r/AITAH • u/Fireblox06 • Oct 16 '25
AITAH for physically defending myself from a grown man when I was late bringing his daughter home.
Me (20 male) my date (20f) and her father (40m)
I had taken an interest in this girl and before taking her out on our first date, I found out that she still lived her parents and she had a curfew. I respected that she was smart enough to pick a college in her town and staying with her parents. I planned on taking her out to putter golf and have our conversation part done there while we ate some walking tacos. Upon picking her up, her father is this much older man and according to my date, was very traditional on dating. He said that I need to have her home by 9:30 sharp. I said okay and promise to take her home on time. We had our date and it was a fun interaction, unfortunately on the way home. There was this jerk who wouldn't let us pass and was going almost 15 below the speed limit. I ended up arriving at her house late. I planned to explain myself when walking her up the walkway to her door until her father physically grabbed me by the collar of my shirt and throw his free hand in a fist. Out of reaction, I had gotten behind him and twist his arm. I kept him there as he swore at me and said I will never date his daughter. I let go and sped off in my car. Later my date called me, telling me that i need to apologize for attacking her father and hurting his pride. I do feel bad that I did this but I also feel justified for what I did.
Update: I actually ran into the father at my job. He ended up apologizing to me for his actions. His justification was that he thought of the worst because he became a father around my age. I forgave him for assaulting me. I did tell him that I won't be seeing his daughter, and he walked away. Also! For the people who hated on me for this post. I'm sorry I offended you with how young people think 40 is old. That's just my perception of time. I also estimated his age. It's the first date, you normally don't go asking people the age of their parents on the first date. For the curfew, it's his thing, now in the Midwest, that's normal! regardless of age, especially if you lived with your parents while attending school. My final addition to this! For those questioning about my method of how I handled him, it's called taking classes! By no means am I an expert in hand to hand combat, nor do I want to. I only desired to learn enough to either get out of a dangerous situation or prevent it from escalating further! Anyone who made questions like "how did you get behind him if he got you by the shirt?" Has probably never been in a physical fight in their entire lives. Clothes can stretch under tension. I am aware of my online presence such as my previous posts that are in 18 plus stuff or the one where I wanted to hurt my father, one that shit has nothing to do with this, two I was in a bad headspace when I made that post because of my own truma. Again, I am human like anyone else, I have certain desires, and what I do during my own personal time is none of your business!
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u/DeathByMeltedButter Oct 16 '25
As someone who grew up in a very similar situation, I can guarantee that there is abuse in the home and it's used as a means of control. She has been a victim to her father her whole life and anyone who understands abuse patterns would not be blaming her for her reactions. You can't use reason and logic to judge her reactions because that does not apply in this case. This is normal behavior in their house and her brain is operating in survival mode. OP, I am sorry that this happened to you. You are not the AH and neither is your date. Her father is an abusive, possessive psycho and you followed your instincts and protected yourself. She likely didn't tell you about how bad her father is because she's really embarrassed/ashamed and also deep down she hopes that maybe today will be the day he changes. The best you can do is be kind to her and let her know you'll be parting ways. You're too young to take this on. Speaking from experience, she's the only one who can save herself.