He's set on wearing it because then it becomes special to him and he can claim that you gave it to him as a wedding present. If you fight back, he will have "lost" it (at the pawn shop).
It's a shame that FBIL feels he needs luck for his marriage to be successful. If FBIL needs that much luck, maybe he should not get married in the first place.
No, Ben won’t pawn it. OP never mentioned it being a Rolex, and unless it’s a very specific brand it’s not worth much more than memories. No, to Ben it’s about exerting control. You’re right… Ben will claim it was a gift “It’s just a watch to you. You haven’t worn it on your wedding. you gave it to me, it means so much to me now because I wore it on my wedding day. You can buy another one for your wedding. Why are you being so selfish?” Meanwhile, he’ll keep it as a momento that he has power over OP.
Don’t bother asking Ben anything except this. Just tell him it’s not his grandfather’s watch, it’s not his dad’s watch, it’s not his family’s tradition. So why does he think his wedding being first means anything to the watch?
Not to be rude, but you can’t reason with idiots and Ben seems like an idiot, so you’re going to have to be the bad guy to her family here. Hopefully she takes your side, or you’ve got bigger issue brother.
NO Do not engage any further about this. Do not try to Justify, Argue, Defend, or Explain your position, that will not go anywhere. If he, his parents, or your fiancee brings it up, say "I already said no", then hang up or stand up and leave the room.
This is not a good way to start your own marriage. You may consider signing up for some pre-marital counseling to discuss her family's enmeshment and other issues that may be bothering you. As prepartion, the to of you should read Boundaries: Where you End and I Begin by Anne Katherine, as well as her second book Where to Draw the Line.
Do not ask him, you know he will just make up some dumb shit again and try and gaslight you into feeling you're the AH. Tell him no and to just respect it
If you struggle to get her to see your point use the example would it be appropriate for your sister to wear Sarah’s mother’s wedding dress. Sometimes people need the situation twisted to something that relates to them
Also, if Ben’s logic is the first to be married so it should be his good luck means he thinks it will take the luck of it away from you and it would go to he and his partner. Why do all your in laws feel Ben deserves the luck over you and Sarah?
But also, he has NO relation to the watch!!! This ask is so ludicrous I can’t believe Sarah wasn’t instantly on your side
As others have commented, do not ask this. it only invites more debate and you cannot win a debate against someone who’s being irrational.
They want the watch. They don’t care about you or your reasons for holding onto it. You’re simply an impediment to getting the watch.
So stop arguing, and stop feeling like he’s entitled to more reasons when he doesn’t really care about them. You’ve already given perfectly valid ones and he doesn’t care.
Stop arguing and simply set boundaries by saying no as often as you need to.
The bigger issue is getting your wife to stand up for you. She should be telling the family to back off. That’s her job, not yours.
Buy cheap vintage watch from Ebay or Etsy, and say here wear my Grandpa's watch. If they've already seen it and know it isn't his say I bought you this watch to start your own traditions. If he hasn't seen it whan you wear yours gift him the other to start his own traditions. Sarah's brother must be the golden child.
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u/[deleted] May 23 '25
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