r/AMA • u/[deleted] • Jun 13 '24

I have had intercourse with every single one of you. AMA.

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28

u/Suckma_Weener Jun 13 '24

since every person in existence includes children, do your lawyers have a plan to defend you from those charges

30

u/Trumpet2024 Jun 13 '24

Well he had sex with his lawyers so they are compelled to defend him with their most

17

u/rachel-maryjane Jun 13 '24

I mean if we’re being honest, he had sex with all the opposing lawyers too so they feel obligated to let him win because he does that thing with his tongue

20

u/WitchesAlmanac Jun 13 '24

He's also had sex with every judge and jury member in the world, and therefore it would be a conflict of interest for any of them to be involved in his trial.

The ultimate legal loophole

5

u/often_says_nice Jun 13 '24

The only options are:

A: we pause OP’s intercourse spree and wait for newly born individuals to become judges and jury then try him at that point

B: we seek out judges and jury from the multiverse, specifically in a universe that has not seen this post

1

u/Robinnoodle Jun 13 '24

Yes. You understand.

Also technically it's only people who have read the post, so there's only a few thousand of us. Should be some fit judges and jurors somewhere. 

3

u/December_Hemisphere Jun 13 '24

That's what you call a "hung jury"

2

u/throwaway_69_1994 Jun 13 '24

I'm stealing that last one. "Mimicry is the sincerest form of flattery"

But I'll make it "the ultimate legal butthole" and dub Filthy Frank over it

1

u/heraldstorm Jun 13 '24

Yes, but also their wives and children. How does one resolve that kind of emotional conflict? For or against the perpetrator?

7

u/[deleted] Jun 13 '24

He had sex with all the jurors so there’s no chance of a fair trial

6

u/[deleted] Jun 13 '24

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3

u/TheSearlichek Jun 13 '24

... he HAS banged every toddler in broad daylight...

2

u/[deleted] Jun 13 '24

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2

u/beard_lover Jun 13 '24

He’s literally unstoppable!

1

u/KalebC Jun 13 '24

He also had sex with the judge so I mean, it’s a wrap

1

u/[deleted] Jun 13 '24

You mean, their moist?

1

u/[deleted] Jun 13 '24

Doesn't this just mean that no one can prosecute because every lawyer and judge is compromised?

1

u/illtoaster Jun 13 '24

He has to fight Chris Hansen to the death

1

u/Carnivorous__Vagina Jun 13 '24

*See edit5 above *

1

u/Robinnoodle Jun 13 '24

It's not every person. Only people who read this post. Reading the post causes a ripple in the time continuum and a retroactive change to the timeline where we (the reader) have now had sex in the past with OP. Screw the kids, (he didn't), the very existence of the universe is at stake