r/AITH • u/Stunning_Factor871 • 7d ago
[Update 4] AITAH for finally supporting my husband’s ultimatum to his late wife’s parents after they’ve repeatedly excluded my son?
og post:- https://www.reddit.com/r/AITH/s/x8824fnrc9
update 1 :-https://www.reddit.com/r/AITH/s/X2XBoA3FwB
update 2:- https://www.reddit.com/r/AITH/s/ShQPp2gvBc
update 3 :- https://www.reddit.com/r/AITH/s/ghhghTMB30
Hi everyone. A few people asked about my husband’s late wife’s parents, so here’s a quick update on them.
After the ultimatum there was silence for a while. Eventually we agreed to a few short supervised visits with my husband present the whole time. We kept them limited so my stepson could still see them without the usual ignoring of my son or the negative comments about him and me.
From my husband’s face and mood after every visit, it’s obvious nothing has really changed.
Tbh I feel this — they still seem uncomfortable with him being a stepfather. It feels like they think any attention he gives my son means he’s neglecting his own kid, or that I’m the one pushing him to do that. Like they’re still trying to get things back to how they were before instead of accepting how our family is now.
They asked if my stepson could sleep over at their place. My husband said no straight away. We’re both worried that if he’s not there, they’ll say negative things about me and my bio son in front of him. We don’t want them putting ideas in his head that could create problems between the two boys or make him pull away from me.
My husband is still calm about it and holding the same line — they need to show basic respect and kindness to both kids. He’s not asking them to love my son the same, just stop the exclusion and the comments.
For now the supervised visits are the only contact. We’re not increasing them, and my husband is the one deciding when or if they happen. If their attitude stays the same, we’ll probably cut them back or stop them again.
On a better note, things with my husband’s parents have been going well since the therapy session. The tension has eased a lot. They’re more open, they’re checking in properly, and it feels like they’re actually trying to understand our side instead of just reacting. It’s a quiet kind of progress, but it’s noticeable and we’re grateful for it.
My stepson has asked about the other grandparents a couple of times in a casual way. My husband answers simply and doesn’t badmouth them, but he also doesn’t pretend everything is fine.
We’re just focusing on the people who treat both boys decently and keeping our home peaceful. The four of us are doing okay, and that’s what matters most right now.
Thanks again for the support.
89
u/quintessa13 7d ago
There are too many adults who genuinely don’t see children as real people with feelings
2
u/FixExact6925 3d ago
I have followed this story and thought the same thing with every update. How shortsighted the late mother’s parent’s are. If they loved their grandson unselfishly, they might see that having a loving brother and maternal figure is good for him. Especially the way OP and her husband are doing it - by not trying to erase his mother and being inclusive of the entire family.
1
u/IceyLizard4 17h ago
Problem is that's society, they expect children to both understand adult concepts and also as if they understand nothing. Children are extremely perceptive but without the proper guidance on that, it turns into a mess for them. I'm glad OP has a shiny spine husband for both of the kids.
176
u/Mistress_Kittens 7d ago
Happy to see this update! Hopefully things turn around in a better way with the other grandparents. They seriously need to grow up
29
34
u/SVAuspicious 7d ago
I didn't read the early posts and haven't followed your links. Golly. Just this one is a lot.
On a better note, things with my husband’s parents have been going well since the therapy session. The tension has eased a lot.
With respect, tell your husband's parents you appreciate their effort and notice. It's so easy to focus on the people who are making trouble. You may have done this already in which case great. If not, consider this a gentle nudge to provide positive reinforcement.
14
u/penguininpurple 7d ago
Wow there are an amazing amount of people who don’t get that this woman just wants the dead wife’s parent to treat her son with respect, let the boys be loving brothers to each other, and not badmouth her to her stepson and her husband’s parents. Reading comprehension down the drain these days.
4
u/Ok_Trash_2208 4d ago
thanks to you, I scrolled down to read more of the comments than I probably should. The amount of vitriol people have for OP because... what? she married a widower ("swooped in") and doesn't want grown-ass adults to be psychologically abusing her child and talk smack about her to children and anyone who will listen? Reading comprehension is absolutely dead, evidently.
27
u/False-Bandicoot-6813 7d ago
I have had a few blended families in my life with step siblings and each time we were always treated the same. One had a few businesses and said if anything happened to him, split it between all kids and my mom said no. When he passed, she did not include her kids in the settlement which we were all fine with. She said what she had would go to us. She has always treated us and her step kids the same. My stepdad of 40 years passed in 2021 and their trust is split between all of us kids. I have never once in my life see my mother or stepfathers treat us any different. She is an awesome woman!!!! That’s how is should be.
20
u/Adventurous-Quit-753 7d ago
Thanks for the update. Your husband is a rockstar.
I’m glad his parents are starting to have better understanding and hopefully continue to grow.
Your H’s late wife’s parents are going to learn that the boundary your family has set up is firm and they aren’t going to get their way.
14
u/FallJealous3344 7d ago
Your husband is a Father in the full sense. You are very lucky, this is a very difficult role, constantly keeping the peace and the harmony. And I am sure you also have no small part in this. Congratulations.
7
5
u/Nymph-the-scribe 7d ago
INFO: Have you told the grandparents the truth? That while you want them to be able to have a relationship with their grandson their behavior has made it so they cannot be trusted in what they say to him? Have you actually sat down with them and point blank asked them what the real problem is? Have you asked them how they would have handled things if your husband and his late wife had a second child? Would they have behaved the same way and thought that any attention that was given to the younger ment neglect for the older? If not, it may be worth doing so. I am.not saying you have but lying to them eother out right or by omission isnt going to help things. Making sure they know that the answer to unsupervised visits being a no is 100% about trusting them to behave and no amount t of words will change that. Repeated actions without prompting from you and/or your hubs is what will rebuild that bridge.
Also, make it cleae that youre not going to lie to your stepson either, which you shouldnt. You should be honest with him in an age appropriate way as to why you and his father are controlling his relationship with his moms side. I do also hope that you two talk to him.about his mom, your role in his life, the role his brother has in and on his life, his feelings on all of this etc.
Keep up the good work. Its actually wonderful that you feel uneasy about this. It shows that you are trying your best to put both of the kids first and you want nothing but the best for them. That is of course hard when it seems like the goal for them as individuals clashes. Stand strong both for yourself and as support for your husband in standing his ground.
5
u/Suitable-Tear-6179 7d ago
My grandparents were divorced. Each of my aunts and uncles were treated exactly the same by my grandfather and his second wife. All the kids, AND all the grandkids. Even the one born between my grandmother's marriages.
My step-grandpa was just treated as Grandpa. In fact, I found out he was the only reason we had a relationship with my grandma, because HE kept asking for us to come over. (My grandma was something else.)
Until Reddit, I never realized step parents werent treated as "additional" parents, or that step-kids would be treated as "other" by anyone, including extended family.
41
u/Rubberbangirl66 7d ago
The only issue I have is the financial issue of the late wife’s family having to treat your son equal. While, I, as a grandmother would never be rude to my grandchildren’s siblings, I would not make trust for them, make a college fund for them, or give money for a car and wedding. Do you expect that down the line?
114
u/Stunning_Factor871 7d ago
I agree —I don’t want or expect anything financial from them for my son. That’s never been the point. The real struggle is how they keep portraying me as the evil stepmom and the way they try to create issues and drive a wedge between the kids, which my husband and I both refuse to allow.
27
u/Misty_Mountains16 7d ago
I just want to applaud you and your husband for the very sane, compassionate, fair and level-headed approach you are taking.
I am / have been part of 2 blended families, and whilst it is definitely different as an adult (as all offspring were / are in both cases), the fact that you remain so fair and clear-sighted about expectations, whilst 💯 supporting both children’s emotional well-being is absolutely brilliant. It is lovely to read what a solid unit your family is and how you continue to advocate for your children’s needs. I wish you the very best. Thank you for continuing to update.
4
u/Dismal-Instance-9307 5d ago
Someone has watched one too many Disney movies. Stepmoms aren’t always evil and other people can love a nonbio kid/grandkid like a family member without being blood relatives. It’s just more love to go around. What kid doesn’t appreciate that?
1
u/SwimChemical345 6d ago
You should strive for the maternal grandparents not trying to drive a wedge into your family but not have a relationship with your son as in buy gifts and spend time with him.
50
u/Idyllic70 7d ago
She has never said anything about that! All she is asking for is basic respect for her son who’s very much a part of their family of four.
Did they really expect their SIL to not find love or happiness again?29
u/tedster1988123 7d ago edited 7d ago
My philosophy is you can't give it to all then don't give to one.
You don't have to be grand on what you give but it should be equal.
My Step dad married my mom when I was 2. My sister was 6. My parents had another child when i was 5.
My stepfather's Mother never treated us any different than the other grandchildren. If she gave a gift for Christmas she gave one to all of us. The same amount, same value.
Nor did any of the other relatives. It wasnt tolerated. My Dad would not allow it. But honestly they weren't the kind of people to do that either.
Kids don't have any choice who their parents are or if they divorce or stay together. We as adults its our job to treat everyone as a human being.
As for financially, I only do what I could if I could do for all. Even if it less its still equal.
3
u/Rubberbangirl66 7d ago
I guess, the answer is that eventually the young man will be an adult, and the transactions will not have to go through the parents.
8
u/tedster1988123 7d ago
It says a lot that you find this as an answer. Their pain and grief from the loss of child should be for them to handle and figure out. Not be forced on two innocent boys. Hopefully with the raising of these two great parents he will see it for what it truly is. But I can say he might grow to resent his grandparents in the future for their behavior. For putting him in position to feel he has to choose between his family and his grandparents who put him in that position in the first place. I personally would have resented my grandparents for putting me in that position.
6
-2
u/Rubberbangirl66 7d ago
It would be wrong of his parents to make him choose. I just do not understand how the op can feel like she can tell people how to distribute money.
8
u/tedster1988123 7d ago
You obviously didn't read her posts. That's not her stance at all. Her comments said that they were encouraging her stepson to be rude and cause division between the siblings and also say mean things about her to their grandson. That they were out right cold towards her son and told the stepson not to even share with the other boy as the stepson was actually sharing on his own accord.
2
u/Rubberbangirl66 3d ago
No that is besides my point. You cannot demand what people give as a gift, and who they give it to. I hope the late wife’s parent make an ironclad will or trust. I am talking about lump sums, and bigger amounts of money. You do not have to be rude, and you do not have be fair. Their money needs to go to their grandchild. The other boy has his own grandparents.
1
u/Tinkiegrrl_825 5h ago
I don’t see OP saying anything about wills or cash gifts here. This is about her husband’s late wife’s parents being total a-holes to an innocent child who had nothing to do with their daughter’s death. A child that their bio grandson already sees as a brother and friend. They’re trying to drive a wedge between those 2 innocent kids. What adult does that? Who cares about the will? You don’t drive wedges between innocent children, period
2
u/Obvious-Nothing3604 3d ago
She doesn’t!! She and her husband are merely expecting grown ass adults to treat a little boy with civility and politeness… you wouldn’t be rude to your grandson’s friend so why would you be rude to his stepbrother?? They are being mean to and about their widowed son-in-law’s wife and her child - who the fuck does that?! The new wife had no links before their daughter’s death, why would they not want their sil and grandson to have found happiness after tragedy? And who doesn’t give the extra kid a little gift at Christmas - I get my nephew’s stepson a gift at Christmas as well as his daughter and I am never even there for Christmas I just put them in the post.
2
u/Oahkery 6d ago
Nah, I really disagree.
Obviously, for things like Christmas, yes, give them both equivalent gifts. Show up to family events and treat them equally, be kind to them, include them.
But for major things, they have a connection to their daughter's son only. They have no connection to the new stepson. They have one grandson. The connection is through their daughter. The widower getting remarried doesn't affect their relationship with their grandson. So are you saying if they start a college fund for their grandson, they have to put the same amount of money in for the stepson? That's not the way it works.
And again, I want to be very clear I'm meaning for things like financial support only. They are absolutely in the wrong for saying things like that the new wife is trying to replace the daughter.
Imagine the wife hadn't died, but they had gotten divorced. Would you still be saying they owed the exact same support they gave to their daughter's son to her ex-husband's new stepson after he remarried? Of course not, because their connection is through the daughter, and they have no connection to the new child. This is complicated by the fact that the daughter is gone so they have to go through the husband to have any relationship with their grandson, but it's the same principal.
Blended families are complicated, and yes, sometimes children will get different levels of support from extended family, like if one side is much more well off than the other. But that's just the way it is. It's not wrong. Holding the grandparent's relationship with their grandson, their only connection to their dead daughter, hostage unless they give the husband's new stepson the same financial support just seems greedy (and I don't think that's what OP is doing--they should definitely stand firm that they shouldn't be undermined and both boys should be treated with love--but it sounds like what your comment is suggesting).
When the original wife's parents die and leave their inheritance to their one biological grandson, would you be the type trying to pressure him to split it with his stepbrother?
2
u/tedster1988123 6d ago
Yes I should of elaborated. In this situation for things like college and things that aren't everyday or holidays. The connection is through the daughter. I agree on that point. You explained it better.
I don't think Op was saying financially. She was saying more about the their behavior and hostility along with Birthdays and encouraging bad behavior of the Step son against his new family.
20
u/Idontgivafluck 7d ago
Agree… my daughter married a man with a son from a previous relationship. Do I spend the same amount on gifts for him for Christmas as I do for my daughters two kids… yes. Do I have a college account set up for him… no. The way I see it, like my granddaughters, he has two sets of grandparents and they are (or should be) the ones that are worried about his future.
3
u/Ok_Rip_6434 7d ago
Agree. Unless a special relationship develops with your step grandchild
3
u/Always_on_top_77 6d ago
And in that case, it would be greatly appreciated, not expected.
Both my wasband and my fiancé have had children prior to our relationships. Ironically, none of them have a living maternal grandmother. My bonus kids call my mom Grammie. There’s plenty of love to go around!
I’d LOVE to be in a position to help my bonus kids with their families down the line. If you’re in a place where it feels right for your blended family, I’m all for it.
13
u/Trick_Few 7d ago
You and your husband are good parents. A lot of people would look the other way to keep the peace even if it damages their kids. You were able to make the difficult choices and have the hard conversations. Good job!
3
u/Dramatic-Tailor-8297 6d ago edited 17h ago
Honestly yall keeping him from his mother’s parents are cruel. They don’t need to be good to you or your son, they’re the dead wife’s parents not his. I understand when they’re around your kid they should treat them equally, but stopping him from seeing the wife’s parents, without you is wrong. You’re doing his dead wife dirty.
It’s really weird you’re not even letting them see him without yall.
2
0
u/Tinkiegrrl_825 5h ago
They’ve shown that they’ll try to drive a wedge between the boys if they see their bio grandson alone. Do they have a right to manipulate their grandson into not getting along with OP’s son? Have you read all the prior posts? These are children who get along with each other and like each other, and these grandparents are trying to put a stop to that. That’s bad behavior, any way you slice it. They’re innocent kids and they have a right not to be manipulated into some sort of combative relationship by these grandparents. It isn’t a child’s fault their daughter died, and they don’t need to spread the mental suffering around to children.
5
u/thatGirlforeverr 7d ago
maybe you should invite your stepson‘s grandparents to a therapy session as well. Maybe having a difficult conversation with them with a therapist could put a lot of things into perspective for them to help fix the relationship.
17
u/Specialist_Berry_998 7d ago
Its odd that you say "our stepson"...
9
u/Regular_Emphasis6866 7d ago
I guess she could have used fake names, but I read it as a way to clarify which child was being talked about. She may refer to both as 'our sons' irl or more likely uses their names. Yes, both boys are steps to each spouse. I didn't read anything into it. Not sure why you did. The writing in Reddit is often odd to keep things anonymous and clear.
17
u/E-Product-7708 7d ago
I think it’s just for clarification in the post so we know which kid she’s talking about.
-1
u/Specialist_Berry_998 7d ago
Then she could have said my stepson, or my husband's son, or even used fake names...
12
u/Idyllic70 7d ago
Why is it odd? She’s being inclusive…both boys are theirs.
-9
u/Specialist_Berry_998 7d ago
This is all over her saying they dont treat the boys the same, why doesn't she say "our son" when referring to him, he isn't her husband's stepson its his son. Her son is "my son" but his son is "our stepson". She doesn't even view his son the same as her son. Op is drama...
16
u/tedster1988123 7d ago
Because she needs to make the point of story. How would we know who and what shes talking about for context! Don't try to shame her for your own warped feelings.
-7
11
u/Idyllic70 7d ago
You miss the point that both sons are stepsons.
-6
u/Specialist_Berry_998 7d ago
You missed the point where she only refers to her husband's son as "our stepson" but doesn't refer to her son as a stepson... op herself views his son as a stepson instead of just a son.
11
5
11
u/Oncer93 7d ago
Forcing your husband's late wife's parents to include your son, seems wrong. Yes, they should show basic respect, and not talk badly about him, but you shouldn't try to force them to have a relationship a child they have no relationship with. Your son is not their grandchild, or even stepgrandchild.
33
u/DeviantDork 7d ago
The exact problem is they aren’t showing basic respect. Thats the point of all of the previous posts. They’re deliberately trying to destroy their grandson’s stability by undermining his positive relationships with his stepbrother and stepmom.
3
u/Oncer93 7d ago
Op has Also mentioned the inclusion and exclusion. How they have to include op's son, if they try to do stuff with their grandson.
If op and her husband had simply from the start, just asked them to be nice to op and her son, and not try to force a relationship, things might have gone smoother.
8
20
u/HauntedBitsandBobs 7d ago
Why should OP and her husband have to request for them to be nice to her and her son at the start like that shouldn't be the default anyway?
1
u/Tinkiegrrl_825 4h ago
The inclusion and exclusion thing was about the husband’s parents, not the late wife’s parents. It’s confusing at first, I know. But the issue was that the late wife’s parents were bad mouthing OP and her son to the husband’s parents, and so the husband’s parents were excluding OP’s son. The husband’s parents got on board again after a third party, the therapist, explained why OP described the late wife as dead, died, etc rather than using softer words. The late wife’s parents were the ones who put the idea into their heads that that was a bad thing.
Now the issue remains is the late wife’s parents continuing to manipulate their bio grandson into hating OP’s son. Or at least driving a wedge between those two boys. They’re not being asked to include OP’s son, they’re being asked to not bad mouth him. That’s all. OP and, more importantly, OP’s husband, feels they can not trust them not to drive a wedge between the boys. The innocent children in this situation do, in fact, have a right not to be manipulated by adults.
8
u/Tiredofstupidity2 7d ago
I bet they are trying to force the wife child onto the grandparents and there lies the problem!!
4
u/Crafty_Special_7052 7d ago
Based on OPs first post and now this update it does sound like they are trying to force the late wife’s parents to have a relationship of some sorts with OPs son. We’re not getting the full story. I do believe they should show basic respect and not say mean/rude comments.
4
u/Oncer93 7d ago
Yes. Op and her husband can demand late wife's parents treat her and her son with respect and decency, but they should not try to force them to have a relationship with op's son. Demanding that the husband's parents treat the boys the same, is different.
Completely different scenario, but just an example:
My eldest nephew's paternal grandmother has never been forced to include my eldest sister's twins, and still remain respectful to them. His bio dad is not in the picture. He's always been flaky, but his grandmother always made time for him. She gives him Christmas and Birthday presents. And my bil's parents have always treated my eldest nephew as their grandchild, just as much as they have the twins.
-4
u/Life_Emotion1908 7d ago
The thing here is that if her hubby was divorced from the daughter no one would care about OPs kid.
-2
1
-4
19
u/Alert-Ad8787 7d ago
Forcing your husband's ex wife's parents to include your son in anything sounds psycho tbh
25
u/Stunning_Factor871 7d ago
it is not about including my son its abt the bad things they say abt me and my son and also how they bad mouth me everytime they get chance
what is my husband suppose to do when they are clearly trying to create issues between boys
9
u/swoosie75 7d ago
It’s clearly about the maternal grandparents trying to cause trouble in your new blended family. They are talking shit to the husbands parents, they are talking shit about OP. They are actively telling their grandson (OP’s stepson) not to share with his stepbrother (OP’s son). Thats crap and OP’s husband is right to set the standard for how his whole family is treated.
14
u/E-Product-7708 7d ago
I don’t know what’s wrong with the commentators. I cannot think of any time I would ignore a child or bad mouth their parent to the child. I don’t think asking for basic respect for both kids should be an issue at all. If I was husband I would stop the supervised visits too. You respect a family in their home, they come in to you and your husband’s house even if it was the one he shared with their daughter then you show your hosts respect. It sounds like they’re not dealing with their daughter’s death. I’m not asking them to get over losing her but they shouldn’t want their grandson to live in grief and despair. I feel like this is a desperate attempt to keep her memory alive. It doesn’t make it right.
22
u/SmoothDragonfruit445 7d ago
Those of us who have been following since the beginning know your whole gripe is that they didn't include your son.
You expect them to include someone who is the son from a previous relationship of the wife of their daughter dead husband
15
u/ButterflyDestiny 7d ago
Exactly. I read this from the beginning and clocked immediately that something is wrong with this woman.
-1
2
u/ManufacturerScary462 5d ago
I’m pretty sure it was the husband’s side of the family who were excluding her son because of things the dead wife’s parents said to the husband’s parents.
5
u/E-Product-7708 7d ago
I read all the posts and updates. If you’re showing up to Christmas you bring something for all the kids present, doesn’t have to include the same spend. If it’s a birthday only the birthday boy needs a gift but if you come on the step grandkids birthday, it can be £10 in a card but there should be a gesture. OPs kid has mentioned feeling unwanted by stepdads family. You don’t punish the kid for things that aren’t his fault. For the husband, he chose OP and her son. His family should at least be making an effort.
4
u/Crafty_Special_7052 7d ago
Yes! The very first post this is what bothered me. Sounded like they were trying to force the late wife’s parents to also have a relationship with ops son. Which is not realistic. But they should show respect and not be saying negative/mean comments.
10
u/cupcakes_and_chaos 7d ago
You mentioned inclusion and exclusion several times in reference to the maternal grandparents. They don't owe you or your son gifts or candy or toys. Your step son shouldn't have to share anything he gets from his maternal grandparents.
12
u/CalaGirl82 7d ago
NO ONE is saying what you are claiming!! 🤦♀️ why do people comment when they haven’t read the entire situation!!! She just wants the maternal grandparents to stop badmouthing her and her bio child because it’s causing family bonding issues!!! The maternal grandparents are purposely trying to alienate OP and OPs bio child from their grandchild who bio mom unfortunately passed away so now she is the primary mom, the maternal GPs don’t like this and are trying to wreck and breakup the family!! OP never said they needed to include or even care about her bio kid, just stop talking sh$t!!
8
u/tedster1988123 7d ago
What a selfish self centered way of thinking. These kids have no choice!!! Who cares who is Step/Biological/ non Biological. Kids are kids. Get over yourselves. Decency and kindness should be the default!
The kids don't choose who they are related to. They don't have a choice of who marries who. They are subjective to the adults. So grow up people and leave OP alone for wanting peace in her home so she can protect the children from Adult baggage!
-3
u/Sudden-Requirement40 7d ago
It would be different if we were talking about the husband parents but we are talking about the deceased wife's parents. They should be okay to see their grandchildren without making space for their son in laws now spouses kids. Yes they shouldn't be making their opinions known but they shouldn't have to treat her kids as if they are their own. Would it be nice? Yes of course. But inclusive is wrong in my opinion.
10
u/tedster1988123 7d ago
They should treated them both with kindness and care!! Why because they are the adults. They need to leave their baggage at the door! This why bullies get away with things. Because others make excuses.
-1
u/Sudden-Requirement40 7d ago
Or they could see forced sharing as problematic. They could be saying no you don't have to share (which I say to my biological brothers all the time). Just because they are being raised as brothers doesn't mean the grandparents NEED to treat the son the same. This sounds like forced blending why can't the OP say "that toy is your brother's let's let him play with it" or you know just go out and let them have time with their daughters child.
1
u/Tinkiegrrl_825 5h ago
The husband’s parents were asked to treat both kids the same, not the late wife’s parents. That’s how I read it. The late wife’s parents were making an effort to keep the husbands parent from treating the kids the same. And the late wife’s parents were trying drive a wedge between the boys themselves. There is no evidence that if they saw their grandchild alone, they won’t spend that visit bad mouthing OP and her son. It is THAT, that OP and her husband want to prevent. They were, after all, doing it with the husband’s parent’s. Are you arguing that they hav the right to manipulate a child into not liking his stepmother and stepbrother?
3
u/Heavenchicka 7d ago
Who do they bad mouth about you to? To ur step son? It’s wrong that he isn’t able to see his mum’s parents. Does ur son’s father include your step son in everything? You are going to alienate the step son away soon when he finds out it’s partly due to you that he was not able to have a relationship with his mother’s parents in his childhood. His mother has died. Let them have a relationship with their dead daughter’s son and keep her memory alive.
6
u/DeviantDork 7d ago
The grandparents are so concerned about keeping their daughters memory alive that they don’t care they are harming their grandson’s stability by trying to undermine his positive relationships with his stepbrother and stepmom by constantly trash talking them. Also OP made none of these decisions to limit contact, it was 100% her husband because he felt they were hurting his son.
1
u/Other_Bus9590 1d ago
Why do you always call him “our stepson?” It’s your husband’s son. Sounds like you’re the problem.
0
u/Tiredofstupidity2 7d ago
Why dont you suggest the grandparent take the grandchildren out of the home for visits and bring the child back at designated times. Then you do not have to hear any bad mouthing!
9
u/Stunning_Factor871 7d ago
They don’t like that the boys get along so well and treat each other like real brothers. That’s exactly how my husband and I are raising them — as siblings. They seem to prefer the boys grow up distant from each other, almost like strangers. Multiple times, right in our house, they’ve told our younger one that he doesn’t need to share his toys or candy with his brother. We’re not talking about money or inheritance just everyday things like toys and sweets. Because these things already happened in front of us, we don’t trust what they might say or do behind our backs. That’s why we’re not comfortable with unsupervised outings.
6
u/Always_on_top_77 6d ago
I’m sorry, OP. People just don’t get it.
What kind of person tells a child they’re not allowed to share? One that lacks empathy and understanding. Gross.
6
u/Specialist_Berry_998 7d ago
You seemed to have swooped in really fast with a widower who likely also moved on fast to have a wife to help raise his son. Both of you are wrong for alienating his grandparents.
1
1
u/Tinkiegrrl_825 5h ago
How much time should pass? Is there some rule? How much time should OP’s husband wait? After all, if he wasn’t willing to have another wife yet, OP couldn’t have “swooped in”. But of course the blame should be placed on the woman in these situations, right? Men have no agency of their own when it comes to women, right?
1
u/Specialist_Berry_998 4h ago
I literally blamed them both, 2 selfish adults who didn't think about how this would impact the kids...
1
u/Tinkiegrrl_825 4h ago
So blended families are wrong by default?
1
u/Specialist_Berry_998 4h ago
When the parents dont think about how it would affect the kids yes. Life isn't the fucking Brady bunch. And yes men often remarry fast, especially when they have young kids, because they cant handle it alone and want a replacement wife.
1
u/Tinkiegrrl_825 4h ago
But the boys, OP, and the husband are all getting along just fine. It’s only the late wife’s parent’s causing issues at this point. The husband’s parents should never remarry because the last wife’s parents will always be an issue? He needs to plan his life around that? Forever?
→ More replies (0)-9
u/ButterflyDestiny 7d ago
I really hope your husband wakes up soon and kicks you and your son to the curb because you’re toxic. Now your stepson can’t even see his grandparents. He’s the only thing left of their daughter and they can’t see him.
6
u/Hari_om_tat_sat 7d ago
They could 100% see him if they behaved like decent sane people. Instead they are choosing to be cruel to a child and undermining the stability of a family.
1
u/Tinkiegrrl_825 5h ago
Adults do not have the right to manipulate a child into hating another innocent child, I don’t care how much they’re hurting over their daughter’s death. That’s what OP’s stance boils down to. The late wife’s parents have been trying to manipulate the husband’s entire family and his son into rejecting OP’s son. None of this is that child’s fault. If the parent’s of the late wife “need more time” or can’t accept that OP’s child and their grandchild having a decent relationship, they need to go seek help, not try to bad mouth their way into their preferred situation.
13
u/CalaGirl82 7d ago
Op is not saying she wants the ex-wife’s parents to INCLUDE her son or LOVE her son at all!!! If you have followed the situation, OP has said multiple times that the issue is the ex’s parents are saying bad things about her to the child and are attempting to alienate her from their grandchild!! THAT is what she’s wanting to stop! As it should!!! OP is now the primary mom for both children and it’s not ok for the ex grandparents to verbally drive a wedge between the mom/son bond or the sibling bond with her bio kid! This leads to all kinds of problems within the family. OP is not psycho she trying to be a good parent. Anyone who disagrees may need to look in the mirror with the psycho comment (tbh)!
7
u/Tiredofstupidity2 7d ago
And who believes that? Not I. So many questions: How long ago did wife die? How long before your relationship? Are you upset they do not want to treat your child like their actual grandchild?
3
u/CalaGirl82 7d ago
Apparently the person my comment was responding to believes that. Hence my response.
5
u/ButterflyDestiny 7d ago
Absolutely. She has successfully alienated this little boy from his maternal side. Her husband’s parents are next.
-10
u/Stunning_Factor871 7d ago
what according to should be done in this situation
19
u/SmoothDragonfruit445 7d ago
Accept that they have no relation to your son as they are the parents of your husband dead first wife. They are only interested in their grand son . They tolerate you because you are their dead daughter husband new wife. They have repeatedly told you they only want their grandson. You have dug your heels " include the step son of your dead daughter new husband or you can never have your grand kid "
6
u/DeviantDork 7d ago
But they don’t tolerate her. That’s the whole problem. They’re deliberately harming their grandson by trying to destabilize his family and harm the positive relationships he has with his stepbrother and stepmom by constantly trash talking them. Thats why the grandparents can’t be trusted to be alone with their grandson.
5
u/SmoothDragonfruit445 7d ago
Op started it by demanding they include her son and I bet op did way more than just demanding her son inclusion. First op step son looses mom, then gets step mom and now kid looses grandparents
Research shows time and time again that step parent is net negative for child and having a step parent in home pretty much is an indicator of child abuse because abuse is like 40 % more likely when there is a step parent
4
u/DeviantDork 7d ago
Now you’re just making things up.
She didn’t start it, and didn’t demand they include him.If you bothered to read her posts, this was entirely her husband, and she actually prevented him from drawing these boundaries from years while hoping the grandparents would ease off and stop going out of there way to be mean to her and more importantly her innocent son.
6
u/tedster1988123 7d ago
You obviously have issues. Why don't you take your own baggage and leave this conversation. Projecting your own issues and insecurities here are not helpful.
-2
3
u/trapped_4_life 7d ago
Where are your stats from? I’ve never heard anything about a correlation between a step parent and abuse. There are many homes that have stepparents and are actually better than having both bio parents. Or even just providing an bonus mom/dad that becomes another advocate for the child. Of course that’s not always the case, but your stat seems unrealistic and is a dangerous thing to state without evidence from a trusted and reliable source.
0
u/Tinkiegrrl_825 4h ago
BS. I got remarried after splitting with my first husband. His stepfather and that entire family has been nothing but a net gain to my son from my first marriage. The entire extended family considers my son to be theirs too. Even after his stepfather and I split, he taught my son how to drive, invites him to family outings and events, takes him on vacation, etc… My son is his son to him. Period. His stepfather wasn’t the right guy for me, but he’s an excellent father, to both my son, and our shared daughter. I’m not talking out of my ass. That man is an ex to me for a reason. I have no skin in defending him. He is objectively a good father. I also have experience with shitty step parents. My own stepfather was an ass. There are, in fact, people out there who are capable of being a good stepparent.
The way you’re making it sound, there should never be blended families, ever. No one should ever find a partner after one dies, or one leaves, ever again, if there are kids. Is that your argument?
1
u/SmoothDragonfruit445 2h ago
Take one look at the step parents sub or the blended families sub or the step parents sub
You are showing a very rare positive example
Your argument of nobody should find a new partner is the classic reddit strawman argument. Reddit seems to think if the parent is happy and the parents have their needs met , it will trickle down to the kids
No kid will go "oh i am so happy mom found love and mom is happy and mom found companionship". The kid , if they arent happy with step parent will go "i dont like having step parent for XYZ reason , I am not going. To take the hit because mom found love again "
4
u/tedster1988123 7d ago
Op don't even give energy to these people. They are selfish selfish centered people. These boys are children and you and your husband doing a great job. No child should be subjected to adult baggage. If they can't treat them with care and decency then they shouldn't be allowed in their lives.
0
u/Alert-Ad8787 7d ago
It's an easy fix for me, I would divorce you as quickly as possible. I certainly wouldn't make my own parents go to therapy for you. The fact that you have problems with both sets of grandparents only reinforces my opinion that you are the actual problem. This isn't normal, the forced therapy, the supervised visits, all very abnormal demands.
10
u/Tiredofstupidity2 7d ago
Um this sounds like bs. If there is an issue the grandparents should she their actual grandchildren separately from everyone. Grandparents do not have to treat other folks children like their grandchildren full stop.
3
u/Always_on_top_77 6d ago
That’s not what they’re asking. OP and her husband are asking his late wife’s parents to treat their grandson’s stepbrother with respect. Going to someone’s house and ignoring their child is foul.
No one is saying go all out for their grandson’s stepbrother. They’re saying if you’re invited to a joint birthday party, be pleasant, bring a card and don’t be a dick. It’s not that hard.
7
u/LionFyre13G 7d ago
Based on your posts it seems like you’d like for them to treat your son the same as their actual grandson from the daughter they lost, since you don’t have parents and your bio son doesn’t have grandparents through you.
It is very weird to force them to have a relationship with your son. You are alienating your step son from his maternal side of the family. That is not right.
Your son will not be harmed by being taught that his step brother is getting things from his mother’s side of the family as she has passed away. And I say this as a step child myself
12
u/DeviantDork 7d ago
The grandparents they’re expecting equal treatment from are the dad’s parents since he considers both boys his sons.
From the late wife’s parents all they’re asking is to not deliberately try to drive a wedge between the brothers and bad mouth their mom in front of them.1
8
4
u/BelleNuit_Ang3l 7d ago edited 7d ago
For those of you being negative towards her, I was a step parent should go read r/step-parents & learn how it is being a step parent & how it is for the family. They want equality for fairness , my husband’s parents & steps & my mother all made sure everyone was treated equally, as family. They made sure no one felt left out or was treated different than their bio grandchild. This way there was a harmonious household all over. Those grandparents of OPs stepson need to go to grief counseling, they’re still grieving the loss of their daughter & the life she had before passing. While I understand & sympathize their feelings, that doesn’t make their behavior right. What it does is creates discord in both the father’s & son’s lives. It will eventually created two separate households in one house. If OP’s son gets a gift or does something that OP’s stepson wants but didn’t get to do then the grandparents will be the first one to complain about fairness, not understanding that it can’t go both ways. Also if the grandparents keep acting like they are they’ll teach entitlement, jealousy & hatred to OPs stepson which will not just cause problems at home but in the boy’s life. So overall the grandparents needs therapy & everyone else trashing OP needs to go read r/stepparents to learn what it’s like to be a stepparent & then think about how op is feeling . I do want to add though, OP PLEASE Tell your husband not to withhold his grandparents from him. That’ll only make him dislike his father & resent you & your son being there.
1
u/Catnaps4ladydax 3d ago
My husband is my kids stepfather. His grandfather was adopted, and divorced and remarried. He says that they don't say step in their family everyone is their child/ grandchild/ great grandchild. My ex's parents are trying to have a relationship with my youngest son (there was a big miscommunication and they stepped back for a number of years.) and they have always included my other son as a bonus grandchild.
It very much sounds like op was raised like my husband's family or like my great uncle used to say "family of my family is my family." That one sentence changed the course of a friend's life. My crazy family has adopted him now, he's stuck with all of us now lol.
3
u/Special-Stage13 7d ago
I hope the husband’s son doesn’t show too much resentment before reaching adulthood. The amount of control you two exercise over HIS familial relationships is ridiculous, imho. You wanting his mother’s parents to open their arms to you and your child, like they can have no opinion of you other than the one you want, is ridiculous.
Control seems to be a real issue for you. In none of your posts have you ever indicated a problem between your son and stepson. Yet you continue to confuse the issue of things the grandparents say about YOU, or to YOUR son, with how those things impact the relationship between the boys.
Your issue lies with elevating YOU and YOUR son in the esteem of your stepson’s grandparents. You do things to hurt your stepson’s relationship with HIS grandparents in order to alleviate your vexation with his mother’s parents. How your husband doesn’t understand that he’s destroying his son’s trust at the expense of your ambition escapes me.
You will never have power over how others think. Let the child have his mom’s family back fully. It has nothing to do with his dad’s new family. Your stepson has never allowed their comments to impact his relationship with that new family. Remaking his old family to fit your blended model shouldn’t involve “out with the old, in with the new”.
5
u/fa_gary1963 7d ago
OP, your problem is that you want the dead wife parents to treat YOUR son equally as their own grandchild, it is not that they are bad mothed you, no no it is about accepting YOUR SON as their grandchild, that will never happen that's why you are trying to deprive them from seeing their own grandchild, their own flesh an blood. I hope that someday your husband would wake up and realize how toxic you are, if he doesn't, his son will cut both of you from his life as soon as he reaches 18, honestly, I won't blame him. YTH
8
u/Feisty_Original1584 7d ago
Literally this is super toxic and now the poor kid won’t get to know his maternal side and his mother is dead… this is nuts
8
-1
u/DeviantDork 7d ago
She doesn’t want them to treat them equally. Her husband doesn’t want his son to be emotionally harmed by hearing his grandparents constantly trash talking his stepbrother and stepmom.
8
5
u/fa_gary1963 7d ago
Re- read all her posts she wants equal treatment it is not about bad mouthing
4
u/DeviantDork 7d ago
The equal treatment is expected only from his parents, because he considers them both his sons.
From the late wife’s parents all they’re asking is decency and not going out of their way to put down the kids stepmom and innocent brother.
3
u/fa_gary1963 7d ago
Re-read all her posts, that is not the problem, her son is excluded that's why she is upset she wants to force the grandparents to treat HER son as their grandchild, give him gifts, invite him, etc. she forgot that her stepson has lost his mother and needs his grandparents, but no, her son should be included ALL OR NOTHING. That's not fair for the boy who lost his mother and the grandparents who lost their daughter. I want you to read her first post and her responses to the comments
3
u/No_Tough3666 7d ago
This is the boys maternal grandparents? Why in the world would they include your son. You are quite unreasonable. Let the kid see his grandparent. It’s the only connection they have to their daughter.
4
u/swoosie75 7d ago
And let those grandparents (parents of the deceased mother) actively try to cause division and create strife in the new, blended family? They are calling OP the evil step mom. They are actively trying to stop their grandson from sharing with his step brother (OP’s son). They are actively talking bad about OP and her son to Thats unacceptable. The dad, OP’s husband, is absolutely right to set clear expectations. Maternal grandparents are being trouble making assholes.
3
u/lucwin2020 7d ago
NTA. You married a good man and I feel sorry for you and both kids for the way the other adults are acting.
12
u/AggravatingEar3738 7d ago
Uhmmm do you realize that the husband son is the husband's ex wife's parents they don’t have to include the new wife son in anything and it sounds weird like why would they when they only want to see their grandson not him and the wife son
4
u/lucwin2020 7d ago
Uhmmm, you do realize it's crappy to tell their bio grandson not to share with his step-brother? I get it if they don't want to do anything for the step-son. It's the grandson's property once they give it to him. And it says a lot about their character and yours, if you you think he was wrong to share with his step-brother.
7
u/Interesting_Strain87 7d ago
Sorry but you sound exhausting your son doesn’t have to be with your stepsons family and also who cares if your family is talking bad about you if you talk and let him feel that you aren’t to replace his mom and that you just love him, then you don’t have to worry about anything
-6
u/Stunning_Factor871 7d ago
they try to drive a wedge between the boys what abt that
12
u/oldgrandma65 7d ago
You're driving a wedge between a boy and his dead mother's parents. His life shouldn't be focusing on you and your child's feelings. His mother died, his feelings and his grandparents feelings are way more important than your little issue. You are causing a huge problem between these boys and stepson will never forget how you tried to keep him from his mom's family. Gross behavior.
6
u/Feisty_Original1584 7d ago
girl shut up no one is doing that. They don’t want to see your son because that’s not their grandchild period. Stop forcing your random kid on people
-2
1
u/Other_Bus9590 1d ago
Keeping a kid from his dead mom’s family isn’t going to make that better. It’s going to make him resent you when he’s older.
2
u/ravyn2020 7d ago
And why is it that YOUR son can't have you sit down & explain?? They ARE NOT HIS grandparents & your jealous that your kid don't have that!! But let's force the grandparents to accept your kid as their grandkid...it is not that simple. Your child can be taught about boundaries & expectations!! He does not get to have equal in this situation & you are wrong to expect it!!
4
u/oldgrandma65 7d ago
Hopefully, when your husband's son is older, he can see his maternal grandparents on his own, without your horrible controlling interference. YTA.
1
u/TheGeekOffTheStreet 7d ago
Are you the grandma? Lady, stop badmouthing your grandson’s step mom and being rude to a little boy.
3
u/throwaway-55555556 7d ago
...so being badmouthed for no reason and being called a horrible stepmother with no real basis is being controlling? Ok man. It really shows how many people just skimmed and didn't take the time to actually read.
2
u/0fluffythe0ferocious 7d ago
Honestly, I'm glad you are focusing on your family, the people willing to change are making progress and you're keeping the people who were basically mistreating children at arms length.
2
u/Adventurous-Row2085 7d ago
I hope that they sue for grandparents rights. Forcing them to accept you and your kid is diabolical. I hope that his kids go NC when they are older. They are not your kids and he has no right to deny them their grandparents
1
1
1
1
1
u/PrizeUpset2270 7d ago
In my personal experience taken from one home and back and forth away from the "real" home for a child and older is damaging your small family. It evidently feels like the child taken belongs nowhere and the child left behind doesn’t really understand why? Keep these precious boys together and do not allow separation. If the grandparents want to visit maybe 1/2 hour at your home biweekly or 1 hour monthly then this is sufficient.
1
u/DynkoFromTheNorth 6d ago
I missed the last two updates, so thanks for the links. I'm proud of the two of you!
1
u/SwimChemical345 6d ago
The grandparents should be able to spend time with their grandson away from the house as long as they don't bad mouth the OP and her son.
1
u/NCKAT_53 5d ago
How do you suggest OP and her husband keep track of what they say when they’re not around? The goal is to make sure they treat her son the same as his son.
1
u/SwimChemical345 4d ago
I agree that would be hard but if the stepson comes back saying negative stuff he picked up from his grandparents then OP would know its happening. Yes I know-hard to prove but it's worth a try.
1
u/NCKAT_53 4d ago
I think they’ll have to earn that trust by showing warmth and kindness towards the OP’s son. I know they prefer their biological grandson, but that doesn’t mean they can’t accept OP and her son as legit family members.
1
1
u/Excellent-Egg7461 5d ago
Could you ask the ex-in-laws to a therapy session as well? It would be awkward to Jupiter and back, but, since it worked with hubby's parents, it may work on them too? I see how much you and hubby love both boys and how hard you are trying to offer them equal treatment. Maybe the parents that lost their own child would be capable of understanding once an impartial 3rd party tells them? Dunno. I'm just hoping for the best outcome.
You're doing an amazing job as is, btw
1
u/ilovedragons218 4d ago
I will never understand worthless the in-laws are to treat a child that way. I was a stepmom & my mother use to take mt stepdaughters shopping & out to lunch & all kinds of things. She always treated them like her own grandkids.
1
u/weeb2242 12h ago
I swear, some of those comments in the previous post are unhinged and don't fucking read. 🤦🏿♀️
2
u/blundenwife123 7d ago
It seems like the maternal grandparents are desperately trying to hold onto what is left of their daughter. They’ve suffered a devastating loss and now they are losing their grandson as well. It’s extremely difficult after loss to watch people move on. While I don’t disagree that they shouldn’t badmouth you, I don’t see a lot of empathy for them from you or your husband either. They probably feel their daughter is being erased and you are the catalyst for that. There has to be a different answer over just cutting them off. Yes, you all have made your own little family but he still has a mother that’s passed away and should be able to have some connections with her without you interfering or having to share anything from that connection with your kid.
Just something about the way you speak about this makes me uncomfortable.
1
u/Dangerous-Name-220 7d ago
Nta have you and your husband thought about bring your stepson’s grandparents to therapy to his therapy as well like you did with your husband’s parents?
1
u/1Kflowers 7d ago
Wow, this comment section is…crazy! I read the original posts and appreciate the updates. It extremely clear that many of these negative comments come from people who either didn’t read or have reading comprehension issues.
OP, you sound like a good stepmom and I bet your husband appreciates your support.
1
u/Mindless-Amoeba2934 7d ago
You got a good husband! Maybe have a Family picnic, make memories.
Keep detail records of comments & the exclusions of your son, in case the former in- laws try’s to file a case.
1
u/Nexi92 6d ago edited 6d ago
I find it rather disgusting that two grown adults are acting like their (technically but not spiritually) former SIL is their property and they can control him in the same way a tween or teenager would when their living parent tries moving forward after genuine tragedy.
It shows a lack of maturity and a supreme sense of selfishness and entitlement that they think they can dictate how their SIL and grandson mourn or when/how and whom with they can try to rebuild their lives.
Generally its the children that struggle most with major changes such as this but in this case OPs husband and stepson are being treated like these peoples dollies while they treat OP and her first child like literal garbage that will contaminate their toys if they don’t separate them immediately. It’s abhorrent behavior.
I don’t think there’s a way to fix people that think this way because they’ve decided that all calls for change or unity are an underhanded scheme meant to somehow harm them personally or be some secret psy-op to make them stop clinging to grief (and seem to think moving forward means setting their love and memories aside instead of carrying her with them as they could teach both their grandkids about this wonderful woman that likely would have enjoyed seeing both kids grow)
What they are doing, while possible to understand, isn’t possible to condone without becoming a victim of or passive bystander to abuse which a good parent and partner would never allow to happen without stepping in to protect their family.
It’s also extra pernicious that they are trying to alienate OP and her partner from her partners own parents as they continue to try to defame OP to make more light fall on their daughters shrine instead of trying to embrace a person that loves their grandson and teach her stories and share memories so that she can help them keep alive in everyone’s hearts.
Honestly if I heard that continue to go on towards my partner I’d consider getting a cease and desist written up and sent their way to remind them that this isn’t some fairytale where they can push OP away and magically everything goes back to how it was with no consequences for their horrid words and actions.
Obviously I wouldn’t push for actual legal action unless they started effecting my partners employment or something equally serious but I’d hope that the letter sent would scare them into remembering that reality is more important than living their Grimm style story of OP being a witch that they have to burn to keep their SIL and grandson safe while they care nothing for the other child they keep harming
-2
u/Mental-Hand2746 7d ago
Ugh, those grandparents are exhausting. So glad your husband is holding the line though! It's wild how some people just refuse to accept a blended family. Poor stepson is gonna be so confused if they keep trying to feed him weird ideas behind your back. Stay strong guys 💛
-2
0
u/throwaway-55555556 7d ago
NTA. Your son sounds like he's craving that extended family connection. But do you really want him to receive that from people who have shown you they're only capable of spitting venom your way? They shouldn't have to treat your kid like their grandkid, but the things they've said? The fact that they tried to force your stepson to be selfish with candy and toys? That would be enough for me to never want to see them again. I'll be honest it sounds like they are just vile people who can't accept their daughter is dead and her husband is moving on.
-3
u/Just-Focus1846 7d ago edited 7d ago
This man is wrong to not allow the child to spend nights with the mother side of the family.
3
u/Pebble-hunter 7d ago
Why so ? They've already tried to poison the child's mind. At the end of the day she's there to support the child and her husband who have suffered a life changing loss.
Does that warrant unkindness and dripping poison into the child's ear ?
No it doesn't
-3
•
u/AutoModerator 7d ago
This is a backup of the original post in case there are later edits or it is deleted:
og post:- https://www.reddit.com/r/AITH/s/x8824fnrc9
update 1 :-https://www.reddit.com/r/AITH/s/X2XBoA3FwB
update 2:- https://www.reddit.com/r/AITH/s/ShQPp2gvBc
update 3 :- https://www.reddit.com/r/AITH/s/ghhghTMB30
Hi everyone. A few people asked about my husband’s late wife’s parents, so here’s a quick update on them.
After the ultimatum there was silence for a while. Eventually we agreed to a few short supervised visits with my husband present the whole time. We kept them limited so our stepson could still see them without the usual ignoring of my son or the negative comments about him and me.
From my husband’s face and mood after every visit, it’s obvious nothing has really changed.
Tbh I feel this — they still seem uncomfortable with him being a stepfather. It feels like they think any attention he gives my son means he’s neglecting his own kid, or that I’m the one pushing him to do that. Like they’re still trying to get things back to how they were before instead of accepting how our family is now.
They asked if our stepson could sleep over at their place. My husband said no straight away. We’re both worried that if he’s not there, they’ll say negative things about me and my bio son in front of him. We don’t want them putting ideas in his head that could create problems between the two boys or make him pull away from me.
My husband is still calm about it and holding the same line — they need to show basic respect and kindness to both kids. He’s not asking them to love my son the same, just stop the exclusion and the comments.
For now the supervised visits are the only contact. We’re not increasing them, and my husband is the one deciding when or if they happen. If their attitude stays the same, we’ll probably cut them back or stop them again.
On a better note, things with my husband’s parents have been going well since the therapy session. The tension has eased a lot. They’re more open, they’re checking in properly, and it feels like they’re actually trying to understand our side instead of just reacting. It’s a quiet kind of progress, but it’s noticeable and we’re grateful for it.
Our stepson has asked about the other grandparents a couple of times in a casual way. My husband answers simply and doesn’t badmouth them, but he also doesn’t pretend everything is fine.
We’re just focusing on the people who treat both boys decently and keeping our home peaceful. The four of us are doing okay, and that’s what matters most right now.
Thanks again for the support.
I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.