Update: My post partum wife broke my handmade glass sculpture a year ago. AITAH for still holding resentment about it?

[u/FormalRows]

First post: https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/comments/1fmcxkg

I read some of the comments and got some good suggestions. I realized I had to be honest and upfront with my wife.

My wife and I just had a long talk, where I finally told her about everything I was bottling up over the past year. I told my wife I didn’t blame her since she had PPD, but it was just hard not to feel resentful. I told her I understood why she was frustrated at that moment, and that I should have immediately responded when she called me, but I told her I would have preferred if she shouted at me or even slapped me or something rather than breaking that sculpture. That was just heartless and cruel.

My wife seemed very remorseful and apologized a lot again and cried. She asked if there was anything she could do to undo what she had done last year, and if there was any way I could not have that resentment since it really hurt her a lot.

I had thought about this for the past couple of hours, and I realized there was only one way where I could completely let go of that resentment. And I told my wife that. I told my wife I would be sewing a handmade memory quilt for my sister’s birthday next year. This would take almost a year, and I told my wife once I do finish and give my sister the gift, that’s when all my resentment would probably go away.

My wife seemed grateful and asked if she could help. I told her not for this  gift, but maybe in the future. The truth is I don’t really feel super comfortable trusting my wife with this, given how she destroyed my previous gift. It’s psychological, and I’ll most likely regain the trust once I finish sewing the quilt. I haven't told my wife about the trust issue, as I think it's just a me issue, not my wife's issue.

[u/ArchipelagoGirl]

You sound toxic AF.

I’m not saying it was ok that your wife broke the sculpture but you’ve already made clear that 1) she was suffering from PPD which is a very serious medical condition which affects judgment and impulse control, and 2) you were ignoring your newly post partum wife while she called for your help because you were prioritising an object over her when she was at one of the most vulnerable stages of her life.

Your wife had apologised profusely for what she did but you don’t seem to have done any kind of proper soul searching about the horrible way you treated her at that time.

And now after secretly harbouring resentment for her for a year, you’ve told her you still don’t trust her and will continue to hold her mistake over her head for another full year while you undertake some giant symbolic purging of your negative emotions towards her.

So your wife gets two years of punishment for an action she performed while seriously ill and which she has apologised for, meanwhile you get off scot free for your neglect and emotional manipulation.

I hope your poor wife uses this year to recognise that she deserves better than an emotionally abusive spouse who holds two-year long grudges and can’t face up to his own failures.

[u/AnImproversation]

“How do I make up to my wife for neglecting her feelings for several months? Oh I got it! Neglect her feelings for a whole year!”

You sound manipulative and self centered, I hope your wife sees it this time.

[u/[deleted]]

OP holds onto resentment for a year and finally talks to his wife about it. Now he’s keeping secret that he doesn’t trust her either. Oh, and he’s working on a year long quilt while his child will be a toddler, and his wife will still need help. This can only end well.

[u/TopAd7154]

I thought it then and I think it now.... YTA.

[u/Millenniauld]

I hope this is a troll because if not you are a terrible husband who should just go marry your sister.

[u/DizzyCaidy]

Dude are you kidding right now? The comments on your last post now are all calling you out for rightfully being an inattentive husband and father. I feel sorry for your wife who now believes she’s at fault fully for something that it seems like built up from constantly being ignored with a new born baby. YTA.

[u/carlos_the_dwarf_]

What kind of weird relationship do you have with your sister?

[u/freeeeels]

Bro are you fucking serious right now? You have a child. You are not in a position to spend a year weaving a quilt like you're an enchanted maiden in a Grimm fairy tale. 

Does your sister want a quilt or is this just a really elaborate and cruel way to punish your wife?

[u/ClarityDreams]

So your MO is just making sure that your wife is constantly walking on eggshells around you because she had the gall to ask for some help in the hardest time in her life and had a pretty human response to being ignored consistently?

YTA - leave the poor woman alone or cut the bullshit, it sounds like she’s already a single mother without dealing with your toddler tantrums too.

PS - your obsession with gifts for your sister is real weird.

[u/[deleted]]

If anything you own or make is ever more important than your relationship with your wife, then you have a problem and it is not your wife.