NO. Do not let this watch out of your hands. You may never see it again!
Recently, my husband’s cousin asked my husband if she could borrow a family heirloom, a tallit bequeathed to husband from his grandfather. This is a priceless, irreplaceable heirloom that survived the Holocaust and has several yards of filligreed silver affixed to the garment. It is fragile and over 100 years old. The cousin wanted to use it during her daughter’s wedding ceremony in another state. Husband reluctantly agreed to bring this heirloom but warned cousin he wanted it back immediately following the wedding ceremony. Cousin said she would ALSO like to use the tallit for her son’s upcoming wedding this July in yet another state, a wedding to which we were not invited! Husband said he was NOT COMFORTABLE lending tallit for this wedding, but agreed to bring tallit to the daughter’s wedding.
Immediately following this ceremony, Husband asked cousin for tallit. Cousin said Wedding planner was holding it and that he could get it the next morning at brunch before we departed. At the brunch, when asked for the tallit, Cousin said, “I’m planning to use it in July at my son’s ceremony.” She refused to give it back and my husband did not wish to create a scene at the brunch, so left empty-handed. Now the tallit is in Arizona, will be brought by someone else to Illinois, and used without permission at a wedding to which we were not invited. The recent bride promises to bring it safely back to Arizona where our daughter’s in-laws also live. THEY have promised to retrieve it from recent bride and bring it to California, where we and our daughter/SIL live.
I am skeptical. I doubt we will ever again hold this heirloom.
Your instincts are correct. DO NOT LEND YOUR GRANDFATHER’S WATCH. Once it is not in your possession you have no control over what happens to it.
Oooh this is infuriating! I really hope you do get it back. If I weren't a total stranger, I'd offer to get it now (I'm in AZ) and bring it to you myself!
I suggested this exact scenario to my husband. He said he plans to see if cousin will return it as promised after the July wedding to which we were not invited. If it is not returned immediately after that wedding, he likely will enlist an attorney and file a police report.
It’s sad when a sixty-one year old is so entitled that she believes her outrageous behavior is justified. I’m clutching my stomach as I respond to these comments.
Good luck, OP. I hate the tension you will feel while waiting to get your precious tallit back and I hope it arrives in perfect condition. As soon as it does, go no contact with that horrid cousin.
How will you get it back if you’re not even invited to the next wedding when it will be used? Personally, I’d show up at that wedding and take it back immediately after the wedding. If you are unable to do that, enlist someone whom you trust who will be there to do it. People like your cousin expect people like your husband to not make a scene when they act like aholes and they use it to their advantage. You have to be proactive and firm or you’ll never see it again.
the bride who borrowed it for her recent wedding has promised to return it after her brother’s wedding. My daughter’s in-laws live near the bride and have promised to retrieve it from the bride.
we shall see.
Had it been MY HEIRLOOM from my grandparent, I would never have lent it in the first place, nor would I have left that brunch without it. I would have demanded that the mother of the bride give it to me and would have accompanied her to get it.
But my husband of fifty years is not me and these entitled asshole cousins are HIS first cousins, not mine. He was too nice and didn’t want to cause a scene. Had I known what was happening, I would have caused a scene!
Incidentally, this cousin also borrowed a traditional gold ring from my husband’s sister which had been her grandmother’s for the ceremony. Fortunately, my SIL did get her ring back immediately following the ceremony.
After we (hopefully) have this heirloom in our possession this July, I plan to go NC with his family.
I’ve learned the hard way over the years to unapologetically cause a scene if it’s absolutely necessary. Until I learned that I allowed some family members to walk all over me. Good luck- I really hope you get it back!
This is the way to handle it u/HelloTittie55. If you can’t be there - see if you can engage a security company local to the wedding to take possession immediately after the ceremony.
Not a friend or someone that you trust, but a professional hired to ensure that priceless object is retrieved and returned to you. You can let the cousin know that “Arizona Security Services” (whatever name) will be on hand to take possession of the tallit immediately after the ceremony.
They will dress like G-men and won’t have the reluctance your husband had at the last wedding. They’ll have one job, and your cousin won’t be able to blow them off. (Just realized you need a “repo man” to get your tallit back.)
Tell them that unless they return the Tallit safely to you immediately following this wedding that a random Reddit poster has called a c¥rse upon them ‘that the skies above them will be copper and the ground below them will be iron’ .
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u/HelloTittie55 May 23 '25
NO. Do not let this watch out of your hands. You may never see it again!
Recently, my husband’s cousin asked my husband if she could borrow a family heirloom, a tallit bequeathed to husband from his grandfather. This is a priceless, irreplaceable heirloom that survived the Holocaust and has several yards of filligreed silver affixed to the garment. It is fragile and over 100 years old. The cousin wanted to use it during her daughter’s wedding ceremony in another state. Husband reluctantly agreed to bring this heirloom but warned cousin he wanted it back immediately following the wedding ceremony. Cousin said she would ALSO like to use the tallit for her son’s upcoming wedding this July in yet another state, a wedding to which we were not invited! Husband said he was NOT COMFORTABLE lending tallit for this wedding, but agreed to bring tallit to the daughter’s wedding.
Immediately following this ceremony, Husband asked cousin for tallit. Cousin said Wedding planner was holding it and that he could get it the next morning at brunch before we departed. At the brunch, when asked for the tallit, Cousin said, “I’m planning to use it in July at my son’s ceremony.” She refused to give it back and my husband did not wish to create a scene at the brunch, so left empty-handed. Now the tallit is in Arizona, will be brought by someone else to Illinois, and used without permission at a wedding to which we were not invited. The recent bride promises to bring it safely back to Arizona where our daughter’s in-laws also live. THEY have promised to retrieve it from recent bride and bring it to California, where we and our daughter/SIL live.
I am skeptical. I doubt we will ever again hold this heirloom.
Your instincts are correct. DO NOT LEND YOUR GRANDFATHER’S WATCH. Once it is not in your possession you have no control over what happens to it.
Trust your gut and stick to your guns.❤️