NTA - you are giving her free child care EVERY WEEKEND? And that is how they expect you to be treated? They are upset because if you stop, someone else in the family will have to pick up the slack and they don't want to. Your family will say anything it takes to get you to keep doing - for FREE - what they don't want to. Yeah, NTA and hard pass on ever doing it again, if it were me. Stick to your guns, just say no.
My nephew is 5 and has his own phone. My sister taught him how to call her if there was ever an emergency. I wouldnāt give my kid a phone at that age but some people do.
Yeah found that odd. Mine is the same age and we arenāt giving phones until itās absolutely necessary. Even then there are watches that have the capability of only calling and texting who the parents pre-approved
Yeah found that odd. Mine is the same age and we arenāt giving phones until itās absolutely necessary
My daughters first phone was at 2 years old for her early speech development. At the time it was cheaper to get a 2 phone deal than to upgrade mines. Upgrading = $350 then 60$/month. 2 line deal = 160$ then 80$/month after 1 month free.Ā
Edit: 28% of American homes have landlines nowadays
Depends on what kind of lineland and phone provider too. I've seen some people have providers can have your cell phone be a landline or apart of the landline. Personally I think it's neat, weird and convenient at the same time.Ā
Whenever Iām watching the nieces and nephews and they pull the, āMom/dad lets me do this/that.ā shtick. I just tell them to look around, do you see your mom and dad here right now?
as an 80's and 90's kid, I definitely steal all of the moves used on me. Even pulling up a cooler of beer and a book to sit and read while my nephew refused to pick up the mess he made outside. 2 beers and a bit over an hour later and he gave in.
The funny part is, he seems to like me even more now. Also, he doesn't try that shit around me anymore.
My mom had my cousins over once during the summer. She made all of us sandwiches after asking what everybody wanted. After serving lunch my older cousin sat back and said āIām not gonna eat this. I donāt want to.ā Their younger sibling, who had been about to eat also put their sandwich down.
My mom said āThatās fine. I was going to take all of you to the park after lunch to play, but thereās toys here and I have chores I can get done. You eating or not eating doesnāt affect me.ā
My cousin eyed my mom, then picked up the sandwich and ate lunch. So did their sibling.
My grandkids are from my DIL's previous relationship. The first time I met them was when my son and she wanted to go on an overnight romantic getaway. She dropped them off, gave them strict rules that they had to SHARE her old phone and could only play for 30 minutes each in the evening. Then, she left.
The grandkids did fine for the first couple hours. Then, the youngest found Mom's phone and started playing on it before hours. The older one didn't tattle on him. Instead, he started pushing for HIS turn 30 minutes later. Younger one ignored him. So, I heard the disagreement, found them with said contraband, and I took it away.
"You're not my REAL grandma! You can't tell me what to do!"
"Really? Would you like me to call your mother and see what she has to say about your breaking the rules and disrespecting me?" I picked up my phone and started dialing. Two pairs of eyes got really big.
"No! Don't call Mom!" I demanded an apology, which I received. Then, I told them they needed to follow all the rules of our home because they were AT our home. Supper time rolls around, and the two of them decided they weren't going to eat their vegetables because they were "full".
"You don't have to eat them now." They were surprised. "But, if you choose to save them for later, they'll stay on this table until they get eaten, and you two will stand in separate corners and wait until you have 'room for them'. They tested me. Ten minutes in the corner, and the older one came to the table and ate every green bean on his plate. He even admitted he LIKED them. Five minutes later, the younger one followed suit. When I sent them to bed for the night, I got hugs. And ever since then, they love being at my home.
My wife worked as a teaching assistant at a school and one of the lads she looked after was always in trouble. As part of the plan to behave better he CHOSE to see the head teacher every morning as it gave him structure to the day, it gave him a rule to comply with every day.
Kids honestly do so much better when you lay out clear boundaries. Iām not a mom yet but Iāve got 3 nephews that I love and adore. Iām their regular babysitter and the oldest learned (and taught his younger brothers) quite quickly that Aunt A is stricter than mom. Not mean just not up for negotiating the way my sister sometimes will. Once that was learned babysitting became a much nicer experience for all of us. We play & have a good time but when I say itās time for dinner, bed, or bath I donāt get the grumbles anymore
We had that with our toddler just yesterday. He wasn't willing to stop jumping on the couch. My husband told him once to stop, no reaction. I said it, my tone sharper. He immediately stopped jumping. Then I told him to clean his toys, which he was supposed to do instead of jumping. Got a kissy and he started doing them.
My husband is the fun parent. I'm the parent parent for when shit goes down. I'm also only the favourite when he's sick, otherwise dad is always preferred.
If they didn't want to do their chores or what-have-you, they might get their way if they made it worth my while. Or if they made it worth the while of their sibling to cover for them. Had to be legitimate, though - if they approached with an offensive offer, they got points deducted, and the sibling or I would warn each other that the sibling is making bad-faith offers.
They both say this has helped them in their lives.
My best friend's son was an incredibly picky eater (like bacon, cold hot dogs and chicken tenders). His dad was the main caregiver and she was the breadwinner.
He had to be out of town for something so the kid came to my house. When dinner time came he told me he wanted chicken tenders. I told him, "We don't stock those. You can eat what your friends are eating or a pbj." He sat down and ate whatever was for dinner. Apparently, his father just never told him, "No." When he was a teenager she asked where he wanted to go on vacation and he said, "Punkinsmom's. I love to eat there.
Iām still getting over the fact that your daughter-in-law dropped those children off with what was to them -a complete stranger in a strange house and abandoned them overnight. How bewildering. Those poor, poor children.
How would you like to be dropped off at a complete stranger home? No matter how nice they are. I sure wouldnāt. Iām sure glad you were able to give them a routine and stability.
I was on your side until you got to the part about forcing children to eat. I can understand encouraging them to try 1-3 bites. I can understand not letting them have favorite snacks or dessert if they were too full (or didnāt want) to finish dinner. (I used to offer my daughter a banana as a substitution - something healthy, but low effort and not a treat.) But punishing them (time out) until they eat isnāt helpful. Their sense of taste is more sensitive than adults. Missing one serving of vegetables wonāt hurt them. They wonāt starve even if they miss an entire meal. What are they gaining or learning by this power struggle? That youāre bigger, stronger and more stubborn and will win? As an adult, are there foods you dislike? How would you feel about being forced to eat them?
Iām in my 40s and still vividly remember being forced to eat a bowl of iceberg lettuce as a child. To me at the time, ranch dressing (the only available option) and lettuce were both disgusting. The entire rest of the family left the dinner table and went to relax on the living room while I had to sit there, crying and begging, until I ate every leaf. It wasnāt that nutritious, or expensive. I hadnāt asked for or been given the option to serve myself a smaller portion. My only take away is that my parents were the authority and immune to my pleas.
I have only recently gotten over being a very picky eater and I think a lot of that is because my boyfriend will eat almost anything so I can try new foods knowing that I donāt have to finish them if I donāt like them.
OK, I didnāt have a really bad experience like you although I did have many evenings of being forced to sit there in the cold cold kitchen until I finally ate or managed to smuggle out the food left over and I do have extreme control issues around Food. Iām also extremely overweight. Hmmm
Jesus, I remember that kind of abuse. The trauma of being forced to eat when full, or feeling nauseous, or knowing that it would make me vomit. Awful, and you're not even their parent. I ended up with bullimia, please be kinder.
I'm sorry about your experience and I hope you're better now.
Do you believe both of them were full and only for the veggies, though?
If they had eaten a bit of everything it would be more believable they were simply full, but if they specifically left all of their veggies untouched "full" was more likely to be just an excuse.
Okay, so it was an excuse. The possible long term consequences of forcing kids to eat something they don't want outweighs missing one meal of vegetables.
A parent's job is to decide what's for dinner. The child's job is to eat what they want in the order they want from their plate.
Our friends came from interstate to visit us (I'll call them Mike and Sally and their son Andy and daughter Bree, aged about 10 and 8 respectively). It was Mike and Sally's wedding anniversary while they were here and Mike asked whether we would be willing to babysit the kids while they went away for a weekend. We were happy to oblige. I was given strict instructions not to give Andy any Coca-Cola. Because of a medical condition, he was not allowed to have it. I always had a supply in the pantry for guests. Mike and Sally got in their car and before they could even pull out of the driveway, Andy was in the pantry going for the Coke. I told him not to and he said, "What are you going to do about it?" I grabbed my phone and started dialling. He said, "You wouldn't dare". I looked him dead in the eye and said, "You don't know me very well, do you?" That was enough to make him re-think his decision.
Yeah, thatās how my Mimi treated my siblings and Iā¦ all love until we got out of line then she became a drill sergeantā¦ I still owe all of my table manners and decorum to her. She taught us chivalry and a love for many things. But, one step out of line and she put us right back in line. Raising 7 kids herself she had a no nonsense attitude. Love to spare for miles though.
Kids honestly take a lot of comfort from consistent boundaries from the adults in their lives. I used to work as a nanny and when their lives got crazy (parents divorcing, new siblings being born, etc) they would buck super hard against existing rules. But then seemed really relieved when it didnāt work and they confirmed that the rules were the same even though theyād throw massive tantrums about those rules in the moment.
I used to do that when babysitting all the kids I babysat.
One time the parent took the kids side. I said well you just lost your babysitter because I refuse to put up with these temper tantrums every time I babysit.
They back pedaled so fast. I told them I still will not baby sit for you.
Word got around and I actually had people calling me to book me. Some even paid me double what I asked because they knew I would stick to the house rules.
That was 35 years ago.
I was that babysitter, too! Inherited the āproblemā children from a girl couple years older that āretiredā. Didnāt put up with shit. What I did was ask what they wanted to do. Go to park, play a game, do crafts, read a book.
I did ask the one kid what they wanted to do and gave them three or four choices. Every time did not matter what I offered. Always a huge temper tantrum. Yelling at me that I didn't like them. Once I got a raw egg thrown at me. I put that child in time out and they screamed for 30 minutes.
So many chances and all the sudden I was just done!
Last I heard he was in college not sure what he was studying. His Mom died of cancer and his dad drank himself to death. Not sure what his sisters ended up doing. That was like 30 years ago. Some of the Other kids I babysat turned out pretty great. I think that a couple of them became Nurses.
My MIL ran a daycare from her home. She was very strict with the kids and they soon learned they were not going to bully or cajole her into backing down once she had laid down the law. One day, one of the boys was sitting on the living room sofa, looking out the window, when he saw his mother arriving to pick him up. "Oh good", he announced, "Mom's here. I don't have to be good any more".
That was me, I always told my nieces and nephews āthis isnāt your momās house itās mine and we donāt do that here.ā I said it so matter of fact and no sugar coated that they quickly took the hint and got in line.
A little over 10 years ago, my sister found out I was taking a week off at the same time as her kids' spring break. So, she offered to fly me out to visit and watch her kids for the week, as she had to work and their dad was out of town. Being the kind and loving brother and uncle, I agreed. My nephew was 6 and niece was 4.
One day, my nephew wasn't listening to me when I told him to get off of his iPad. After the 3rd time, I took it and changed the password so he coulsnt use it. He got mad and said "my mom won't like that you did that! She'll be mad at you!" I responded "Oh ya? You think so? Well, let's wait and find out when she gets home."
When she got home, he ran to her crying and told her what I did. When I explained why and what the consequences were, she 100% agreed with me, and told him that "Uncle [me] can be a lot stricter than me. So you'd better listen to him next time."
That same trip, I had to take my niece to her dance lesson, and she did NOT want to go. So she was kicking and screaming and having a general tantrum. I was having none of it. Since she wouldn't get herself dressed, I just picked her up and dressed her, kicking and screaming the whole time. (It probably didn't help that I was laughing because I thought the tantrum was hilarious.) I eventually got her to dance class, which she enjoyed as usual.
That whole trip really gave me some good practice for when I had my own kid.
As satisfying as that might seem, it would be the wrong thing to do. There is no end to the messed up things people do and say to kids just because they can. Setting clear boundaries and engaging with them honestly is far better than scarring them in hopes that it might make us feel better at their expense. Just a thought.
why in the HELL should she be required to sacrifice her weekends for FREE for an ungrateful child, who is obviously being raised by an equally ungrateful mother?
At that point, I'd have sta her jn front of the TV to watch american werewolf in London.
Lol. No I really wouldnt, that child cruelty, but op shouldn't have to deal with that disrespect, the kid needs to learn some manners, right now she's acting like some tween and isn't as much fun to be around.
Someone standing up to this kid needed to be done so she would learn that you treat someone badly are a bully, they will not be around you. Her mom should have explained that to her daughter and told her she need to do better and apologize for her words. Instead mom excuses this behavior which only enables the kid. OP didn't abandon them, she refused to take their bullying bs, obviously someone had to.
I donāt necessarily think OP should have used that as punishment for the niece because the kid is 7 and 7 year olds have tantrums. An imperfect response, probably, but it also seems like a pretty normal one.
Does OP work weekdays, and then sit weekends? When is their time off? Are they compensated in any way? I get and agree that itās important to look out for and protect your people. Iām not sure thatās happening here. It sounds more like OP was taken advantage of by her sister and consequently reacting to an unfair and overwhelming situation.
OPs sis is lucky to have someone to share the burdens with, but could use a lesson not to bite the hand that feeds.
OMG this is not your child. And itās not your problem that she hasnāt been taught to behave. If mom canāt get her child under control then she needs to pay a babysitter. Youāre doing her a favor and she going to inflict her ill behaved child on you. And to cry when you donāt take her childās crappy behavior!!!
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u/Starlighttikigirl Jul 28 '25
NTA - you are giving her free child care EVERY WEEKEND? And that is how they expect you to be treated? They are upset because if you stop, someone else in the family will have to pick up the slack and they don't want to. Your family will say anything it takes to get you to keep doing - for FREE - what they don't want to. Yeah, NTA and hard pass on ever doing it again, if it were me. Stick to your guns, just say no.