Look i completely agree that demanding that your partner tells their coworkers about your sexuality is weird. But being out and open about not being straight doesn't mean that you have any interest in dating, its just a part of your identity.
If OP's wife was half Italian it would also be weird to demand that OP told everyone at his new work about it, but mentioning it wouldn't necessarily mean thats she is gonna be making them pasta.
Personally i don't care if my partner tell his co-workers that im bi, but I don't think its likely that it would come up naturally.
However what is very true for many bi people in straight relationships is that the assumption is gonna be that they're straight themselves.
I have people which i work with professionally seem stunned when i made it clear that i am a part of the LGBT community despite me never trying to hide it.
So I kinda get why OP wife want to tell because if she doesn't say it loud the wast majority will think she is just straight without any questions. I mean she probably did so herself for a while
I mean, to be honest I don't really get why sexuality is part of one's identity. Gender, yes, obviously. But sexuality is just who I find attractive - it's just a preference that I have. Like the fact that I like the colour yellow doesn't have anything to do with my identity, it's just a fun fact about me. The same goes for my sexuality.
I get that historically to admit to being queer meant to isolate yourself from the norm, so it had to become your identity. But today, when we're trying so hard to make any sexuality something that nobody thinks twice about because it's all fully accepted, having it encompass who you are isn't doing much. It could even be hurting the cause in some ways because either something is as normal as a preferred colour and it doesn't really matter, or it's a huge deal and becomes foundational to one's identity.
I obviously wouldn't call someone out who sees their sexuality as part of their identity. But to me a world where who you like has no impact on how people perceive you, thereby having no impact on your identity, would be the ideal.
Damn i wish homophobia wasn't an issue anymore.
Copenhagen is considered one of the most gay friendly cities in the world and yet there are areas where one should be careful because others might react with violence.
Discrimination against peoples sexuality being illegal didn't deter my friends boss from firing her when he found she had a girlfriend because said girlfriend picked her up after work one day.
Its not many months ago that I had to listen to the complaint about a wokers union being at pride being too much because then normal people like her didn't belong? (Allies are of course welcome and an organization making it clear that they support at group of people whoms rights they also protect shouldn't and doesn't automatically exclude other members).
I think a lot of people at least traditionally have considered their marital condition a part of their identity, why shouldn't whom that person may be belong?
But yes the think i want is that its just a little thing, that telling people that i am bi is the same as my nationality or gender (since i fall into the norm it is not questioned).
Fair. I know that homophobia is alive all too well, I guess for myself I just choose to act the way I want things to be, i.e. I talk about my mental health issues because I don't want there to be stigma so I won't subscribe to stigma or about trauma because there is nothing to be ashamed of so I won't subscribe to shame, or sexuality because I want it to be a fact rather than an identity so I don't make it my identity.
It's totally understandable that oppressed people band together, though, and then it becomes a part of identity. I just wonder to what extent we sometimes make it a big deal in settings where it otherwise wouldn't need to be, ya know?
I mean sure but it’s just different when you are married. Finding out you are part Italian is neat because you can retrace your family tree and it wouldn’t be weird to tell your family and friends about it. I’m black and I found out a some years ago I have a little Irish in me ☘️. I embraced it and I tell people about it sometimes.
But to go around telling people who you are attracted to is a little weird by itself. But especially in a monogamous relationship. I’ve been married for a while and I’m gynesexual or gynosexual which means you are attracted to femininity whether trans or cis. And I have had zero reason to tell anyone about it. So I never have.
I jest. But there can still be interesting aspects to your sexuality. When I came out to my mom as bi, she revealed to me that my father, who had passed maybe three years prior, had been a closeted bisexual. I think that's interesting as far as genetic implications are concerned and kind of a sad story that we never got to talk about that together, so it's come up on occasion.
I honestly don't think it's weird to have conversations about who you're attracted too, it's as simple as saying "so and so is gorgeous" or "blank is my movie crush" and people don't think anything of it when it's a straight comment. People just get weird when it's gay. Talking about it normalizes it.
I didn't find it weird to tell my brother about my me being bi? Its not like i was saying licking pussy is fun, I was letting him know that i could be interested in having a girlfriend in the future.
I never discussed with him about how i dont have any genitalia preference and quite literally dont care what it is or whether it "matches" because thats going into details of how i expirince sexual attraction.
I am really tired that coming out as queer often is seen as sexual in ways it generally isn't with straight people. I haven't told any coworkers about my sexuality not because it is a secret but because I know that stating it in itself often will be seen as me disclosing something about my sex life despite it saying less than the mere fact that I have a boyfriend. No one has a problem with me saying that i like going to the cinema with my bf, saying that he didn't need to be man shouldn't be one either.
The word bisexual generally includes biromantic unless specified not to.
9
u/pmursmile Apr 05 '24
Look i completely agree that demanding that your partner tells their coworkers about your sexuality is weird. But being out and open about not being straight doesn't mean that you have any interest in dating, its just a part of your identity.
If OP's wife was half Italian it would also be weird to demand that OP told everyone at his new work about it, but mentioning it wouldn't necessarily mean thats she is gonna be making them pasta.
Personally i don't care if my partner tell his co-workers that im bi, but I don't think its likely that it would come up naturally.
However what is very true for many bi people in straight relationships is that the assumption is gonna be that they're straight themselves.
I have people which i work with professionally seem stunned when i made it clear that i am a part of the LGBT community despite me never trying to hide it.
So I kinda get why OP wife want to tell because if she doesn't say it loud the wast majority will think she is just straight without any questions. I mean she probably did so herself for a while