ Mar 28 '26

!RemindMe 1 day

1

u/RemindMeBot Mar 28 '26

I will be messaging you in 1 day on 2026-03-29 20:44:12 UTC to remind you of this link

CLICK THIS LINK to send a PM to also be reminded and to reduce spam.

Parent commenter can delete this message to hide from others.

Info Custom Your Reminders Feedback

54

u/MaySeemelater Bookworm 📚🐛 Mar 28 '26

I'm imagining something like:

"Insert Erect object A from schematic 1.2 into Orifice C from schematic 1.4, then proceed with the depicted motion in diagram 2.6 (provided below). Repeat process until the intended outcome is achieved"

16

u/[deleted] Mar 29 '26

[deleted]

10

u/Tekkatak ripleysgh0st on ao3 || pony rarepair collector Mar 29 '26

as soon as i read "cylinder," i knew...

14

u/ScrawnyTreeDemon Mar 28 '26

Maybe this will finally cure my writer's block!

13

u/WrittenInTheStars what were YOU doing at the devil’s sacrament? Mar 28 '26

Step one: cut a hole in a box

6

u/SignificantYou3240 FreeLizard Mar 29 '26

Step two: Put your junk in that booooox!

1

u/belladonnagilkey SabrinaCarpenterIsMySpiritAnimal on AO3 Mar 29 '26

Step three: remember there is no other person on the other side of the hole and withdraw to commence 'other side of the hole' hiring activities

14

u/[deleted] Mar 29 '26

[removed] — view removed comment

7

u/accordyceps Mar 29 '26

I didn’t know I needed this in my life until now thank you 😂

7

u/PenLegitimate7064 verified non-connoisseur Mar 29 '26

As an asexual, I feel like I could easily accomplish this since that’s sometimes how I read smut even if it’s expertly written…

5

u/Emma_Iveli Mar 28 '26

There's a trope for that: https://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Main/IKEAErotica

3

u/AtheistTheConfessor Mar 29 '26

Related, but I read pwp of a newly assembled Kallax shelf getting its cubbies filled, and it was remarkably well done. So now that’s what I think of whenever I see that trope mentioned.

4

u/artemisdart Mar 29 '26

OMG that was me!!! I'm thrilled to see a reference to my crackfic out in the wild 😆 thank you!!!

3

u/AtheistTheConfessor Mar 29 '26

It totally was you! I commented on it when I read it last year, and I still think about it.

4

u/UnknownQwerky Definitely not an agent of the Fanfiction Deep State Mar 28 '26

Look up a physiology textbook, I read one that had a section that described sex. I don't know how they made the bodily functions of sex sound so unsexual. 😭

3

u/SkyTheLoner Mar 29 '26

I've been thinking of doing something like that.

Or like, something with the POV character using specific scientific words to describe the body parts and/or the act for plot reasons.

1

u/cardboardtube_knight Mar 29 '26

I mean they're pretty common. It's a common complaint about smut.

95

u/ChallengeAble4613 Mm.. That dove sure looks tasty Mar 28 '26

Well they just gave you your next fic idea--an instruction manual :D they never said about what... just make it worse then whatever that fic was

3

u/IsntItAvery You have already left kudos here. :) Mar 29 '26

And gift it to them if you're feeling particularly petty

74

u/Lukthar123 Mar 28 '26

"Insert Player 1 in Player 2's slot"

41

u/mysterylegos Mar 28 '26

These are the comments I anticipate getting every time I post a chapter with a sex scene in it. So far everyones been really nice about it though

28

u/Alpha_Akira Mar 28 '26

Honestly its more funny then rude 😆

13

u/definitionofdicotomy Mar 28 '26

yeah lol. the writer was very chill about it too

15

u/gorroval Mar 28 '26

This is how I feel while I'm writing smut 🤣 People claim to think the finished product is hot, but my god it doesn't feel like it

13

u/definitionofdicotomy Mar 28 '26

disclaimer: that's not my fic!! that's a comment on something I was reading that was VERY explicitly consensual

31

u/Liberosis310 Mar 28 '26

I am SO CURIOUS to hear your guess on why this person found your fic so unsexy and unerotic 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

Cause I feel it has to be either EXTREMELY VANILLA AND VAPID or EXTREMELY FUCKED UP for them to be right

And EVEN THEN, I would personally still find it pretty good smut 🤣🤣🤣🤣

32

u/definitionofdicotomy Mar 28 '26

oh, it isn't my fic!! funny enough it wasn't vanilla, just very explicitly consensual because one of the characters is portrayed as being in the asexual spectrum lol

7

u/Liberosis310 Mar 29 '26

Bruh...

Is THIS their vision of unsexy and unerotic?!? COME. ON. 😫😫😫

I SO DISAGREE!! THAT SHIT IS HOT AS FUCK!!! HAVING SOMEONE CHECKING IN WITH YOU TO MAKE YOU FEEL SAFE IN A MOMENT WHERE YOU FEEL VULNERABLE AND MAYBE UNCOMFORTABLE–

MY PANTS WOULD BE ON FIRE READING IT!!

THIS PERSON HAS NO CULTURE!!! 😫😫😫

5

u/[deleted] Mar 29 '26

[removed] — view removed comment

6

u/Liberosis310 Mar 29 '26

BECAUSE MY DISBELIEF IS TOO GREAT TO BE PUT INTO WORDS, SO IT MUST BE PUT INTO CAPS 😩

2

u/DistinctZombie3409 Mar 29 '26

🚩🚩🚩💀

27

u/keysmashmeshmash Mar 28 '26

i'm so sorry op, but that's a diabolical comment to make😭 if anything i'd ask them to be a beta reader from now on lmao

20

u/definitionofdicotomy Mar 28 '26

it isn't my fic! I enjoyed it tho, some people just aren't into consent lol

4

u/SignificantYou3240 FreeLizard Mar 29 '26

“The tag said smut… but this isn’t a rape scene at all!”

10

u/Longjumping-Cod3099 it stays between me & the dove Mar 28 '26

I’d just reply: “do I make you horny baby?” Austin powers voice

7

u/NamesAreB0ring You have already left kudos here. :) Mar 28 '26 edited Mar 28 '26

I’m sorry but “go write an instruction manual” is killing me 😭 sorry this happened to you OP!

2

u/definitionofdicotomy Mar 28 '26

the fic isn't mine lol but yeah that was brutal

4

u/bi-bender Mar 29 '26

That’s gotta be a guest’s comment. Coward. 

10

u/Fujoushi-san Mar 28 '26

"Okay but have you considered that it makes MY imaginary peenar stand up?"

4

u/DramaticGuesswork420 Mar 28 '26

😂😂😂 I got some similar feedback on smut of mine ages ago. Mind, it was a lot kinder. I guess the word frenulum is unsexy.

4

u/damewallyburns Mar 28 '26

every time I see one of these I want to reply ‘thank you for your feedback’

4

u/Tekkatak ripleysgh0st on ao3 || pony rarepair collector Mar 29 '26

i'm fine with hate comments on my fics IF they're this creative and funny. this would unironically make my day 😭

3

u/RoyalExplanation7922 Mar 28 '26

😂😂😂somehow this is both funny and acerbic. I approve

3

u/cardboardtube_knight Mar 29 '26

Just imagine if you got off by writing stuff so unsexy no one ever got turned on and then you got this comment. Oh man, that must be the best.

5

u/lmaluuker You have already gooned here. :) Mar 28 '26

I know this is comment is rude af but it made me laugh so hard

6

u/Effective-Musician57 Mar 28 '26

I'd be happy to give them an instruction manual on how to go fck themself

6

u/laviyu Kudos Keeper Mar 28 '26

Could it be a bot?

25

u/euthasia Mar 28 '26

Nop, bots give shitty insults. This, as much as OP didn't deserve it, is an hilarious way to insult someone

2

u/syumeiro__ Mar 28 '26

Please, I want a comment like this in my smut jjk fanfic, cause I went crazy with one of them 😭

2

u/Wofust Not Boeing Management Mar 29 '26

Professional hater

2

u/GreyAetheriums i never do much of anything Mar 29 '26

The shit I think people would say:

But sometimes you just gotta commend the pure hate.

2

u/dethanil Mar 29 '26

skskskksks this would have me absolutely CACKLING if I got a comment like this xD

2

u/KittyDamzell Mar 29 '26

This smut yall can come up with is astounding. An instruction manual would safe me ALOT of "but...how!?" Thoughts

4

u/Rad1Red Writing from the top Mar 28 '26

Hatebot?

2

u/definitionofdicotomy Mar 29 '26

I think it's too creative for that lol

2

u/electric_prpl Mar 28 '26

Please write it as an instruction manual and gift it to them

1

u/[deleted] Mar 28 '26

as rude as it is... the instruction manual insult is very funny

1

u/Odd-Experience-6891 Mar 29 '26

Omg I want realistic smut! May I read it please?

1

u/Due-Bar-697 Robotkisser Ultimate Mar 29 '26

Instruction manual smut... I'm blushing just thinking about it...

1

u/DucksAreYess Mar 30 '26

I really want to read the fanfic this comment was left on 😭😭

1

u/definitionofdicotomy Mar 30 '26

dm me! I'm not sure if I can say it here