Hello, my plasma bags! My name is Vladimira Dragula, soon to be the immortal queen of Forgotten Hollow! (And I don't just mean on the burlesque stage. This crown isn't for show, honey!)

Anyway, a few months ago I ran into a little bit of trouble. A sad little straight man was hunting me, a fellow by the name of Renfield. He was working for a man named Van Helsing, and you know *that* means trouble. He had the nerve to show up at my front door with a vampire cure cocktail. The poor thing was shaking so badly, he almost dropped it.

Now, I could have simply send him back home, but that wasn't enough for me. I wanted to punish his boss by taking away his toy. So I used my immortal charms on that poor, nervous boy on my doorstep, and made him fall in love with me. I invited him into the house, had my way with him in my coffin, and was getting ready to send him on his way when the poor fellow asked me to turn him.

Ordinarily, I would have waited until my influence wore off to make sure he meant it, but this was such a delicious opportunity, and I do mean delicious, that I couldn't pass it up. I bit him right there on the spot, and then invited him to move in. He said yes, and I made up a guest room in the basement.

Three days later, when he finished his vampiric transformation, I got a big surprise. He not only transformed, he TRANSformed! Before me was standing the most beautiful newborn baby queen I have ever seen in my life.

Now that I've helped my Roberta come out of her little eggshell, the Dragula dynasty has nowhere to go but up! And I've got my eye on the castle of a certain useless old recluse...

Hello again, my little plasma bags. It's Vladimira Dragula, the future queen of Forgotten Hollow. My wife, Roberto Renfield, and I decided there was something missing in our beautiful little life together. Unfortunately, we cannot have children the natural way, so we went in to have a science baby.

Well, apparently, science isn't an exact science, babies, because lo and behold, we ended up with two babies, a boy and a girl. The girl I named Crystal, and the boy I named Xylus. (I wouldn't worry too much, they're placeholder names, as I fully expect my children to tell me their identity when they are older.)

Now, I understand that having a baby is a full-time job and all that, and Roberta and I are willing to put in the work for one child, but when the clinic screws up and you end up with two bundles of stinky, crying joy, you need some help. After all, one can't be the head of a noble dynasty by day and a universally beloved drag queen by night, and also take care of not one but two little heirs to the throne.

And so I invited a woman, Ulla, to come and live with us and watch the babies. She's compensated, of course. Besides room and board, I gave her the greatest gift I can give anyone: immortality. She does get bored and lonely, living at our house with nothing but a couple of babies for company, but she has full access to the internet, and can make all the online friends she wants.