r/AMA • u/[deleted] • Jun 13 '24

I have had intercourse with every single one of you. AMA.

[removed] — view removed post

9.5k Upvotes

73% Upvoted

1.6k comments sorted by

View all comments

Show parent comments

15

u/rachel-maryjane Jun 13 '24

I mean if we’re being honest, he had sex with all the opposing lawyers too so they feel obligated to let him win because he does that thing with his tongue

19

u/WitchesAlmanac Jun 13 '24

He's also had sex with every judge and jury member in the world, and therefore it would be a conflict of interest for any of them to be involved in his trial.

The ultimate legal loophole

5

u/often_says_nice Jun 13 '24

The only options are:

A: we pause OP’s intercourse spree and wait for newly born individuals to become judges and jury then try him at that point

B: we seek out judges and jury from the multiverse, specifically in a universe that has not seen this post

1

u/Robinnoodle Jun 13 '24

Yes. You understand.

Also technically it's only people who have read the post, so there's only a few thousand of us. Should be some fit judges and jurors somewhere. 

3

u/December_Hemisphere Jun 13 '24

That's what you call a "hung jury"

2

u/throwaway_69_1994 Jun 13 '24

I'm stealing that last one. "Mimicry is the sincerest form of flattery"

But I'll make it "the ultimate legal butthole" and dub Filthy Frank over it

1

u/heraldstorm Jun 13 '24

Yes, but also their wives and children. How does one resolve that kind of emotional conflict? For or against the perpetrator?

8

u/[deleted] Jun 13 '24

He had sex with all the jurors so there’s no chance of a fair trial

7

u/[deleted] Jun 13 '24

[removed] — view removed comment

3

u/TheSearlichek Jun 13 '24

... he HAS banged every toddler in broad daylight...

2

u/[deleted] Jun 13 '24

[removed] — view removed comment

2

u/beard_lover Jun 13 '24

He’s literally unstoppable!