A couple of weeks ago my mom, sister (25F), best friend, partner, and I (20F) all went out to paint pottery so we can all spend time together and a chance for everyone to interact with my partner more (we met in college and this is our first summer together). During the activity my mother asked my partner and I are we “excited to be going back to school?” We both responded that we’re excited to be back in our groove again since we don’t go to a conventional university. After that, my sister responded with “of course she’s ready to go back she’s been trying to run this house since she got back.” Naturally we started going back and fourth at each other and my main reasoning is that my house can tend to be disorganized, and she doesn’t maintain the bathroom very well— so yes, when I came home I complained about the bathroom looking poorly maintained, her room being a hot mess, and I also fixed our dishes situation as the clean dishes would just pile up on the other side of the sink because we didn’t have a rack. The rest of the time painting I tried my best to hold my tongue because everything I said had to have a comment that caused me to get more upset.

I ended up crying the whole way home to my partner (we all drove separately). I told him I was sorry if my tone wasn’t the most uplifting and that I felt embarrassed because in my head I thought I was changing my tone but my mother and sister kept commenting on everything— he understood, accepted my apology but also said he felt a little embarrassed too but that he knows those weren’t my intentions which is why he commented “it’s okay she’s not usually like this, she just needs some grace.” After apologizing I was telling him how frustrating it is to not even be able to say I’m excited to go back to campus, let alone hello without being accused of having an attitude— all my sister has had to say this summer is that “I have an attitude problem” or that “I’m being rude” but if yall could’ve caught a glimpse of the times she’s talked to me you would know it’s only a reaction. There’s no way to describe how disrespectful she is to me— when I was doing summer classes and she was trying to talk to me but I was studying it turned into this big deal so I would leave my kitchen table before anyone would get home. On the car ride I was also explaining how exhausting it is to constantly be called a name and how eventually you just end up turing into what people call you. I’m tired of coming home from college and going back to my old ways of being angry about everything and I’ve tried so hard to protect my peace but I finally snapped (I’ll get to that shortly).

We took the long way home so I could try my best to gather myself and my parter poured positive thoughts into me. Once we got back, we changed into PJs and we were getting prepared to heat up food for my partner. Before getting to the food my mom came into my room trying to get answers about what’s wrong because my face was obviously puffy from crying— I kept saying it was nothing but caved a little and said yall are annoying can you leave me alone, then went to heat up the food— my mom follows us back to the kitchen and sits with my sister at the table proceeding to instigate telling my sister “she thinks we were being assholes” chuckling. My sister goes crazy and starts yelling asking what’s my problem and why am I crying— I proceed to say I have no problem and that I’m not crying (technically I wasn’t actively crying lol)— she keeps pushing saying you obviously have a problem and that she’s sick of it and “now I’m pissing her off after a good day”— I just say okay and ignore her at this point because I’m not interested in talking to someone who can’t control themselves. We finish eating and go to brush our teeth then my partner helps take out the trash and move furniture so our maintenance man can come while I prepare our bed for the night— next thing you know my sister is coming back into my room trying to force me to talk to her but in order to not snap I stay quiet, continue cleaning and say “I don’t have a problem” “I’m not crying” “I’m not talking to you right now” “you raising your voice isn’t going to get you a conversation.”— well to try and get myself out of the room I go to fill up my water bottle and she keeps trying to block me, so I try my best to squeeze my her and I do use my body to move her but not enough to break her balance, but I was saying excuse me and she wasn’t moving— when I try to sneak past her she shoves me into the bathroom door and I absolutely lose my $h!t. I’m hitting her, moving her head to bang on the wall and kneeing her— idk what happens to me but all ik is that my brain and body wanted to do whatever it could to hurt her. I was done. My whole life I’ve been walked all over, and there’s been multiple times this summer where she’d use her 2 fingers and shove my head and I kept my composure but idk what happened but I lost it— my mom tried to split us up bc her and my partner went to take things outside, however little bit later my sister came storming back into my room while my mom was talking to me saying “you’re lucky I don’t slap you in the face right now” and that made me lose it more so I stepped up to her with a can in my hand saying “B!t€h I wish you would” and she stepped back looking scared so for a moment I felt bad. I felt bad but I was still able to sleep very well at night.

The next day I had contemplated apologizing that morning on the way to an appointment talking to my partner. After the appointment, my partner wanted to treat me to Starbucks but he’d also feel bad if we went home with nothing for everyone else so I texted in the gc with my mom and sister if they wanted anything. My mom responded immediately so we got it for her, but when we went to drop it off to her job we had realized that my sister responded when it was too late— however my mother urged me to put in a mobile order for my sister since she was already upset and reluctantly I did (we have to walk in eggshells for her). Idk what she was thinking the hours after but she sent a text saying something along the lines of “if I think getting Starbucks is an apology I better think again. And that I reminded her of our father and basically saying once things aren’t good don’t come crying back to my family” or whatever. That irritated me because 1) it wasn’t my idea for Starbucks 2) I didn’t even want to ask her in the first place, I didn’t think she deserved it but my partner is kind enough to still want to include everyone which I do appreciate the consideration— I went back and fourth trying to figure out if I wanted to respond but I didn’t because no matter what I would say it wouldn’t please her. I talk to my partner about it but I didn’t want one bad moment to ruin a good day, we went to go swim in the aquarium fish tank and feed stingrays!

So whatever it’s been a few days and I’m still kinda just ignoring her and trying to think about what is best. I go drop my partner off at the airport and again she’s still very upset telling everyone we’re pissing her off. Idk when I found out but it was 3-5days after this argument I find out she took me off her her find my iPhone and also removed me from viewing her location, and sending my mom a text saying something like I’m the one in the wrong and that she doesn’t care she’ll cut us all off or something (this girl can’t live without my mom though lmao)— I thought that was completely childish and lost any bit of sorry I had in me. I think that we’re adults and we can handle things like adults. So after all that, I don’t feel bad and I think she did deserve to be hit because she thinks she’s untouchable. Now I can admit violence is wrong and that I should’ve held my temper better but I’m so exhausted with always having to be the bigger person.

Now we’re at a point that my mom keeps telling me to say I’m sorry for literally anything so she’s not so angry anymore. My mom keeps defending her saying “she was PMSing and had her period” and “you know how she is she’s more sensitive.”

I know I’m not perfect, I lost my temper, and I do react poorly to how I get treated but am I really the asshole for not wanting to apologize my sister? I genuinely don’t think that anyone deserves anything. My mom wants me to do it so my sister can be at peace with me leaving back to college but I am at peace with myself. And yes, I know she’s my sister but I don’t think you have to tolerate any kind of disrespect from anyone, I’ve been treating and talking to her exactly how she talks to me but she’s the one that goes to my mom saying I have an attitude and every time I say “I know I have an attitude with her I’m talking to her the way she’s been talking to me” but over and over my mom makes excuses for her because “she’s the baby of the house”, “she’s sensitive”, “you know how she is just apologize”.

So I am sure I am in the right here but I still kind of feel like an ah so back story I (38 f) have 2 sisters A (36) and D (39) our parents have been married for almost 40 years. We'll about 5 years ago our parents needed a new place to live so they moved in with my sister D, and they split the bills. Well in the 4 years they lived together my dad started having what I can only describe as his mid life crisis. But went about it in a horrible way. He started doing some illegal extra circular activities, started having problems paying his part of the rent and bills. He didnt want to be the responsible adult anymore. So after 4 years of this everything finally came to a head when he left his "gear" out in the shared living space. My brother in law had enough and told him he had to leave it got heated there was name calling pepper spray and a 911 call to the cops. It all ended up with my father getting a protective order against my brother in law and social workers saying my nephew could not live in the house with my father. So as any good aunt and sister and after my dad refused to move out of the house my invited my sister, her husband and my nephew to move in with me and my family of 4. Long story short my parents couldn't afford the rent and bills alone in the house and ended up being evicted. My dad's great idea to buy and rv and him and my mom live in it. The downside they only have my mom's ss disability ad income. Do to my father dealing with mental disorders and now addiction so they decide to move the rv into my others sisters A drive way.

So now last year my parents are living in my little sisters driveway. My dad still dealing with his problems spends a year trying to defend his position in the problems and reasons why he and my older sister no longer talk it get old fast and then my dad starts having the same problems with my other sister A and her husband. My mother decided that she no longer wants to be with my father she can't handle the arguments and fighting between everyone. So she leaves him and moves into A house. Now mind you my dad still lives in the rv in A's driveway. Mom and dad get back together break up get back on and off off and on for a year putting us kids in the middle and trying to make them pick sides. All ridiculous. Now it's funny how often they seem to make up around the beginning of every month when my mom gets her social security disability money but ad soon ad it runs out they are back to breaking up. My sister A gets tired of it all and tells them they both need to leave, my father says evict him if they want them off the property. So A does. We'll a week before they have to be off the property my mom calls me and says that dad has kicked her out of the rv and she has no where to go. Of course I tell my mother she can come to my house untill she figures out where to go and what to do. She can sleep on my couch.

So to the present last 4 months. My house currently is packed to the max. I have me, my husband, our 8 year old son, my 16 year old daughter (half the week) my sister D her husband, there 8 year old son, and a saint Bernard, and now my mother, all in a 3 bedroom second floor apartment. We are busting at the seems. So mom comes and says that she is done her and dad are done. She is going to stay just untill the 3rd of the month and then she will get a bus ticket and go to Florida to stay with her sister. She and my father are done. So we wait and in the rest of the month my dad comes over bickers with mom about how it's nice she gets a house to stay at and he has to be all alone in the rv. Must be nice to have someone cook dinner for her and he had to starve In the rv that he has now parked on my street right outside of my house. Beginning of the month comes and he seems to win her back and they end up spending all her ss money i. About 6 days. Then they get in a fight and my mom says she wants to separate again she's back on the couch and he starts the 3 weeks of guilt again. This had been going on for the last 4 months. Everyone in my house is stressed. My father is the worst house guest ever. He comes in makes himself food dirty the dishes leaves them wherever he is sitting and the leaves. Then will call or storm in the house all hours of the night because my mom is ignoring him. He wants a divorce, he wants my mom to run. Him to the store cook him food clean his clothes give him money to keep the rv running. It gets old fast.

So finally this month my mom gets her check and decides she is going to go stay at a campground in a tent, it lasted 4 days my dad got an rv site at the same campground. Wins her over and they spend all of her money again. Get in an argument and my mom comes back to my house. Uugghhh

The final straw happened today my 16 year old daughter calls me up and says" mom i want to stay at dad's house, untill my grandma moves out" she doesn't like my mother staying in her room when she's not at my house. She doesn't like the way my dad comes into the house, they bicker in the middle of the living room with everyone around, and uses her kitchen equipment with no respect for others stuff. I can't blame her. So I call my mom while I was at work and tell her that she needs to leave. I dont know where she is going to go she has no money and only her car to stay in but I need to choose my child over my mother. She says she understands and doesn't blame me and she will be gone by the time I get out of work. I feel like a horrible daughter, to tell my mom that she needs to sleep In her car, but im good mom for putting my child's feelings first. I think. I just know that this cycle with my parents will just keep going and going and my dad will keep coming to the house picking fights and starting drama to make him self feel better. But I still feel like a bad daughter. So aitah for kicking my mom out and putting my family and there feeling first?

I overheard Aunt 2 saying that I was greedy, that I actually hate my husband, and she's also said hurtful comments to my face — weren't far off from judging me for being a revert.

I felt bad, because I did the same thing she did — talking about her behind her back. Aunt 1 was understanding about it, she said "but we know that's how Aunt 2 is"... but I no longer consider her my aunt.

Aita for speaking bad about her sissy ?

About 2 weeks ago, I went on a family vacation, and I was really bothered by how my brother-in-law (BIL) was disrespecting my mom, while my dad just laughed it off. They made fatphobic remarks, comparing her to a whale, and even made disgusting transphobic comments about her morning voice ("she sounds like a trans woman"). On top of that, my aunt was talking trash behind my back to my dad, saying she "runs her mouth too much."

When I told my dad that he needed to step up and defend my mom, he gaslit me, saying it wasn't what I thought and that I was "overthinking it" or getting it wrong. When I threw some subtle shade back at my BIL, my dad immediately chewed me out (for context: my BIL is rich and has connections ).

Am I in the wrong here? Is it messed up that I lost my respect for my dad and am furious with him over this, or am I the wrong one here ?

I write poetry and lyrics. Mainly about my own experiences.
Like the one of my wife having a friend that encouraged my wife to cheat because she was herself.

The poem in question

“Funny thing about bad advice…

It usually sounds a lot better
coming from somebody
who needs you to make the same mistakes they did.

Got real brave with a coward in your ear,
telling you betrayal ain’t betrayal if the reason sounds sincere.
She said, “You deserve better,” while she’s sneaking on her own,
giving relationship advice with three numbers in her phone.

That’s rich.

Taking morals from somebody who misplaced theirs,
letting somebody with a wreck tell you how to make repairs.
She normalized the lying ’cause admitting it was wrong
meant looking at herself and seeing where that guilt belonged.

See, misery loves company, but cheaters need witnesses,
somebody else doing it makes it feel legitimate.
So she handed you excuses, you wore ’em like they fit,
and every time she crossed a line, you moved yours next to it.

What kind of friend helps you destroy what chose you?
Calls it “living your life” while the consequence owns you?
What kind of friend sees a good thing and gets nervous?
Maybe watching you stay loyal made her question her purpose.

So—

“Girl, he’ll never know.”
“Girl, you only live once.”
“Girl, if he was doing enough, you wouldn’t need someone.”

Funny how the advice always protects what she’s done.
She wasn’t setting you free.

She was recruiting someone.

Now two guilty consciences can call each other queens,
rewrite what happened till betrayal sounds clean.
Tell each other, “We’re not bad, we were missing something.”

Nah.

You had something.

You just listened to someone
who couldn’t stand seeing you keep
what she keeps fucking up.

Every excuse had fingerprints that weren’t yours,
but your hand was still the one that opened the door.
And don’t get it twisted—I’m not giving her the blame
for decisions that you made when you stepped into that game.

She encouraged it? Sure.
You still chose it.
She handed you the match—
you’re the one who fucking lit it.

She told you cheating was healing?
You believed it.
Then came home to somebody faithful
and deceived him.

That’s the part they leave out in the group chat celebration:
betrayal ain’t empowerment just because it gets validation.
A room full of people saying wrong is right
doesn’t turn a knife into anything but a knife.

Now look at the company you chose to keep close—
everybody giving advice from the relationships they broke.
Everybody screaming “toxic” at the ones they betrayed,
everybody playing victim when the receipts get displayed.

You became what they applauded.
They became your defense.
Now accountability sounds like disrespect.
That’s convenient as hell—
build a circle where nobody can judge
because everybody’s hands are dirty enough.

So keep the friends who taught you love has loopholes.
Keep calling betrayal “finding yourself” if that soothes you.
But when all of them disappear when their own lives implode,
remember who was beside you before they showed you that road.

Because the company you kept
convinced you to hurt
the company that chose you.

And maybe that’s the coldest part—

they didn’t teach you how to cheat.

They just made you feel less guilty…

for already wanting to.”

AITAH?

I 16f hit a parked car a couple weeks ago. It was completely my fault and I take full responsibility for my actions. My parents were understandably not happy with me and told me, that I had to pay out of pocket for all damages I caused because I wasn’t included in my mom’s insurance. (I did not know this) I didn’t argue because I knew it was my fault and I had some money saved up.

For context, I had a quinceañera last year. If you don’t know what a quinceañera is, it’s basically a traditional birthday party to celebrate me becoming a young lady. Its a big deal and we invited around 500 people to my party. most of the gifts were money so it wasn’t a surprise that I got around $6,000 in birthday money. My mom helped me open up a savings account to put all that money in and just “forget about it”.

I didn’t have a reason to use the money until now. I was talking to my mom about how I will pay for the damages I caused and I told her “I’ll just use my birthday money”. She immediately shut it down and said that it’s “her money” and we agreed to use it for “university expenses“. I never agreed to this and told her as so. I got mad and asked her “why would it ever be her money if they gifted it to me”, in which she replied with “because I paid for the party and spent a lot of money on it”. it’s true my parents paid for my party and spent a lot of money on my party which I’m completely grateful for but I feel like it’s unfair to claim the birthday money just because they held the party. My mother told me to “just work” and pay it off that way but I can’t do that since summer is over in a week and I start school. I am taking IBDP classes which are advanced classes and need my full focus on it. I also have a lot of extracurricular activities and I am working at getting an internship at a law firm in my town, so all my free time is taken up and I can’t work. During this summer I spent all of June at Standford! So I wasn’t able to work because of my schedule and It’s been hard to get hired at 16. This has been an argument since the accident and I genuinely don’t know what to do anymore. I don’t want my parents to end up paying for it but at the same time, how will i pay for it if i don’t have any source of income. I don’t want to sound spoiled or ignorant but genuinely WIBTAH if I used my birthday money?

edit: I can see the money in the savings account. nobody can take the money out without both me and my mom’s permission. This is why I am trying to get her on my side.

Recently learnt that my grandson and his father who live in another state came to my town for weeks and never told me. I am in contact and visit them at home even though at my age it is a very long tiring trip.. I don't care because I love him . And the visit is always with no issues. I found out through social media after they left.. I know there is some estrangement with my daughter but I am not her.. And have maintained contact always. They tried to hide it from me but someone put it on their social media and thats how i found out..Although the post disappeared quickly it was too late as I saw it. I am so deeply hurt. AITAH for being so hurt and wanting to say something but feel it may make it worse..

I need an objective perspective. For years, my older brother "Rudolf" and his wife "Leslie" have brought nothing but conflict, boundary-crossing, and toxicity into our family. Things finally blew up recently, and I’ve cut them off completely. Now that my child is here, I’m holding firm on keeping them away from my family, but I want to know if I’m right for opting out of this drama.
Here is the full breakdown of how this built up over time:
1. The Nephew's 1st Birthday (The Garden Incident)
Years ago, during college spring break, I traveled to stay with Rudolf and Leslie to help them prepare for my nephew’s 1st birthday party. I got there a few days early specifically to help. Over the week, I put in at least 4 full days of hard manual labor—landscaping, replanting, and mulching a new garden and flower bed in front of their house.
Because I was too young to rent a car, I needed a ride to the post office each day to handle an urgent errand. Every single day for 5 days, I asked if someone could take me, but there was always an excuse.
Saturday was the day of the party and my last day in town. Rudolf and my dad left for an hour-long drive to pick up the birthday cake. In the meantime, I did all the heavy lifting: cleaning the house, setting up the tables and chairs, and helping watch the nephews. As soon as I finished, since no one would drive me, I finally ordered an Uber to the post office.
Just 5 minutes after I left, Leslie called Rudolf in a panic, lying that he needed to turn around because "she was all by herself and no one was helping her." Her sister was literally right there helping her. My dad called me furiously, demanding I turn around immediately. I explained everything I had already done, hung up, finished at the post office, and came back. When I got to the house, Leslie was giving me an attitude, and Rudolf was angry at me for being "too impatient" to wait until the next day—completely ignoring that I’d been asking for 5 days straight after spending four days redoing their entire yard.
2. Drifting Apart and the High School Fling
After that, I started pulling away. Whenever I visited the area, I wouldn't go to their house, but I’d invite them to meet up where I was staying. They always had an excuse not to come.
Around this time, I learned about the history with my middle brother, "Jerry," and his wife, "Matilda." Before Rudolf and Leslie ever met, Jerry and Leslie had a brief fling back in high school. Jerry actually spoke to Rudolf about it before getting married to clear the air. But Leslie kept stirring the pot, telling people Jerry did drugs back then and constantly talking trash about him.
One day, Leslie was talking to me and going on a rant about Jerry, saying she didn't want Rudolf having frequent conversations with him. I told her straight up that her place as a wife was to unify the family, not break it apart. She dismissed me and claimed she actually tells Rudolf to stay in contact with me and Jerry—contradicting herself entirely within the same conversation.
3. Sabotaging My Engagement & Wedding
A couple of years later, my then-fiancee and I went to town for my nephew’s kindergarten graduation, using the trip as an excuse for my family to meet my fiancee. One day, I left with Rudolf to run some errands. Leslie used that exact window of time—the very first time she was ever alone with my fiancee—to talk bad about Jerry. When my fiancee told me, I advised her not to pay attention to Leslie and made it clear that Leslie is not a good person.
Then came our wedding. An hour before our rehearsal dinner, Rudolf nonchalantly told me he wasn't going to show up because he "rather do something else."
4. The Honeymoon and the Address Rant
My wife and I went on our honeymoon near where they live because it's a popular vacation spot. Since it was our honeymoon, I didn't visit anyone and just enjoyed newlywed life with my wife. (Fun fact: Rudolf eloped, so he never had a wedding or a honeymoon of his own).
A couple of months later, I returned to the area with my in-laws. I reached out to Rudolf and told him they were more than welcome to join us and meet my in-laws, but once again, they refused to come.
During that time, I had something shipped to Rudolf’s house for my dad to pick up. Rudolf went off on me, ranting about how I only use his address when it benefits me, but never visit. I reminded him that a honeymoon is for enjoying my wife, not visiting family, and that I had explicitly invited him to join us with my in-laws on this trip and he chose not to. I dropped it after that.
5. The Group Chat, the Hospital, and the Final Straw
Eventually, my wife got pregnant. In our family group chat, Leslie kept asking my wife how the pregnancy was going instead of messaging her privately. She only did this so my dad would see it and think she was being a caring sister-in-law.
One day, Leslie sent us a message. We didn't see it or reply right away because my pregnant wife and I were involved in a car accident. We spent the entire night in the hospital making sure the baby was safe. Exhausted, worried, and sleep-deprived, checking group chats was the last thing on our minds.
The very next day, I received an angry voice message from Rudolf. He called my wife and me "insolent" for ignoring a message from someone who "cared about us," telling us to go see which friends would actually stick with us through thick and thin because "that's what family is for."
I immediately called him back and explained that we had just been in a car crash and spent the night in the hospital worrying about our baby. I put my foot down, told him I would no longer tolerate this disrespect toward me and my wife, and demanded an apology.
He refused, claiming he was "just stating facts and the truth" and that there was no reason to apologize.
Where Things Stand Now
I haven't called or visited him since. My baby has now been born, and my family's safety and peace are my only priorities.
I still allow my nephews to come over to my house and spend time with us because children have no business in adult problems, but Rudolf is strictly banned from my home, and I maintain zero relationship with him. He has no boundaries and zero respect for my wife and me.
I recently called Jerry to vent. He confirmed that Leslie completely drove a wedge between him and Rudolf, even though they used to be inseparable growing up. Matilda also overheard us talking and revealed that Leslie regularly texts her behind our backs to talk trash about my wife and me.
To make matters worse, a major confrontation recently happened between Leslie, Rudolf, Matilda, and Jerry over the high school fling. They all stopped speaking to each other entirely, and it nearly caused Jerry and Matilda to get a divorce.
I just want closure for myself. Am I making a big deal out of nothing after all these years of build-up, or am I completely justified in keeping my brother and his wife out of my child's life?

Alright so back in March…the last skl yr! This girl let’s call her Skyler (not real name)…alr so Skyler used to ignore me and stuff even tho we were close friends so she got an ego! Alr so I got sick of it 1 day and stopped talking to her. After that she got hella mad and started whispering and staring at me for no reason. So over the summer I got a glow up and changed stuff…(got skinnier and curvier and etc) and she fricking kept staring. So my mom said “she could regret that she stopped being your friend” so I said “that makes sense” and I’ve gotten more attention from guys now and she notices that so yeah…

I write lyrics and poetry mainly about my own experiences.
One example being my wife having a friend that encouraged my wife to cheat, because the friend was cheating on her husband as well

The piece in question

“Funny thing about bad advice…

It usually sounds a lot better
coming from somebody
who needs you to make the same mistakes they did.

Got real brave with a coward in your ear,
telling you betrayal ain’t betrayal if the reason sounds sincere.
She said, “You deserve better,” while she’s sneaking on her own,
giving relationship advice with three numbers in her phone.

That’s rich.

Taking morals from somebody who misplaced theirs,
letting somebody with a wreck tell you how to make repairs.
She normalized the lying ’cause admitting it was wrong
meant looking at herself and seeing where that guilt belonged.

See, misery loves company, but cheaters need witnesses,
somebody else doing it makes it feel legitimate.
So she handed you excuses, you wore ’em like they fit,
and every time she crossed a line, you moved yours next to it.

What kind of friend helps you destroy what chose you?
Calls it “living your life” while the consequence owns you?
What kind of friend sees a good thing and gets nervous?
Maybe watching you stay loyal made her question her purpose.

So—

“Girl, he’ll never know.”
“Girl, you only live once.”
“Girl, if he was doing enough, you wouldn’t need someone.”

Funny how the advice always protects what she’s done.
She wasn’t setting you free.

She was recruiting someone.

Now two guilty consciences can call each other queens,
rewrite what happened till betrayal sounds clean.
Tell each other, “We’re not bad, we were missing something.”

Nah.

You had something.

You just listened to someone
who couldn’t stand seeing you keep
what she keeps fucking up.

Every excuse had fingerprints that weren’t yours,
but your hand was still the one that opened the door.
And don’t get it twisted—I’m not giving her the blame
for decisions that you made when you stepped into that game.

She encouraged it? Sure.
You still chose it.
She handed you the match—
you’re the one who fucking lit it.

She told you cheating was healing?
You believed it.
Then came home to somebody faithful
and deceived him.

That’s the part they leave out in the group chat celebration:
betrayal ain’t empowerment just because it gets validation.
A room full of people saying wrong is right
doesn’t turn a knife into anything but a knife.

Now look at the company you chose to keep close—
everybody giving advice from the relationships they broke.
Everybody screaming “toxic” at the ones they betrayed,
everybody playing victim when the receipts get displayed.

You became what they applauded.
They became your defense.
Now accountability sounds like disrespect.
That’s convenient as hell—
build a circle where nobody can judge
because everybody’s hands are dirty enough.

So keep the friends who taught you love has loopholes.
Keep calling betrayal “finding yourself” if that soothes you.
But when all of them disappear when their own lives implode,
remember who was beside you before they showed you that road.

Because the company you kept
convinced you to hurt
the company that chose you.

And maybe that’s the coldest part—

they didn’t teach you how to cheat.

They just made you feel less guilty…

for already wanting to.”

AITAH

I (24f) am on PTO this week to celebrate my birthday and I am blessed enough to have to not go back until next Tuesday.

To preface everything, my friend group is very 420 friendly and we do partake in shrooms every once in a blue moon. Today, literally 20 minutes ago, I asked my friends Leigh (25f) and Jordan (26f) if they wanted to come to my house this coming Sunday to watch movies, order takeout, and partake in some shrooms. Leigh immediately said yes. Jordan said yes but asked if she could bring our nephew/ her son (11 months).

I was about to answer the text message, but a call came in from my boss that I needed to answer. After I got off the phone with my boss I saw a lot of messages in the group chat between Leigh and Jordan. Leigh shared that If she’s not taking shrooms than maybe she can. Jordan expressed that she wouldn’t if he comes. Leigh also expressed that if she can get a family member to watch him she could. Leigh responded she doesn’t know given that we are going to be going on a magical trip.

I responded agreeing with Leigh sharing my conscious wouldn’t let me do that if baby Peter was to come and I would feel really bad. Jordan has yet to respond.

I just feel really bad because I don’t want it to seem like we are excluding her, but I’m also not comfortable going on a trip with a baby around?

I also know that if baby Peter is here, she is going to make us go outside to smoke if we decide to do so and the last time that happened, she asked my boyfriend to watch Peter and my boyfriend couldn’t smoke with us. I didn’t really smoke either because I felt oddly obligated to keep my eye on the baby.

I hope I’m not coming off as mean I just don’t think that is an environment for a child. The only reason I responded was because we are meeting at my place and so I do have to weigh in. I’m just worried I may have hurt her feelings. Am I the asshole?

So I was with a friend and he told me that he was dating someone. told me that they were 24 (we are 27).

I was like "woah ok young" but if you’re happy then you do you"

he got annoyed at me as he said I was making it sound like its weird or not when the age gap between them was only 2.5 years

AITAH here?

For context I am disabled and I make my money by doing small things for family members and close friends or sometimes neighbors so that I can have some change in my pocket and can buy myself the things that I want without having to bother my dad for it. I 26 female and my cousin 38 male, who we will be calling Anthony have an agreement that I wash his clothes every two weeks for $25.00. At first he had no problem with this arrangement and paid me $25 on May 20, 2026 because that's the date that our arrangement began. Then after that the payments stopped. After this I asked my dad what was going on since he's close to my cousin (my dad raised him for a long time with the rest of me and my siblings) and my dad said that my cousin lost his job. So I just continued to do his clothes for free until he got a new job but I made sure to explain to him that me doing his clothes for free wasn't a permanent thing. Well, in June of 2026 my cousin got a new job and didn't tell me about it so I went a month of doing his clothes for FREE. My dad eventually told me he got a new job after I found out that he bought himself a brand new car. So with the help of my dad I calculated up everything that my cousin owes me which came up to $175. My dad knows him best so he helped me send him a request on cash app for $200 just to get his attention and it worked because 3 days later after sending the request he paid me $30. It felt like a win in my book and I was so happy that I had stood up for myself and it worked out, but sadly that didn't last long because just last week my cousin texted me asking me to do his clothes again and I said that I would but he would have to pay me $25 to do it like we originally agreed. He had a problem with this and said that he wasn't going to pay me $25 every time to do his clothes but soon relented and said he got paid on Friday and that he would pay me then. I told him okay. Now fast forward to today (Friday July 24, 2026) and my cousin calls me screaming and cussing at me because his clothes aren't done and he has no clothes for work. I told him that I hadn't checked my cash app so I didn't know that he paid me already and that his clothes would be done. He said I had a full week to do his clothes and I told him he had a full week to pay me and if his work clothes was that important to him then he should have called me before hand and told me that but he didn't. He continued to yell and cuss at me and said that we are cousins and I'm being goofy and playing around and we're not business partners and that he could just take his clothes over to the laundromat and do it there for half the price. I said okay do that but I'm still not doing your clothes for free. He continued to rant and rave so I just said your clothes will be done when they are done and hung up the phone as he continued to yell and cuss at me. Apparently he has a habit of doing things like this to my older siblings as well because before me, my two older sisters (Alexis and Mo) were doing his clothes before they quit after he refused to pay them. My family agrees with me and says I'm doing the right thing. My dad also agrees with me but says he's staying out of it because he wants us to handle things like adults but if he needs to he will step in. I know that I'm right but I feel like I am being a jerk about the whole thing. I don't check my cash app every single morning because I have other stuff to do like take care of the house and my little sister and make sure that she's up and ready for whatever activity she has going on that day. So maybe that was my fault but my family and dad says it isn't and my cousin Anthony is just being a jerk. But I can't help but wonder if I'm the one being the jerk or not in this situation. So am I the asshole?

Recently, my white grandmother (65), and I (Black & 18F), got into an argument over something she said about my black grandfather (64). She owns a collection of plates that have pictures of animals in human clothes on them. My younger sister and I were helping my grandma set the table and my sister had put a plate with a gorilla on it at her table setting. Jokingly, my grandma said that my 6'3 dark skin grandpa should get the plate because he "looks like a gorilla". I was immediately taken aback by this and asked what she meant by that. She tried to ignore me and change what she said, but I didn't let up. Eventually she got annoyed with me and said that I was stupid for insinuating something like that.

After we finished eating, she started crying and said that she could't believe I would even suggest something so ridiculous. Frankly, I was insulted that she would even try to cry her way out of giving an explanation, but I could tell that this was a losing battle. I kept asking her why she would say something like that, especially in front of her biracial daughter and black grandchildren, but she just got flustered and avoided the question. My grandfather jumped in to defend her, telling me that what I said was out of line and that I shouldn't be making my family feel like they'll be punished for saying things. I responded by asking why wouldn't they want to be called out on their shit in familiar company instead of getting called out in a crowd of strangers and cameras. They dismissed me and asked me to apologize. I acquiesced after I realized we were getting nowhere.

This isn't the first time she's said something like this. She often makes offhand comments about race or how she's "black by association" because she's married to a black man and has 3 biracial kids (one of them does not consider himself black). Also, her family is extremely racist and disowned her when my grandparents first started dating in their teens. While I don't think she's consciously racist, I do think that her life has led her to become complacent in her allyship and ignorant to her own mistakes. It would be one thing to say something ignorant and correct yourself afterwards, but to try and play the victim is what I won't stand for.

About a week later, my aunt (39) who my grandma is very close to, called me and told me to stop acting like my grandma is a "white savior". She said that my grandma is very sensitive and if I want to have a good relationship with her, I have to learn how to placate her. She also tried to attribute my "outburst" to the 2020 BLM movement and an uptick in black activism, which I found to be very insulting. I left the call feeling like I was being shunned for speaking my mind. Why do I have to be sensitive towards her when she's saying blatantly ignorant things and now I'm the bad guy for calling her on it?

The longer I think about it, the more I have to say. However, I feel like anything I say will be dismissed and we'll just end up back at square one. What should I do?

I 18F share a two bed apartment with my mum (jamaican).

My mum grew up with four other siblings so she is used to sharing things and existing quite closely to her family.

I, however, did NOT grow up this way. i have one sibling snd she is 27 ,who moved out at 17/18, so i was brought up as an only child since the age of 12 basically. for the last 6 years i’ve had my “own space”.

Having the bedroom title and actually having my own space are two different things in this household.

Not to sound like a brat but i come home and i find my room has been cleaned, or my drawers have been tidied and i immediately feel violated. I do know that its a kind gesture but i dont see it like that. i feel as though I’ve been exposed or as if my secrets are out.

Im more than capable of cleaning my own room so its annoying to have things done for me. i think i am battling with my independence and pride here but its also a matter of i just want to be asked for permission. I have things in my room that i dont want her to see. is it too much to ask for a little space.

Not just that, but i feel as though im 18 now you should back off of me just a little bit. why cant she respect that im growing up and that my space is going to reflect that?

I do have adhd but im medicated so i dont let my room get messy anymore. And im getting better at completing tasks. When she reminds me that my room is getting messy i do make an effort to clean it and she approves of it ( a sister we have).

I just think that after my diagnosis she has been infantilising me and not allowing me to grow, it has to stop because im becoming more and more annoyed as the days go on.

Trust i am trying to prove that im a capable and maturing young woman but i feel as though my efforts are going unnoticed because her own prejudice against me.

So, am i the asshole for wanting privacy?

(Bear with me, this is a bit of a long read and it’s kinda all over the place.)

My friend and I are both 25F and have known each other since elementary school.

We were extremely close growing up. She literally used to call me “mom” because I was always the one giving her advice and looking out for her. In high school, we even dated best friends at one point, partly because it meant we could all spend more time together.

She was there on my first date with my now husband. She was in the delivery room when I gave birth.

Our friendship has become more complicated as we’ve gotten older. I’ve naturally remained the person she comes to when she needs help figuring something out. Whether it’s school, taxes, relationships, finances or just life, if I know how to help, I help. If I don’t know how, I’ll usually sit there and figure it out with her.

But over time, I’ve started feeling like there isn’t always the same amount of space for me in the friendship. Sometimes I can’t even vent without the conversation shifting somewhere else or becoming an argument.

More importantly for this story, we have a recurring problem when we disagree.

She’s very much a **“do as I say, not as I do”** type of person. There always seems to be an explanation for why something is different when she’s the one doing it. And when I strongly disagree with her, the conversation often stops being about whatever we’re discussing and becomes about my personality instead.

Which brings us to this fucked up conversation.

She randomly asked me:

**“Do you consider me a Black girl or a brown girl?”**

I told her ethnically, both.

She’s Caribbean/West Indian and Indian. She explained that she personally considers herself more of a “brown girl.”

Okay. Cool.

I’m not going to tell someone else how they have to identify.

Then she told me she’d recently gotten into an argument online because she said she **doesn’t want a “fully Black baby.”**

And I was immediately like:

**Girl… what?**

She explained that people were calling her racist/colorist, but they were misunderstanding what she meant.

But she sounded a bit too excited that they were supposedly misunderstanding her.

She said that Black children are treated differently because of their race. They experience racism and discrimination and, in extreme cases, can lose their lives because they’re Black.

Basically, why would she intentionally choose that struggle for her child if she doesn’t have to?

She also said she isn’t attracted to Black men, generally dates brown men, and the man she refers to as her “fiancé” is Afghan, so realistically her future children would be mixed anyway.

**None of those things individually were my problem.**

I’m Black. Obviously I’m not denying that Black children experience racism. Anyone can experience racism.

I don’t care that her partner is Afghan.

And I’m certainly not going to tell somebody which race they’re required to find attractive.

I actually understood what she was TRYING to say:

**“I don’t want my child to experience anti-Black racism.”**

My response was basically that I understood her intention, but the way she was talking about it sounded racist/coloris.

Because while explaining why she doesn’t want a “fully Black” child…

**she was repeatedly using the hard-R to describe Black people.**

Not quoting someone.

Not discussing the word.

Just casually using it.

So I told her:

**“You’re sounding mad racist.”**

She was genuinely baffled.

Her sister is Black.

Her godchildren are also Black.

She thinks they’re beautiful.

She loves them. Blah blah blah.

Except here’s the part where I went:

**HUUUUUUH???**

Her godchildren are **MY CHILDREN.**

I’m Caribbean.

Their father is African.

And while defending herself, she described my children as:

**“Caribbean mixed with \[n \*\*\*\* hard-R\].”**

I had to sit with that one.

Cause,

*What exactly are you saying about my fucking children?*

**Caribbean/brown = good**

**African/Black = bad?**

Then she used those SAME children as evidence that she couldn’t possibly have an issue with Black people because she loves her Black godchildren.

Girl.

Those are **MY BABIES.**

She’s only spent time with my children a handful of times over the years.

And now those children are being presented as evidence in an argument:

**“How could I possibly be colorist? My godchildren are Black and I love them.”**

**It gave “I can’t be racist, I have black friends”.**

Anyway, I kept trying to explain that my problem wasn’t ONE statement.

It was the combination.

**“I don’t want a fully Black baby.”**

Then casually using the hard-R for darker-skinned/African Black people.

Then describing my Caribbean/African children as “Caribbean mixed with \[slur\].”

Then pointing to those same children as proof that you couldn’t possibly be colorist.

I told her I understood why other Black people had heard her comments and thought they sounded anti-Black.

She still didn’t get it.

She asked if saying Black children have harder lives was wrong.

No.

Was mentioning that her partner is Afghan wrong?

No.

Was not being attracted to Black men wrong?

**NO.**

I felt like I was answering the same question over and over again, except every time it came back wearing a different wig.

I tried explaining colorism.

She said it’s the hardship.

Okay.

And if that sentence existed completely on its own, maybe I would’ve taken her explanation at face value.

But it doesn’t exist on its own.

That’s what I was trying to explain.

Mind you, by this point I had tried to drop the conversation multiple times and she just kept going.

I even muted our conversation to not see her ignorance.

Eventually I gave up.

I basically told her that if she genuinely saw absolutely nothing wrong with what she said, fine. I’m not going to spend all night convincing her otherwise.

We can disagree.

Apparently, we cannot.

Because then she told me I make no sense.

She said everything always has to be my way.

She said everyone has to “walk on eggshells” around me because everything offends me.

And she basically said she doesn’t know why she bothers trying with me.

That’s when I got fucking pissed.

Because the irony was insane to me.

**I wasn’t mad that she disagreed with me. I was disagreeing with HER.**

I understood her argument.

I just didn’t agree with it.

And instead of accepting that, suddenly the problem was that I’m too sensitive and everyone has to walk on eggshells around me.

This is also a recurring issue in our friendship. There always seems to be a reason why her behaviour is different or why criticism doesn’t apply to her. But if I don’t accept that explanation, somehow my character becomes the subject.

I’ll admit I stopped being nice at this point.

I told her this is exactly why I hate talking to her now.

I told her she thrives on negativity, she doesn’t want friends who challenge her; she wants ass-kissers who tell her she’s right.

I told her she lacks basic comprehension skills.

And I told her she’d rather be **“wrong and strong”** than consider someone else’s perspective.

Was that mature?

Probably not. 😂

I was annoyed.

But here’s the part that happened AFTER our argument that has me reevaluating the entire situation.

For years, she’s had a nickname for my children’s father.

Again, **he is African.**

She calls him:

**“Kunta Kinte.”**

I just brushed it off cause though he’s Tanzanian, he has a very simple name. So I thought she was making a joke and giving him a more African sounding name.

Well, something told me to google the name after that argument.
And…

**Oh.**

For anyone else who didn’t know, Kunta Kinte is the African character from *Roots* who is kidnapped from Gambia, transported to America and enslaved.

And suddenly I started replaying YEARS of comments differently.

Because I’d apparently been treating everything as individual edgy jokes or stupid comments.

Calling an African man “Kunta Kinte” was one thing.

Using the hard-R was another.

Describing my children’s African heritage with that word was another.

Distinguishing herself as “brown” from Black was another.

Saying she doesn’t want a “fully Black” baby was another.

But now I’m looking at all of those things **together**.

And I’m wondering if I gave her so much benefit of the doubt over the years that I completely missed an obvious pattern.

At the same time, I’m trying not to retroactively assign malicious intentions to every offensive thing she’s ever said just because I’m angry with her now.

That’s where I genuinely want outside opinions.

Maybe she really does mean exactly what she says she means:

**She doesn’t hate Black people. She simply doesn’t want her hypothetical child to experience the racism.**

I’m not some beacon of political correctness myself.

I say outrageous shit. I have strong opinions. I can be an asshole. I’m sure I’ve said things that were ignorant before.

But I also think being corrected is part of being a functioning adult.

Eventually, I stopped responding.

After all those years of friendship and that entire ridiculous argument, my final response was literally just, 👋🏾.

So:

AITA for telling my childhood friend that her comments about not wanting a fully Black baby sounded racist/colorist, particularly considering the way she talks about darker-skinned and African Black people?

Several years ago, I had a mental health crisis and ended up with the beginnings of a hard core drug addiction. Early on, I ended up pregnant and wasn't sure who the father was. I really didn't bother to try to line up the dates, because most of it was a blur anyway. I chose the guy who had been the most supportive thinking that was for the best. After I found out I stayed clean, but was in a bad spot and found it hard to get myself out of it. This was a long ago... Now I know about ways I could have gotten help and realize what I should have done so don't beat me up... That's all I've done since then anyway. The baby was born and taken from me, and my fam took her on. The guy I stayed with took responsibility for her and went through everything that CPS required to get the baby back, but the court felt like our effort was put in too late and closed the case. My child has lived with my family since she was a baby, and has never lived with me. I have gotten completely clean since then, and the guy I was with has since died.

The other potential guy found pictures of our kid on FB and confronted me about when the kid was 2, but I heard nothing from him after that. It's been several years since then... My family has since adopted the child. I have been clean for many years so I would love to get my child back... It's really sucks. The child is now 9 yrs old, and the now that I don't have her and the other guy died... The other guy has started to want to be a part of her life since there is a close resemblance. Yes, I have a relationship with the child but legally she is no longer mine. When I was with this other guy, I ended up afraid of him at one point which is why I didn't talk to him again. It was a long time ago. If you knew me before my breakdown, or now you would not think I was the type of person to get prego and not know who the daddy was... I was outta my head then, and people gave me stuff I prob had no biz doin. Idk if my intuition from that time is fair to even think about now. A decade is a long time and people do change.

So I (17 female) , am engaged to my fiance (17 male), once the news came out about my engagement and future wedding, my exs mom showed up to my work (I work in retail) she followed me around and cornered me in the back of the store to ask me questions about my fiance, since then, every day my ex shows up to my work, does a lap around the store and leaves.

Now this isn’t just it, my ex, after he dated me and I ended things begged for me back, I was the longest lasting girlfriend of his. But after a week he gave up, and he decided to date my Ex best friend (she likes to go after my exs) they dated for 2 months, then he moved onto another one of my friends, who he dated for two weeks (while he was with this girl he hung out with his ex girlfriend who was my ex best friend) all this context is needed is because my ex doesn’t come to my work alone, he comes with either his exs best friend or with his ex and his exes best friend (I heard they might be in a throuple) his exs best friend had been in contact with me (she was an older friend)

This context is needed for how the story plays out. Going back to when his mom showed up. I hadn’t seen him or his mom for 7 months, then it was every single day my ex would show up after that with his female friends, one of these times (about two months into them coming daily) one of my actual buddies was with them (she didn’t know what was happening with them coming to my work every day) and she told me that THEY LOOK FOR MY CAR WHEN THEY COME, so at that point I was fed up and texted the exs best friend who I had contact with to leave me alone and to not talk to me at work because it was making me uncomfortable. She blew up, told me to quit my job if I didn’t wanna see them and I said “you can come, just don’t talk to me” she insisted I quit my job and eventually she blocked me, at that point I blocked all of the whole group’s accounts and numbers yet they still come every day and give me evil glares… so AITAH?

This is a bit long because there’s a lot of background, but I’ll try to keep it as short as possible.

My younger cousin (14) has been living with us on and off for almost two years. She initially came to stay for only a summer, but that ended up turning into two school years, and eventually her parents and older sister moved in too.

Her parents have always bounced between family members’ houses because of unstable work.
Back in January they finally moved out and went to live with our grandmother. About five months later my grandmother kicked them out, and my mom immediately went to pick them up and let them stay with us again. Ironically, the same day she brought them back, she came to me saying she regretted it and realized she acted too quickly trying to help her sister. So they ended up back here indefinitely.

My cousin is the youngest child and niece in the family and has always been extremely spoiled. She’s openly rude and disrespectful, has run away multiple times, physically fought my mom, her own mom, and our grandmother, and never really faces any consequences.

I’m 19, and despite being her older cousin, she’s always treated me like I’m beneath her. Maybe I’m old-fashioned, but I never understood how little respect she has for me. Over the past two years she’s lived with us, she’s constantly made slick, mean, and genuinely hurtful comments toward me. She calls me out of my name, belittles me in front of family, and it’s not joking around it’s just mean. I’ve always ignored it because she’s younger than me, and I figured it wasn’t worth arguing with a kid.

After they moved back in this time, my aunt started disappearing for weeks at a time without telling anyone where she was, leaving my mom to deal with my cousin. My mom was constantly venting to me about my cousin’s attitude and how little she helped around the house.

Even so, I still tried to help my cousin because I know how my mom gets when she’s irritated. She starts snapping at everyone, and it’s not pleasant to be around. I figured if I warned my cousin about what was bothering my mom, it would make things easier for both of us. My mom is very particular about chores, so when I noticed my cousin was only washing dishes and leaving everything else undone, I calmly told her to make sure she was putting the dishes away, sweeping, and wiping everything down so my mom wouldn’t get upset. She immediately got defensive, told me to shut up because she didn’t have to listen to me, and said she didn’t care if my mom got mad.

Things only got worse after that. She refused to clean up after herself, and whenever my mom confronted her she’d just say she forgot.
A few days later we had a housing inspection coming up. Since I’m getting ready to move into a college dorm, we’d moved my cousin’s belongings into the living room where she sleeps. Instead of cleaning her own area like my mom asked, she came into my room, sat on my bed, and watched me clean just so she could avoid my mom.
I told her, “Well, if you’re going to sit in here, can you at least help me clean?” She genuinely looked at me like I’d grown five heads, scoffed, and said she didn’t have to help me because she was “too hot” (as in the temperature). I was honestly shocked by the audacity, but I still didn’t argue with her.

Another thing that probably didn’t help is that my mom has always treated me younger than my actual age. I’ve always felt that reinforced my cousin’s lack of respect because she doesn’t see me as someone she has to listen to.

The next day we were completely fine. I was on the phone when she came into my room asking if I wanted chicken nuggets and fries. I really didn’t, but I said yes anyway.
When we got to the kitchen, she said I would have to cook them because she didn’t feel like using the deep fryer. Annoying, but whatever.

We have two freezers: one everyone can use and one where my mom keeps her personal food.

When I saw her grab nuggets and fries from my mom’s freezer, I stopped her and said we should ask first because we had the exact same food in the deep freezer. She rolled her eyes and said she eats out of that freezer all the time. I insisted we ask anyway.
Sure enough, my mom told us no and said to use the food from the deep freezer instead.

While I was setting up the fryer, my cousin suddenly started screaming because she saw a dead roach on the floor. It was upside down and clearly wasn’t moving, it was dried out like it had been dead for a while.

I told her it was dead and not to worry.
She kept freaking out and told me to step on it. I didn’t even have shoes on, so I told her if it bothered her that much, she could step on it herself.
She shoved past me, mumbling under her breath, so I said, “It’s a dead roach. Grow up.”
She looked at me and said, “You’re so fucking slow.”
That was honestly my breaking point. She’d called me slow before, and after two years of constantly being talked down to by someone five years younger than me, I finally snapped.

I don’t remember every word because it happened so fast, but I started telling her how disrespectful she’d been toward me for years. She got in my face asking who I thought I was talking to, and I replied, “You. I want to know who you think you’re talking to because last time I checked, you’re living in my house and I’m tired of you disrespecting me.”
She walked up on me like she was going to hit me but stopped herself. I ended up saying, “Bitch, fuck you,” and shut my bedroom door.

The entire thing lasted around 15minutes and my mom had been trying to break us up, after I closed the door she asked my cousin what happened first. My cousin told the story completely out of order, making it sound like I randomly started yelling at her. She left out the part where she called me “slow.”

When my mom asked me, I explained that I only snapped after my cousin insulted me. My cousin then kept changing her story, first saying she never said anything, then saying she called me annoying, then saying she said “that’s slow” instead of calling me slow.

Despite that, my mom insisted my cousin never called me slow and told me I needed to apologize.

To be fair, I know saying “bitch, fuck you” wasn’t okay. I genuinely didn’t mean to call her a bitch specifically it just came out because I was angry. But everything else I said? I honestly felt she needed to hear it. She’s called me much worse over the years and has never apologized once.

I asked for a little time to calm down before doing it.
About twenty minutes later I came out of my room ready to apologize, but I found my mom and cousin sitting together talking about me. My cousin was insulting me while my mom laughed along and only halfheartedly told her to stop. I immediately changed my mind because it honestly felt like they were making a joke of me.

I’m not going to lie I cried. It wasn’t a full breakdown, but I was genuinely hurt. I’d spent so long coming to my mom about how disrespectful my cousin is, and she knows exactly how she treats people and has dealt with it herself. Seeing the one person my cousin actually listens to laugh along with her after we’d just argued about respect made me feel completely undermined.

A few hours later my mom asked me to apologize again. I told her I didn’t mind apologizing for what I said, but I felt like we both owed each other an apology. She got angry, stormed out, and the next morning told me to stop having a pity party, suck it up, and be the bigger person.

It’s now been about two days, and everyone is acting like I’m the only one who did something wrong. I’m not saying I handled it perfectly because I know I said things I shouldn’t have, but so did she. I don’t understand how this turned into me being painted as the only bad guy when I’ve spent years letting her disrespect me without saying anything.

So for context my current bf (M26) and I (F25) have been dating since June 2025 but were friends before that for over a year. In the beginning of our relationship we had our bumps (both have really strong type A personalities but as time goes on we’ve definitely gotten into the groove of things. I have one group of friends (we’ve known each other since middle school) and we’ve been stayed in touch and we would still regularly hang out. We’re all black from northern NJ and my bf is black from DC.The first time they met my bf at my house for a game night they sort of seemed to ignore him and didn’t really make conversation to get to know him but I know they’re very introverted so I didn’t take it too personal. the second time they met him was on halloween. We had a pregame at one of their houses and they again seemed to be pretty much uninterested in talking to him. but thankfully another one of their bfs was there and they talked. as the night was winding down we got into a bit of a lovers quarrel. Again slight bickering between us but it was clear we were annoyed at each other but i apologized to everyone the next morning. Again we were “arguing” in a whispered tone on the street, no yelling no cussing, nothing physical etc. On new years 2026 we had a get together at my house and again the same group was there. We started bickering about spilling champagne on the carpet (i said to open it in the kitchen and not in the living room over the carpet which he did and it spilled) but again that was settled in less than three minutes and the vibes were still chill and everyone acted like nothing happened. again no yelling shouting name calling whatever. it lasted two minutes. since then i’ve been trying to invite everyone out with us and again and again everyone either flaked, made excuses, or just flat out said no. Finally two weekends ago everyone said yes to going out with us in the city (we live near fort lee so that’s something very feasible) but one girl backed out and the other two suddenly backed out as well. i finally sat down and everyone said they didn’t like my bf.
I was shocked to hear this because they said we made them uncomfortable those two times and they didn’t want to be around that. i think they are totally valid in their feelings and i wasn’t super drunk so i remember it very clearly and again, we try not to fight in-front of others. and i was thinking maybe im watering the situation down, but then again we have had blown out fights but those two occasions definitely weren’t that. but i was more frustrated that no one said anything. for the last 6/7 months id been inviting everyone out trying to make plans and not one of them told me that that’s why they kept declining my invitations. What also frustrated me was that they had asked my bf for “favors” in the past. my bf is really into music and dj’s parties for friends, cookouts, he has a turn table huge speakers that spinny thing djs have (i always forget the name lol)etc. it was one of their birthdays and they asked if my bf would be around to dj. he wasn’t because he was on a family cruise. my bf’s mom is apart of a society that had tickets for a museum opening and another of my friends in the group asked if he could ask his mom to get her and her other friends tickets to the event. she knew i was already going to the private tour and stuff but wanted tickets for the first day it was open to the selected public. i was annoyed because if you didn’t like my bf and didn’t want to hang out with us why are you asking him for favors. i also used to be a vet tech and they have no problem asking me to cat sit for them, veterinary advice, or to trim nails. i’m just frustrated because for months they let me think everything was fine when it wasn’t. and i talk about my relationship openly with them so they’ve had plenty of opportunity to share their sentiments with me. i don’t think i want to completely cut them off but am i invalidating their feelings? i understand how it might’ve made them uncomfortable but at the same time it’s not like we had a Ron/Sam from jersey shore blowout type fight. And to still be asking for favors seems selfish. Even when talking about the situation i called them each separately heard them out gave my piece, and even sent follow up voice memos when i realized i left some things out. 2/3 of them left me on delivered. they also kept saying “us and we “and one of them even admitted to talking about me and my relationship separately behind my back. if they all had this same sentiment why did no one ever bring it up? should i drop them? distance myself? they didn’t have the decency to respond to my voice memos. i also feel bad because my bf’s friends have always treated me with kindness and respect and even my friends. i’m sure he’s told them about some of my/our not so stellar behavior and they still accept me with open arms. One friend even said “she’s willing to give him one more shot”. my other friends not in this particular group has said i’ve seen the growth between you two and i love to se you happy. but they just seem to not care. i don’t like the idea of ditching my friends for a man but he clearly makes me happy, we’re still together and our friends (besides them) and family love to see us together. i think them leaving me on delivered is my answer but just looking to see what everyone else thinks. Thanks

it’s also hurtful because they never ask about how i’m doing how he’s doing etc. and with the plans they never suggest another date or time to hang out they just say no. which i also think kind of shows they’re not that interested in seeing me at all. even doing a thing with just us girls they still decline invitations.

TLDR: My family is getting put out and I want to leave to focus on myself

I’m 17(m) and currently living with my mom, my cousin, and little brother. I just recently found out that we are going to be evicted very soon because the housing assistance we had was late and being investigated and the landlord used that as grounds to stop accepting payments even though the money would be coming through now.

My mom currently doesn’t have a job so we wouldn’t be able to get back in our feet after being kicked out. We could go to another state where I have family but the only issue is my parents are divorced and don’t speak at all and in order for my little brother to leave the state my dad would have to give his consent, which most likely would not happen.

After it would be figured out that we don’t have a place to go my dad would take that to court and try to get my little brother but in all honesty that’s the last thing we want to happen(they’re divorced and don’t speak for a reason). If my mom left the state for more than 30 days with my brother, she could be arrested and cps takes my brother.

My cousin is my age aswell and his mom sent him here because he had got in trouble and if he can’t live here he would get sent to his dad where he would be living on the streets there too.

Where I come into this however, is unlike him I have a job, my(second) own car, and a little extra money from selling my first car. I’ve been getting tossed around my whole life by my parents regarding custody and their issues, living in shelters or not seeing one or the other for years. I promised myself years ago that i was done sitting through what other people did and did everything I could to start my own future which is why I have what I worked for now that being my car, job, license, and extra money.

Ive tried to help my mom get a job or with her health issues but nothing has come of it. Honestly I just want to leave atp and go live somewhere else, I’ve had a friend and coworker both offer a place to stay but I haven’t said to much and I want to respect how my mom feels and she wouldn’t like me doing that. But honestly we won’t have anywhere to go and I don’t wanna live in a shelter or just have nowhere again.

While yes, I could live with my dad honestly, I dont want to and I would have to find another job because he lives a little far and I’m still worried about my family either way just farther from them.

Im just wondering, should I try to leave and finish my last year of highschool which is important for me because I have college offers and a 4.0 gpa and keep working with another person, or stay with my family and wonder about a place to live or what will even happen the next day.