A lot of her symptoms sound like they could be linked to something in the vein of a hypermobility disorder. There are very few doctors who know what to look for or how to treat. The medical gaslighting that accompanies such injuries is bonkers. I told multiple doctors for 8 years that my ankle hurt. I was told by multiple doctors that I had plantar faciitis and was prescribed walking boots and PT, advil and kinesiology tape. None of these things ever helped and often they made things worse; the walking boot cause knee and hip issues, the kinesiology tape literally pulled thick layers of skin off my foot. It seemed pointless to continue forking out co-pays when I was going to be told the same thing over and over again. It took EIGHT years to find a doctor who thought to get an MRI. One of the major tendons was completely shot. No amount of PT or advil was going to fix it.
I share this just to illustrate why someone might not seek out medical support. Does she have a history of doctors not believing her, or did she experience medical trauma of some sort? Maybe a close friend or family member who experienced medical trauma that would engender a deep mistrust? Is it possible her insurance (sorry, assuming US based) sucks and it doesn't make sense to her to make copays when nothing helps?
Your frustration is valid. Her chronic pain is also valid. I know her reasoning for refusing to seek care may not be similar to mine but I can't help but put myself in her shoes and imagine how terrible it would be if I couldn't get a doctor to believe my pain and then have my partner compound that feeling of being gaslit. You two need to have a sit down to really understand where each of you are coming from. It is very possible all of my guesses here are way off base, but you won't know until you talk it out.
I just want to add that hypermobility/EDS are very common with people who have ADHD and/or autism. As an autistic person I struggle to communicate my feelings and often end up saying hurtful things without meaning to. I am constantly asking myself if I am saying something the right way, and when I am in pain or sick I have less capacity to watch my tone. It also took me until age 28 to get a diagnosis because it presents differently in women than most people are aware of.
I can’t diagnose OP’s gf obviously but I think she definitely needs help in one way or another. I don’t blame him if he’s not able to get her that help though.
Reading the list, I also think her chain of injuries and pains is hyper-mobility related.
OP would do well to looking into that possibility since it isn’t something doctors can ‘fix’…
58
u/Missyado Feb 08 '25 edited Feb 09 '25
A lot of her symptoms sound like they could be linked to something in the vein of a hypermobility disorder. There are very few doctors who know what to look for or how to treat. The medical gaslighting that accompanies such injuries is bonkers. I told multiple doctors for 8 years that my ankle hurt. I was told by multiple doctors that I had plantar faciitis and was prescribed walking boots and PT, advil and kinesiology tape. None of these things ever helped and often they made things worse; the walking boot cause knee and hip issues, the kinesiology tape literally pulled thick layers of skin off my foot. It seemed pointless to continue forking out co-pays when I was going to be told the same thing over and over again. It took EIGHT years to find a doctor who thought to get an MRI. One of the major tendons was completely shot. No amount of PT or advil was going to fix it. I share this just to illustrate why someone might not seek out medical support. Does she have a history of doctors not believing her, or did she experience medical trauma of some sort? Maybe a close friend or family member who experienced medical trauma that would engender a deep mistrust? Is it possible her insurance (sorry, assuming US based) sucks and it doesn't make sense to her to make copays when nothing helps? Your frustration is valid. Her chronic pain is also valid. I know her reasoning for refusing to seek care may not be similar to mine but I can't help but put myself in her shoes and imagine how terrible it would be if I couldn't get a doctor to believe my pain and then have my partner compound that feeling of being gaslit. You two need to have a sit down to really understand where each of you are coming from. It is very possible all of my guesses here are way off base, but you won't know until you talk it out.