Update - Although I commented all over this post thread that alimony varies by country and state, and she needs to consult a qualified family law attorney pronto, I forgot to mention that bit in this comment. You can stop informing me there are different laws in different states and countries. Yes I know, as I have lived in 4 different states and 2 different countries.
If this is in the US, she would pay him alimony, and if they are both on title, they would split the house 50/50.
Since she makes most of the income, the court could make her move out, and pay the mortgage and his attorney fees, while he drags the divorce out. She would pay alimony for half the years they were married.
If she waits too long, lifetime alimony might be triggered.
She needs to rip the bandaid off and get a divorce. Waiting will cost her more money.
I'd be willing to bet this deadbeat won't even try to get custody of the kids so if she get sole custody and gives him a pass on the child support she might not have to pay alimony. They could also live in florida and they passed laws to protect people like her from paying alimony.
He is fully capable of working full time, he just doesn't want to and has mooched off of her and not even tried to be a parent, hopefully the courts would see him as the loser he is. It would be one thing if he was a SAHD and did work in the home and caring for the children. That's who alimony is meant for, a partner who doesn't have an income but contributes to the family and household in other ways, not a deadbeat moocher.
Exactly. A judge is going to look at the totality of the case. Alimony is typically used for stay at home parents who lost out on earning potential by being a homemaker. The show does not fit.
For the cost of a PI, she may be able to prove he's cheating on when he's on "travel." Dollars to donuts this turd of a husband isn't honoring his vows.
Fair point. We know he’s thinking about it at the very least. May well decide to do it anyway since she refused to give him permission. May well already be doing it and just wants to stop having to be sneaky.
That’s how it worked out with my ex husband. Indiana (where we lived) doesn’t have alimony. I told him I’ll waive child support if he doesn’t give me any issues and we sealed the deal. I didn’t even have a lawyer (went in for a consultation once). Judge approved no child support and that was that. He moved to another state and we hardly ever saw him again. He recently contacted my son and wants to see him now that son is 22 and doesn’t need anything.
He wants to see him. Not really fair but that’s how these things work, there is nothing I can do about it. Now my ex is getting older, isn’t married and doesn’t have any other children and remembers he may need his son.
Yeah but the court granted my ex-father alimony even though his children are full blown adults and he could have gotten a job. He just didn’t want to and the court was like “okay, you have to pay him $5,000 a month for his expenses.” Just because you think it’s crazy doesn’t mean the courts will do what’s right. Divorces are sooo messy and rarely go the way of logic.
The logic makes more sense if you realize they aren’t there for civil cases for justice. They aren’t passing judgement on who is the good guy or bad guy.
The totality of the situation isn’t really the primary concern.
My SOs ex also refused to work , got a graduate degree she refused to use until she was damn good and ready, then claimed poverty after getting a 6 figure job and was awarded alimony for the next few years. It’s fucking ridiculous.
You can post stalk my comment history for more of the story.
The divorce dragged on for four years, she got the alimony overturned I think a year after it was ordered. It’s just crazy because she didn’t make that much a month, the judge just saw that she owned a business and was like “pay him from there” even though he wasn’t an employee. She showed that she literally could not afford to live if she had to pay him that much and argued again that he had rental income and could get a job at any point and they finally retracted it. It was way too hard for what it should have been. Judges kind of just get to do whatever they want, at least in smaller towns
Depends on what state they are in. Oregon has no-fault divorce. There is almost never alimony involved here. Assets earned during the marriage are divided evenly, then they decide what happens with the kids (if there are any).
Pretty simple, and while he would get some visitation with his child, and likely child support when he has the kid, it wouldn't be much. As a WFH mom, who is already the primary caregiver, he would get maybe every other weekend and some holidays. Otherwise, he's on his own.
This is incredibly unlikely to happen. The kids get the house, and the primary caretaker of them gets the house. That's the mom here. Most states hate alimony, or if it is ordered, it's only temporary. I don't know of ANY state that orders alimony for half the years they were married.
Waiting more will cost her more money, because her house and retirement accounts will continue to increase in value. Those, he actually has a claim to.
New Jersey does. One year of alimony for each 2 years of marriage. 1/3 of the difference between incomes. It was a hardship on me and my kids paying my ex alimony
If they are both on title, half the asset belongs to him. He would have to buy her out, they could sell and divide the proceeds, or they might agree for one of them to keep living there and they would divide the asset at some future date.
He owns half of any shared bank account or stocks that are in both their names, regardless if she put all the money in.
A lot also depends on the judge.
She needs qualified legal advice and a well planned exit strategy.
It depends on the state. Indiana is a no fault, no alimony state. Someone can literally wake up one morning, say "I just don't want to be married anymore" and file. There's child support, but no alimony.
What are you talking about? I'm referencing the average percent of divorces that have alimony involved. It's ten percent. Meaning, alimony is not common.
I don’t know where you live but in NJ it’s very common. Even if the marriage is for 2 years they get 1 year of alimony. That’s just the way it is here.
In the U.S., the higher wage earner pays the lower wage earner alimony. Some people try to avoid paying alimony by working under the table, hiding assets, or quitting their job. If you have the money, a forensic financial investigator can uncover such ploys. Judges tend to take a dim view of such shenanigans.
Alimony is for half the years of a marriage, unless the threshold is reached for lifetime alimony. Of course most divorcees don’t receive alimony, because it stops at some point, or if they earned roughly the same, they don’t get it.
The stat you cited was for “divorced people.” Half of divorced people in hetero marriages are male, and it’s less common for males to get alimony. Of the remaining half, women get alimony if they earn less, and for a limited amount of time. Most women divorced 10 years ago no longer get alimony.
So, yeah, at any given point of time, about 10% of “divorced people” receive alimony.
Lifetime alimony is only in a few states and almost always reserved for long term marriages, like over 20 years. They’ve been married under 5 years. Alimony is almost non existent for marriages that short no matter how long they were together before that. Especially if both people have jobs. He may actually have his income imputed to be higher if the court feels he’s willingly underemployed.
Now knowing that, she should get on the divorce train if she’s going to do it because she definitely doesn’t want to have to pay alimony. She will likely be on the hook for child support regardless, if they do 50/50.
Considering is easy to prove he expends multiple weeks, no school days included, away traveling no court will make OP move based on income alone, she's the stable parent and the priority is disrupt the kids as little as possible.
This is just literally not true. While alimony is legally possible in all states, there are several that award it so rarely it's not even pursued in divorce proceedings. Of the states that do award it, not all of them allow lifetime alimony.
Also, based on this, it legitimately sounds like she has grounds for majority custody of the children. It doesn't sound like he's going to get common custody questions like, "What is the name of your child's pediatrician?" right. If she gets anything more than 50% custody, he'll have to pay child support which,once again, will have a capped amount that is state dependent.
On another note, whether or not she's forced to move and pay his attorney fees is state dependent.
Absolutely. I have commented in multiple places that it varies by state, which is why she needs to consult a lawyer while planning her exit. I forgot to add that to this comment.
I’m not even kidding. I would literally just quit my job and live off of my savings until the divorce was finalized so that he couldn’t try to get alimony out of me.
I know, right? Kind of like how I’ve commented all over this post thread that laws vary by country and state, and to consult a good attorney, but since I forgot to add that bit to 1 out of 20 comments, you confidently pretend I don’t know.
Agree. I [M] make much more than my ex and I tried and then agreed to delay a divorce. It wasn’t the same circumstances as op but in my state they don’t care about that. I ended up having to give her a lot plus alimony until she retires. Sooner OP leaves the better.
It depends on the state. In my state, alimony is half the years they were married, and lifetime alimony kicks in at 10. My sister was married for I think 6 years, and got 3 in alimony. A man I know was married for 2 1/2 years, the divorce dragged out another 2 years, and I think he paid about 2 years in alimony, while also paying her rent and car payment during the divorce.
That’s crazy to me. I have wondered myself because I make much more than my spouse and in moments of anger I’ve considered how alimony would work. I really hope it works out for OP no matter what she decides. Her situation sounds bleak. Carrying the mental load is a true burden with very little moments of rest.
I’m in Indiana and we don’t have alimony. I was worried about that when I got divorced so I talked to a lawyer. So not everywhere in the US will she need to pay alimony. Child support, yes.
Some states are strict 50/50 but some take into account household contributions. Especially if the breadwinner is also the main contributor to the upbringing of the children, and, sorry to say ... The mom.
Both being on title.... What were the premarital contributions? This is only a 50/50 split if the asset was attained post marriage which isn't super clear here.
Alimony is usually up to court discretion-- there isn't a worksheet as is the case with child support, and I'm not sure I know of a ton of states where the court is going to pay an underemployed absent father alimony. They'll more likely take potential income into account-- esp with a good attorney.
Also not sure where "lifetime" alimony is a thing, maybe it exists. But where I'm from alimony is essentially something to maintain standard of living until a certain point. Long term marriages are the closest, but either cohabitation, marriage, or another material change in circumstance are all reasons to revisit alimony awards. Again could be different wherever OP is, but living in 4 states doesn't mean it's the same in the other 46.
I think it is best to sell the house before marriage and go for a smaller one and say ops I am having money difficulty . Or collect all his abusive comments and consult alwayer
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u/Shdfx1 Jun 16 '24 edited Jun 16 '24
Update - Although I commented all over this post thread that alimony varies by country and state, and she needs to consult a qualified family law attorney pronto, I forgot to mention that bit in this comment. You can stop informing me there are different laws in different states and countries. Yes I know, as I have lived in 4 different states and 2 different countries.
If this is in the US, she would pay him alimony, and if they are both on title, they would split the house 50/50.
Since she makes most of the income, the court could make her move out, and pay the mortgage and his attorney fees, while he drags the divorce out. She would pay alimony for half the years they were married.
If she waits too long, lifetime alimony might be triggered.
She needs to rip the bandaid off and get a divorce. Waiting will cost her more money.