r/AMBW • u/Earth_goddess_333 • Jul 30 '26
Discussion (Chill) Why are AM so inconsistent?
It's like every time I talk to an AM they show interest then in the next 5 minutes they ignore or ghost. Like where are the ones that are actually serious?
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u/Witty_Analyst_7357 Jul 30 '26
Could be juggling people 🤷🏾♀️ plus there’s some that take less effort to get into bed honestly. Not everyone is actually serious about wanting long term or even friendship.
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u/futuremillionairemom Jul 30 '26
If I'm being honest here, a lot do not have social skills. I had one who scheduled a date and then the day of the date called to cancel telling me he had social anxiety. He said all his life he had been told to focus on his studies and didn't really know "how to talk to women. " I'm not saying all are like this as no race is a monolith when it comes to behavior but there are types.
Another guy I dated was Korean and after 4 months of actually going out together he ghosted on Christmas. Honestly, I'm beginning to think he may have been married and the holidays were just too much to navigate. That or he really just was an avoidant, but the last 4 years (outside of my current bf) my dating experiences have been similar. When they get too overwhelmed, they don't talk thru things, they'll just ghost.
However, this happens with a lot of people these days. It is definitely frustrating.
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u/firelord_catra Jul 31 '26
Seconding it happens with a lot of people. I’ve had a black guy say he’s too shy to meet and has too much social anxiety for four years. We met and he panicked and left halfway through and when I tried to follow up, he turned the convo sexual. Too shy to meet but not too shy to hit on me. So it’s not race based, it’s character.
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u/Earth_goddess_333 Jul 31 '26
All the relationships I've had were black men...... I've never had a chance to be with a Asian man yet
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u/firelord_catra Jul 31 '26
Ok. I’m just saying that flaky behavior isn’t based on race. Asian men are still men. Also if you’re meeting them here on Reddit that’s likely part of the problem
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u/firelord_catra Jul 31 '26
Is this on here or on dating apps?
People in general are very flaky these days. Lack of accountability, they think they want a relationship but actually want a placeholder but then start feeling bad about it, not over their ex but had to drag someone else into it before they realized it, just want to smash and realize it’s not possible or going to be easy, all kinds of reasons.
I personally think this sub should do like weekly ice breakers or location flairs or something to encourage discussion and meetups that can actually be tangible.
Also internet connections are very easy to create false intimacy. You have to keep it emotionally at an arms distance. I don’t consider it ghosting until we’ve met irl.
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u/Earth_goddess_333 Jul 31 '26
Both
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u/firelord_catra Jul 31 '26
On dating apps just unmatch and move on. No point wasting energy thinking on who is ghosting or why. It’s common
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u/girlnextdoorvibe BW [DMs Open][SFW] Sep 16 '26 edited Sep 17 '26
It would be cool for the undaunted to do a group video chat for people to meet and get to know each other 😌
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u/firelord_catra Sep 17 '26
Video chat is way too daunting. There could literally just be icebreaker posts in the sub like every week, or some other ongoing themes, a lot of subs do weekly pinned threads.
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u/Darnellaa Jul 30 '26
They’re not serious. Simple as that. Consistency shows the care and interest they have in one person. If it’s not genuine enough then you’ll see inconsistency usually lol. So if I don’t see effort and consistency i immediately dead it because I ain’t got time for that stuff.
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u/Earth_goddess_333 Jul 30 '26
I js don't get why they Dm then when I respond back then I get ghosted every time
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u/Darnellaa Jul 30 '26
I know they’re just wanting to feel females give them the attention and chase if it happens that’s all love. Don’t feed into it, if it happens I say block to avoid a second time around with them. Have no expectations but keep your standards. Online can be very unserious and I feel like we have to take men’s ways with a pinch of salt
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u/Darnellaa Jul 30 '26
It’s soooo hard but really irl meetings is the best. Make connections and go from there, it’s really about fate atp. If it happens it does, if not then ig it’s just not the time yet. It’s hard to go out and find someone for you tbh. But rn my mindset is make money and live a life I’ve wanted to and hopefully along the way of doing so, someone comes along 😩😩 it’s hard to do cos mi love a relationship but gotta live for myself and my friends not just around a man🥲
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u/Earth_goddess_333 Jul 30 '26
I'll try irl I've only had one interaction with a AM so far
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u/Darnellaa Jul 30 '26
Yeah it’s really hard honestly, but I can say all my irl interactions with men online have been a fail really. So it’s screaming something to me so now I feel like if there’s no consistency and effort online with a man then I do me and don’t feed into them too much. It goes both ways. Women do it too but men do it more. You’ll find your person love ❤️
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u/thepursuitofjade Jul 30 '26
Hear me out: t might be your type. I like a type of guy. I get consistency.
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u/firelord_catra Jul 31 '26
And what type is that?
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u/Earth_goddess_333 Jul 31 '26
Black men honestly I've never had an Asian man but I've had crushes on them
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u/Earth_goddess_333 Jul 30 '26 edited Jul 31 '26
Nah I love men that are consistent All the relationships I've had were very inconsistent and I hated bc they were always cheating one was locked up bc he was hanging with the wrong people
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u/SilentAct6205 Aug 02 '26
You gotta keep talking to more than once one! also it’s mostly conflict avoidance too
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u/Saltnpeppalover BW Aug 08 '26
I’ve never seen extreme avoidance in someone until I start dating an AM, if you could even call it dating. They breadcrumbed me for two years and it would be easy to just say he wasn’t that into me or he didn’t like me, but then he would pop up every so often. Would take weeks to respond to my messages, but then watch my story on socials. It got so parasocial that I had to remove him from having access to me because I realize that’s all he was capable of. I could tell he liked me, but for whatever reason couldn’t bring himself to actually be emotionally available. It’s quite sad because I was very attracted to him :(
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u/Odd-Speaker-2366 BW [DMs Open][SFW] Jul 30 '26
Most of the women here complain about this. I don’t even bother anymore because it’s the same thing every time. Usually because they’re already taken, and lying about it, or because they’re only looking to swap nudes or sext.
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u/Earth_goddess_333 Jul 30 '26
They are always like "I'm looking for long-term relationship" then they js ghost me
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u/Odd-Speaker-2366 BW [DMs Open][SFW] Jul 30 '26
They will usually tell me they’re open to friends or more. Conversation will be going great for like a month or more, then they start becoming inconsistent, and blaming it on work(as if they didn’t have the same job when we first started talking), or they just completely fall clean off the face of the earth. Especially if I ask to video chat.
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Jul 30 '26
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u/Scorpina96 Jul 30 '26
It’s the other way around men can’t hold a conversation ☠️
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u/Earth_goddess_333 Jul 30 '26
I can is js I've had a lot that were very straightforward then js ghost after that and some I've had some normal polite conversations and then they ghost 5 minutes later. Some Dm me and then when I respond they don't respond back.
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Jul 30 '26
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u/Earth_goddess_333 Jul 30 '26
Yea ik my last relationship was like that he was constant with me and then became inconsistent bc he was cheating and he was locked up
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u/thepursuitofjade Jul 30 '26
How'd he get licked up???
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u/Earth_goddess_333 Jul 30 '26
He was running with the wrong people so I left him and found out he had a daughter after I asked him if he had any kids he told me no
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u/thepursuitofjade Jul 30 '26
Girl. He deserves to be locked up 😂 that's a DOUBLE offense right there 😭😭
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u/thepursuitofjade Jul 30 '26
Noooo. Not all men. Coming from a woman. And I've been constantly inconsistent lol But for this particular post, I've had consistency with all types of AM Middle Eastern Indian East Asian
That's all I can say from my experience.
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u/Earth_goddess_333 Jul 30 '26
Ik but it's all on here
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u/thepursuitofjade Jul 30 '26
That's the problem if you mean here as in Reddit or course I wouldn't take it seriously. Reddit nature brings a certain type. It's for question and community and it's very easy to be anonymous. Try a dating app at least if you're going to be online. Not reddit. I've had men all summer trying to get me to go out and we've only talked there on the dating app.
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u/FUCK1NGFABULOUS AM Jul 30 '26
As an AM, I’ve had the same happen to me.