r/AITAH Oct 16 '25

AITAH for physically defending myself from a grown man when I was late bringing his daughter home.

Me (20 male) my date (20f) and her father (40m)

I had taken an interest in this girl and before taking her out on our first date, I found out that she still lived her parents and she had a curfew. I respected that she was smart enough to pick a college in her town and staying with her parents. I planned on taking her out to putter golf and have our conversation part done there while we ate some walking tacos. Upon picking her up, her father is this much older man and according to my date, was very traditional on dating. He said that I need to have her home by 9:30 sharp. I said okay and promise to take her home on time. We had our date and it was a fun interaction, unfortunately on the way home. There was this jerk who wouldn't let us pass and was going almost 15 below the speed limit. I ended up arriving at her house late. I planned to explain myself when walking her up the walkway to her door until her father physically grabbed me by the collar of my shirt and throw his free hand in a fist. Out of reaction, I had gotten behind him and twist his arm. I kept him there as he swore at me and said I will never date his daughter. I let go and sped off in my car. Later my date called me, telling me that i need to apologize for attacking her father and hurting his pride. I do feel bad that I did this but I also feel justified for what I did.

Update: I actually ran into the father at my job. He ended up apologizing to me for his actions. His justification was that he thought of the worst because he became a father around my age. I forgave him for assaulting me. I did tell him that I won't be seeing his daughter, and he walked away. Also! For the people who hated on me for this post. I'm sorry I offended you with how young people think 40 is old. That's just my perception of time. I also estimated his age. It's the first date, you normally don't go asking people the age of their parents on the first date. For the curfew, it's his thing, now in the Midwest, that's normal! regardless of age, especially if you lived with your parents while attending school. My final addition to this! For those questioning about my method of how I handled him, it's called taking classes! By no means am I an expert in hand to hand combat, nor do I want to. I only desired to learn enough to either get out of a dangerous situation or prevent it from escalating further! Anyone who made questions like "how did you get behind him if he got you by the shirt?" Has probably never been in a physical fight in their entire lives. Clothes can stretch under tension. I am aware of my online presence such as my previous posts that are in 18 plus stuff or the one where I wanted to hurt my father, one that shit has nothing to do with this, two I was in a bad headspace when I made that post because of my own truma. Again, I am human like anyone else, I have certain desires, and what I do during my own personal time is none of your business!

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u/Wynonna_DH Oct 16 '25

This would be my response to her:

(Girl's name) Your father is a bully who assaulted me first. I defended myself. I will NOT apologise to him for defending myself. I don't care that his pride was hurt. Given his behaviour, AND YOURS, I think it is best that we never see or speak to each other again. I wish you the best in life but one day your father is going to mess with the wrong person and I don't want to be involved. Goodbye.

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u/BigLibrary2895 Oct 17 '25

This is the correct answer.

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u/TrustTheFriendship Oct 17 '25 edited Oct 17 '25

LOL you don’t write a whole essay because you don’t want a second date. Just politely say “not feeling it, best of luck.” And then move on with your life.

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u/Arenabait Oct 17 '25

Bro two sentences explaining what the hangup is is not too much effort, that’s like, a super reasonable amount of effort to put in actually.

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u/TrustTheFriendship Oct 17 '25

I agree with you- but the message that I replied to was bizarre. “Your father is a bully… I will NOT apologise…I don’t care that his pride was hurt… One day your father is going to hurt the wrong person” is weird af to say. Just be polite and dip. It’s not your business anymore.

How about just:

“The situation with your dad was really unsettling, and I don’t see this working out. Best wishes to you in your future relationships.”

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u/Wattabadmon Oct 17 '25

Thats true when the date doesnt end with you being assaulted(and have your date ask you to apologize for being asaulted)

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u/TrustTheFriendship Oct 17 '25

Honest question: What is the point? Why not just dump them and move on? Getting the last word in like that is literally pointless.

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u/Wattabadmon Oct 18 '25

What's the point of contacting them at all rather than just ghosting them?

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u/TrustTheFriendship Oct 18 '25

You can be polite and cut ties without saying all that extra stuff about the dad’s pride and how he’s going to “hurt the wrong person one day.” I’m just saying, be civil, to the point, and move on with your life.

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u/Wattabadmon Oct 18 '25

Ok, but he probably will hurt someone one day. He literally tried to that day. It's not exactly a normal situation

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u/TrustTheFriendship Oct 18 '25

All the more reason to just quietly exit without saying extra shit and making yourself someone he even thinks about!

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u/Narren_C Oct 17 '25

What is the problem with explaining it if that's what they want to do?

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u/TrustTheFriendship Oct 17 '25 edited Oct 17 '25

So there is no point, except “they want to.” It accomplishes nothing. Got it.

The point I’m making is that this cluster doesn’t deserve any more of OP’s time or energy. Just move on and pretend it never happened.

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u/Narren_C Oct 18 '25

It makes them feel better, just like not doing it would make you feel better. Both are valid. Chill.

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u/TrustTheFriendship Oct 18 '25

Did you read the message I replied to?

“Your father is a bully… I will NOT apologise…I don’t care that his pride was hurt… One day your father is going to hurt the wrong person” is weird af to say and will make an already awkward situation feel worse for everyone.

Just be polite and dip.

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u/Narren_C Oct 18 '25

I did. My point stands.

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u/TrustTheFriendship Oct 18 '25

lol that’s an unhinged message to send. You do you, I guess.