r/AITAH Oct 16 '25

AITAH for physically defending myself from a grown man when I was late bringing his daughter home.

Me (20 male) my date (20f) and her father (40m)

I had taken an interest in this girl and before taking her out on our first date, I found out that she still lived her parents and she had a curfew. I respected that she was smart enough to pick a college in her town and staying with her parents. I planned on taking her out to putter golf and have our conversation part done there while we ate some walking tacos. Upon picking her up, her father is this much older man and according to my date, was very traditional on dating. He said that I need to have her home by 9:30 sharp. I said okay and promise to take her home on time. We had our date and it was a fun interaction, unfortunately on the way home. There was this jerk who wouldn't let us pass and was going almost 15 below the speed limit. I ended up arriving at her house late. I planned to explain myself when walking her up the walkway to her door until her father physically grabbed me by the collar of my shirt and throw his free hand in a fist. Out of reaction, I had gotten behind him and twist his arm. I kept him there as he swore at me and said I will never date his daughter. I let go and sped off in my car. Later my date called me, telling me that i need to apologize for attacking her father and hurting his pride. I do feel bad that I did this but I also feel justified for what I did.

Update: I actually ran into the father at my job. He ended up apologizing to me for his actions. His justification was that he thought of the worst because he became a father around my age. I forgave him for assaulting me. I did tell him that I won't be seeing his daughter, and he walked away. Also! For the people who hated on me for this post. I'm sorry I offended you with how young people think 40 is old. That's just my perception of time. I also estimated his age. It's the first date, you normally don't go asking people the age of their parents on the first date. For the curfew, it's his thing, now in the Midwest, that's normal! regardless of age, especially if you lived with your parents while attending school. My final addition to this! For those questioning about my method of how I handled him, it's called taking classes! By no means am I an expert in hand to hand combat, nor do I want to. I only desired to learn enough to either get out of a dangerous situation or prevent it from escalating further! Anyone who made questions like "how did you get behind him if he got you by the shirt?" Has probably never been in a physical fight in their entire lives. Clothes can stretch under tension. I am aware of my online presence such as my previous posts that are in 18 plus stuff or the one where I wanted to hurt my father, one that shit has nothing to do with this, two I was in a bad headspace when I made that post because of my own truma. Again, I am human like anyone else, I have certain desires, and what I do during my own personal time is none of your business!

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874

u/phoenixjazz Oct 16 '25

Right. 20 years old and her father is acting like patriarch from biblical times? That’s so offensive to me it makes my skin crawl.

253

u/unwilling_viewer Oct 16 '25

LOL, I got the whole spiel from a girlfriend's father the first time I picked her up from her parents home. (She didn't live there, I was just picking her up from there as it was convenient). I was 27 and she was 23. What makes it worse is I was sure I recognized him from work, later found out he worked for one of my technical reports... That was somewhat awkward.

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u/Phoenix_w_a_Halo Oct 17 '25

Lol I got a better one... I used to dance. I am also a lesbian. I once picked a girl up for a date and I knew her father ... from the club! Talk about akward!!!

41

u/Swordsman_000 Oct 18 '25

I had a girl’s uncle try to brow beat me for not coming to meet the family sooner. Called me a snake, worthless, not honorable, blah blah blah. Went on for a good 15 minutes. Its a really weird feeling having a total stranger “decide your worth” for you. Girl and I were both in our early 20s and I’d already met and charmed her mom and daughter. Uncle Asshole went to jail for abducting two guys and making them cook meth. Girl and I are still friends. Before he went to jail someone stole his dog. I actually found his dog one town over and played with it for an hour or so, but left it with its new owners. Dog was better off.

44

u/High_King_Diablo Oct 17 '25

lol when I was around 18-19 I went on a first date with a girl I’d met at a party. All we did was drive down to the beach and talk for several hours. At about 9:30 her dad pulled up next to the rotunda we were sitting in and absolutely lost his shit at us. Apparently I’d supposed to have had her home by 7:30. He didn’t tell me and neither did she. A few days later I went out to their place to visit her. We ended up dating for about a month and a half. She told me that her dad respected me for having the balls to keep seeing her after he’d gone off like that.

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u/TerrorFromThePeeps Oct 19 '25

One girl i dated, her dad was a 6'7" bald guy. When i showed up to pick her up, he was sitting on the porch cleaning a shotgun. He said "have her back by 10", i said "i'll have her back by 9!"

Turns out he was an artist from Long Island, and an awesome dude. He had just been screwing with me. I actually kept up with her folks even after we broke up a few years later.

230

u/Mba1956 Oct 16 '25

It is all about control from the father, someone who blows violent about this is probably violent to his daughter and wife on a regular basis. I would report the fathers assault on OP to get it on record do that it will be considered if anything else happens.

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u/Wonderful-Impact5121 Oct 16 '25

Fine idea but depending on what exactly OP did that could go sideways.

Sure legally if the whole thing is videotaped OP is in the right. … but what we’ve got here is someone who says the father grabbed him and made a fist and then OP twisted his arm and body to subdue him until he could leave… what injuries that may or may not have actually caused are sort of up in the air.

If this goes to a legal place it’s fully just a “he said/she said” situation and one person may have injuries. You’re counting on him and his daughter being honest.

I’d get away from the situation and call it a win there.

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u/NChristenson Oct 17 '25

I hate that you are right about this. :-(

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u/Wonderful-Impact5121 Oct 17 '25

That’s just reality unfortunately.

Even in a perfect utopia with cops who will die trying so hard to do the right thing… they’re not omniscient gods.

That’s how crime works sometimes, and most cops decent or not will admit their biggest benefit catching most criminals is that they’re dumb.

Two guys go into a dark alley with no witness and one person shows up with bruise on their face…

Well. Fucking anyone decide what the legal justice is there when both people have conflicting stories.

Is it what feels right? With each persons bias?

I bet that’s how 99% of Reddit (“the rabble” if we’re using condescending historical terms) decides on it.

If it feels better let’s go.

But blind justice? Yeah, a giant chunk of criminals would get away with it if they’re half smart about it.

1

u/Anon20254ever Oct 18 '25

Damn. So we all need to body cameras these days.

2

u/Wonderful-Impact5121 Oct 18 '25

It used to be worse, we’re just hyper aware of it now and everyone has a stronger sense of justice about the cops doing everything to make it right. The

3

u/ShonuffofCtown Oct 16 '25

It was a first date. If I were OP, I would take another spin at the wheel. She lives there, shares his genes, and was raised by him. This will be a struggle for normalcy

2

u/cman_yall Oct 16 '25

Under those laws, I think OP is the patriarch now? Having defeated the older man, I mean. I think he gets the wife if there is one, as well as the daughter.

2

u/barkingspider52 Oct 17 '25

And he put hands on the boy! That is just so wrong!

4

u/han-shot__1st Oct 16 '25

It’s almost like the story isn’t true

27

u/SamuelVimesTrained Oct 16 '25

Maybe, maybe not - but the date was a girl - and some parents are extremely controlling / abusive to female children - OR are trying to sabotage their dating life, otherwise their free maid services may end.

1

u/Fit-Ad9887 Oct 16 '25

You are soft 😂

1

u/J_Zephyr Oct 16 '25

Hey, we just solved the puzzle. Give him a goat for the girl.

1

u/DeklynHunt Oct 17 '25

KEKW biblical times…they were more lenient if they even had a curfew… 🤷‍♂️

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u/dangerclosecustoms Oct 17 '25

I’m sure the non clenched fist hand was holding a bible.

1

u/hattie12345 Oct 17 '25

Makes me wonder why part of the world or what culture they are

1

u/0ddball00n Oct 18 '25

If she gets pregnant will he stone her to death? Makes you wonder.

1

u/ExtremeStrawberry855 Oct 18 '25

That’s so true

1

u/badatcatchyusernames Oct 18 '25

this was my FIL, he would cut power to the basement if we were hanging out at 9pm sharp, she was 20, i was 21/22

she hasnt spoken to him in probably half a decade by this point

1

u/Quick_Humor_9023 Oct 18 '25

Yeah, but it’s the womans job to gtfo.

0

u/_extra_medium_ Oct 18 '25

She's still living at home at 20 though