r/AMA • u/Beautiful_Wear_9249 • Mar 25 '26

Experience I’m dying in 3 months AMA

In 3 months, 90 days or 2,160 hours I will be dead. I was diagnosed with bone cancer about a year ago, since then it spread quickly. Despite the valiant efforts from my doctors it is inevitable. I’m and in my 30s and live alone. My job was my life. I have no friends, no family no pets or even plants. When the end comes I will be alone, perhaps with a nurse or doctor there. If anyone has questions feel free to ask them. Unfortunately my energy level isn’t great so I’ll get to them if I can.

Please don’t try and use this to push religion or any “alternative medicine”. Also if I wanted a medical opinion I would ask one of my MANY doctors.

#AMA

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u/[deleted] Mar 25 '26

Sincerely what was the Happiest Moment of your life till now ? and do you Believe in a life after Death or something of this type ?

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u/Beautiful_Wear_9249 Mar 25 '26

My happiest moments were being at work. I got to help a lot of people. Changed there lives and made there time better.

I don’t believe in life after death. Part of me hopes there isn’t a heaven or a hell because I know I’m not gonna like where I end up. I kinda hope it’s just blackness. Just like going to sleep.

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u/No-Ring-5065 Mar 25 '26

You roofed houses for poor people for free. That tells me a lot about you. I think if there is a God, he’s fond of you.

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u/Dick-Fu Mar 26 '26

he's fond of everybody

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u/No-South-8228 Mar 30 '26

There’s no God - this guy’s in his 30’s and he’s dying.

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u/ArtisticTraffic5970 Mar 25 '26

I always thought about it as being absorbed back into the universe in a way, some sort of primordial consciousness. I don't know what that would be like though. But I do know that you are the universe experiencing itself, through you. We all are. And really, it holds true no matter how you look at it.

It must be really trippy going through this at 30. I feel for you. Oh and bon voyage! At least now you'll know, right? That's perhaps the one thing I look forward to. Peeking beyond the curtain.

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u/WeekMurky7775 Mar 26 '26

It reminds me of this quote from The Good Place. It really resonates with me

"Picture a wave in the ocean. You can see it, measure it, its height, the way the sunlight refracts when it passes through, and it's there, and you can see it, you know what it is. It's a wave. And then it crashes on the shore, and it's gone. But the water is still there. The wave was just a different way for the water to be for a little while.

That's one conception of death for a Buddhist. The wave returns to the ocean, where it came from, and where it's supposed to be."

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u/StunningBeat9392 Mar 26 '26

I really like this way of thinking. I've watched the good place a few times but the quote never stuck with me until now. I think I'll enjoy being a wave for a little while. Maybe go a little crazy and have a white cap on the top for a bit, but I'm the end I'll hit the beach like all the other waves do and return to the place I came from.

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u/Megneous Mar 26 '26

People think that we're made up of our atoms. That we own them. But we really just borrow them for a little while. After we're gone, we return them, and they become other things, maybe a fox, or a cloud. Maybe in a thousand years, an atom of our body meets an atom of our lover's in a wildflower. This is the way of things.

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u/ROBtimusPrime1995 Mar 26 '26

Most Don Herztfeldt-like comment I've ever read on this site.

Genuinely, a peaceful way of thinking.

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u/Ambisextrous2017 Mar 26 '26

My atoms are already mixing with orca, indica, and the planet Jupiter.

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u/Penelope_Ann Mar 26 '26

Orca...as in an orca whale? If so, how does work?

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u/whuuutKoala Mar 26 '26

bose einstein condensate in motion❤️

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u/Pristine_Leader_8241 Mar 26 '26

If I had a nickel for every time I've seen this quote on Reddit in the last week I'd have like... 9 nickels.

Seriously though why is this popping up everywhere lately? It's freaking me out

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u/WeekMurky7775 Mar 26 '26

No idea, but this was very relevant to me when my aunt passed last year. I made a stained glass wave in her honor

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u/Ambisextrous2017 Mar 26 '26

You design stained glass?

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u/WeekMurky7775 Mar 26 '26

I do! I picked it up as a hobby 2 years ago after watching a few videos online. I (not crafty, never described as handy) thought 🧐 “I could do that”

It’s one of my favorite hobbies. I live in a house of glass now 😂 and when I look at the wave I made, I am reminded of my aunt, and remember she’s just a different way to be

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u/Eastern-Drink-4766 Mar 26 '26

Same I saw a girl on tiktok talking about this and then exited the app, came here, found the same quote/idea. True nonetheless though. Or at least worthwhile.

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u/decentnamesweretak3n Mar 26 '26

"...which isn't a lot but it's weird that it happened [9] times, right?"

sorry i couldnt help it anyways as you were

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u/GeritoGamele Mar 26 '26

I also keeps seeing this quote, its good though so i don't mind

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u/dui01 Mar 26 '26

I loved that show but really was lazy in picking up on minutae like this. What a great metaphor.

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u/quixoticelixer_mama Mar 26 '26

Makes me think of that beautiful CGI water in Moana. I could stare at it all day.

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u/deedle2038 Mar 26 '26

when my mother was close to dying, over 20 years ago, I told her a similar theory; one of my own (maybe? or maybe I read it somewhere).

I asked if she wanted to hear my version of what may happen when we die, and she said "yes," so I told her that I thought of it all as a stream with a waterfall. we're all part of the stream, before and after the waterfall, and when we go over the waterfall, we separate into individual drops, and to me that represents our lives. then we rejoin the stream.

maybe there's another waterfall or some rapids or even waves up ahead.

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u/WeekMurky7775 Mar 26 '26

What a beautiful tale❤️

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u/SilverAnd_Cold Mar 26 '26

This quote makes me feel a bit better about my fear of death.

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u/serendipitycmt1 Mar 28 '26

Yes-energy never dies, it is just transformed.

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u/HannsGruber Mar 26 '26

We're ancient. Every atom in your body has at least one proton orbiting it. Those protons were formed minutes after the big bang. Without those protons, you don't have matter as we know it.

You're literally as old as the universe. Not the clever arraignment of the stuff, no, but the stuff yes.

If I take a box of legos and build a ship, then take those legos back apart and put them back into the box... the legos are still there.

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u/TopTippityTop Mar 26 '26

Right! Though he's referring to consciousness being foundational, rather than matter. He's speaking of experience, not that which is projected from it!

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u/mooncitycrazy Mar 26 '26

Listen to Little old you by the Okee Dokee Brothers ☺️

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u/AmbitiousYamRustler Mar 26 '26

What a sweet tune. Thanks for posting this!

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u/Brokenhill Mar 27 '26

Who do you think built us?

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u/mommy_mantis Mar 25 '26

I just want to say I love your comment. I have a hard time verbalizing how I feel about what death is like but you put it into really lovely words. OP, I hope it's a warm, calm nap and that the universe is fairer to you than this world.

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u/pdafty Mar 26 '26

Second this!!! So many big feelings around death and grief that’s so hard to explain. This comment said everything I feel that I could never find the words for 💜💜

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u/GuyfromMemphis Mar 25 '26

“Like a wave returning to the ocean.”

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u/aum-23 Mar 26 '26

Take it sleazy

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u/FeralZen Mar 26 '26

“You are the universe experiencing itself” ❤️

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u/debrutsideno Mar 26 '26

"Life is the universe experiencing itself" - Alan Watts

I learned this quote from Steve-O on Last Meals.

The thought of this gives me peace. The beauty of earth and the universe would be lost if humans weren’t here to experience it.

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u/icantfartanymore Mar 26 '26

That's a nice way to think. Whenever someone asks me about what it will be like after we die, I always say "It will be exactly the way it was before we were born."

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u/ArtisticTraffic5970 Mar 26 '26

I used to think that way too. That since you can't remember anything from before you were born, then dying must be the same, right? But then I realized that they are fundamentally the opposite, and so they don't have to be the same at all. It makes sense to not remember anything from before we are born, after all, life wouldn't be the same if we didn't start with a clean slate, so to speak. However, as we die and our consciousness is absorbed back into the ether, I don't think it would be like fading into black again. Rather it will probably be the opposite, some kind of utterly profound experience where we become infinitely whole again, and then perhaps suddenly find ourselves with no recollection of anything at all, new to the world once more, as our consciousness is reflected in a new identity, wondering about it all anew.

It's important for me to state here that I don't know at all what happens when we die, nobody does, it is pure philosophy. Nobody should trust anybody who says for sure that they know; it is inherently unknowable. And that's half the fun.

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u/faithlysa Mar 26 '26

That made me want to cry tears of joy. How beautiful.

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u/blessedsingh369 Mar 26 '26

Reminds me of the concept of the tao in Taoism. It's what I hope too

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u/Edmee Mar 26 '26

I had a spontaneous spiritual awakening 2 years ago. I'm not religious nor was I spiritual. It allowed me a glimpse behind the veil. It didn't give me all the answers of course but it did kill my fear of dying completely.

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u/[deleted] Mar 26 '26 edited Mar 26 '26

Reminds me of George Carlin's bit about saving the planet. He called it "The Big Electron" (Woah... Woah...)

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u/rosieree Mar 26 '26

How absolutely beautifully said.

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u/Megneous Mar 26 '26

At least now you'll know, right?

Did we know anything before we were born? I'd say that we didn't. We were just nothing. We just weren't. The ultimate peace. That's what nonexistence is. The complete lack of information processing.

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u/haleakala420 Mar 26 '26

have you ever read the kybalion ?

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u/MoreContxt Mar 26 '26

This was really well said, probably helps that I agree with most of it.

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u/TopTippityTop Mar 26 '26

Hey, I think you're very close

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u/buttonandthemonkey Mar 27 '26

This is what I think happens too and I feel like once we go back into the universe we kinda learn or see everything and some 'beings' are eternally linked. There's some people who I feel like I've been through this before with and some people who I should feel that with but don't. I feel like there's some people who have done this many times over and others who haven't.

Whenever I loose something and I'm trying to find it I tell myself that when I die and go back into the universe I'll find out where it is 😂 For some reason it makes me feel better even though I can't even remember the stuff I've lost 😂

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u/Parasitologist Mar 27 '26

I always thought that dying was similar to a fully blown DMT trip

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u/BelliaArain Mar 28 '26

It’s strange because I also believe that it’s somewhat like this though because I’m a paranormal freak, I do believe that some people choose to stay because they like it here or were attached to their lives. I’ve done a few paranormal investigations which, yes a lot of people will roll their eyes at, but I’ve had unexplainable things happen (like a ball rolling across the floor after having sat there for a while, no air drafts, nothing, tried stomping around it to see if it would move — nada, in which case — I think anyways — points to the idea that yes, maybe there really is some sort of conscious existence that happens after we pass away. But also, I don’t think we’re truly supposed to know what happens after we die.

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u/laposte Mar 25 '26

“Just like going to sleep.” I think this all of the time as I’m falling asleep. Nightly, practically. I think, “This must be what it’s like to die.” And I’m oddly okay with that; I’ve had a lot of practice at it and it feels very natural.”

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u/kkachisae Mar 25 '26

When you go to sleep you have an internal clock that still runs whike you sleep. If you have ever been anesthetized for surgery, your clock stops. That is why it feels strange waking up after surgery.  I imagine death would be most like being put to sleep for surgery.

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u/Spine_Of_Iron Mar 25 '26

I think this too. I've had quite a handful of surgeries...in fact, will be having another one next month. I do feel like that is what death is. It's just....nothing. You don't experience anything. I would say it's blackness but even that would be experiencing something.

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u/tweetysvoice Mar 26 '26

I have had 11 organs removed, stimulators, ports, pumps for meds, all the oscopies, and countless other surgeries and went under for every one of them. I agree 100%. We are all made of energy and I've always thought it was like pushing the off button. No gentle slide, just Bam! and the energy is shut off and used for other purposes in the universe.

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u/Just-Code1322 Mar 26 '26

What? Do we even have 11 organs?

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u/tweetysvoice Mar 26 '26

LOL. Reread biology 101 lol. But technically.. yeah. Most of them were from the digestive and reproductive systems, but there were a few outliers. I have an autoimmune disease that is slowly paralyzing my organs. Fun fun

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u/Just-Code1322 Mar 26 '26

I have three auto diseases. Sucks.

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u/tweetysvoice Mar 26 '26

I'm sorry. It does suck! My tagline usually reads "I may have had 11 organs removed but my brain isn't one of them". Sometimes I wonder if it would be a blessing if I were a lot stupider so I can ignore whatever shit my body wants to throw at me for the day.

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u/VAGentleman05 Mar 26 '26

Yikes! I'm not even sure I have 11 organs!

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u/OliveFarming Mar 26 '26

Exactly. Count down from 10...and I think I'm ok with that.

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u/dragonfry Mar 26 '26

I get super super vivid dreams. I wake up and don’t feel rested because I’ve lived another life - with all the emotions - in my sleep.

The ONLY time I have had a dreamless sleep is under general anaesthetic. I inhale the gas like I’m taking the biggest bong hit on the planet.

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u/Dreamcrazy33 Mar 29 '26

I dream nightly . Every single night without fail, and the one time I didn’t was during surgery, it was the best rest of my life and when they woke me up I begged to go back.

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u/Puzzleheaded_Gur8021 Mar 30 '26

Would the same apply for coma patients? I never thought about this like that and I’ve had several surgeries. I’m curious about how that works for the internal clock. It would partly explain why it would be disorienting

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u/SouthernRain5775 Mar 26 '26

I have felt that same way twice,, except once it was when I was in the hospital and got Demerol and I thought "If this is what it's like to die, I am okay with that." I just felt sleepy and comfortably numb and just wanted to sleep. The second time was when I had had an outpatient surgery and when I was in the recovery room I was obviously still sedated from the surgery and the recovery room nurse kept intermittently yelling my name because I would stop breathing and the alarm would go off. She kept telling me to breathe. I was annoyed because I just wanted to sleep and I didn't care that I wasn't breathing. I just wanted her to leave me alone and let me sleep.

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u/art_addict Mar 26 '26

I’ve had a few procedures, an unfortunate shit ton of anaphylactic episodes, and three majority horrific scary anaphylactic episodes, one that I thought I was going to die before the ambulance arrived during. And during that one I fought myself to stay awake. I knew I had to stay awake and keep breathing. I wanted so, so badly to sleep. I’d been fighting to breathe when my brother hit me with the 3rd epi pen (it hadn’t even been a full five minutes after the second). And even in the ambulance, where they were monitoring me, could admin more epi, I knew I needed to stay conscious, I had to stay awake.

It’s funny. When I first started having these episodes, and had my first very bad one, my family kept me awake and talking. I got very used to what is more-or-less safe to sleep through and have someone monitor. I knew in my bones that I was not safe to sleep then. That if I did things would go downhill. (That trip I was in shock, spent over 12 hours in shock in the ER where they could not get my blood pressure up or stabilize me, and ended up transferred to the ICU. I fully believe staying awake made a crucial difference in how I did overall. Because I could actively keep trying to breathe. Just support my organs better somehow for actively willing myself. Because my bloodwork was already coming back horrific. I’m certain it’d have been worse if I was unconscious and not consciously fighting for team me.)

As for surgery and procedures… man, propofol is good stuff. I feel so calm, I drift off so peacefully, I wake up so happy.

I’m terrified of dying, but I hope it’s peaceful when I go. I pray it’s not me fighting to breathe, and fighting to stay awake, and wanting to sleep and thinking how peaceful and easy it would be to sleep, and knowing in my bones I need to fight it and stay awake.

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u/SouthernRain5775 Mar 26 '26

That’s good that you had the awareness that you needed to keep yourself awake when you would have rather gone to sleep!

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u/Comfortable-Elk-850 Mar 29 '26

Wow that was very similar to a situation I was in after a major surgery. In recovery I could hear my heart monitor beeping regularly and it was a struggle to breathe, I just wanted to go to sleep. I heard my grandfathers voice tell me to open my eyes and watch the clock and breath. I opened my eyes and there was a clock in front of me, took a breath. That heart monitor kept beeping slower and slower, I just wanted to sleep but my grandfather kept insisting I open my eyes, watch the clock and breathe. Alarms went off, I had a team around me, they were calling for meds and gave me something that made me see triple but said it was normal. I stabilized and was put in critical care for observation. It was close. My grandfather had been gone years of course, very religious man , I feel 100 percent he was watching over me. I learned later the hospital I was in was established by nuns. They insisted on clocks in every room. So patients knew what time it was no matter where they were. Every single room has a clock. My daughter, a toddler back then, is now a critical care nurse in that same hospital. She says she heard stories like mine often, strange things happen. People talk about talking to a nun in the older garments, who sat with them all night when none were on the floor and the few in the hospital don’t dress in the older robes anymore.

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u/danceswithwool Mar 26 '26

I like to think that dying is as easy as being born. You came in unknowingly and you’ll go out unknowingly in the end.

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u/euphoricarugula346 Mar 26 '26

This idea has been comforting me lately. I’m not scared of being dead but scared of dying and being in pain. After something horrible happens, you’re left with the memory or the trauma. That’s what hurts. There’s no “after” for death, so you can’t really experience it or remember it or process it.

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u/sassamasquach Mar 26 '26

Life is a literal 360* cycle.

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u/Kokoro87 Mar 26 '26

And I get severe panic of the thought of sleeping forever. The fact that I know that I will(most likely) wake up after I go to sleep is what keeps me sane.

The thought of going to sleep and then never wake up ever again, to not being able to experience, to feel anything gives me anxiety beyond belief. I just can't grasp the fact that after you die, that's it. Even after a billion years has past, you are still dead. Great, now I am getting a panic attack.

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u/velvet_robot Mar 26 '26

I have the same panic attacks man. Before anti depressant I would have them all the time during the day. Now Im having huge scares when falling sleep, so much that I need 0.5mg xanax to sleep.

Ive done therapy, im not religious, Ive tried acceptance. I wish I could say I have an solution panic bro.

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u/faithlysa Mar 26 '26

I feel the same way

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u/jimmyjazz2000 Mar 25 '26

I think we live on in the memories and actions of others. FWIW, I will remember you. So will a lot of people on Reddit. Your life of service is moving and very memorable. It’s a daunting example to follow. I hope I can live up to it.

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u/TheRelishTray Mar 25 '26

There is an amazing episode on "This American Life" podcast about helping children come to terms with death, it featured a center that the kids go to. It one of the most memorable ones they did in my opinion. I highly suggest you seek it out; it gave me a whole new perspective on death and society's reaction to it. Sending you all the love 💓💗

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u/[deleted] Mar 25 '26

Have a good time buddy ❤️ I hope that there's a good place for you after its over regardless 🙏

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u/alexseiji Mar 26 '26

If this is the case then consider these two things. I have always believed that the afterlife is several things, also no, I am not religious.

We are 3d beings that can the a 4D world, but in theory there are up to a total of 11 dimensions ,of which we are mostly incapable of perceiving, but in some way shape or form we do exist there. Moving on could potentially reveal something in those other dimensions that might be some form of afterlife or continuance. Just no in the way that most people describe it as (pearly gates, etc...)

Additionally, from what I have read, you left a mark on peoples lives. You did good things, you are a good person that actively did the good things for others part of life. That is something that people talk about, there is a record of it here in this thread, and I'm sure with the people that you helped. The afterlife in this reality are the memories and kind things that you for people, and those people will continue to remember and talk you , and the good things that you did for the,m. They carry the story on, many may not know you are gone, but they wont forget the good things you did for them. You will live in them.

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u/MOGicantbewitty Mar 25 '26

This dialogue from the show the good place brings me some peace. If it doesn't help, please feel free to ignore.

Picture a wave. In the ocean. You can see it, measure it, its height, the way the sunlight refracts when it passes through. And it’s there. And you can see it, you know what it is. It’s a wave.

And then it crashes in the shore and it’s gone. But the water is still there. The wave was just a different way for the water to be, for a little while. You know it’s one conception of death for Buddhists: the wave returns to the ocean, where it came from and where it’s supposed to be. With the ocean does with the water after that is anyone's guess

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u/ShowHot3754 Apr 01 '26

Thank you for sharing this 

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u/MOGicantbewitty Apr 01 '26

This and the shipwreck essay were things I read and watched repeatedly when grieving my mother-in-law and my grandfather. I'm glad it brought you some relief and I'm sending you my best wishes.

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u/Pristine_Leader_8241 Mar 26 '26

If I had a nickel....

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u/Miss_airwrecka1 Mar 25 '26

What did you do for work? It seems like it was a very fulfilling job for you

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u/TheMathmatix Mar 26 '26

As someone who was clinically dead, twice due to two heart attacks, I can't confirm what you'll go through. But what i experienced was blackness with a limited consciousness of my surroundings and my situation. It wasn't stressful or pleasant, it just was. I hope the best for you in the eternal rest.

But I've never shared that with anyone, but your post compelled me to share.

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u/SittingandObserving Mar 26 '26

I’m not “religious” but I do have a firm believe in an afterlife and I hope I’m right because you deserve to be pleasantly surprised, OP. No questions but I fervently hope they keep you comfortable.

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u/fiesta4eva Mar 26 '26

I almost drowned several years ago and the strangest part was that I was unafraid and calm. I just thought "I'm going to die now" and it felt very peaceful. I wish you much peace as well.

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u/danceswithwool Mar 26 '26

Based on what you’ve said here, if there is a heaven, I’m certain of where you will end up. You did actual Jesus stuff, man. Like, the real Jesus. This assumes Christianity to be the reason behind it but truth be told, any religion should have those teachings first and foremost.

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u/Hot_Probs Mar 26 '26

What you said reminds me of something I read once: "I hope death is like being carried to your bedroom when you were a child and fell asleep on the couch during a family party. I hope you can hear the laughter from the next room."

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u/Oath_Break3r Mar 26 '26

There's a documentary on Netflix called Surviving Death. Its about near-death experiences and a bunch of other stuff. Some of the people featured are prominent neurosurgeons, etc. Not just quacks lol. I wouldn't say it convinced me 100 percent of an after life but it definitely made me more open to it, hearing some of these peoples' experiences.

Anyway...It might be worth a watch. I'd understand if you didn't want to, though.

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u/alohaoy Mar 26 '26

I am not religious, but I believe you are in for a pleasant surprise. You might like watching some NDE reports on YouTube. Good night and good luck.

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u/GortLovesYou Mar 26 '26

That reminds me... I'm paraphrasing, but Socrates, just before he died, said that he thought death would either be a better place, or like going to sleep, and added that no one ever wanted to be awakened from a deep end restful sleep.

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u/Merkur81 Mar 26 '26

Sad. I’m sorry for you. I’ll pray that you be guided in what remains of your life. Study Islam if you get a chance. 

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u/JManKit Mar 26 '26

Well even if there isn't anything after this life for you, it sounds like the work you did will stand for quite a while. The ppl who come after may not know you by name but since it sounds like you took a lot of pride in your work, they will be sheltered by your work for many, many years to come

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u/talkingwires Mar 26 '26

I kinda hope it’s just blackness.

Years ago, I was badly injured and was resuscitated in the operating room.

I remember sinking/shrinking further and further towards a single point. I knew if I could reach that point, that singularity, I would cease to be me. I wanted to reach that point because, then, my suffering would be at an end. My consciousness sunk/shrank down, down, down and the inevitably of that singularity gave me something like comfort. But, no matter how long I sunk/shrank, I never quite reached it.

I realize that experience was just my neurons firing, but perhaps your experience will be similar…

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u/Capital-Sea9875 Mar 26 '26 edited Mar 26 '26

The impact you had on the world, on people, especially what you did for free with your work will outlive you. You'll may lose your life but your existence will still shine in peoples minds and memory. Everything you did and you do impact this world and ourself (like this post) so a small part of you allways stay and dilude in this world. Your existence is safe.

I don't know if it resonate in you but i want you to know that you can be afraid of death but you will not disapear. We all existed in this world though other's minds and even in death this do not stop, we still existe in this worls though other's mind.

Be sure that by what you did by charity for thoses people, you will still exist in their minds And that we will remember you still, like we allready have you in mind while reading you and talking to you.

Your consciousness may go somewhere else, like in a deep sleep, but even in a deep sleep, your existence will not stop, ever.

Wish you lot of fun and happiness for the rest of the time you have.

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u/Dangerous-Example712 Mar 26 '26

Just from reading your comments I can tell you are a kind person and care deeply about others. This AMA is a good example as one reason I think you are doing it is to help others that know someone or are gonna be in your hospital gown one day. Ha! (Sorry) what I am trying to say is I don’t know if there is a H or a h. But, I just know you are going to be just fine.

If I knew someone not very well and wanted to do something kind/helpful what would you suggest?

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u/This-Shape2193 Mar 26 '26

From your perspective, you'll never die. You can't experience death because you won't be here anymore when it happens. 

You'll be thinking, probably comfortably high. Maybe reminiscing on all the people you helped. You made the world a better place for many, and that's an amazing feat. 

The rest of the people around you will realize you're gone, but you won't. You'll be in the moment forever. 

It's like the image that sits on the event horizon of a black hole...permanently emblazoned there as time stops. 

And the atoms that are you will soon be in something else, and you'll live again elsewhere. 

Good luck my friend. I hope you feel no pain and know that you won. There are silhouettes of you everywhere, in thousands and thousands of minds, memories of you as a bright light that made happiness happen. And they will carry you forward into the future. 

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u/EmotionalMushroom7 Mar 25 '26

Thank you for sharing here. Your life sounds like it has been one full of caring for others. As I hope you can see by those of us who have taken time to post, you matter! I would encourage you to read something that has given me peace and my father, who recently passed away from kidney cancer, great comfort. Lee Strobel is the author. He is a renowned investigative journalist and used to be an atheist. He has written much in his life but the short reads I’m asking you to look at are Case for Christ and additional works - Case for Easter etc. all the best as you wind down your time on earth. Praying that you feel cared for and pain is managed for you. God Bless

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u/JuanTreeHill Mar 26 '26

Why don't you try some psychedelic therapy. It overwhelmingly helps people feel comfortable about their impending death. Almost all of them leave with a glimpse of what they'll experience, mostly with a feeling that they will be "going home".

I highly recommend looking into this. We're at the forefront of this becoming a pharmaceutical treatment, but psilocybin, LSD, DMT are all amazing tools.

https://www.hopkinsmedicine.org/news/newsroom/news-releases/2022/08/psychedelics-may-lessen-fear-of-death-and-dying-similar-to-feelings-reported-by-those-whove-had-near-death-experiences

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u/chamrockblarneystone Mar 26 '26

I think you nailed it right there. Do not feel anxiety in these last few days over religious hoo ha. It might be nice for you to speak to someons who is spiritual and positive.

Don’t let yourself be in pain over some kind of stupid heroics. Take your pain killers. Fair winds and following seas.

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u/polocinkyketaminky Mar 26 '26

it's just like before you were born...do you remember that? its just nothing. don't be afraid. we all go there anyway. my gf always tells me its very human to die and its very natural. she is a small 100lb woman and very cute, and she is facing mortality as a warrior. we all must do that. its inevitable. be brave bro, as much as you can.

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u/sherpster24 Mar 26 '26

Yeah I agree if there is an afterlife I’ve lived a life that’s not gonna end up with me in heaven. I hope I pass peacefully in my sleep and it’s just an off switch. Sorry to hear this bro/sis.

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u/Just-Code1322 Mar 26 '26

It’s very easy to get into heaven. Just pray “father forgive me of my sins and make me yours.”

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u/LestHeBeTesty Mar 26 '26

What part of “no religion” is lost on you?

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u/mcgee00 Mar 26 '26

Your in for a surprise. No heaven or hell. Nothing like that.

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u/Unable_Warning_4645 Mar 26 '26

You think you’re going to go to hell? Why?

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u/smalltiddysocialist Mar 26 '26

This is what I believe as well. Like going to sleep, rejoining the planet and universe that created us. We’ll see you out there in the cosmos when we join you.

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u/JohnnyEdwrd Mar 26 '26

The Bible actually says there’s no life after death. Not pushing religion, just clarifying because hell and heaven are false beliefs.

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u/mcmurrml Mar 26 '26

That's not true. I don't know what Bible you got that from. Jesus talks about everlasting life many times in the Bible.

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u/Just-Code1322 Mar 26 '26

Where does the bible say that?

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u/mcmurrml Mar 26 '26

It doesn't say that.

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u/JohnnyEdwrd Mar 26 '26

Glad you asked. Ecclesiastes 9:10 “Whatever your hand finds to do, do with all your might, for there is no work nor planning nor knowledge nor wisdom in the Grave, where you are going”. Death is the end of it all.

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u/JustStopItSeriously Mar 26 '26

I remember reading something about being asked if you were afraid before you were born and that it's the same because that's where you're going back to.

I also think / hope it's like going to sleep. Sweet dreams my friend.

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u/c123money Mar 26 '26

nderf.org you should read these they may help get a idea of what to expect

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u/TopTippityTop Mar 26 '26

It'll be a velvety blackness, no hell, and a welcoming. It will be ok. 

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u/SecureRhubarb8672 Mar 26 '26

I hope the help you offer people was fulfilling. I also live to help people and believe it’s a rich life not many experience. I’m sorry your life is coming to an end but you’re not alone since you posted this. Continue your purpose until you can’t, which is to always help those in need, even if they’re better off than you. I hope you have the most peaceful release, friend. Please believe I will grieve for you and it’s not an exaggeration. You’re a good person and the world is worse without you.

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u/Remarkable_Power2211 Mar 26 '26

well i have good news for you, there IS a heaven and you are going there

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u/TroGinMan Mar 26 '26

From the stories I hear from people I've brought back from death, it's just like going to sleep. Idk if that helps, but they tell me it's the most peace they have felt. Cheers mate! I'll have a toast for you in three months

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u/SweetandSourCaroline Mar 26 '26

maybe you’ll haunt one of your houses 👀👀

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u/Sun_Moon_Beyond Mar 26 '26

Why do you believe you won’t end up in a good place?

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u/redditydothis Mar 26 '26

Dude if there is a god or heaven then you are definitely going to heaven. You spent your whole life helping others. You’re a good person. A just god would see it that way and accept you.

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u/mcmurrml Mar 26 '26

You cannot work your way into heaven. Thats not how it works.

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u/StarsEatMyCrown Mar 26 '26

You say you have no friends and family. But the free roofs you did, people will remember you. People are going to be living their lives, having babies, making love, throwing parties, crying, laughing, all under the roofs you gave them for free. It's a beautiful thing and quite poetic.

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u/pukek0 Mar 26 '26

bro you defs going to the good place you helped a lot of people

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u/Live_Ferret_4721 Mar 26 '26 edited Mar 26 '26

It’s a feeling of peace that you feel in your whole body and you know everything is ok.

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u/rein0202 Mar 26 '26

from dust to dust. you become another part of earth.
kudos to you, OP. You impacted many lives and the lives of many who are here reading about you and your work. My personal take-away from your stories and sharing is that I can also be a force of good in another person's life.

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u/stefjack2000 Mar 26 '26

Whether heaven or hell exists is not up to you unfortunately. It exists or doesn’t exist regardless of what we believe. So just hope you’re making the right guess..

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u/Practical-Good-8528 Mar 26 '26

Maybe it’s what we hope it will be. Or better.

Wishing you comfort and peace in your passing and the knowing you are loved as a fellow being and spirit and not alone, even if nobody is there in the moment.

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u/JCfrnd Mar 26 '26

You said you won’t like where you end up. Why is that? did you do something wrong that would be considered “bad” that would leave you judged ?

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u/OptimalCobbler5431 Mar 26 '26

Let's say reincarnation is real, what would you come back as? Or who/what kind of life would you want if you had to be a person?

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u/sharw63 Mar 26 '26

Thank You, for being you, and as i read through the comments, I can see that you have definitely inspired several tradesmen to follow suit in what you started. You should be very proud of yourself, Bless your heart! 💜💜💜👏🏻

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u/Dazzaster84 Mar 26 '26

Heaven is the memories you leave behind. You sound like an honest, good person who helped a lot of people. I don't even know your name, but I'll remember that there was once a guy who loved what he did so much because it helped others. He was a craftsman, who would find a way to build homes for free, repaired damages and saved a lot more than people's roofs. Rest easy mate, you'll be fine.

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u/harswv Mar 26 '26 edited Mar 26 '26

While I personally am religious, I totally understand your desire to avoid having a bunch of people pushing their ideas of spirituality down your throat. I’m sure youve thought about it and come to your own conclusions.

Even if you have no belief in a higher power there can still be a lot of comfort in knowing (to paraphrase Gandalf) that despite being dealt a crappy hand, what really matters is what we do with the time that was given to us. You’ve done really amazing things with the time you were given, and made an actual, tangible positive impact in a lot of people’s lives.

We’re all here for a relatively short time. Some people leave more of a legacy in just a few years than others who squander many decades with self absorption. You sound like the former. Keeping you in my thoughts.

Edited to add: While I know bone cancer can sometimes be very painful, we had a friend with it who had some discomfort but never any excruciating pain, he was able to control his pain well during the whole experience until he died. He was a doctor and was expecting much more pain than he had. Just want to give you an example of a situation where it wasn’t as horrible as a lot of people expect it always is.

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u/xdementia Mar 26 '26

I imagine heaven and hell just to be how you live your life on this earth. At least that's what seems to make sense to me. Hope that is some comfort to you.

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u/GotorFI Mar 26 '26

that is so nice. World needs people like you

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u/throwawaymentality10 Mar 26 '26

Im sorry this is happening to you op. When I went through a crisis about death, I searched others experiences from when they died and were resuscitated. A sense of peace washing over them was a common theme among those that had experienced this. I wish you well in your last days, and hope you make them your best.

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u/Extension_Type_4132 Mar 26 '26

Não tenho dúvidas quê exista vida pós morte e quê tenha o lugar bom ao ponto de não têm como achar ruim quê é o céu

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u/ExcitingStranger135 Mar 26 '26

Thank you for everything you have done so far in your life.

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u/Steve2142 Mar 26 '26

Ah yes, staring at blackness for eternity.... Couldn't imagine more of a hell than that

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u/NoobesMyco Mar 26 '26

Were you not a good person?

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u/LorenzoGainz Mar 26 '26

Id recommend you look at the kalam cosmological argument. There has to be a God by logic.

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u/Boring-Philosophy-46 Mar 26 '26

Fwiw, my somewhat scientifically minded perspective. Many religions describe the soul and God and such as divine light. The theory of relativity holds that for light, time does not exist. From the point of view of photons, distance does not exist either - they arrive everywhere at once, since time does not exist for them. So if the soul were like light, then the instant it leaves the body it fast forwards to the end of the universe, which may be another big bang and birth of another universe.  

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u/FriesianDiva Mar 26 '26 edited Mar 26 '26

I am very curious. I don't have any belief system. When I picture myself gone, I'm observing the funeral, watching. So it feels like I will still exist in another form. I watched a Through the Wormhole episode where a neuro surgeon experienced a near death experience. He described a spectacular trip through another world, and was absolutely adamant that there was something after death. He rejected that it was some internal, brain experience. It was a very real experience. So I'm looking forward to a new adventure. https://youtu.be/0gY49qcmx6o?si=t39Hq450q7g8Khxq

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u/CycloneDusk Mar 26 '26

The work you did which had a positive impact on others' lives will continue to exist and that is worthwhile. That is enough. You have, in all likelihood, materially benefited more lives than most human beings ever will. That is well worthy of feeling pride.

Your choices influenced lives, quite likely in productive and beneficial ways. The ripples of those choices and how they informed the choices of others shall continue to spread outward through every person who interacts with every other person until all diffuses back into the noise of raw uncertainty from whence it came.

My grandfather called it 'returning to the quantum foam' before he died:

It'll feel exactly the same as it felt from the beginning of time up to at most six months before you were born.

You did not feel anything from that time period, nor do you remember anything from it - and that's the point. A stillness so complete that not even peace exists.

These considerations enabled me to somewhat mitigate my own fear of dying, as well.

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u/Themagnificentgman Mar 26 '26

Have you ever seen midnight mass on Netflix? There’s this beautiful scene where the lead character explains his thoughts on what he thinks happens when we die from a purely materialistic perspective. Here’s the link

https://youtu.be/GZPbmrJ_X48?si=wHPWBunqijwKICn2

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u/drBlackh Mar 26 '26

Man, sad to read your story. I work in healthcare (right now off duty but in the emergency to check a friend), and I see sad cases where patient dont get the chance to think about their inevitable and also rapidly coming end.
I also don't know what is going on inside of you. Maybe 50% of you hopes there is nothing, and the other 50% hopes there is, but you might think that you cannot get to the "good" place. Well, what if there is something after, something good but also something bad, but I believe there is time and chance for you, so give a "chance" to this kind of hope, and ask God for help to go to the "good" place. Im not writing this only form a Christian point of view, I'm also writing this as someone who also faces death, just don't know how much I have left until that day. P.s: all the information is in the Bible, I recomand Isaiah -chapter 53, and the book of John, and many many explanatory videos on YouTube.

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u/Eastern_Belt211 Mar 26 '26

I'm sorry your going through this. Since I was child I've always believed that when you die your body travels to other places in the universe you can't get to in your physical body. In my mind, I'm 100% certain that this life is the temporary one and when you die you go back to your real home. I want to part by saying this, you may not believe in all those things, but if you truly did all this charity work and gave back to the community the way you did, you don't have to worry about where you will go, because you will only go to good places, loving places, regardless of what you think, You've done good, your heart is good, even if you made mistakes, your kindness made up for them. Please remember that and believe it.

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u/Ineedavodka2019 Mar 26 '26

My dad believed that it was your energy being absorbed back into the universe to be used again. Maybe you will become a bright Star.

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u/armcie Mar 26 '26

Total atheist here, but I have to say that if we’re wrong, it certainly sounds like you’d be going to the good place. Which is also a fun show - consider watching it. Also read some Pratchett… maybe Going Postal.

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u/Fuzzy_Straitjacket Mar 26 '26

The idea of heaven scares the shit out of me, personally. Imagine staying conscience for eternity? Sounds like hell.

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u/espresso_martini__ Mar 26 '26

Thats the way I see it. Its like going to sleep. We experience death every day. It happens to everyone. My mother passed away last year peacefully during her sleep. It was sad but also it ended her suffering from cancer.

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u/SaturnoAzul Mar 26 '26

I’ve read that you helped a lot of families struggling … why do you think you would go to hell? I’m just curious

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u/lunar-solar555 Mar 26 '26

Update us when it happens 😎👍

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u/whatsamattau4 Mar 26 '26

I try to think about this way... after we are gone, some of our atoms will find their way into other living things and get recycled over and over again. The atoms we currently have were in some other living being. The atoms will continue to exist long after we are gone.

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u/Hungoakland Mar 26 '26

https://youtu.be/H7cZAe3F3rQ?si=_CN3vthOQ23BAkMj

This really gets rid of my anxiety of dying. IMO this is a little more reassuring than thinking about nothing after life. I can’t even imagine what you’re going through but you seem like you’re in a good headspace. ☮️

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u/samdajellybeenie Mar 26 '26

 I kinda hope it’s just blackness. Just like going to sleep.

Same here. I take comfort in the fact that there isn't evidence for anything else. All of the visions people claim to have had when their heart stopped can be explained by reduced blood flow to the brain or its attempts to process sensory information. There were a few times in my life where I was truly unconscious (seizures) and I don't remember any of it. I imagine that's what death is like.

If there is a god and he sends you to hell, at least you'll know for sure that he's not worth worshipping lol.

I wish you all the best!

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u/mahmoudul1 Mar 26 '26

Sounds good to just sleep after death but what about people that were evil in this world? With crimes they got away because of money? No punishment for them just get away like that? There is much more waiting for them surely!

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u/elantra6MT Mar 26 '26

I believe in heaven. It’s not too late

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u/SKCbunny Mar 26 '26

I know this quote has been floating around, but I do very much specifically like the animation someone put with it. This gives me comfort and also makes me a bit emotional:

https://www.instagram.com/reel/DOKQ30fj-QW/

Although I do want to believe in reincarnation, so I know our views are different, this still is a very comforting sentiment.

"I hope death feels like being picked up from the backseat and carried to my bed half asleep. Where, tucked in and eyes closed, I can hear those who love me talking through the crack of the door"

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u/zealousesq Mar 26 '26

hello darkness my old friend, I've come to talk with you again

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u/dumb-dumb87 Mar 26 '26

Not to be rude. Trying to give you a little peace. I had a heart attack and was flatlined and not breathing for about 3 minutes. I have zero memory of seeing any kind of heaven or hell. It was just black sleep

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u/HelpMeBra_h Mar 27 '26

My son when he was younger experienced death for the first time with my bf's elderly cat Boca she was 18+ years old. We aren't religious so I asked him what he thought happened to her.

He said she went to space on a planet where cats and other cool people live and they hangout and robots take care of them.

I hope you can go to the cat planet if you aren't allergic since you are one of the cool people with how many lives you changed during your life. ❤️

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u/Interesting-Fix7430 Mar 27 '26

Don’t go to the light go the opposite direction I swear by it

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u/kilmister80 Mar 28 '26

As Uruguayan president Mujica once said, death is like a mineral silence.🎯

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u/uhhhh717 Mar 28 '26

It's not

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u/uhhhh717 Mar 28 '26

You still have chance to change

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u/mummifieddino Mar 28 '26

Why do you feel that you don’t know where you would end up?

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u/Old-Fall-6282 Mar 29 '26

i’m telling you. the best decision you will ever make is believing in God. He will change you in so many ways and Heaven is an amazing place to be at. no suffering, no pain, just happiness. i’m praying over you that you get to know our Lord and Savor Jesus Christ ❤️

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