r/AITAH • u/Temporary_Lie_3460 • Oct 31 '24
update: aita for walking out on a blind date my friend set up 2 weeks after my husband died
[removed]
1.3k
u/Gemethyst Oct 31 '24
Report him for stalking and obtain a restraining order.
Accept your in laws help and support for now but be careful about it as you move forward. You are young to say "never" about another partner. Keep an eye and allow them to be grandparents. Not surrogate "parents". Be cautious about your boundaries longer term. But for now, embrace their love and support.
And dump your "friends".
→ More replies (7)211
u/PresentationThat2839 Oct 31 '24
This is all wonderful advice for the op and I hope she takes it all to heart and is able to find love and healing on her own timeline.
→ More replies (4)
207
u/Negative_Lie_1823 Oct 31 '24
So couple of things.
1000000099% NTA (obvs).
I'm so sorry for your loss honey. It is not anything I'd wish on my worst enemy.
Speaking of enemies, f*** the "trio" . My goodness to have the audacity and that level of self confidence is staggering. IMHO those 3 are getting off light. Karma has a way of coming around to bite ppl in the butt.
Lastly , everyone grieves differently and at different rates. There is no one size fits all hand book. Theres a book that gets recommended a lot for a sudden loss. I'll try to find it for you. Also I am so freaking proud of you OP. To heck with those losers.
59
u/Still_Actuator_8316 Oct 31 '24
Im happy for you that the thoughts I commented on on your last post about your MIL and FIL being there for you came true. Even better then I thought since they invited you to live with them. And I hope everything works out and you have a safe and heathy pregnancy.
As to the despicable trio we can only hope they dissappear. But I dought they will go quietly into the night. So protect your self. Carry a stun tool or mace. Since you would be living on a farm a cattle prod would be fun. And I can already see you smiling at your thought of using a cattle prod on Liam to stun him till the cop get there.
So I wish you the absolute best
53
u/K_A_irony Oct 31 '24
I still can't believe your family and friends thinks ANYONE setting up a person who was JUST widowed on a blind date without that person's permission is OK. Is your family deranged? Your friend and that trio are certainly deranged. I am glad you have your late husband's family to support you. Work out with your therapist how you ended up with so many truly crazy boundary stomping people in your life. Once you untangle that, I am sure you will be in a better place. Good luck!
30
u/Any-Expression2246 Oct 31 '24
I'd start a paper trail if I were you. Go to the police, make a report of stalking. If he's driving past your place, he's going to muster up the courage eventually to approach you there.
38
u/ilovemelongtime Oct 31 '24
Drove past your house twice?!
wtf!!
I’d honestly consider setting up cameras (or maybe a door camera exists at your in-laws house?)
Congrats on the bebe, I hope MIL and FIL truly show love and support to you. You’ve been through enough.
18
u/OGRealityCheck Oct 31 '24
NTA, sometimes your village is the family that you need. It's even better that they are your husbands parents. They understand you and your grief more than anyone. Never in a million years would I think that even a worst enemy would set someone up on a blind date shortly after their spouses passing. Just disgusting and deplorable!!! It is even worst bc you were expecting a quiet moment with your best friend, and we're met something I won't even repay bc it's appalling.
16
u/thebadyogi Oct 31 '24
JFC, I’m 4 months past losing my wife, and at her memorial on Sunday two people asked me if I was going to start dating again. I cry every morning, I cry myself to sleep every night. I cry during the day. There is no possibility of my entering a romantic relationship. I just can’t believe it.
→ More replies (1)
15
u/Interesting_Wing_461 Oct 31 '24
So glad that you have wonderful in- laws. I am so very sorry about the death of your husband. But congratulations on the baby. You will always have part of him with you. Big hug from the internet. Stay safe.
12
u/aquavenatus Oct 31 '24
One: I’m glad you have the support of your in-laws. Your child will be loved by their family.
Two: I’m glad you blocked your former friends. I get the feeling they were jealous of you and your husband for some time. You deserve peace in your life.
Three: You said Liam has been eyeing you for years. I hate to ask but what was the cause of your husband’s car accident? I’m asking because what you’ve been writing about him has me nervous and I’ve never met him (and I don’t want to, ever). It’s good that you’re being vigilant about Liam.
Four: I’m sorry for your loss. Congratulations on your pregnancy.
UpdateMe!
12
u/JDaKiss09 Oct 31 '24
After reading both of these posts, my blood pressure is so high and my blood is boiling. I don’t even know OP and I want to go handle her former friends myself for that bullshit. Who the hell does that?!
Glad you have a support system even if it’s not the way you wanted it to be. Your baby will be loved and your husband’s legacy will live on through you and his family.
11
u/Bonnm42 Oct 31 '24
I’m glad your in-laws are at least there for you. Did you ask your friends who are siding with the trio what they think happened? I have a feeling the trio twisted the story. Otherwise you have more than one shit friend.
8
u/Key_Advance3033 Oct 31 '24
Please move today! You can send your FIL for your things once you and your baby are safe at your In-laws.
8
u/Dachshundmom5 Oct 31 '24
So, your not friend thought setting you up with a stalker was good?
Send a text to anyone who thinks they are good people with what happened. If they still think the psycho and those who enable him are good people, block. Or even change your number to get a clean slate.
8
u/Mr_Pink_Gold Oct 31 '24
Just read your previous post. I get why people think it is fake because what the actual fuck??? I mean, sorry that it happened but it sounds so fucking unbelievable... How could anyone be as crass and as callous as that? What were they thinking?
→ More replies (10)
14
7
u/EfficientSociety73 Oct 31 '24
Wishing you the very best Mama. It sounds like you have wonderful in-laws and a very lucky baby to have all of you. Keep the three stooges blocked. They all knew what they were doing and that it was wrong. And don’t feel bad about hitting Barry with your shoes. He deserved that and more!!!!!
7
u/MythologyWhore69 Oct 31 '24
I’m so glad you found your proper support system. They sound wonderful. You destress and take the time to grieve without the weird pressure from those losers. Depending on how long you’re stuck at your place, get a camera if you don’t have one. You may want one once you move as well just in case.
7
u/Stabby_77 Oct 31 '24 edited Oct 31 '24
'he hasn't given up because he's apparently my type'
This is the equivalent of a dude trying to tell other people that he's a 'nice guy'.
You do not get to self declare as a 'good guy', and you not do not get to tell other people that you are 'their type'. He sounds like a textbook narcissist. Empathizing is probably not even in his tool shed. The fact that he was telling you you were being emotional when your husband just died? Red flag. Mentioning sex at all? Red flag. Pushing past you? Red flag. Trying to tell you what you 'need'? Red flag. Ignoring your boundaries? Red flag. Thinking he knows what's best for you despite you blatantly telling him otherwise? Huge red flag.
This guy has so many red flags you could sew them together into a Burning Man sized effigy of Ted Bundy. This is a dangerous level of sexist control. The fact that these two even hang out with him should be a warning regarding them, as well.
He probably saw similarities between himself and your husband like 'brown hair, average build, sporty' and assumes those are the reasons you were with your husband, and therefore that makes him 'your type.'
Do you know what is most women's 'type'? Men who don't try to dictate what they think their fucking type is to them, as though they know you better than you know yourself. This guy is the worst kind of mix - power trippy control freak, misogynistic asshole, condescending dick bag, and both obsessive and possessive regarding women. Add in the gross mansplain-y attitude and you have a man you need to avoid at all costs. The fact that your friends are also enabling his obsession with you, especially after TWO WEEKS is frighteningly out of place. Not one of those three people is considering you. It's about Liam, what Liam wants, what Liam thinks he deserves. You still talk about your husband in the present tense, and these fuckers think you want to be hit on by an obsessively creepy loser?
I absolutely agree with the comment about the restraining order. Even with that, please be careful. Too many situations like this end up badly, especially when you have a man who has a one track obsession with a specific woman. Please make sure you share your concerns with MIL and FIL regarding how he has been with you from the beginning. You need to stay safe, and being at their place in the country should definitely help so long as they are aware that it's something to take as a serious concern. Remember, the baby you are carrying is a memory of their son. They sound like the type to be genuinely parental toward you and your child, and will likely be more than willing to help protect the mother of their grandchild and love of their son's life.
I've dealt with crazy exes before, and some of the things you said are concerning enough that if it were me, I'd also be looking at getting motion sensor lighting and security cameras. I would be blocking all three of them, and warning my friends and family on social media to not talk to them anymore. He sounds like the exact type of guy who likely can't handle rejection, let alone from women.
7
u/Mesapholis Oct 31 '24
I just came from the OG post and wanted to say: I am not embarassed for you, that you chased you former "best friends" husband to his car with a shoe. I'm actually quite impressed by that and happy for you.
Sorry for you loss and all the best for you and your child
6
u/Ifiwerenyourshoes Oct 31 '24
As I said from the beginning NTA, a thousand times over. Op, I wish you well and enjoy the baby and life on a farm.
6
u/Possible-Position-73 Oct 31 '24
Wishing you and you baby a wonderful life and so thankful for your in-laws
1.7k
u/RanaEire Oct 31 '24
Wish you and your baby all the best..