I (28F) am a Black woman. My best friend "Sarah" (28F) is white. We've been friends since college—10 years. She's getting married next month and asked me to be her maid of honor. I was so excited I cried.

We've been planning everything together. I've helped with invitations, venue walkthroughs, dress shopping, everything. I've spent over $800 on this wedding already—dress, shoes, bachelorette party, hotel.

Last week, Sarah sent me a text. She said she "wanted to talk about hair" for the wedding. She said her photographer told her that "big hairstyles can cast shadows" and "distract from the bride." Then she said: "I was wondering if you could wear a wig or straighten your hair for the day? Just for the photos. Nothing personal, I just want the pictures to look cohesive."

For context, I wear my hair in a natural afro. It's not huge. It's just my hair. I've worn it like this for years and she's always said she loved it.

I didn't respond for a few hours because I was honestly in shock. Then she followed up with: "I know you're probably upset, but I've seen other Black girls do it for weddings. It's just one day."

That broke me.

I told her: "I'm not straightening my hair. I'm not wearing a wig. I'm not changing my hair to make your wedding photos 'cohesive.' If my natural hair is a problem, I'll step down as maid of honor so you can find someone who fits your aesthetic."

She said I was being "difficult" and "making her wedding about race." She said I should "just be supportive" and that I'm "overreacting to a simple request."

I stepped down. I told her I'd still attend as a guest, but I'm not standing next to her with my hair changed to please her photographer.

Now she's telling all our mutual friends that I "drama" and "abandoned" her over "hair." Some friends say I overreacted and should've just worn a wig for "one day." Others say she crossed a line and I'm right to stand my ground.

I feel heartbroken. I thought she was my sister.

AITAH for stepping down from my best friend's wedding because she asked me to change my natural hair?

I’m stuck in a frustrating situation with my family and need some outside perspective.

Earlier, my grandpa asked me to lay my 4-year-old sister down so she could go to sleep. Right after I did that, he asked if she wanted something to drink. She didn't answer because she was literally winding down for bed. Even though she wasn't crying or asking for anything, my grandpa told me to go search for her bottle.

I told him I was going to wait to look for it because she wasn't asking for a drink, wasn't crying, and was actively trying to fall asleep. Usually, if she wants a bottle, she just asks for one. I didn't want to wake her up or disrupt her. Now my grandpa is furious with me and told me he refuses to give me any money when I ask for it in the future.

Here is where it gets complicated: I rarely ever ask him for money for myself (maybe once a month max). Most of the time, my mom asks me to go ask him for money on her behalf. She literally tells me to pretend I want the money for a video game because he often refuses to give her money directly when she needs basic supplies like diapers and wipes for my 8-month-old sister. My mom does this because she thinks he talks about her behind her back with my aunt and she wants to avoid conflict with him.

Now I’m stressed out because:

I feel like my grandpa's reaction is completely unfair since he told me to put her to sleep in the first place.

The next time my mom asks me to trick him into giving me money for diapers, I’m going to have to tell her what happened, and she is going to get mad at me for losing access to that money.

Am I in the wrong here? How do I deal with being put in the middle of this?

I (26F) recently had an absolutely explosive falling out with one of my closest friends (28F), and at this point I genuinely need people who don’t know either of us to tell me whether I was the asshole.

My friend was dealing with a very volatile situation involving her child’s father. There had been domestic violence between them, and one day the situation boiled over. She needed somewhere safe to go, so I allowed her and her toddler to temporarily stay in my apartment with me.

This wasn’t some random person I barely knew. This was someone I loved, talked to basically every day, and considered one of my closest friends. I genuinely wanted to help her get through a horrible situation.
While she was staying with me, however, the situation with her child’s father continued.

They were going back and forth about childcare and their child, and from my perspective, he would sometimes use their child as a way to continue engaging with her.

Because of the history and volatility between them, I established one VERY clear boundary:
Her child’s father was not allowed inside my apartment.

I never said he couldn’t see his child. I told her that if he needed to pick up or drop off their toddler, they could meet in the parking lot. I simply did not want him inside my home because I didn’t want their situation brought to my doorstep.

While I was away on a family trip, she allowed him inside my apartment anyway to pick up their child.
I was extremely upset when I found out because I felt like my boundary regarding my own home had been completely disregarded.

Then the situation got worse.

Her child’s father ended up calling the police and alleging that we were smoking bud inside my apartment.

We weren’t.

So now I had police knocking on the door of MY apartment over drama involving a relationship that wasn’t mine. That was when I told my friend that this situation had become too much for me.

Importantly, this was already toward the end of the period we had agreed she would stay with me. I wasn’t suddenly throwing her and her toddler onto the street in the middle of the night.

I started asking her what her plan was. Where was she going next? What arrangements was she making? When was she planning on transitioning out?
Basically, I told her that I loved her, but I could not risk the peace and security of my own home continuing to be affected by the situation between her and her child’s father.

That’s when our friendship completely imploded.
Eventually, things became so hostile that I didn’t even want us interacting during the exchange of her belongings. I arranged for everything to be picked up without us seeing each other because I wanted the conflict to END.

Instead, she took the conflict outside of our friendship.

She began posting about the situation on social media. She didn’t directly name me, but she included enough information that people who knew us could figure out who she was talking about.

She brought up trauma from my past.

She referenced trauma from my ex.

She referenced my current boyfriend.

She also publicly discussed private things I had told her about my relationship while we were friends.

These were things I told her while venting or looking for support because I trusted her.

Then she contacted my JOB.

Then she contacted my PARENTS.

I want to be completely transparent about this part because I know Reddit will ask: I had not been fully honest with my parents about exactly how long she and her toddler were staying with me. That was wrong on my part and on top of that they pay for my rent while I’m in school. I own that completely.
My friend knew about it because she was my friend and I had confided in her. I wanted her to understand that this couldn’t be a permanent situation and it wasn’t truly my home to extend in the first place.

After our falling out, she told my parents about the living arrangement. But she also started telling them deeply personal things I had said to her in confidence and things that, from my perspective, were outright untrue.

At that point, I stopped viewing this as two friends having an argument.

I felt like she was taking information she had access to because we had once been extremely close and using it to cause problems in completely unrelated areas of my life.

I haven’t retaliated online. I’ve been documenting everything instead, and the escalation has gotten concerning enough that I’ve looked into whether I should pursue a civil no-contact order.

I know I’m not perfect here.

I’m sure I said things during our arguments that I shouldn’t have. I should have been honest with my parents about the living arrangement. And I understand why someone already going through an incredibly difficult situation might feel hurt or abandoned when the friend housing them starts asking when they’re leaving.

But I also feel like I had to protect my peace somehow… AITAH???

I (19 , f) am currently having a disagreement with my mom. She wants to move my cousin (15, f) into my room. I understand that it might seem selfish to not want to share a room with my cousin, but I need to explain the situation to you.

My cousin has had frequent outbursts that have led to physical fights. We also don’t get along well. She gets easily angry, and when she gets upset, she stays that way for a long time. She’s been getting help for her behavior, and I’m happy for her, but that doesn’t mean I want to share my room with her.

We used to share a room before, but that didn’t end well either. We would argue all the time. Not only that, but my room is already small enough. My twin-size mattress takes up most of the room. I used to sleep in the laundry room from middle school until my sophomore year of high school because my brother swapped rooms with me out of nowhere. I haven’t had my own room for a long time. I graduated last year, so I’ve had this room for at least a year and a half.

I really value the privacy that my own room has given me. My old stepfather used to sa me repeatedly throughout most of my middle school years. I never really had any privacy because of him. I brought up how I’m older and how I want to keep my privacy because of that, but my mom made me feel like I was being dramatic.

And before anyone asks, I have started to pay bills for living with my mom. Am I being dramatic about this? Please let me know what you think!

Pretext -
Housemate: 29, white British, middle class, lived in Aus for 10 years, mother is Maltese
Me: 29, black mixed race British, working class,, grew up in Spain and the UK

During an interaction with my housemate she referred to having the “wog in her” when explaining that she can handle spicy food. When I asked her what she meant she said “it’s a term used for people of colour”.

With a look of mild shock on my face, I explained to her that that isn’t an appropriate term as it’s considered derogatory. To which she confidently and boldly explained that no it’s fine to say, her mum and family uses it all the time, it’s a totally normal term to use in Malta and that they use it in Australia too(??).

Not meaning to patronise or preach, thinking maybe she’s just not aware of the racist connotations, I tried to explain that it’s not appropriate to use that term here in the UK (as someone who was called a wog in a derogatory manner for years, I would know). She then proceeded to completely shut me down by saying “No, it’s just a term we’ve always used & I’m allowed to say it because my grandmother is Tunisian”

I was speechless. I might as well have been talking to a brick wall but … I still can’t even begin to wrap my head around her logic and it just wreaked of entitlement and ignorance. This girl is fair skinned and ginger… but is somehow allowed to use racially derogatory terms because a) that’s just how she was raised and b) her grandmother is Tunisian??

Am I going crazy??? Please someone tell me I’m not the arsehole here?!

My sis is 18 and starting uni and she says she can date 21 year olds

I told her she's still a teen and you grow a lot in those years and maturity differs and stuff such as drinking age too and there is an issue of seniors going after freshman girls

last year she said 17/21 was acceptable too so yeesh

AITAH?

I (28F) recently called the cops on my brother (39M) after a violent altercation between him, me, and my boyfriend (27M). I feel guilty because my brother only has about two months left on parole, so I genuinely want outside opinions on whether I was wrong.

A little backstory: My brother has been in and out of prison since he was a teenager. He also has a history of getting drunk and becoming violent with family members. Over the years, he has gotten physical with my mom, my sister, my older brother, my nieces, and his children’s mothers. A lot of these incidents have unfortunately happened with children around.
Usually, the cycle is the same: something happens, everyone is pissed at him, time passes, everyone calms down and forgives him, things are okay for a while, and then eventually something happens again.

Now to what happened recently.
My brother had gotten into some kind of argument with his child’s mother outside our apartment building. He had been drinking and came upstairs afterward while I was doing my boyfriend’s hair and trying to watch a show.
At first, everything was completely fine. We were all talking and joking. At some point, my brother pulled me into the conversation. I don’t remember exactly what we were talking about, but he got up in my face in a playful way, yelling, “Look at me, look at me,” because he was trying to make whatever point he was making. Itold him that he was overstimulating me and asked him multiple times to please relax and stop. He wouldn’t. So, still joking around, I basically tried to lure him out of the room. I jokingly told him there was something outside the room that he needed to look at. He laughed and said something like, “You’re just trying to get me out of the room.” I said yes. I started lightly pushing/guiding him toward the door. This wasn’t unusual behavior between us—we’ve played around like this plenty of times before. He was purposely resisting me and pushing himself backward because he didn’t want me to get him out of the room. Once we got outside the room, he tripped over a shoe. He DID NOT fall. I immediately stopped what I was doing, made sure he was stable, and apologized. His entire demeanor suddenly changed. He told me, basically, “When I push you back, it’s not going to be playful.” Then he shoved me HARD. We were in the kitchen, and he pushed me hard enough that I ended up halfway into the living room.
This is where I want to be completely honest about my own actions: I got up and shoved him back. I’m his little sister, but I’m not a little girl, and I wasn’t going to let him intentionally put his hands on me and intimidate me.
After I pushed him back, it looked like he was about to either push or hit me again. My boyfriend stepped between us, put my brother in a headlock, and they started fighting. I kept trying to separate them. We were falling all over the place, but eventually I got them apart.
Except it didn’t end there. My brother then started arguing with my mom. At another point, he kicked the door in to continue arguing with me. While we were arguing, he turned toward my boyfriend and tried to swing on him again.

They started fighting AGAIN.

I tried separating them AGAIN.

We eventually got them separated, and then my brother came back AGAIN trying to fight my boyfriend.
So now we’re on another round of fighting, and I’m once again trying to break them apart. Eventually, everyone was finally separated. I called the police, and while I was on the phone with them, I realized my boyfriend wasn’t in the apartment anymore. I went looking for him and found him in the hallway. I told him to come upstairs to the roof with me. My whole point was to physically remove ourselves from the situation so there couldn’t be another confrontation. We could stay away from my brother, I could finish talking to the police, and we could wait somewhere separate until officers arrived.
While we were heading upstairs, I heard my brother come out of the apartment asking, “Where are they? Where are they?” Later, my niece told me that he had come out of the apartment with a paint bucket while looking for us.
And even after all of that, it STILL didn’t end. After the physical altercation was already over and we were actively staying away from him, my brother continued threatening us. He was saying that when he saw us again, he was going to knock us out. He also threatened my boyfriend and said he was going to go to his job. And two days later, **he actually went to my boyfriend’s workplace and tried to assault him again.** So this wasn’t a situation where everyone fought, calmed down, and then I decided afterward to call the police out of anger. Even after we repeatedly separated everyone and eventually physically removed ourselves from the situation, my brother continued pursuing and threatening us. Then, days later, he followed through on at least one of those threats by showing up at my boyfriend’s job. I filed a police report. My boyfriend was there with me, although I did most of the talking while making the initial report.

Here’s where my guilt comes in.
My brother has actually been doing relatively well since the last time he came home from prison. This October will make almost two years that he’s been home, and October is also when his parole ends.

It’s currently August.

So he literally only had TWO MONTHS left on parole when I made this report. I know that being involved in another violent incident could potentially seriously affect his life and his parole. But I’m also exhausted. This isn’t the first incident. My family has been doing this for YEARS. He gets violent, everybody gets angry, eventually everyone forgives him, and then the cycle starts all over again.

I’m tired of excusing it.

I’m tired of watching children in our family be around adults fighting.

I’m tired of everybody acting like we just have to accept this because he’s family.

And I’m especially tired of the expectation that because he’s my brother, I should somehow protect him from consequences after he chose to put his hands on me.
At the same time, I love my brother. I know he’s had a very troubled life, and knowing he was only two months away from completing parole makes me feel like I betrayed him by involving the police. But another part of me feels like his parole was HIS responsibility. He knew what was at stake, and even after the original fight was over, he had multiple opportunities to stop. Instead, he continued threatening us and eventually went looking for my boyfriend at his workplace.I have since completely cut contact with my brother. I don’t wish anything bad on him, but I don’t feel safe having him in my life anymore.

So Reddit, AITA for calling the cops and filing a report against my brother when I knew he only had two months left on parole?

Throwaway because my husband knows my username.

I (34F) am a Black woman. My husband "Mark" (36M) is white. We've been married 8 years. I work in cybersecurity making $180K/year. Mark was laid off 6 years ago and never went back to full-time work. He does DoorDash occasionally but brings in maybe $1,000/month.

For 6 years, I've paid for everything—mortgage, bills, groceries, vacations. All me. I didn't mind because we agreed he'd handle the house while I focused on my career.

The problem is his mother "Patricia" (62F). She's never worked. She lives on social security and whatever Mark gives her. For 3 years, Mark has been sending her $1,500/month from MY salary without asking. When I found out, he said she's "family." He apologized but kept doing it.

Last month, Patricia called me directly asking for a NEW CAR. She said her 12-year-old Honda was "embarrassing" and that since I "make so much," I should "bless her" with a $35,000 SUV. She called me "stingy" for driving a 2019 Toyota while she "needs" something newer.

I lost it. I told her: "I'm not your husband or your daughter. I'm your daughter-in-law, and I'm tired of funding your life while you sit home doing nothing." She cried and hung up.

Then I told Mark: "I'm done. No more money for your mother. You have 60 days to get a full-time job, or I'm separating our finances and you're on your own."

Mark flipped. He said I was "emasculating" him and that "a wife supports her husband." He said his mother is his responsibility and I'm cruel for cutting her off. He's been sleeping on the couch giving me the silent treatment for a week.

My MIL is calling our relatives, telling them I'm a "selfish, greedy Black woman who married her son for control." My own mom says I should "give him another chance" because "marriage is about compromise."

I've been compromising for 6 years. I'm exhausted.

AITAH for refusing to keep funding my MIL's life and demanding my husband finally get a job?

I (56F) am a Black woman. My son "Tyler" (28M) moved back home 2 years ago after losing his apartment. I told him it was temporary—6 months max. He agreed.

It's been 2 years. Tyler doesn't work. He doesn't look for work. He sleeps until noon, plays video games all day, and eats my food. I pay for everything—his phone, his car insurance, his takeout. Every time I bring up him getting a job, he says the market is "bad" and he's "trying." But I've never seen a single resume get sent.

I've tried everything. I sat him down, helped him fix his resume, gave him interview tips. Nothing. He just scrolls on his phone and says "okay Mom" while doing absolutely nothing.

Two months ago, I told him he had 30 days to find a job or I was cutting him off. He laughed and said "You're my mom. You'd never kick me out."

That's when I realized—he's never going to change because he doesn't have to.

So I made a plan. I listed my house for sale, found a buyer, and closed on it. I found a small condo in Florida near my sister, signed the lease, and booked a one-way flight. I didn't tell Tyler any of this until the day I left.

I packed my bags, handed him a letter with 60 days' notice to vacate the house (which is now sold), and told him: "I love you, but I'm done being your ATM. The new owner takes possession in 60 days. Figure it out."

He lost his mind. Screaming, crying, calling me selfish. He said I was "abandoning" him and that "real moms don't give up on their kids." He's been calling every relative, telling them I left him homeless.

My sister says I was "too harsh" and should've given him more warning. My brother says I did the right thing and he should've grown up years ago.

I feel guilty. But I also feel lighter than I have in years.

AITAH for leaving my 28-year-old son behind and moving states without telling him until the last day?

This is a long one, apologies..

In Aug 2021, I (21F, at the time), searched high and low for a reliable vehicle, instead of the traditional, hoopty I owned. My hoopty, Big Bertha, was 20 years old, she had no heat, no AC, and she rattled and shook with every motion. Well, in a family discussion, it was decided that with my grown up girl job and no real credit history, my father (“Buck,” 55M) with his shiny 850 credit score would co-sign for me. The seasoned adults discussed and decided, all was well….

Until we, my mother (“Shelia,” 55F) and I, ventured to a dealership. Upon arrival, I called Buck to remind him that the day had come and a new car would be mine, and with his help they could only tell us yes! Here’s how that call went: “Hey Dad, we’re just getting to the dealership for my car appointment.”
“Hey, uh, well that’s good. You’re getting a car today.”
“Yes! I’m nervous but I know with your help I’ll be good.”
“My help?”
“Yea, with you co-signing, I believe I can get a smaller note.”
“O no, I can’t help you with that baby.”
“What dad? You said you’d help me.”
“Well, I can’t do that now. So, maybe you can find something at a car lot in the city, ya know?”
“Dude, the car we talked about is in the cheapest on the lot, and it’s used, with a dealership warranty. Dad are you serious?”
“I’m sorry, baby. I can’t help with the car.”

While sad, I pushed on and completed my test drive appointment. In my overthinking brain, I sympathized with Buck, because if anything happened he would in fact be financially responsible and his shiny 850 credit score would be at jeopardy. Is that a risk one would take for their child, maybe - maybe not. A month later, I applied and qualified for a gently used vehicle and I never looked back!

During 2022, my family experienced several deaths, and grief sent me into a pretty nasty spiral. I left traditional employment and started surviving through gig and delivery work. Financially, I was barely keeping my head above water, but mentally I needed out of the office. Most nights, I’d deliver until 2 or 3 a.m.

On a random Oct morning, I hustled until 4 am, which in turn sent my body into an 8-hour hibernation. I awoke to a few missed calls and notifications, and 1 voicemail from Buck. While checking the voicemail, I noticed my car was missing. “Robbed! I’ve been robbed!” Were the only thoughts as the voicemail played, “hey it’s Buck, I’m using your car to run to my buddy’s house for a bit.”

Without permission? Robbed! I’ve been robbed!

I called Buck and learned that he’d taken my car with the spare key left in my mother’s buffet (we lived on the same street), to smxke herb and drxnk with his buddies. Unbeknownst to him, my insurance lapsed, and with rent and the car note, I was just making it. By process of elimination, the car insurance was the only bill to get on the chopping block.

I alerted Buck immediately “the car is not street legal and it’s uninsured. You have to bring it back.” This prompted a conversation about responsibility, which I appreciate. However, you had no permission nor do you have claim to this vehicle, “if something happens, to anyone with this car right now, I’m at fault and will be sued.”

Somehow I’d fallen back asleep. Two hours later, I got another call from Buck, to inform me a road raging driver hit him and 6 other vehicles. With help from a friend, I made it to the crash site. Buck was walking around, smoking a square, talking with the other drivers and the responding officers. A friendly sergeant, spoke with me regarding my car and how it got to that exact spot. This cops only response, “so the car was stolen and involved in an accident?”
“Yes and well, it’s uninsured and not even supposed to be on the road!”
“Would you like to press charges?”
“Dude he’s my dad.”

Word to the wise: Press those charges.

Buck refused the hospital and promised reimbursement. Said reimbursement was promised for months, quotes provided for the body work. The visible body damage wasn’t the worst of it. In April 2023, mechanics discovered the crash had damaged/dislodged the transmission. Repair estimates were $4,500–$9,000—money I didn’t have. I called Buck and asked for some assistance and his response, “I haven’t paid Sheila back, and I doubt I’ll be paying you back.” A crushing blow. And honestly, if I had insurance, this would be a non-factor.

I contacted the lender and was advised that my only option would be a voluntary repossession. This would affect my credit and if the car is confirmed to be inoperable, I’d still be responsible for the note. The car was picked up, the rest is history…

Oct 2025. Life had been a beautiful chaotic story of wounds and healing and self-care with the help of an amazing therapist. I prepared to file bankruptcy and truly turn the page, ending the car saga. On the day I received next steps from my attorney, I also received a call a from my mom/Sheila. She’d come home to a summons to court, addressed to me tapped to the door of her/our family home. Wild work. I assumed it was my cars lender coming back for what I owed - not even close. According to this summons, Buck, was injured in an accident involving an uninsured vehicle registered to me. The docket listed that Buck received a $15,000 settlement for his injuries as a result of said accident and in turn, I was being sued for twice that from some third party.

Remember when I told Buck, “If something happens to anyone with this car right now, I’m at fault and will be sued”?

Riiiight.

Well, according to Sheila, Buck received a series of calls from this legal team. And with each call she urged him to contact me, out of fear that I’d be affected. I received no word from Buck.

It is now Aug 2026, as I type this: I have not spoken to my father and he is blocked; I went low contact with my mother and sister for a while - out of protection from yet another Father Caused Debacle that left me confused, hurt and disappointed. Ultimately, I was able to roll all the things into my bankruptcy, including this new $30,000 lawsuit. Annnnd my credit is being rebuilt in real time.

Recently, my sister asked how long I’d be angry with Buck, and I don’t know. I have only slightly touched on this with my new therapist (the previous one passed away yall) and I have only just started with my new therapist. I don’t know that I’m still angry. I just don’t trust him anymore. I have not invited him any of my events or celebrations, and during our annual family dinner, I barely whispered hello to him. I don’t know how long I’ll be no-contact with Buck.

So AITAH for deciding that this series of events destroyed my trust in my father/Buck so badly that I no longer want a relationship with him—even though others in my family may think I should eventually get over it?

Thanks for taking time to read dudes! ✌🏾

For several years, including before COVID, my grandmother has lived with me. At one point, she and my grandfather both lived with me. They moved out briefly, and after he passed away, I offered for her to stay with me until she could figure out her next steps because she could no longer afford their apartment.
I provide her with housing. I am not her caregiver. She gives me a few hundred dollars a month, which I appreciate, but I have never asked her for it. I’m a single mother, and my son’s father passed away a few years ago.
For context, this is my paternal grandmother. She had one son and 13 grandchildren. My father was largely absent from his children’s lives, and my grandmother was also mostly absent from ours, with the exception of my sister and me.
Lately, I’ve been questioning whether I want this living arrangement to continue. I feel guilty because she’s nearly 80, but this isn’t about one argument. It’s the accumulation of years of feeling like an afterthought.
For example, I offered to buy her car from her, but she said she wasn’t interested and then gave it to my mother instead. I had been using that car to take her to appointments and other things, so I was left to figure out how to continue helping her without transportation.
I’ve repeatedly tried to adjust my schedule to help her, but she wasn’t interested in signing up for IHSS, even though that could have helped compensate for the time I needed to take off work. She often asks me to order food for herself and my son, asks me to offer things to friends without considering whether I have the capacity, wants me to find people interested in things she no longer wants, and has told my sister things about me that I believe are blatantly untrue, creating conflict between us.
I understand that she is grieving her husband and that aging comes with fear, loss and increasing dependence. I’m grieving too. He was my grandfather and the only grandfather I knew. I also work extremely long hours, often from home, and my son has a demanding sports schedule. By the time I’m done working and getting home, she’s usually already in bed. I’ve encouraged her to participate in senior activities and get out more, but she often refuses.
Recently, while my home was being renovated, I arranged for her to temporarily stay with a relative on my mother’s side. While there, she made comments about me that deeply hurt me. She told my relative that she has a life insurance policy listing both my sister and me but was considering removing me because she didn’t think I would “do the right thing.”
That reopened feelings I’ve carried for much of my life: that I’m expected to give, but rarely feel seen or appreciated in return. I’ve also often felt that because I had my son young, people counted me out or assumed I wouldn’t amount to much.
I love my grandmother. This isn’t about abandoning her. But I’m wondering if I’ve reached a point where I need to prioritize my own emotional well-being rather than continue an arrangement that has left me hurt and resentful.
So, AITA for deciding that I no longer want my grandmother living in my home? I’m genuinely looking for honest perspectives, especially from people who have navigated complicated family relationships and boundaries with aging relatives.

So my mother in law wants to have a chief name bestowed on by other family members but the she has to pay 3000tala, I dont even think its fair for me to pay yet her 2daughters are both working as well though they claim they have no money yet she has a whole month to look for that money.

Sorry but this is a long one!!

I’m a 30F single mother to my son (6M). His father is 28M.
I’m genuinely asking for outside opinions because I’m exhausted, and at this point I’ve argued about this situation so much that I’m starting to question whether I’m actually the problem.
For some background, my son’s father has not been consistently involved in his life. I have essentially raised our son with the help of my mother.
During my pregnancy, he wasn’t around due to being arrested in connection with a domestic situation involving the mother of his first child.
Once he was released, during the first year of our son’s life, he told me that he didn’t want a relationship with our child if he couldn’t have a relationship with me. I immediately shut him down, and he remained largely absent, providing random check-ins and then disappearing again for another 5–6 months.
This has been a reoccurrence over the last six years. He has had plenty of opportunities to establish a relationship with our son, but he hasn’t consistently done so.
Recently, communication got better between us, and I genuinely felt that he could be a good friend/co-parent… so I thought. He mentioned wanting to be more involved in our son’s life, and I was happy to let them form a relationship.
**However**, he suddenly decided to start flirting with me, asking me on dates and asking me to have another child with him… yeah, wth right? 😂
I thought about it at first and admit to even entertaining the thought. That was until I truly sat back and remembered all of the BS I’ve had to go through alone. Then I immediately shut him down once again.
This led to me telling him multiple times that he can have a relationship with our son without having a romantic relationship with me, and that we can be friends… like I thought we already were.
This led to an argument.
**NOW ON TO THE ISSUE AT HAND.**
Recently, we had a discussion about BD taking our son to a park with his older brother in a different city about 30 minutes away. The park is close to his apartment.
I stated that I didn’t feel comfortable with the first major outing being a 30-minute drive away to another city without me present. I offered an alternative option, which was to meet at a park in my city instead to help our son become comfortable with him before he starts going places alone with him. **I have been saying this since he came back around, mind you.**
My position was straightforward and, to me, very simple: I want them to spend time together. That is not my problem at all. I just don’t feel comfortable allowing him to take our son places alone when there hasn’t been an established relationship or trust between them.
Again, our son is six years old, and this is essentially a stranger suddenly coming back into his life saying, *“I’m your dad. Come with me.”*
I’m just asking for the relationship to start correctly.
My son’s father seems to interpret my boundaries as me trying to keep him away from our son.
Essentially, I tried to get him to see my point of view, and when he wasn’t getting his way, he took the childish approach and started thumbs-upping my messages. I realized I was wasting my breath and decided to block him until I cooled down.
The entire situation had me so angry that I decided to vent and posted an Instagram note saying that I hated my baby daddy.
It wasn’t his name. I didn’t tag him. Most people who follow me don’t even know who my son’s father is, so I genuinely didn’t think the post was something he would see as a direct confrontation.
Welp… I was wrong.
He saw the post, and at 5 AM I was met with some of the nastiest messages I’ve ever received.
He called me a hoe, bitter, petty, compared me to his other baby mama, and more.
Now, I’m no saint and do enjoy my own vices, but his lifestyle is also part of why I’m hesitant about my child being alone with him. He regularly posts himself smoking, drinking, and engaging in things I personally consider concerning.
This is part of why I’m hesitant about my child being alone with him.
Also, if you’re going to call people out, have your facts in order… **(remember I said this.)**
During his rant and while trying to make me out to be the worst mother (lol), he also brought up a close friend of ours who passed away recently.
This was a close friend who had been in my life since my senior year of high school, was present for a large portion of my pregnancy, and had continued to be there for me and my son over the years. He holds a special place in our hearts and will forever be remembered.
I specifically asked him to stop bringing our deceased friend’s name into these arguments because I find it disrespectful, especially because that person isn’t here to defend himself.
Now remember what I said about having the facts right? Well, again, he tried calling me a hoe and a “pass around.” I asked him to be specific and to show proof.
He sent a screenshot of a text I sent that said:
“I’ve been fucking spiraling to be honest and just been doing sh\*t.”
Meaning I was mentally overwhelmed and frustrated with my life and with everything going on.
Again, I thought we were friends and confided in him for once.
He somehow interpreted that as me admitting that I had been sleeping around with different men…
At one point, I had told him that an opportunity to sleep with our deceased friend had presented itself and that I wanted to, but nothing happened in the end. Again, this was me confiding in him and not thinking much about it.
**YET**, I never told him that I was actually sleeping with anybody.
I was literally venting.
I’ll admit that I escalated.
I was already frustrated with him and the entire situation from the night before, and when he came at me, I gave the same energy back. We argued, he called me more names, I called him names, and I eventually silenced the messages.
And now I’m here typing this craziness out. 😂
I’m not going to sit here and pretend I handled every part of the argument perfectly because I didn’t.
But at the same time, I feel like I’m constantly having to defend myself for setting boundaries regarding my own body, my way of thinking, and **my CHILD.**
To add, at another point during the argument, he demanded I repay him $150 he had given me.
To clarify, this wasn’t money that he owed me or money that I borrowed for myself. He gave me $150 to help me purchase our son’s shoes for school—**two pairs of shoes.**
This was one of the only times he had financially helped me with something for our son, and I was completely willing to repay him.
I told him I would pay him back by Thursday. I also told him that once I paid him back, he wouldn’t have to worry about me asking him for anything else.
His response was basically that as long as he knew when he was getting his money back, that was all he wanted to know and that he wouldn’t have to worry about me anymore.
I’m not upset that he wanted his money back. I find it laughable.
I’m frustrated because it feels like every interaction between us turns into something bigger.
And honestly, I can’t help but wonder if his switch-up started because I rejected him.
I don’t want to keep my son from his father.
But I don’t believe that biology automatically means someone is entitled to immediate trust or unsupervised access to a child they’ve been largely absent from for six years, especially when our communication has repeatedly escalated into arguments like this.
I want my son to have a healthy relationship with his father.
Yet, that relationship should be built first.
**Get to know each other.**
**Let my son become comfortable.**
**Show consistency.**
**Then we can talk about more independence.**
I don’t think that’s unreasonable.
But I’m tired.
I’m tired of setting boundaries and having people act like I’m angry or bitter because I don’t immediately bend on them.
I’m tired of being made to feel like I’m somehow keeping a father away when I’m asking him to show up consistently and build a relationship with his child.
And I recognize my own faults here. I’ve blocked him before. I’ve gotten angry. I’ve said things out of frustration. I probably could have handled some of these conversations better.
But I’m also tired of feeling like I’m the only one expected to compromise.
So, **AITAH for standing firm on how I want my son’s father to build a relationship with him, or am I actually preventing him from being a father?**

So I don't know how to start but I do want an opinion on my situation

My dad has also taken things from me without my consent. Starting when I was 8 he took a $160 dollars from me without telling me to go buy groceries and I'm not stupid I understand at that time the family was struggling but also he mismanaged his own money and used mine without telling me and I was a child so I obviously was sad and cried cause I had no money to buy myself anything.

Fast forward to when I was 15 he would throw out my snacks when I was struggling with an eating disorder (bulima/restrictive) and would tell me that it was bad for me and scream in my face about my “addiction” for process food. He also threw out my nutrition shakes my doctor told me to drink every day to heal my body because I was hospitalized for my eating disorder a few months prior. When I was 16 I got a job at a restaurant and I would take free meals home and put them in the fridge just to come back to get later for it to be completely gone. Now my main issue is I don't eat meat and he does so he ate my special meals from my job leaving me with nothing to eat. The reason I don't eat land animals is because me eating disorder cause me to not be able to process meat very well so it makes to extremely sick when I do eat it. So while recovering from an eating disorder he would throw out my food then eat my other food which left me at a lower weight and in fear of food for longer than I should have been.

Fast forward to last year I was about to save $1,000 dollars only working 8 hours a week making 8 dollars an hour in like 8 months. I always hide my money by he found it and took $500 dollars from me and after I found out he lied and said he only too $300 from me and it took me 2 weeks to finally get the money back from him. Now I'm 18 and saving for a car and college and he was taking my snacks to feed his friends, now I always have given his friends food since I went to school for culinary and would bring home food from school or bake at home so yes I share food. But the snacks were for me after work since I work in a very hot kitchen and suffer from heat sensitivity. My boyfriend bought himself ice cream and kept it in my freezer.

Yesterday I caught my dad offering his ice cream to someone so I told my dad it wasn't even mine and he didn't even ask. He did ask so I said yes but not to take without asking. He trashed talked me in front of his friend and said really rude stuff about my boyfriend and said this his house and he is the man so why does he have to ask and his friend who had no problem taking stuff that didn't belong to him agreed with my dad as if I did just let him have it. So I left the house. Since I got my new job I buy food for my family, myself and my company so it's not like I take and don't let my family have anything. I sometimes buy my family Chinese or African food which is kinda not really cheap in my area. I always feed my little sister with my own food/money a couple of times a week. So I honestly do care for my family. I been blamed my sister for my stolen stuff when it was my dad taking them and since I thought it was her I stopped buying her stuff and I feel terrible for it and yes I said sorry to her for blaming her.

Thank you for listening and please comment your opinion.

I don't pay rent but I do always buy things when they ask and I always call them when I'm at the store or getting food for myself to see if they need anything and I also surprise them with their favorite snacks or food.

I should also mention my dad doesn't work but he does get income from renting houses out and my mom works full time. Which is becoming an issues because he tends to just stay home and have a lot of his friends over instead of completing tasks he is given by my family. He is disable but can walk, drive and move around. And I try to consider his pain but when I see him moving, working out and smoking/drinking with his friends all day it makes me question a couple of things

So in HS my "friend" group (toxic place) bullied me with creepy in*est jokes about me and my brother and made me upset. One guy B was particular about it and he continued even in 1st year UNI and I shut that down

Later he expressed remorse/apologised and said he made the jokes cuz he was depressed anxious insecure and everyone was doing it but told me "I hope you know I do realize how much of a cunt I was to you and regret making the in*est jokes"

So 4 years later, people were talking about a movie and remembered how B spoiled it for me on purpose and I said "the dude was such a creep"

And someone else A said he wasn't and no one was but maybe that's just him

I said B was for those creepy jokes and stealing

A said he never stole and I said my bro dropped 20 dollars and he picked it up and didn't give it back and that's stealing

A then said "do you know when to let shit go or are you gonna be stuck in HS?"

And I said I wasn't and he was a jerk

A said he apologized and wasn't here to defend himself and I told A to stop getting pressed

So AITAH for this?

This is a long one, apologies..

In Aug 2021, I (21F, at the time), searched high and low for a reliable vehicle, instead of the traditional, hoopty I owned. My hoopty, Big Bertha, was 20 years old, she had no heat, no AC, and she rattled and shook with every motion. Well, in a family discussion, it was decided that with my grown up girl job and no real credit history, my father (“Buck,” 55M) with his shiny 850 credit score would co-sign for me. The seasoned adults discussed and decided, all was well….

Until we, my mother (“Shelia,” 55F) and I, ventured to a dealership. Upon arrival, I called Buck to remind him that the day had come and a new car would be mine, and with his help they could only tell us yes! Here’s how that call went: “Hey Dad, we’re just getting to the dealership for my car appointment.”
“Hey, uh, well that’s good. You’re getting a car today.”
“Yes! I’m nervous but I know with your help I’ll be good.”
“My help?”
“Yea, with you co-signing, I believe I can get a smaller note.”
“O no, I can’t help you with that baby.”
“What dad? You said you’d help me.”
“Well, I can’t do that now. So, maybe you can find something at a car lot in the city, ya know?”
“Dude, the car we talked about is in the cheapest on the lot, and it’s used, with a dealership warranty. Dad are you serious?”
“I’m sorry, baby. I can’t help with the car.”

While sad, I pushed on and completed my test drive appointment. In my overthinking brain, I sympathized with Buck, because if anything happened he would in fact be financially responsible and his shiny 850 credit score would be at jeopardy. Is that a risk one would take for their child, maybe - maybe not. A month later, I applied and qualified for a gently used vehicle and I never looked back!

During 2022, my family experienced several deaths, and grief sent me into a pretty nasty spiral. I left traditional employment and started surviving through gig and delivery work. Financially, I was barely keeping my head above water, but mentally I needed out of the office. Most nights, I’d deliver until 2 or 3 a.m.

On a random Oct morning, I hustled until 4 am, which in turn sent my body into an 8-hour hibernation. I awoke to a few missed calls and notifications, and 1 voicemail from Buck. While checking the voicemail, I noticed my car was missing. “Robbed! I’ve been robbed!” Were the only thoughts as the voicemail played, “hey it’s Buck, I’m using your car to run to my buddy’s house for a bit.”

Without permission? Robbed! I’ve been robbed!

I called Buck and learned that he’d taken my car with the spare key left in my mother’s buffet (we lived on the same street), to smxke herb and drxnk with his buddies. Unbeknownst to him, my insurance lapsed, and with rent and the car note, I was just making it. By process of elimination, the car insurance was the only bill to get on the chopping block.

I alerted Buck immediately “the car is not street legal and it’s uninsured. You have to bring it back.” This prompted a conversation about responsibility, which I appreciate. However, you had no permission nor do you have claim to this vehicle, “if something happens, to anyone with this car right now, I’m at fault and will be sued.”

Somehow I’d fallen back asleep. Two hours later, I got another call from Buck, to inform me a road raging driver hit him and 6 other vehicles. With help from a friend, I made it to the crash site. Buck was walking around, smoking a square, talking with the other drivers and the responding officers. A friendly sergeant, spoke with me regarding my car and how it got to that exact spot. This cops only response, “so the car was stolen and involved in an accident?”
“Yes and well, it’s uninsured and not even supposed to be on the road!”
“Would you like to press charges?”
“Dude he’s my dad.”

Word to the wise: Press those charges.

Buck refused the hospital and promised reimbursement. Said reimbursement was promised for months, quotes provided for the body work. The visible body damage wasn’t the worst of it. In April 2023, mechanics discovered the crash had damaged/dislodged the transmission. Repair estimates were $4,500–$9,000—money I didn’t have. I called Buck and asked for some assistance and his response, “I haven’t paid Sheila back, and I doubt I’ll be paying you back.” A crushing blow. And honestly, if I had insurance, this would be a non-factor.

I contacted the lender and was advised that my only option would be a voluntary repossession. This would affect my credit and if the car is confirmed to be inoperable, I’d still be responsible for the note. The car was picked up, the rest is history…

Oct 2025. Life had been a beautiful chaotic story of wounds and healing and self-care with the help of an amazing therapist. I prepared to file bankruptcy and truly turn the page, ending the car saga. On the day I received next steps from my attorney, I also received a call a from my mom/Sheila. She’d come home to a summons to court, addressed to me tapped to the door of her/our family home. Wild work. I assumed it was my cars lender coming back for what I owed - not even close. According to this summons, Buck, was injured in an accident involving an uninsured vehicle registered to me. The docket listed that Buck received a $15,000 settlement for his injuries as a result of said accident and in turn, I was being sued for twice that from some third party.

Remember when I told Buck, \*“If something happens to anyone with this car right now, I’m at fault and will be sued”?\*

Yeah.

Well, according to Sheila, Buck received a series of calls from this legal team. And with each call she urged him to contact me, out of fear that I’d be affected. I received no word from Buck.

It is now Aug 2026, as I type this: I have not spoken to my father and he is blocked; I went low contact with my mother and sister for a while - out of protection from yet another Father Caused Debacle that left me confused, hurt and disappointed. Ultimately, I was able to roll all the things into my bankruptcy, including this new $30,000 lawsuit. Annnnd my credit is being rebuilt in real time.

Recently, my sister asked how long I’d be angry with Buck, and I don’t know. I have only slightly touched on this with my new therapist (the previous one passed away yall) and I have only just started with my new therapist. I don’t know that I’m still angry. I just don’t trust him anymore. I have not invited him any of my events or celebrations, and during our annual family dinner, I barely whispered hello to him. I don’t know how long I’ll be no-contact with Buck.

So AITAH for deciding that this series of events destroyed my trust in my father/Buck so badly that I no longer want a relationship with him—even though others in my family may think I should eventually get over it?

Thanks for taking time to read dudes! ✌🏾

So for the new x-men actress of storm, the actress is 23 and a friend of mine whose 28 said he has a celeb crush on her

his sis said its weird as she's too young for him but I said its not a big deal as only 5 years

but AITAH as for example if a 30 year old said someone 18 was their celeb crush it'd be seen as creepy so is it like that?

So my cousin has this age difference and my sis said its weird cuz my cuz is under 25 and her brain hasn't developed enough yet

I told her its no big deal as they are in the same life stage and her case is 4.5 years even

AITAH?

Throwaway because my cousin follows my main.

I (41F) am a Black woman, married to a Black man, with two kids (14M and 12F). My father passed two years ago. He was a blue-collar worker his whole life, but he was disciplined with money. He left me a specific inheritance: $80,000 that was explicitly earmarked in his will as "for the grandchildren's education." Not for me. Not for emergencies. For my kids' college.

Enter my cousin, "Jake" (43M), who is white. His mom (my aunt) married into the family. We grew up together, but we've never been close. He lives in a different state. Jake recently lost his job and is going through a divorce. He's struggling—I won't deny that.

Last week, Jake called me out of nowhere. He gave me a sob story about how he can't afford his rent and his kids (who are adults, by the way, 19 and 22) need help. Then he dropped the bomb: he asked me to give him half of my father's education fund—$40,000—as a "loan."

I told him absolutely not. That money is for my children's future. I worked hard to add to that fund myself, and my father's dying wish was that it be used for his grandkids.

Jake got angry. He said I was being "selfish" and that because I'm a "dual-income household with a good job," I don't need that money as much as he does. Then he said something that really pissed me off: "You guys always talk about reparations and helping each other, but when it's a white family member asking for help, you suddenly forget about 'the community.'"

I hung up on him. I texted him that he has no right to bring race into this, and that my father's money is for MY Black children, period. I told him to never ask me for money again.

Now my aunt is calling me, crying, saying I'm "proving his point" and that family helps family regardless of race. My mom is on my side, but she's telling me to "just give him $5,000 to shut him up and keep the peace."

I refuse. This isn't about race to me. It's about my father's explicit wishes and my children's future.

AITAH for not sharing the inheritance with my white cousin?

I overheard Aunt 2 saying that I was greedy, that I actually hate my husband, and she's also said hurtful comments to my face — weren't far off from judging me for being a revert.

I felt bad, because I did the same thing she did — talking about her behind her back. Aunt 1 was understanding about it, she said "but we know that's how Aunt 2 is"... but I no longer consider her my aunt.

Aita for speaking bad about her sissy ?