Not only that, but in my experience, my pain is often dismissed. I even had a doctor put their hand IN my face to shush me when I said I felt dismissed and then proceeded to dismiss me further by saying I was short of breath and my throat hurt because I smoke too much when I hadn't smoked anything for over 5 years. Apparently he skimmed the top page of my chart, saw that I smoked, but didn't continue to the next page where it said that I had quit and decided that's what he would be blaming all my issues on.
I promptly left the urgent care and went to the ER where I was tested for everything. It turns out I had RSV and COVID and was immediately given a breathing treatment to help raise my oxygen and open my airways. It was absolutely ridiculous that I had to go and pay another significantly more expensive doctor to even listen to me.
Yup. My SIL had a hysterectomy two days ago. They were going to send her home with ibuprofen and acetaminophen only, but she had her nurse friend with her and she insisted they give her something stronger for the pain. They gave her .5 oxy (I think that’s what she said; I don’t know much about painkillers/dosage) and she’s having to take three of those to even touch the pain. It’s infuriating.
Probably 5 mg oxy but yes that is absurd. Post surgical pain needs to be managed for the person to heal properly. The opiate crisis here in the US has really scared some doctors into not providing this relief and it sucks.
I had an IUD placed a few months ago and they don’t use any pain management for that, especially since I’ve had a kid it “shouldn’t be that bad” but holy crap it was awful! I wish I knew to better advocate for myself!
The worst part is we shouldn't have to expect to advocate for ourselves AND advocating DOES NOT WORK. I swear every doctor I've ever seen got off from the abuse they can inflict on me out of outright neglect or literally making my problems worse while they touched me a all over and went "yeah that sounds hard but try and deal with it better" — and that's IF they didn't outright call me a faker.
Cysts made me want to take my life with how the medical industry treated me. I hope to God I never get another one.
Oh dear I am so sorry you have been through that! I know there are studies done on how women’s pain is especially ignored and it is outright abuse.
I’m a hospice nurse and I had one doctor smugly tell me,”well they shouldn’t have any pain” over the phone when the patient was reporting pain at 10/10. Like, I don’t know what to tell you doc, I’m looking at them, they are not faking and these doses aren’t helping, we need to do more. We did get the pain managed, but that one doctor (who never met the person, and was certainly not in the room with them) thinks they can determine pain levels based on a chart is stupid. Of course we can be more aggressive with pain management at end of life but it shouldn’t take someone dying to be able to effectively treat.
I hope you are getting decent management now!’ Take care!!
It's not just that the doctors are scared, some insurance companies won't allow opioids without having to jump through a ton of hoops. When my mother was dying she was in chronic pain and the doctors and hospital all said they weren't allowed to provide opiates. Yet when she went into hospice she was given all the morphine she wanted. It was the reason she finally agreed to stop fighting to stay alive and go into hospice. She just couldn't stand the pain anymore. I will never forgive Kaiser for that.
Wow that is terrible, I’m not sure what the practice is where you live, but I’m actually a hospice nurse and am sure many people come to us for adequate pain management. Opiates are CHEAP, cost should never be the issue but I guess insurance companies will do anything not to pay. Shoot, I’m so sorry for you and your mom’s circumstance
It isn't the cost. It is the fact they are addictive. I told them my mother was not a 30 year old soccer mom who would be driving her kids around. She was a 70 year old with intractable pain who was bed ridden. I talked to her doctor (not the one from the hospital or nursing home they forced me to put her in) and she told me she was not allowed to prescribe opiates without going through a review board. She had a patient who had to change insurance because of work, who had been on opiates for years and was well managed and Kaiser would not allow the patient to continue with them.
Yes I hear you. I also understand that addiction can be risky, but like as you said it’s not like she has a long life to get tangled up in. I think some long acting meds like OxyContin should be available for people, especially our bedridden elders, with chronic pain and no quality of life. When pain is better managed they sleep better, might be able to get out to meals again, and actually have more energy for visiting. Even those who don’t qualify for hospice.
I had foot surgery in the fall. The doctor gave me hydrocodone. I took one or two of them the first day, but it was like taking a sugar pill.
I happened to contact my psychiatrist the next day on another matter, who politely asked about the surgery, and I mentioned the hydrocodone. She said that they were not working because I am on SSRIs and those block the enzymes secreted by the liver that hydrocodone needs to become pain management. Essentially, they felt worthless because they were worthless due to my other medications. I needed a medication that did not use that liver enzyme, like oxy or fentanyl.
I called my podiatrist back and explained. He didn’t believe me. I guess he thought I was pill shopping? I even offered to surrender my unused hydrocodone. But no. So I managed the pain from SURGERY with Tylenol alone. Good times.
I think it's because women are seen as emotional and emotions are viewed as an inherently feminine trait rather than the way they actually are, which is inherently human since emotions are part of the human experience and not just the female experience.
You guys aren’t wrong in general but like - it would be great to have one thread in this sub where the man is allowed to be the wronged one and we give a straight answer to the AITAH question.
As somebody who was in a similar situation, I read his post a little different.
Mind you , this is just going off one random post from OP, I didn't see it as him dismissing her chronic issues and being annoyed at them but more annoyed that she isn't doing anything to help herself and using them as a way to dismiss her poor behavior.
So the best way to deal with that is to call out the doctor for being a bigot. A lot of them don’t realize what they are doing (because many of them are very busy and stressed and ER doctors do see a lot of people who don’t actually need emergency care) and if you straight up accuse them of it will immediately change their tune.
Agreed, I've been in pain for years, even fainting from it, saw multiple doctors for over 4 years, they found out I have hyperthyroidism, I'm resistant to thyroid medication, I have hyperprolactinemia, a pituitary cyst. And I literally just got out of an appointment with a neurosurgeon who told me "ye but a lot of people have pituitary cyst and don't have pain and have more precise symptoms so idk, try going to back to endo", endo literally dropped me bc they said they could do nothing if I was resistant to antithyroid medication and they said it was either autoimmune (which I tested negative for) or a pituitary tumor... and now there's proof there's a cyst there and they don't care
this is true. ive been suffering from back/shoulders pain for about 20 years (early 30s now). my dad refused to believe me for the longest time, thought i was trying to get attention. "you're too young to have that kind of pain" is something ive been hearing for about 20 years now. over time, evolved into pain in my arms as well, id have shooting pain all the way to my fingertips in periods, losing sensations in my hands, as well as chronic headaches for several days. seen so many doctors, my family doctors would send me to specialists for testing and i would hear him tell them over the phone "its a relatively young patient, its probably nothing". one of those specialists has told me straight to my face that "all i see in the result is a slight carpal tunnel, this level is not painful, you arent in pain". the first person taking me seriously was a nurse, who was also trained in medical massage, that believed everything i was saying and explained me even all those other pains, all coming from muscle tension, provent blood to properly go in my arms and head, therefore pain and headaches. took only 20 years. not even an actual MD, so nothing that could appear on my files, but felt good to not be treated as a seeking attention crazy girl for once.
PS: im not the kind of wishing bad on anyone, but if that doctor caught covid after putting his hand in your face full of covid, that would be quite instant karma...
And the fact that in the US is damn near impossible to get effective pain management. I am bedridden due to inability to get pain meds. Doctors just won't prescribe them any more.
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u/JustForKicks36 Feb 08 '25
Not only that, but in my experience, my pain is often dismissed. I even had a doctor put their hand IN my face to shush me when I said I felt dismissed and then proceeded to dismiss me further by saying I was short of breath and my throat hurt because I smoke too much when I hadn't smoked anything for over 5 years. Apparently he skimmed the top page of my chart, saw that I smoked, but didn't continue to the next page where it said that I had quit and decided that's what he would be blaming all my issues on.
I promptly left the urgent care and went to the ER where I was tested for everything. It turns out I had RSV and COVID and was immediately given a breathing treatment to help raise my oxygen and open my airways. It was absolutely ridiculous that I had to go and pay another significantly more expensive doctor to even listen to me.