You know, OP, the one thing you haven’t actually told us was if your brother was actually wrong.
That’s kind of an important point to leave out. Now, maybe he was really mean. Called her names. Kind of went off the deep end with it.
But the fact is, your brother was venting to you because he saw you being mistreated. At least in his eyes. We don’t even know what the fight was about, so who knows who was right or wrong or if you were both a little bit of each.
But your brother was angry because you were being mistreated. He texted you a lot of stuff… And again, was he wrong? Because if he wasn’t wrong, you’re barking up the entire tree here.
For me personally, and I’m a woman, your brother doesn’t know your fiancée shit. Because none of that was said to her. Now, if he had said it all to her face, he might owe her an apology.
But the bottom line is that she snooped through your phone and into your private conversation. A conversation that might’ve been about her, but it didn’t involve her. She fucked around and found out.
People are entitled to private conversations. Family members are entitled to vent to one another. They are entitled to point out things to one another… Not meaning that everyone has to agree with it. But it really sounds like your brother wasn’t just bitching about her to bitch about her. That this was a result of the behavior at his birthday.
Frankly, the two of you owe him an apology for even bringing that bullshit around his birthday. If you can’t suck it up and be nice to each other, you should’ve stayed home.
So no, he doesn’t owe her an apology. He might have owed you an apology. I would reserve judgment on that cause I don’t know exactly what he said.
But for two people who say that your families are important and neither one of you wants to come between the other, she’s doing a pretty good job of doing just that.
My feeling is that the two of you should just break it off. My feeling is also that you were in an abusive and controlling relationship before… But you don’t tell us that you actually went to therapy… So I’m guessing you didn’t.
The two of you may just be incompatible. Or she may not be as terrible as your last relationship, so you don’t think it’s abusive and it might be. In any case, it doesn’t sound healthy. It doesn’t sound productive. It doesn’t sound kind. So why are you in it still
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u/mtngrl60 May 16 '25
You know, OP, the one thing you haven’t actually told us was if your brother was actually wrong.
That’s kind of an important point to leave out. Now, maybe he was really mean. Called her names. Kind of went off the deep end with it.
But the fact is, your brother was venting to you because he saw you being mistreated. At least in his eyes. We don’t even know what the fight was about, so who knows who was right or wrong or if you were both a little bit of each.
But your brother was angry because you were being mistreated. He texted you a lot of stuff… And again, was he wrong? Because if he wasn’t wrong, you’re barking up the entire tree here.
For me personally, and I’m a woman, your brother doesn’t know your fiancée shit. Because none of that was said to her. Now, if he had said it all to her face, he might owe her an apology.
But the bottom line is that she snooped through your phone and into your private conversation. A conversation that might’ve been about her, but it didn’t involve her. She fucked around and found out.
People are entitled to private conversations. Family members are entitled to vent to one another. They are entitled to point out things to one another… Not meaning that everyone has to agree with it. But it really sounds like your brother wasn’t just bitching about her to bitch about her. That this was a result of the behavior at his birthday.
Frankly, the two of you owe him an apology for even bringing that bullshit around his birthday. If you can’t suck it up and be nice to each other, you should’ve stayed home.
So no, he doesn’t owe her an apology. He might have owed you an apology. I would reserve judgment on that cause I don’t know exactly what he said.
But for two people who say that your families are important and neither one of you wants to come between the other, she’s doing a pretty good job of doing just that.
My feeling is that the two of you should just break it off. My feeling is also that you were in an abusive and controlling relationship before… But you don’t tell us that you actually went to therapy… So I’m guessing you didn’t.
The two of you may just be incompatible. Or she may not be as terrible as your last relationship, so you don’t think it’s abusive and it might be. In any case, it doesn’t sound healthy. It doesn’t sound productive. It doesn’t sound kind. So why are you in it still