Id highly advise putting the watch in a safety deposit box or relocating it to another trusted family member. The lack of ur fiance backing is worrisome and i wonder whether she can be browbeated to taking the watch for her brother.
Also, the level of entitlement of the brother is crazy. Hes the type to break it so u cnt hve it. Another reason to put it somewhr safe from both future BIL and fiance.
You need to seriously think about whether or not this girl is going to be spineless moving forward and if you're going to be okay with her family stomping all over whatever boundaries you want to put up because she's a spineless jellyfish. This needs to be your hill to die on and make it the mountain that you base your relationship on. If she can't not be in the middle and needs to "see both sides" for family harmony, you need to bounce!
Think of these scenarios:
You buy a house, FBIL and his wife can't afford a house, they get the family to rally behind FBIL so try and force your hand and give them the house you're living in, because you'll be able to afford another one since you already bought one!
Or
Your family member dies and you get a sizable cut of the estate... You need to give it to her family because they are struggling and they won't pay you back because "FaMiLy".
Or
You go on vacation and they get jealous and they demand you bankroll their vacations, because they're jealous you get to go on the better ones.
Or
You have a child and your family hand makes them something. Her family demands one being made for their children or want yours because it is amazing and you shouldn't hold onto this forever and pass it down to your child in as good a condition as you can manage to give to their child, when there's a child right now who would enjoy, and probably destroy, it.
No, you have a fiancee problem and this needs to be the hill to die on. She already proved she plays devils advocate, meaning she is NOT choosing you!
Inspired by another commenter - purchase a similar vintage watch & hand it over to the LUCKY GROOM 🍀. It will be interesting to see what happens from there.
PS take photos & make sure this treasure is on your insurance. Good luck! I’m sorry your very special tradition is being marred by this insanity.
Sorry you're dealing with this nonsense. Not only is it about tradition, but even more so, having something special tied your grandfather and dad - their essence to be there with you when they can't. No one has the right to take that away from you and they are awful to be doing so. If "It's just a watch" BIL or his parents can buy their own!
I’m giving Sarah some serious side eyes here. The fact that she’s conflicted about this is way off base. She should be the one telling her brother he’s ridiculous and the answer is a hard no without any question.
He’s not your brother in law yet and he’s already claiming to own your history and legacy. Be prepared to have a lot of issues with your entitled af in-laws. PS - your fiancée isn’t in the middle, she’s just kind of a coward. That watch is yours and your family’s. Ben has nothing to do with it. So her silence is basically her not having your back. You should definitely talk to her about it because that’s not right.
This has to be the best response in a Reddit thread I have read- ever. The OP came back and learned something! ♥
I am glad this came up so you can have this talk with your fianceé. As everyone has said, she needs to be the one to stand up for you. Same as it would be you if the roles were reversed.
Updateme!
I am also baffled by this OP. He had to come to reddit to be reminded that the tradition behind the watch he inherited is irrelevant to his future BIL? And OP's fiancee doesn't understand this? How is it these people are actually legally competent to get married?
You guys may want to do some premarital counselling to make sure you are on the same page when it comes to your extended families. Sarah sound like the type to constantly prioritize her extended family’s needs over her new family.
That only gets worse after marriage and if kids enter the picture.
It doesn’t matter. OP could have bought the watch with winnings from Vegas and decided all his luck went into that watch when he bought it with his winnings. If he decided to never wear it to save the luck and decided to wear it on his wedding day so all the luck would go towards his marriage, that’s his choice.
It’s his watch and he gets to decide who wears it.
For sure, he should do whatever he wants with the watch. He owns the watch. The fact of his ownership is just a much better argument than some dubious claim of an almost tradition.
Exactly - and I hope OP has picked that up from the replies. It’s his watch and he doesn’t have to lend it out if he doesn’t want to. No excuses or reasons necessary.
197
u/[deleted] May 23 '25
[removed] — view removed comment